[majake]

i didnt say lie, i just said to tell about some other guy she is interested in, if he wants to be friend he needs to be able to deal with it, if he cant then she can tell him to deal or bugger off. that way it brings it out in the open she is interested in someone other than him.

 

[GhostUser]

And that would be the truth- I am interested in someone else (actually, about 20 someone elses....hehehe...kidding). There is someone else I am interested in and I could mention that, only they know each other (as does everyone in this frickin' town) and I wouldn't want him to tell the other guy I was yapping/drooling over him. I could just say I don't want to say who it is...?

This just brings up another misery- why can't the guys I DO LIKE like me like these other guys do???!!! Even just once in a while!!! GEEZ- I swear, I was put here to make the Gods laugh ;0)

 

[soilman]

aksjg writes

=====================

And that would be the truth- I am interested in someone else (actually, about 20 someone elses....hehehe...kidding). There is someone else I am interested in and I could mention that, only they know each other (as does everyone in this frickin' town) and I wouldn't want him to tell the other guy I was yapping/drooling over him. I could just say I don't want to say who it is...?

=============

duh. And lie too, if you feel like it. Tho it isn't really a lie if you say there is someone else you are intereted in -- and the fact is that you don't know for sure if he exists, or if he does, where.

===================

This just brings up another misery- why can't the guys I DO LIKE like me like these other guys do???!!! Even just once in a while!!! GEEZ- I swear, I was put here to make the Gods laugh ;0)

=====================

Let's turn the question around: Why can't you like these other guys, the way you like the guys you "do like."

The answer is: you may not know. Beyond ruling out certain obvious defects, you may have no idea what makes someone someone you like, and what makes someone else someone you don't like.

And most likely your unconscious method of determning who to like and who not to like, is a method that does you more harm than good. Once you can sort things out well enough to be able articulate why you like or dislike someone, with emphatic clarity -- only then will things work out so that the one's you like will be the one's that like you. And until then, chances are the ones you like are one that aren't even good choices for you would impede your growth.

Let's put it this way: very often what seem like our "natural desires" that we think are people we need and will benefit us -- are really more akin to our "natural desire" for junk food -- ice cream sodas, fried dough.

When you can channel your desires away from fried dough, and into whole grain -- only then will you start finding (1) those you desire desire you; (2) those you desire are good for you, rather than you just think they are good for you.

 

[soilman]

In all things, our "natural" desires tend to lead us astray, we desire things that aren't good for us. It is only after years and years of desiring, gratifying desires, and carefully observing the reults of the gratifications, that we are able to learn which of our desires lead us astray, and which of them (a minority) lead us in a beneficial direction.

Most people think that desires exist to direct us. This is not true. They think that if they follow their desires things will go well. As if we had some evolutionary hard-wiring that of desires that are there to help us. This is the farthest thing from the truth. It just doesn't work that way.

All desires do is give us a list to start with of possible beneficial things a few of which we might want to try pursuing. It is only learning and experience which informs us of which things are truly beneficial. Most of what we desire is actually harmful to us.

And in fact, we desire way more things than we even have time to pursue.

This goes for food by the way, as well as for relationships. If we were to actually eat all the food we desire to eat -- we would eat too much.