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Discussion Starter · #1 ·
Ok heres the situation. I'm at my lifelong friends daughters 4th birthday party today my sone starts to cry because he's very tired I'm trying to calm him down when one of the mothers of the other children (whom I don't know from a can of paint) comes over and says "Where's his mother?". So I explained to her that I was his mother and that he was very sleepy and cranky. The woman looked at me smiled and asked me when I adopted him <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="/images/smilies/shocked.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title=":eek:"> by this time my friend is comming over to see how my son is doing she hears part of the conversation (luckily) and tells her guest that she has a copy of my sons birth if she would like to see it. The lady appologizes to me like about a hundred times and thats fine but it just makes me sad that when people see me and my son out at the park they see Mexican lady white baby, oh she must me the nanny. He looks different that me, I don't love him any less ( he looks exactly like his daddy how could I?) and I know that I shouldn't worry about what others think and I don't. Sometimes I would like people to recognize me as his mother right off the bat.
 

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Littlebut writes:<br><br><br><br>
"I know that I shouldn't worry about what others think and I don't. Sometimes I would like people to recognize me as his mother right off the bat."<br><br><br><br>
There is nothing you can do about it. It is just poor manners though, when they make the erroneous assumption you describe, and not something that can actually hurt you. Some people will learn from their mistake, and not repeat it; others won't.<br><br><br><br>
When people do things that can actually hurt you, based on erroneos assumptions, that is when you have to start taking counter measures. You still can't prevent them from coming up with their erroneous assumptions, but you may perhaps be able to prevent them from acting-out prejudices based on even worse assumptions -- tho it is often difficult.<br><br><br><br>
Some rude people deserve an opportunity to save face after the first rude comment -- for example if they are planning not to make the same mistake in the future; other people do this kind of thing on purpose -- and I think they should be ostracised.
 

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"... they see Mexican lady white baby, oh she must be the nanny."<br><br><br><br>
Actually, perhaps you should say "the Mexican-looking, to them, lady with the white baby" -- as some Mexican ladies are as white as the whitest Scandinavian.
 

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yuck! how annoying. i 'm sorry that happened to you, littlemama. people can be so rude.<br><br><br><br>
when my son was first born, people used to think i was his big sister, and not his mother. i was 23 years old but consistently passed for 17 or 18 at the time, so when they found out i was his mom, i'd get all those "tut-tut, so you're a teen mom" looks and comments. the kind of assumptions people make about a mother based on what she <i>looks</i> like, and not what kind of parent she is, really upset me.
 

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Discussion Starter · #5 ·
I have the opposite problem. During summers, most weekends and many evenings, I have a steady job taking care of a little girl that's like a sister to me. Even though I'm only 14, I look several years older, and the girl looks exactly like me (in that way that all tiny blond haired, green eyed little girls look alike), so people that see me with her tend to assume I'm her mother, and give me the same look kreeli used to get. To make matters worse, she went through a stage of calling me 'mommy' because I was the older female she saw most.<br><br><br><br>
Once I got used to it, I learned to laugh about it. These things pass. All you can do is know you're raising your son not to make those assumptions based on people's appearances.
 

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Discussion Starter · #6 ·
<div class="quote-container"><span>Quote:</span>
<div class="quote-block">Actually, perhaps you should say "the Mexican-looking, to them, lady with the white baby" -- as some Mexican ladies are as white as the whitest Scandinavian.</div>
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Soilman your right I sound have wrote that. I do have alot of cousins red hair green eyed cousins and some blonds as a matter a fact my mother was one of those red heads. So I do know where your comming from and I should have wrote that I appologize.
 

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"So I do know where your coming from..."<br><br><br><br>
Hehehe. I learned not to assume that short blonds, and even some tall blonds, aren't Mexican, the hard way.<br><br><br><br>
Despite the fact that my mother was a distinctly darker Jew than my blond father, and I'm darker than either of them.
 

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Discussion Starter · #8 ·
I had a similar experience... I am white with very dark, almost black hair and very dark brown eyes. I have been blessed with three sons. The eldest has hair and eyes similar to mine, in fact he looks so much like me its scary! The middle one has white blond hair with my colour eyes and looks so much like his father it is scary! The youngest has strawberry blond hair and eyes like mine. He is a mixture of the other two. They all have the same father. I was doing my shopping in Tesco once, and the checkout girl got chatting telling me how beautiful my children were. Then she says: "They all have different fathers yeah?"<br><br>
Like it was polite conversation!! I nearly fell over!<br><br>
Some people are just rude.
 

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I was ten years old, but very developed and quite precocious, and when my sister was born people constantly thought I was her mother. Those teenage Mom looks are highly difficult to understand when you are ten.<br><br>
People in generaly can be very base and crude and unthinking. I sympathize with you!!!<br><br>
lovenlight,<br><br>
linz
 

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<div class="quote-container"><span>Quote:</span>
<div class="quote-block"><i>Originally posted by Kreeli</i><br><br><b>yuck! how annoying. i 'm sorry that happened to you, littlemama. people can be so rude.<br><br><br><br>
when my son was first born, people used to think i was his big sister, and not his mother. i was 23 years old but consistently passed for 17 or 18 at the time, so when they found out i was his mom, i'd get all those "tut-tut, so you're a teen mom" looks and comments. the kind of assumptions people make about a mother based on what she <i>looks</i> like, and not what kind of parent she is, really upset me.</b></div>
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That's happened to me. Back when my son was about 6 a woman was passing out Vacation Bible School stuff and asked if my son was interested. I told her no... then she made some comment about me not being old enough to be his mother.<br><br><br><br>
And it happened again back around Christmas. We were flying back home after visiting family and a flight attendant asked if he was my little brother.
 

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People can be so rude!<br><br><br><br>
I had a few people ask me if my youngest ds was my grandson. <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="/images/smilies/moonpie.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title=":moonpie:"> Or act as if I were insane for having a baby at my age! (I was 43 at the time.)<br><br><br><br>
Grandson, why would I have a grandson, my oldest child is only 13!<br><br><br><br>
They can think what they want, but why would they say <i>anything</i> personal to someone they don't know?
 
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