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Discussion Starter · #1 ·
Hey folks. I has a problem. I don't recall if I've ever brought up the fact that I have some sort of an undiagnosed, ridiculously prevalent social phobia/disorder, but I do. I've been working very hard on this recently, but my attempts at being outgoing ran me into a bit of a problem today.

So this guy approached me while I was waiting for a class today, who kinda gave me a weird vibe. My mp3 player just ran out of juice, so I decided to be friendly and talk to him. Basically he pretended like he was doing some survey, but I noticed he obviously wasn't writing anything down. Eventually the implication seemed to be that he was just trying to find friends.

He seemed like an okay guy, and he asked for my phone number a ways into the conversation. I gave it to him. Thing is, shortly after that, it became obvious that he was one of those inept misogynists that hide behind the "nice guy" excuse for why they can't get a girlfriend. He seemed intent on getting me to agree with him that all women on campus were "hoes." Eventually I left for my class, but now he has my number, and he said he'd call me. I feel kinda bad for the guy, and I don't have IRL friends myself, but really, the whole bitter virgin thing was pretty off-putting. Should I just ignore this guy's calls, and then block his number? I mean, the more I think about it, the more I don't want to deal with the guy. I don't need more negative people in my life. But the thing that I'm worried about is whether my social phobia is making me sabotage a potential friendship.

I'd appreciate any advice.
 

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Been there, done that. It's a lot of work. Is it worth the exchange to be nice for the sake of being nice? Only you can know the answer to this. I find it creepy that he pretended to be taking a survey.
 

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Two things came to mind when reading your post:

1) what flavor is the juice you run your mp3 player on, and does it have enough vitamins?

2) if this was the first time you ever saw the guy, I think exchanging phone numbers is weird at such an early encounter. If he'd asked what classes you go to so he could talk to you again, I think that would be normal. even if he asked for your Facebook or e-mail or whatever. but phone number, for calling you? To me that just seems weird, so in your situation, I would just not answer his calls for a long enough time, waiting for him to give up calling. If you're likely to bump into him again though, then that makes the situation a bit more difficult.
 

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It's a hit or miss with those guys, since that can be a kind of facade that they put up in order to deal with their (probably) miserable lives.

Quote:
Originally Posted by *AHIMSA* View Post

I find it creepy that he pretended to be taking a survey.
Hmm?
 

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i don't think it's your phobia. he seems "off."
bottom line: when he calls, if you feel like talking do. if not don't. listen to your gut. it knows. even if you think it doesnt.
 

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My advice would be, if he calls, go out with him. Agree to meet in a public place, for coffee, that way you don't have to stay long if it doesn't go well. Do it just to prove to yourself that you can.
 

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All of the advice thus far seems good.

My gut instinct from your post is that he is CREEPY. Calling all the women on your campus hoes is weird. Asking for your phone number is not a sign that he wants to be your friend; he wants to date you. If he spent all that time talking about being single, he wants to date you, absolutely. And as *AHIMSA* said, the survey thing is really, really, really weird.

However, if you absolutely must see how it goes, meet him in a public place. Still, I don't think you should. I think he is creepy, and I don't have any social phobias making me say that.
 

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He sounds like a creep and I'm worried for you if things go badly with him, you will stop putting yourself out there. Ignore him, you deserve better people in your life.
 

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I don't think he's creepy.

I think he is socially inexperienced.

Or we'll never know that.
 

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One thing you could do to prevent further contact is to meet him and then out-weird him, by e.g. gluing soymilk-soaked cornflakes all over your face and instead of saying anything, playing Danish greetings from a tape recorder.
 

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With my ex something always seemed off about him but I was doing the same thing i think you were, second guessing my instincts. i thought oh my last bf (the ex before this ex) was such a jerk its only natural that I'm going to have doubts about the next guy I develop feelings for. However he (the first ex I eluded to) was a jerk and my instincts were right. He not only hunted, he lied to me about it, but I got seriously hurt (physically) from it. Always follow your gut, if someone seems creepy, they probably are.
 

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Quote:
Originally Posted by yally View Post

He sounds like a creep and I'm worried for you if things go badly with him, you will stop putting yourself out there. Ignore him, you deserve better people in your life.
I agree. It's great to get over your social anxiety and make new friends, but you want to befriend nice people, not weird people.
 

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Quote:
One thing you could do to prevent further contact is to meet him and then out-weird him, by e.g. gluing soymilk-soaked cornflakes all over your face and instead of saying anything, playing Danish greetings from a tape recorder.
i've tried this. it works.
 

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Discussion Starter · #16 ·
Thanks for the replies, everyone. You've given me a lot to think about. Honestly, while I kinda see Envy's point of view, since I'm incredibly socially inexperienced myself, something just seems...different about this one. I don't really get a date vibe, either though; just something I couldn't describe that made me uncomfortable somehow. It even managed to override the normal anxiety routine that runs in my head when I talk to someone. I think I might answer the initial phone call, but I'm not sure it's something I want to do.

I forgot one other thing that compounded the weirdness; he wasn't even a student, or so he said. So he was just trawling the campus.

To Sevenseas: Turnip juice. I tried beet juice, but it had a staining problem.
 

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Quote:
Originally Posted by Snowcone View Post

I forgot one other thing that compounded the weirdness; he wasn't even a student, or so he said. So he was just trawling the campus.
To me, that moves this from the "do whatever you think is best" into the "please, I urge you, do not answer this person's calls" category.
 

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Quote:
Originally Posted by Sevenseas View Post

To me, that moves this from the "do whatever you think is best" into the "please, I urge you, do not answer this person's calls" category.
1000x yes.

Snowcone, sometimes women get a "creepy vibe" that a lot of guys can't understand. It's hard to put your finger on what makes a guy creepy in some cases. In this instance, it is VERY, VERY clear what makes this guy creepy. He's a non-student roaming around a college campus, pretending to be taking a survey in order to strike up conversations with college girls, all the while disrespecting females by using the label "hoes." Please, please, please please do not answer his calls or go out with him. It is not your social anxiety kicking in; there are so many red flags here.
 

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Yes - this guy sounds very strange. Please have nothing further to do with him.

But - congratulations on trying to engage. I'm sorry this time you got a weirdo, but talking to another student before a class is usually cool and I hope you have much better luck next time.
 

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Quote:
Originally Posted by dormouse View Post

All of the advice thus far seems good.

My gut instinct from your post is that he is CREEPY. Calling all the women on your campus hoes is weird. Asking for your phone number is not a sign that he wants to be your friend; he wants to date you. If he spent all that time talking about being single, he wants to date you, absolutely. And as *AHIMSA* said, the survey thing is really, really, really weird.

However, if you absolutely must see how it goes, meet him in a public place. Still, I don't think you should. I think he is creepy, and I don't have any social phobias making me say that.


Quote:
Originally Posted by Sevenseas View Post

To me, that moves this from the "do whatever you think is best" into the "please, I urge you, do not answer this person's calls" category.
Most definitely!
 
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