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Discussion Starter · #1 ·
Hi everyone, it has taken me a lot of guts to write this, but I really need to get it off my chest with people who I know might understand.<br><br><br><br>
I have been a vegetarian for a few years now, and through-out this year tried to make the cross-over to being a vegan. I happily drink soy milk and have eliminated cheese, yoghurt and eggs.<br><br><br><br>
In the last 4 months I have become comulsively obsessed with food, particularly foods that contain dairy and which I *feel* I shouldn't be eating, and therefore am totally binging on these foods. I am eating biscuit after biscuit, chocolate after chocolate, icecream after icecream - and I don't want to as I know where these foods came from, but I cannot stop myself.<br><br><br><br>
The worse thing is I am <i>hiding</i> this from people, particularly my BF who is a vegan - and he is the LAST person to judge me. I feel out of control and completely gross after my binges.<br><br><br><br>
The reason I think this is becoming an eating disorder is because afterwards I will go to the gym and work my bum off for 2-3 hours because I feel guity <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="/images/smilies/whip.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title=":whip:"><br><br><br><br>
I don't know whether I should seek some professional help... or... revert back to being a lacto-vegetarian, minus cheese and milk. It kills me to do that as I really hate how animals are treated... but at the same time I am seriously hurting myself. I am un-happy with my weight (I'm not obese but feel chunkier than I usually do) and it is affecting my self-esteem.<br><br><br><br>
I feel completely at a loss.<br><br><br><br>
-Jess
 

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I definitely know what it's like to feel out of control.<br><br><br><br>
Is it possible to keep thes products you binge on out of your home, and instead leave some 'grab 'n go' snacks (fruit salad, chopped raw veggies and bean dip, light cereals, etc) in their place to attempt to redirect yourself?<br><br><br><br>
As soon as you feel like you need to hide your eating habits, you can usually assume that your eating is disordered. If you're not able to get things into hand yourself (which is frickin' hard), please find someone (in real-time) to talk to about it- your boyfriend, a friend you trust, or a therapist. Compulsively excercising for that long at once has to be crazy hard on you (plus is often what people who binge and purge start off with :/).<br><br><br><br>
Take care of yourself. And if you ever need to talk, I can vouch for the fact that everyone here is amazing!
 

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<div class="quote-container"><span>Quote:</span>
<div class="quote-block">Originally Posted by <strong>Jessikah</strong> <a href="/forum/post/0"><img alt="View Post" class="inlineimg" src="/img/forum/go_quote.gif" style=""></a><br><br><br>
In the last 4 months I have become comulsively obsessed with food, particularly foods that contain dairy and which I *feel* I shouldn't be eating, and therefore am totally binging on these foods. I am eating biscuit after biscuit, chocolate after chocolate, icecream after icecream - and I don't want to as I know where these foods came from, but I cannot stop myself.<br><br><br><br>
The reason I think this is becoming an eating disorder is because afterwards I will go to the gym and work my bum off for 2-3 hours because I feel guity <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="/images/smilies/whip.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title=":whip:"><br><br><br><br>
-Jess</div>
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I don't have experience with eating disorders, so I don't know if I can help.<br><br><br><br>
I've quoted only part of your original post. I get the impression that you wish to avoid non-vegan foods for two reasons: because you regard them as unhealthy, and because animals are harmed in the production of these foods. If it was simply a matter of animal welfare, I'm guessing you would not feel a need to exercise strenuously after eating them, although you'd probably feel very unhappy.<br><br><br><br>
Replacing foods you miss with vegan versions of those foods would still leave your food issues unresolved. There is a forum here for that topic, but eating disorders can lead to medical problems (as you know), and I don't know if anyone here is qualified to give medical advice.<br><br><br><br>
I almost forgot.... <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="/images/smilies/hug.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title=":hug:">
 

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I am very sorry to hear of the troubles you are having. I have had an eating disorder that I am working on getting over and I still hear the damn voices in my head daily. "You are eating something bad", "oh you are so good for eating all of the right foods", "omg you have to exercise 3 times today because you ate some oreos!"....I am so sick of dealing with this stuff. It sounds like you feel like you are depriving yourself and that in turn brings on the binges. Also feeling guilty after and exercising for hours is known as Exercise Bulimia.<br><br><br><br>
Honestly when I decided to go vegan, I started binging or having these uncontrolable cravings that led to binging. I didn't like it and so I just focused on giving up ice cream (easy to replace with Soy Delicious) and minimizing most animal products. If the urge hits, I eat what I want even if it is something like nachos with cheese. I would rather do that and feel like I can eat the cheese with no guilt then binge all night. I think over the course of a few months or so, I will slowly be able to get over this and eat vegan 100%, but I just can't focus on the big picture without ED thoughts.<br><br><br><br>
So right now I am reading a book called Intuitive Eating and it is helping tremendously. I get the occassional craving for cheese/chocolate and I go for it. When I crave ice cream I eat soy delicious and I am content because it is a perfect replacement. I would definitely try to talk to someone or pick up a book to read about it. If I were you, I would take things one step at a time and address your binging and working out crazily. Your health and eating is more important then giving up ananimal product until you can work through your issues. I hope that this helps you.
 

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I didn't read all the responses, but definitly seek professional help. The sooner it's dealt with the better. Please please please seek help! My thoughts are w/you. PM me if you ever need to talk or vent or anything, and know we're all here to support you!!!
 

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<div class="quote-container"><span>Quote:</span>
<div class="quote-block">Originally Posted by <strong>Jessikah</strong> <a href="/forum/post/0"><img alt="View Post" class="inlineimg" src="/img/forum/go_quote.gif" style=""></a><br><br>
The worse thing is I am <i>hiding</i> this from people, particularly my BF who is a vegan - and he is the LAST person to judge me. I feel out of control and completely gross after my binges.</div>
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This part right here speaks volumns. Although I am no expert in anything, it appears that you are doing it more for your BF, than following your own feeling. Maybe your not totally convinced. For one thing if you were really sincere about the animal cruelty you wouldn't eat those things but instead find substitutes or other kinds of foods. But it was just my thoughts anyway. Take what you can and throw the rest away.Nothing will taste like the oringinal but, I enjoy the new tastes and can down 1 quart of soy delicious and never give ice cream a thought, only where can i get some more Soy D....
 

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What you said worries me Jessikah... I know exactly what you're talking about. Even if you weren't doing the purging (through exercise) I'd be worried, because that sounds just so familiar to what I've been through.<br><br><br><br>
If you ever need to talk, I'm here at least once a day, feel free to PM me. I may not have advice, but I'm always willing to listen and hug.
 

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I would suggest talking to a Health Care professional, whether it be a Dietitian, a Counselor or a Psychologist, it can't hurt.<br><br>
The eating patterns you're describing do sound like disordered eating. This doesn't automatically mean that you have a diagnosable ED, most people have at least some eating habits that are slightly compulsive/obsessive. Its not our fault, its a result of the culture that we've been raised in: we've all been fed horrible, backwards idea about food/eating since birth.
 

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Whats a lacto vegitarian minus cheese and milk?<br><br><br><br>
I'm one of those fogies who believe that your body is telling you it needs something. This is not a mind over matter game. We are organisms too, and do things without rationalising them. If you need councelling, perhaps it would be to not be so hard on yourself, or to be able to forgive yourself for not being a saint. Period.
 

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We humans always seem to want black and white solutions - or in the case of us veg*ns, maybe that would be <span style="color:#FF0000;">RED</span> or <span style="color:#008000;">GREEN</span> solutions.<br><br><br><br>
As a veggie for over 40 years I'm still not fully vegan. OK, I hear all the reasoning... but I still want to be able to indulge with real butter and real cheese - and sometimes real chocolate. But by choosing to not use milk or eggs I'm doing more towards animal issues than my omnivore friends. More important, I'm doing as much as I feel I can at this stage in my life.<br><br><br><br>
My body probably doesn't need cheese, butter and chocolate... it probably doesn't need the occassional glass of red wine either... but my mind says "hey, you've been enjoying this..."<br><br><br><br>
My suggestion is to go easy on yourself, find the level of veg*nism that suits you and be happy that you are doing as much as you can - and more than most - for fellow creatures of the planet.
 

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Discussion Starter · #12 ·
Firstly, thank you everyone for your reply. Secondly, I am def not doing it for my BF, I was vegetarian way back before I MET him, and he only became vegan as of the last few months. He is supportive of whatever decisions I make.<br><br><br><br>
I am going to take a step back and just become a non milk/egg eating vegetarian but whom will indulge in the odd chocolate or ice-cream if I want to. I have searched for substitutes and I do eat them, but sometimes I just want the old stuff. Food has been a big part of my life, I lost 15kgs in the last month, and I am sure this has also contributed to the problems I am having.<br><br><br><br>
Danny how you stated your post is how I feel...
 

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Yes, go for it Jessikah <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="/images/smilies/thumbsup.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title=":up:"> and enjoy the level that's right for you. when your body is recieving what your mind is telling you it wants, then your weight and metabolism will settle down again. Enjoy a good chocolate bar now and then...<br><br><br><br>
Keep us posted.
 

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Discussion Starter · #14 ·
' 15kgs last year ' is what I meant... (be crazy in one month!)<br><br><br><br>
I am already feeling better... had a good long think this weekend and I am now doing what is best for <b>me</b>.
 

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Glad that you feel better - I know what it is like to be obsessed, still do. I'm learning to relax too - it is a case of just taking it one day at a time. Enough (not too much) excercise, and a healthy balanced diet (of whatever) is what you need right now. But just take it at your own pace. People appreciate anything that you do - and you are making the best effort you can at the moment.<br><br><br><br>
Good for you <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="/images/smilies/smiley.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title=":)">
 

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<div class="quote-container"><span>Quote:</span>
<div class="quote-block">Originally Posted by <strong>Keelin</strong> <a href="/forum/post/0"><img alt="View Post" class="inlineimg" src="/img/forum/go_quote.gif" style=""></a><br><br>
I definitely know what it's like to feel out of control.<br></div>
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Agreed.<br><br><br><br>
Well done for admitting that you may have a problem. It takes tremendous courage to admit a problem, and you've taken that first step. I am really proud of you.<br><br><br><br>
As piratemoon has said, tackle one day at a time. Relax, eat healthily (although not too healthily) and definately do what is best for you. <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="/images/smilies/hug.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title=":hug:">
 
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