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Discussion Starter · #1 ·
Ok, I know after reading my topic , you must have been thinking ...Ok , let me explain
....

I had a friend Jackie , whom i had known for 8 years , who is bisexual. She then got involved with a closeted bisexual woman named Karmie.

When they both meet , it was a whirlwind relationship . I had never seen two people in live as much as they where , it was incredibly beautiful and poignaut.

Anyways , Karmie (aged 47) is a catholic and had grown kids and wasnt comfortable to admit that she was seeing Jackie , so they both continued to have a secret affair. When rumours circulated that something was going on , Karmie immediately got married to a man in attempts to throw off the scent that she was in a r/ship with Jackie..Soon after Jackie herself got into a r/ship with a man..

The funny thing was , when Jackie got involved with this man , It bothered Karmie and she began to change , she began to become verbally abusive towards Jackie and would at any given opportunity disgrace and publically humilate her to friends .

Despite this Jackie continued to have tremedous respect for Karmie and the two continued to have an off and on r/ship..

It was a shock to friends that Karmie had been so cruel to Jackie because when i would see them together they where so in love , so close. I know that Karmie did love Jackie , the love she had for Jackie was so strong , that i cant understand why someone who claim to be so in love would treat the person they love so badly..Karmie would often mention Jackie at gatherings, at times she seemed almost obessive in the way she talked about Jackie , their wasnt a time she didnt mention her,

Karmie would do usual things when she mentioned Jackie , like play with her married ring and have a drink..I dunno , it was like she was either trying to blot out any memory of Jackie?.. I dunno , when she did that , it confused me

It wasnt until friends brought it to her attention and advised her not to say things about Jackie , she stopped

Anyways Karmie is still married to a man, but they aint living together and i recently spoke to Jackie who told me she is engaged to a man but the two will not be getting married until next year ( why the delay ? if she is so in love with this man and they have been together for a longtime , so she tells me .. why wait?).

I fell so so sad . I know how badly she was treated by Karmie and i know she loved Karmie , but it angers and saddens me that she has choosen to marry, not only someone else , but a man. Somehow i was hoping that maybe they would work it out.. I know thats not possible, but i resent her for giving up on women.. and i know people may say that " hey shes bisexual , what do u expect?..Bisexual means women who like men and women".. But a part of me wishes she had married a woman..

Whenever i see video clips of them together at my wedding , it makes me wanna cry because i had never ever seen two people so much in love like they where and yet it all disappaired in a ball of smoke .. Iv seen Karmie and she seems to be coping ok

She doesnt look affected by Jackies admisson that she is getting married , but Jackie doesnt seem to be as happy as i would of thought she would be if she is about to be married

Please can someone tell me a) why i feel this way even though its not my r/ship and b)why this doesnt seem to affect karmie?
 

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Really, really weird first post -

Umm..... anyway.... its your friend's life, let her live it. part of life is watching our friends get hurt, and make mistakes, and we can help them sometimes, but most of the time, people just have to live their own lives. You don't really know whats going on in her head, so let her live life the way she chooses. She might be happier than you think. Or, she might bail on the wedding and find a nice girl and live happily ever after. All you can do is be supportive of her and continue to be a friend.
 

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Cruelty is incompatible with love. I personally think that it's impossible to both love someone and be deliberately cruel to that person. I mean, it basically contradicts how I define love, which is, always seeking the best interest of the person one is in love with.

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Please can someone tell me a) why i feel this way even though its not my r/ship and b)why this doesnt seem to affect karmie?
I don't know why your friend doesn't seem to be affected. It probably has to do with her personality and her way of coping with pain. Given how she disrespects Jackie, it is likely part of her pattern of disconnecting herself from Jackie. She is likely doing her best to live within the perception that she doesn't love Jackie at all, and thusly will respond as if she doesn't care for Jackie, if not responding negatively.

As for yourself, you're probably upset because your idealism of the situation obviously doesn't match the reality of the situation. You likely want people to behave according to their emotions/desires irrespective of cultural normative pressure. That is, you want Jackie and Karmie to be together and in love, because that is what you imagine they would do in ideal circumstances, but that the rumors and peer pressure force them to behave as if they were normal, straight people. This is also probably why you would secondarily want them to marry women, because even if they don't have a mutual relationship, you would want them to still contradict social norms.

IMHO, treat as such. Good luck.
 

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I couldn't follow all that completely, but these are my impressions:

a) It hurts to see other people get hurt. Sometimes we see bits of ourselves in other people and almost feel like it is happening to us. Do you think it's possible that your personal feelings are being tangled up in someone else's life? Perhaps some amount of betrayal has been dealt your way in the past, and now you see it being re-lived through your friend's relationship?

b) People cope with their emotions differently. It's entirely possible that she IS affected but is not showing it.

edited to add: just wanna comment on Daral's viewpoint about cruelty and love. I do think it is possible to simultaneously love and hate someone. Perhaps this is a different type of love though, like tainted-love, as opposed to the 'true' or 'pure' type that seems to be less common as it involves unconditional respect for the other person. man now i've got that tainted-love song in my head . . .
 

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Discussion Starter · #5 ·
Hello all, thanks for responding to my post .. i was beginning to feel that no one was going to reply

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I don't know why your friend doesn't seem to be affected. It probably has to do with her personality and her way of coping with pain. Given how she disrespects Jackie, it is likely part of her pattern of disconnecting herself from Jackie. She is likely doing her best to live within the perception that she doesn't love Jackie at all, and thusly will respond as if she doesn't care for Jackie, if not responding negatively.
You know , as logical as that sounded , i didnt think of that , but it makes sense ..Karmie has habit of hiding her feelings very well. Although it seems like a kinda of a contradiction when Karmie constantly feels the need to mimick Jackie ie: change her hair colour the same as Jackie and has the tendency to lately enjoys things that Jackie does.. So how do you explain that?

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Do you think it's possible that your personal feelings are being tangled up in someone else's life? Perhaps some amount of betrayal has been dealt your way in the past, and now you see it being re-lived through your friend's relationship?
wtf???... Im sorry , but i dont know where they came from , but having concerns from my friends has nothing what so ever to do with my r/ships, past and present.

I had known these people for most of my life , its only human to be effected in one way or another
 

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wtf???... Im sorry , but i dont know where they came from , but having concerns from my friends has nothing what so ever to do with my r/ships, past and present.

I had known these people for most of my life , its only human to be effected in one way or another
I'm confused by this. I didn't mean any offense by my comment, I'm just answering the question in your initial post ("why do I feel this way?") by making suggestions.

ETA:never mind, looks like you just answered your own question
 

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Quote:
Although it seems like a kinda of a contradiction when Karmie constantly feels the need to mimick Jackie ie: change her hair colour the same as Jackie and has the tendency to lately enjoys things that Jackie does.. So how do you explain that?
It is, according to some people that I know, natural human behavior to take on the interests of people that you are sexually intimate with. According to this model, she is taking on the interests of Jackie, while at the same time expressing disinterest/hatred in the person of Jackie. In short, her increased interest in things that interest Jackie is subliminal and thusly she probably doesn't even notice.
 

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Discussion Starter · #9 ·
Hello Daral. Thx for the response

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natural human behavior to take on the interests of people that you are sexually intimate with
Karmie and Jackie where sexually intimate . Karmies "interest" ( if you wanna cal it that) developed more after they broke up

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subliminal and thusly she probably doesn't even notice.
Now , that went wave over my head <lol>.. Sorry daral , it is seems im having a chg colour of hair day .. to blonde <lol>..... explain?... Im sure she is fully aware of what she is doing ..... i think
 

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Discussion Starter · #11 ·
a friend of mine seems to think maybe Karmies actions is the way of saying " You still belong to me and im not going to give up on trying to get you back"..

Jackies fianc'e is a professional chef who is renowed for his top work throughout asia. knowing this , Karmie has taken an interest in asian food and told my mate , she wants to go to asia for 5 months and learn to cook asian food.. ..hmm
 
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