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relationship wise, that is - do you just know it? and if so, do you "just know it" all the time? Or are there times you're just not sure? And do those feelings change with age and/or relationship length?<br><br><br><br>
Complex questions. Answer them nonetheless <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="/images/smilies/shy.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title=":shy:">
 

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Maybe this is more info than you want, but <a href="http://www.amazon.com/gp/redirect.html?ie=UTF8&linkCode=ur2&camp=1789&creative=9325&tag=veggieboards.com-20&location=http%3A%2F%2Fwww.amazon.com%2Fgp%2Fproduct%2F0684871882%2Fsr%3D8-2%2Fqid%3D1154784997%2Fref%3Dpd_bbs_2%2F002-9081012-4340838%3Fie%3DUTF8" target="_blank">The Truth About Love by Pat (yes) Love</a> talks about the different stages. Often when love is just about to reach a new stage of depth and maturity, that is when it seems to be waning. I read in a book the other night, you don't fall in love, you <i>build</i> love.<br><br><br><br>
I don't think Love is something that can be defined in one way, something that exists or doesn't. It grows, fluctuates, matures, waxes and wanes. It's so subjective, we each just have to decide for ourselves based on our own experiences. And yes, I think it's possible for people to love someone but not be sure or not know it. Often if we are over protective of ourselves, we may not be open to our own feelings until something shakes us up. But I generally feel the deeper the love, the more comfort it brings you, not more excitement, anxiety, or neediness. I think often people mistake these feelings for love.
 

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<div class="quote-container"><span>Quote:</span>
<div class="quote-block">Originally Posted by <strong>all a tangle</strong> <a href="/forum/post/0"><img alt="View Post" class="inlineimg" src="/img/forum/go_quote.gif" style=""></a><br><br>
relationship wise, that is - do you just know it? and if so, do you "just know it" all the time? Or are there times you're just not sure? And do those feelings change with age and/or relationship length?</div>
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Well that would obviously depend on how you define 'love'. I'd define it so that when you don't "just know it", then you don't feel love. I'd say that defining love as a constantly ongoing relation, despite all the "fluctuations", is an attempt to frame friendship or pleasure of companionship as something more glorious.
 

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I know I've mistaken emotions for love, but was never blind to actual love. If that makes sense.<br><br><br><br>
When it was truly love, I've never dismissed it as just joy, content, lust, etc...<br><br>
When it was just joy, content, lust, etc... I've mistaken it for love. I get all caught up in the euphoria and call it love. I realize eventually that it isn't love and it's a big mess. <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="/images/smilies/dizzy2.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title=":dizzy:">
 

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I think I realized I loved my bf this winter when I was in the hospital and he stayed the night with me in the ER and then slept in a chair in the hospital next to my bed in case I needed anything, and I felt so much better and safer and comforted for him being there than my family being there. When I was being taken to surgery and I was in pre-op and saying goodbye to him and seeing the tears in HIS eyes... that killed me... I realized how important I was to him that he was so upset because I was so upset... And then later in the winter when his son was dying (and subsequently passed away) in the hospital (we had a rough winter, eh?) and all I wanted to do all day was hold him and do anything to take away his pain and I knew I would take it all on myself for him if I could. And there's wanting to make him happy all the time... not in a repressed housewife sort of way, but because I feel good knowing he's happy, and he does the same for me.<br><br><br><br>
That's not to say I don't want to strangle him some days because he isn't holding up his end of the chores or is driving me nuts in one way or another... And I wonder if I love him because it's convenient or because he's there and reliable, but then he comes home and hugs me and I get all excited to see him, and I can't help but smile at him even if I'm upset with him, and I know I really do love him. I would worry more about whether I loved him or not if I never questioned it. I'd be concerned that I was putting blinders on to his imperfections and they'd all crash down on me at once in some horrible revealing moment and I'd freak out. I think part of loving someone is seeing and acknowledging their imperfections but still wanting to be with them and be willing to compromise with them so both of your needs are met.<br><br><br><br>
I don't know if thats the kind of answer you're looking for, but those are my thoughts for now... and now I get to go put away his laundry :p
 

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Awww... you guys are all so much better with words than I am, there's some really sweet thoughts in this thread.<br><br><br><br>
For me, it's going against all odds to be with the guy I love, no matter how scared, confused or unsure I get at times; because, regardless of the other feelings I have, I still "know" he loves me just as much as I love him.<br><br><br><br>
It's knowing that we're both willing to do absolutely ANYTHING to make things work, regardless of the challanges we're up against.<br><br><br><br>
It's waking up in the middle of the night and smiling like crazy, just because I'm so happy to be with him.
 

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I'm single. I don't love anyone right now. I question if I've ever loved any of my exes, even the ones I said I loved at the time.<br><br><br><br>
This could be coming from my jaded perspective, but I think that people change. And maybe people aren't meant to be together forever. I think people focus too much on making things work that aren't working. I don't think a good relationship should be that much work. I'm not saying everything has to be hearts and flowers, but I think there's a point where enough is enough.<br><br><br><br>
Probably not what you want to hear, but my thoughts nonetheless.
 

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Discussion Starter #10
<div class="quote-container"><span>Quote:</span>
<div class="quote-block">Originally Posted by <strong>raw jess</strong> <a href="/forum/post/0"><img alt="View Post" class="inlineimg" src="/img/forum/go_quote.gif" style=""></a><br><br><br>
Probably not what you want to hear, but my thoughts nonetheless.</div>
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Wrong <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="/images/smilies/smiley.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title=":)"> I agree. People <i>should not</i> suffer in relationship - certainly not more than they enjoy it. It's supposedly obvious, but is it really? I find myself actually enlightening miserable friends of mine with this piece of knowledge.<br><br><br><br>
People in our lives are supposed to make us happier. I'm considering renting a giant billboard and writing this sentence on it for all to see.<br><br><br><br>
(Right after I'll finish exhibiting all the horror pictures from the animals' industries, of course <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="/images/smilies/smoking.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title=":smoke:"> )
 

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I knew if I waited long enough there would be ton of good stuff written here. rabid_child, your post touched me. Excellent. I also agree with raw jess and all in tangle. It shouldn't be THAT hard to point that you are unhappy. I like this song:<br><br><br><br>
Artist: Clint Black<br><br>
Album: Nothin' But The Taillights<br><br>
Title: Something That We Do<br><br><br><br>
I remember well the day we wed<br><br>
I can see that picture in my head<br><br>
I still believe the words we said<br><br>
Forever will ring true<br><br><b>Love is certain, love is kind<br><br>
Love is yours and love is mine<br><br>
But it isn't something that we find<br><br>
It's something that we do</b><br><br><br><br>
It's holding tight, lettin' go<br><br>
It's flying high and laying low<br><br>
Let your strongest feelings show<br><br>
And your weakness, too<br><br><b>It's a little and a lot to ask<br><br>
An endless and a welcome task<br><br>
Love isn't something that we have<br><br>
It's something that we do</b><br><br><br><br>
We help to make each other all that we can be<br><br>
Though we can find our strength and inspiration independently<br><br>
The way we work together is what sets our love apart<br><br>
So closely that you can't tell where I end and where you start<br><br><br><br>
It gives me heart remembering how<br><br>
We started with a simple vow<br><br>
There's so much to look back on now<br><br>
Still it feels brand-new<br><br>
We're on a road that has no end<br><br>
And each day we begin again<br><br><b>Love's not just something that we're in<br><br>
It's something that we do</b><br><br><br><br>
Love is wide, love is long<br><br>
Love is deep and love is strong<br><br>
Love is why i love this song<br><br>
And i hope you love it too<br><br>
I remember well the day we wed<br><br>
I can see that picture in my head<br><br><b>Love isn't just those words we said<br><br>
It's something that we do</b><br><br><br><br>
There's no request too big or small<br><br>
We give ourselves, we give our all<br><br><b>Love isn't someplace that we fall<br><br>
It's something that we do</b>
 

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I think when you're in love you know because it just feels different. Like Trueveggie said you can mistake tons of things for love but there's no mistaking love for anything else.<br><br>
As far as people changing, the deal with love is it can change too. You can't stick it in a box and expect it to stay there. If you give your relationship latitude, your love can grow and change with your relationship. If it can't, well, it wasn't love.<br><br>
That said, however, I do believe you can fall in love with more than one person. i do believe it's possible to love someone but not be able to be with them. I don't think that true love only happens once.<br><br>
Mary
 

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You all are very wise.<br><br><br><br>
I think love is 50% feeling and 50% doing, and that ratio shifts and balances throughout a relationship. You've got to feel love and you've got to try to make it work, and the trying and the feeling can't exist without each other.<br><br><br><br>
If all you do is feel and you don't try at all, then when the feelings go away (and they WILL wax and wane), you won't have anything left. But if all you do is try, it will never work because there is no feeling to back it up.<br><br><br><br>
Raw Jess, I don't think people in general aren't meant to be together forever. I think you most likely haven't met who you're meant to be with. I think you were in relationships where the feeling:trying ration was far too imbalanced in favor of trying. I hope you don't mind me making such a bold observation on your personal life...from the way you talk about your past, it just seems like you haven't met anyone yet who gave you enough feeling for it to be worth trying so hard.<br><br><br><br>
I think my husband vs. my best friend is a good example. I've known (but not been with romantically) my husband for seven years, and over the years, the rewards he has given me have been well worth the effort it takes to get along with him, no question there.<br><br><br><br>
But my best friend has gradually gotten more and more hostile and depressing in the 8 years that I've known her, and it's gotten to the point where everyone is asking while I'm still friends with her. I'm starting to ask myself the same thing, and I know I'm going to end up at the conclusion that it just isn't worth it. She's sucking the life out of me.<br><br><br><br>
I think Tommy and I are meant to be together forever, I don't really think Jesssica and I are.
 

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<div class="quote-container"><span>Quote:</span>
<div class="quote-block">Originally Posted by <strong>all a tangle</strong> <a href="/forum/post/0"><img alt="View Post" class="inlineimg" src="/img/forum/go_quote.gif" style=""></a><br><br><br><span><i>People in our lives are supposed to make us happier.</i></span> I'm considering renting a giant billboard and writing this sentence on it for all to see.<br><br><br><br>
(Right after I'll finish exhibiting all the horror pictures from the animals' industries, of course <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="/images/smilies/smoking.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title=":smoke:"> )</div>
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<br><br><br><img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="/images/smilies/idea2.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title=":idea:"><br><br><br><br><div class="quote-container"><span>Quote:</span>
<div class="quote-block">The cost of billboard advertising ranges from about $700 to $2,500 a month. At that rate, ten billboards could run as much as $25,000 per month. That sounds like a lot of money, until you realize that a full-page ad running for one day in a major newspaper costs about the same.<br><br><br><br><span style="color:#FF0000;"><b>Steps:</b></span><br><br>
1. Communicate your message in eight words or less. If the billboard is near fast-moving traffic, the lettering should be at least 3 feet (.9 m) high. Standard billboards range from 6 by 12 feet (1.8 by 3.7 m) on the small end up to 20 by 60 feet (6.1 by 18.3 m).<br><br><br><br>
2. Determine your budget. Depending on size and location, expect to pay from $75 to $200 per month for rural sites, and from to $900 to $2,500 per month for city and interstate signs. If you're renting more than one billboard, negotiate a discount. The billboards on Sunset Boulevard in West Hollywood run $10,000 per month, whereas the monthly tab for the billboard in Jonesboro, Arkansas, is $525 entering town and $375 on your way back out.<br><br><br><br>
3. Contact the advertising company that owns the billboard (usually posted on a lower corner). Most advertising companies will work with you on your objectives, budget, concept, design, execution and monitoring of traffic that passes by your ad.<br><br><br><br>
Overall Tips:<br><br>
If your cause is sufficiently just, a billboard company may be willing to donate billboard space. You'll still have to pay for the design, printing and mounting costs.</div>
</div>
<br>
 

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Discussion Starter #15
trueveggie - lol, thanks for the info! Now I just need to get really really rich <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="/images/smilies/afro.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title=":afro:"> any ideas how?
 

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There are two things off the top of my head that I think signify actual love. First, if you can close your eyes, and just knowing that the other person is on the other side of your eyelids brings you peace (silence) without even touching or anything. Second, if you're willing to give up any hope of a relationship of any type with the other person if you knew it would make him or her happier. That is, totally sacrifice any hope or possibility of spending time with someone in any capacity, just for their sole benefit.
 

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<div class="quote-container"><span>Quote:</span>
<div class="quote-block">Originally Posted by <strong>elibrown</strong> <a href="/forum/post/0"><img alt="View Post" class="inlineimg" src="/img/forum/go_quote.gif" style=""></a><br><br><br>
Raw Jess, I don't think people in general aren't meant to be together forever. I think you most likely haven't met who you're meant to be with. I think you were in relationships where the feeling:trying ration was far too imbalanced in favor of trying. I hope you don't mind me making such a bold observation on your personal life...from the way you talk about your past, it just seems like you haven't met anyone yet who gave you enough feeling for it to be worth trying so hard.<br></div>
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Assuming there's someone I'm meant to be with, I totally agree I haven't met him yet. In the relationships I've had, there has been minimal trying (by me). Once it gets to be too much work, I don't see the point anymore. But before those times came, I felt so in love, and so comfortable, and like it was so perfect.<br><br><br><br>
Then things change, and I don't see the point in pushing to make something work that isn't. I think there are too many people out there. If you can have that new-love-honeymoon-bliss feeling with someone else, why bother trying to duct tape your current mess? (and let me tell ya, I've lived alone for 2 1/2 years and never called maintenance...I love me some duct tape!) Let me repeat, I don't think all relationships should be hearts & flowers; but the good should outweigh the bad by a LOT. You should argue and bicker; and then kiss good night. You should trust each other totally.<br><br><br><br>
I just think that people change, feelings change, paths change course, etc.<br><br>
I may sound like an idealist. If I was miserable, lonely, and unhappy with my situation, maybe my feelings would be different & I'd be more intent on making relationships with people work; but I'm perfectly content being single, taking care of business, and taking care of myself. Until it gets to be a point to where I think I'm expecting too much; I see no point to settle for less than my current desires. Right now, men are an accessory, not a necessity. I'm not actively looking & my last LTR ended the summer of 2004.<br><br><br><br>
Let me also say that I've learned from my past experiences. In all honesty, I don't hold any grudges. I won't repeat any of those mistakes. For one reason or another, what we wanted changed. Things end, you move onward & upward. No hard feelings, whatever the break up reason.<br><br><br><br>
I don't mind you making a bold observation about my personal life. <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="/images/smilies/smiley.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title=":)">
 

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This thread really reminds me of this song. I keep singing it when I type in or read this thread. And I've had relationships like this. Where I'd be SO pissed about something but I'd just look at him and couldn't help but smile.<br><br><br><br>
"I just wanna be mad" by Terri Clark<br><br><br><br>
Last night we went to bed not talkin,<br><br>
cause we'd already said too much.<br><br>
I faced the wall, you faced the window.<br><br>
Bound and determined not to touch.<br><br><br><br>
Weve been married seven years now.<br><br>
Some days it feels like 21.<br><br>
Im still mad at you this morning.<br><br>
Coffee's ready if you want some.<br><br>
I've been up since five, thinkin' 'bout me and you.<br><br>
And I've got to tell you the conclusion I've come to.<br><br><br><br>
(chorus)<br><br>
I'll never leave, I'll never stray.<br><br>
My love for you will never change.<br><br>
But I ain't ready to make up.<br><br>
We'll get around to that.<br><br>
I think I'm right, I think you're wrong.<br><br>
I'll probably give in before long.<br><br>
Please don't make me smile.<br><br>
I just wanna be mad for a while.<br><br><br><br>
Well, now you might as well forget it.<br><br>
Don't run your fingers through my hair.<br><br>
Yeah, thats right, I'm bein stubborn.<br><br>
No, I dont wanna go back upstairs.<br><br>
I'm gonna leave for work without a goodbye kiss.<br><br>
But as I'm drivin' off, just remember this:<br><br><br><br>
(chorus 2x)<br><br><br><br>
I just wanna be mad for a while.<br><br>
I just wanna be mad for a while.<br><br>
I just wanna be mad for a while.<br><br>
----end----<br><br><br><br>
Of course, my current theme song would probably be something more like Jo Dee Messina's "My give a damn's busted." <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="/images/smilies/laugh.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title=":lol:">
 

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I love my husband more than anyone in the world. Yes, I've doubted my love at times. Usually due to mental illness or great stress. But I have faith that I'm just going through a rough patch, and once we've weathered it together, my love seems to grow even stronger. I can't imagine anything ever separating us, barring death.
 

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raw jess...both those songs rock! <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="/images/smilies/smiley.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title=":)">
 
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