[Jewel]

I am 17 and am in my last year of high school. I am homeschooled.

I have never been particularly close with my parents even when I was very young. But I have always felt that my parents cared about me and loved me. I know that they do. But what can I do when I have learned that my parents have lied to me? I am sure it is not the first time in 17 years that they have lied to me, but what they have lied to me about is not a small matter. My parents do not admit that they were wrong very easily and feel like you are attacking them if you even mention them doing anything wrong. I have no doubt in my mind that I was lied to, or at least the truth was bent.

What can I do, as a 17 year old who lives with her parents? Should I approach my parents who I have never been close to about this?

Or if you are a parent and your child found out about a lie you told them, even a lie that you thought was to protect the child, how would you like your child to deal with it?

Thank you and God bless,

-Jewel

 

[Ayrlin]

Well many parents lie to thier kids to protect them.

Sometimes parents lie because they feel insecure specialy in cases were the child was adopted or something like that.

I can not tell you how to handle this really because I do not know your parents and I do not know you.

However if it is bothering you then I say talk to them but do not do it in an agressive manner, maybe sit one or both of them down with a coffee or something, somewhere you all normaly feel relaxed and just talk about how you feel.

 

[froggythefrog]

I would definitely recommend bringing up the matter in a gentle way. "Dad, can we talk? [Lead him and/or Mom to the couch to sit and discuss things, so that you have their full attention.] Something is bothering me, and I don't want to make you upset, but I want to understand something. The other day, you said''"

I can not guarantee that this approach will work, but it's usually the approach I take if I am concerned that something I say is going to provoke fighting.

 

[Tofu-N-Sprouts]

Deal with it gently, in a non-accusing manner. It's very possible that they may not ever admit, or feel that they lied. That's a parent's perogative, I guess. It's up to you how you react to THEIR reaction. If they insist they did not lie, whether facts show they did or did not - you may just have to let it drop and move on.

You're not alone however, most 17-year olds feel they have 'never been very close' to their parents and surprisingly enough, your parents probably realize this. Contrary to what most kids think, parents are usually looking for ways to get along better and connect with their teens, so if you tell them you'd like to talk, they might be very willing to give it a try.

 

[Elena99]

If you don't want to go to them directly, you could try talking to a grandparent/aunt/uncle first. Is that an option? Tell that person the situation and see if they can give you insight into your parents' perspective.

 

[Jewel]

Quote:

Originally Posted by Elena99

If you don't want to go to them directly, you could try talking to a grandparent/aunt/uncle first. Is that an option? Tell that person the situation and see if they can give you insight into your parents' perspective.

My parents would be the first to say that their parents, brothers sisters and such don't understand their point of view. It's actually kinda funny that they feel the same way about their family as I do them. Thanks for the suggestions....

God bless,

-Jewel

 

[Skylark]

Quote:

Originally Posted by elena99

If you don't want to go to them directly, you could try talking to a grandparent/aunt/uncle first. Is that an option? Tell that person the situation and see if they can give you insight into your parents' perspective.

Quote:

Originally Posted by Jewel

My parents would be the first to say that their parents, brothers sisters and such don't understand their point of view. It's actually kinda funny that they feel the same way about their family as I do them. Thanks for the suggestions....

God bless,

-Jewel

Even better, talk to an older sibling.

They may have insight into your parents' personalities.

 

[GhostUser]

Try talking to them in a calm manner, dont act accussing upset or sound judgemental.

 

[bethanie]

I don't think it's kinda funny that they feel the same way about their family that you feel about them. Parents actually teach their children (by example most of the time, not words) how to feel about and/or connect with (or not connect with) family. This is slightly off topic, but I couldn't help relating to this. Despite the fact that my family and I have wildly different political/religious/dietary...etc viewpoints, we have always loved and been a source of support for one another. My X had parents who always put themselves and their love lives before their children and extended families. As a result....my x is the kind of person who does the same.

Anyway...I am sorry that you don't feel close to your parents, particularly as you are home schooled this seems odd. I agree with above poster, compassionately take them aside and discuss with them the fact that you suspect they've lied to you in this circumstance...Give them a chance to explain themselves and perhaps apologize.

b

 

[gas4]

I don't suppose you'd be willing to tell us what the lie was about?

 

[GhostUser]

Jewel, Have you talked to your parents?

 

[Skylark]

Quote:

Originally Posted by animallover7249

Jewel, Have you talked to your parents?

She may not be back any time soon to answer your question. Jewel's VB usage is spotty.