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Discussion Starter · #1 ·
How do you know when you should end a relationship?<br><br>
I've been with my boyfriend for three years. The first year was great and we were intimate all the time and every where. I understand that, naturally, the initial passion fizzles a bit but it's no longer even at a slow burn.<br><br>
We're sexually intimate perhaps a handful of times a year. And, coming back from India, I realized I had no desire at all to have sex with him.<br><br>
I do love him. More than anyone ever. But I feel no sexual attraction or passion for him anymore. I love cuddling with him at night, laying on the couch with him, and being with him. But sexually, we are not compatible anymore, I don't think.<br><br>
Is this just a natural thing for all relationships? Or is this a sign of a relationship that no longer works?
 

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i never had a relationship over a year, so i don't know much<br><br>
but from what i heard sexual attraction isn't supposed to die altogether. people usually don't have sex 5 times a day anymore, but it goes on more than a few times a year, in a more regular way<br><br>
i would end the relationship. but not everyone would. i guess you should just as yourself how important is sex to you. are you willing to do it with him only a few times a yearand will you enjoy it. is there any way for you to become more attracted to him, by spicing up your sex life. i think these questions would help
 

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Well eventually in relationships the amount of times you have sex does decrease over time, but you should still be having it on a regular basis.<br><br>
I agree with Ira, you should try to spice up your sex life to see if that's just all you need. I don't think sex is the main component of a relationship, but it's a pretty important part. How long has the lack of sex been going on?<br><br>
I think you should really think about it if the both of you are still truly happy in that relationship even if you love him, and go from there.
 

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Discussion Starter · #4 ·
I don't know that 'spicing it up' is an option. It's not that our sex life is boring. It's nonexistent and I have no desire for him. I have a lot of love and affection for him. But there is no sexual desire or passion. The closest I can compare it to is a best friend for whom you have no sexual desire but we do all the other "couple-things".
 

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I think you may have answered your own question then hun.... <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="/images/smilies/hug.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title=":hug:">
 

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Do you need the sexual intimacy to feel happy and fulfilled in your relationship?<br><br>
IMO it would be stupid to end a relationship due to lack of sex just because you think couples ought to have sex. I didn't get the sense from your post that this is something making you frustrated and sad. But if you need that sexual relationship and you can't get it from him then I think you would need to find an outlet for that which you are both comfortable with, or look for someone else who has what you want.
 

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Have you actually spoken to him about it? I know you wont wont to hurt his feelings, but he's going to have noticed you're not having sex, and he's going to be thinking, perhaps worrying, about it too.<br><br>
Also, do you have a general loss of libedo or you just don't feel attracted to him (sexually)? I was thinking, that things like stress, not being relaxed enough, worry, unhappiness, medications, or a whole host of other things, can lead to changes in your libedo. So perhaps it isn't that you don't find him attractive, it's just that you're not in the mood generally?<br><br>
If you don't think it's a general thing, I guess it doesn't sound to me like you're unhappy with this situation at the moment, but is he? Is he growing fustrated, feeling pushed away or unwanted? Are you both happy with a platonic relationship? Would you be in the long term? Would you be happier as best friends, and if so, what about if one of you then had another relationship? How do you feel about having sex with other people?<br><br>
These are the questions I wondered, and the questions - if it were me - I'd want to discuss with my boyfriend. Only then really can you answer questions like "should we stay together". I can't tell you if it should be over... because everyone wants different things out of a relationship, and is happy with different things. Some people wouldn't want a relationship without sex, other people would be perfectly happy to have a long term platonic relationship, or prefer it.
 

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Been there done that. You need to talk to him. Maybe try to spice it up but that is up to you. If you stay in it like this then I think you will end up cheating on him and that hurts worse then a break up.
 

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Discussion Starter · #9 ·
There is no loss of libido on my end. I find other outlets that do not require me to be unfaithful but it is becoming increasingly unsatisfying.<br><br>
We have discussed this problem in our relationship and that is what makes this most difficult because he is otherwise completely happy. He isn't as bothered by the lack of sex as I am. And he's agreed that we should work on it. He constantly tells me how happy he is and how happy I make him. He makes me happy, too but I really think I need more. I need the whole package: romance, companionate love, and hot sex. If I am honest, I would say the best thing to do is to break up and go our separate ways. I've already reasoned this, myself.<br><br>
The reason I am hesitating and posting here amongst kind strangers is because I'm not sure what I'm looking for exists? Does the trifecta required for my ideal relationship really exist? Can I have romance, companionate love, and a hot sex life? Or is it a fairy tale? Do adults really have to choice the best two out of three?
 

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What you are looking for can possibly exist, Jo, but it won't manifest itself the day after you two take separate paths. It may take a long time to find it. I want to say it exists out there, with possibly someone else.<br>
I'm not saying you should, just that I think what you want exists, but will take time and effort.
 

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<div class="quote-container"><span>Quote:</span>
<div class="quote-block">Originally Posted by <strong>KrisMTL</strong> <a href="/forum/post/3006191"><img alt="View Post" class="inlineimg" src="/img/forum/go_quote.gif" style=""></a><br><br>
What you are looking for can possibly exist, Jo, but it won't manifest itself the day after you two take separate paths. It may take a long time to find it. I want to say it exists out there, with possibly someone else.<br>
I'm not saying you should, just that I think what you want exists, but will take time and effort.</div>
</div>
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Yeah. It does, I have all three with my boyfriend and it's great. I think you've answered your own questions. I hope everything works out for you.
 

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Do you feel sexual attraction to other people? Not in a sense of betrayal, but just to say, are you able to feel that way about someone generally?
 

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Couples who find themselves in your situation and don't want to split up because they still love each other, can sometimes reach an agreement about getting their sexual needs satisfied outside of the relationship while remaining as close companions. If you think that you and your bf are the kind of people who could deal with that honestly and maturely, then maybe you could have that discussion and see what he says?
 

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Hi, I am in pretty much the same situation and I don't know what to do. I don't find my bf sexually attractive anymore but like you said, we still do "couple things". We have date nights, cuddle, and do almost everything together. Sometimes I feel as though we are just good friends or roommates. And sometimes I worry that we are just comfortable. We have been together over 4 years and I am struggling over trying to decide whether or not to keep going, or look for someone else..
 

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<div class="quote-container"><span>Quote:</span>
<div class="quote-block">Originally Posted by <strong>JoBravo</strong> <a href="/forum/post/3005548"><img alt="View Post" class="inlineimg" src="/img/forum/go_quote.gif" style=""></a><br><br>
Is this just a natural thing for all relationships? Or is this a sign of a relationship that no longer works?</div>
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Frequency of sex in an LTR can vary and and it's possible for it to improve again. Obviously you both have to want it to improve though. If only one or neither of you are interested, then it's probably over I guess.
 
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