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Discussion Starter · #1 ·
I recently got engaged to my wonderful girlfriend (now fiance!) and we’re both very excited about getting married. We’re planning on having the wedding next summer, but we’ve begun planning and figuring out logistics. In all this planning, though, we’ve run into a problem that we’re not sure what to do about…we can’t decide what to wear!<br><br>
The wedding will likely be outside in the late afternoon, so we want it to be classy but not over-the-top formal. We’re a lesbian couple, so we don’t want to dress in a way that seems to implicate man/wife or butch/femme since we strive to be as equal in our relationship as possible. At the same time, though, I feel more comfortable in more androgynous formalwear and she favors dresses more.<br><br>
My fiancé looks damn good in dresses and is considering wearing one for the wedding. I am leaning towards wearing pants, a collared button-down, and a tie/bowtie, potentially also a vest. I basically want to look dapper as all hell.<br><br>
I know someone is going to post that we should just dress how we feel comfortable and attractive, but it’s really important to both of us that our guests don’t just see a couple with one person in a tie and one in a dress and assume dynamics that really don’t exist in our relationship. Does anyone have any suggestions for some kind of neutral middle ground for us (other than both wearing women’s suits <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="/images/smilies/thumbsdown.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title=":down:">)?<br><br>
Thanks!
 

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If the lady looks nice in dresses but you want to keep it casual, maybe she can wear a short (knee-length) cocktail-type dress that matches your suit. Maybe if your suit is black and white, her dress can be black with white trim too? No train. Those are wicked tacky anyways.
 

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Hi Michele! <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="/images/smilies/kiss.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title=":kiss:"> Would you consider skipping the tie/bowtie and maybe toning down the tailored look? I'm thinking, if your pants outfit was just a teeny bit more feminine, and her dress was more on the tailored side, it would make for more of a neutral statement, with you being able to be comfortable in pants and her being happy in a dress. Just my first thought...I'll keep thinking, though! <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="/images/smilies/smiley.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title=":)">
 

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I would go to Ellen Degenours how you spell her name LOL website and they have pictures of their wedding and they both were cute. I would just pick out what your comfortable with because your not a traditional wedding. Anyhow Good Luck with your wedding and be happy and blissful .
 

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You can wear a white lady's pant suit, and she can wear a <a href="http://www.utilikilts.com/company/products/kilts/tuxedo/" target="_blank">tux utilitkilt</a>.<br><br>
That'll really confuse em. <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="/images/smilies/tongue3.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title=":p">
 

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<div class="quote-container"><span>Quote:</span>
<div class="quote-block">Originally Posted by <strong>Kibbleforlola</strong> <a href="/forum/post/2985762"><img alt="View Post" class="inlineimg" src="/img/forum/go_quote.gif" style=""></a><br><br>
You can wear a white lady's pant suit, and she can wear a <a href="http://www.utilikilts.com/company/products/kilts/tuxedo/" target="_blank">tux utilitkilt</a>.<br><br>
That'll really confuse em. <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="/images/smilies/tongue3.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title=":p"></div>
</div>
<br>
Oh my I like those
 

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<div class="quote-container"><span>Quote:</span>
<div class="quote-block">Originally Posted by <strong>peacefulveglady</strong> <a href="/forum/post/2985761"><img alt="View Post" class="inlineimg" src="/img/forum/go_quote.gif" style=""></a><br><br>
I would go to Ellen Degenours how you spell her name LOL website and they have pictures of their wedding and they both were cute. I would just pick out what your comfortable with because your not a traditional wedding. Anyhow Good Luck with your wedding and be happy and blissful .</div>
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Ellen DeGeneres.<br><br><div class="quote-container"><span>Quote:</span>
<div class="quote-block">Originally Posted by <strong>Kibbleforlola</strong> <a href="/forum/post/2985762"><img alt="View Post" class="inlineimg" src="/img/forum/go_quote.gif" style=""></a><br><br>
You can wear a white lady's pant suit, and she can wear a <a href="http://www.utilikilts.com/company/products/kilts/tuxedo/" target="_blank">tux utilitkilt</a>.<br><br>
That'll really confuse em. <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="/images/smilies/tongue3.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title=":p"></div>
</div>
<br>
I like it!
 

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<div class="quote-container"><span>Quote:</span>
<div class="quote-block">Originally Posted by <strong>Kibbleforlola</strong> <a href="/forum/post/2985762"><img alt="View Post" class="inlineimg" src="/img/forum/go_quote.gif" style=""></a><br><br>
You can wear a white lady's pant suit, and she can wear a <a href="http://www.utilikilts.com/company/products/kilts/tuxedo/" target="_blank">tux utilitkilt</a>.<br><br>
That'll really confuse em. <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="/images/smilies/tongue3.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title=":p"></div>
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Those are god awful. Please don't listen to this crazy woman.
 

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Discussion Starter · #9 ·
<div class="quote-container"><span>Quote:</span>
<div class="quote-block">Originally Posted by <strong>Scorpius</strong> <a href="/forum/post/2985834"><img alt="View Post" class="inlineimg" src="/img/forum/go_quote.gif" style=""></a><br><br>
Those are god awful. Please don't listen to this crazy woman.</div>
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But my lady could wear the utilikilt and I could borrow <a href="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/_vWihfifjeyg/TVDz4sDv0WI/AAAAAAAAEcs/JaGsrsuk-d4/s1600/j5.jpg" target="_blank">this rockin' pantsuit</a> from Janet Jackson!
 

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There's a lot you could do with a pants/vest combo to make it seem less "masculine". If you wear less black/brown and add some color or white in, coordinating with your girlfriend's dress. Also, I'd say ditch the tie. If it's not until next summer, you have time to try out lots of different looks too.<br><br>
Congratulations!<br><br>
PS...we need to hear more about the good bits too...was there a proposal? Are you getting married in NY? (they have civil unions in Jersey still I think?)
 

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<div class="quote-container"><span>Quote:</span>
<div class="quote-block">Originally Posted by <strong>misq17</strong> <a href="/forum/post/2985842"><img alt="View Post" class="inlineimg" src="/img/forum/go_quote.gif" style=""></a><br><br>
But my lady could wear the utilikilt and I could borrow <a href="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/_vWihfifjeyg/TVDz4sDv0WI/AAAAAAAAEcs/JaGsrsuk-d4/s1600/j5.jpg" target="_blank">this rockin' pantsuit</a> from Janet Jackson!</div>
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Ummm....no. lol<br>
Unless you really like it, of course. Then by all means. <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="/images/smilies/yes.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title=":yes:">
 

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Discussion Starter · #12 ·
<div class="quote-container"><span>Quote:</span>
<div class="quote-block">Originally Posted by <strong>IamJen</strong> <a href="/forum/post/2985848"><img alt="View Post" class="inlineimg" src="/img/forum/go_quote.gif" style=""></a><br><br>
There's a lot you could do with a pants/vest combo to make it seem less "masculine". If you wear less black/brown and add some color or white in, coordinating with your girlfriend's dress. Also, I'd say ditch the tie. If it's not until next summer, you have time to try out lots of different looks too.<br><br>
Congratulations!<br><br>
PS...we need to hear more about the good bits too...was there a proposal? Are you getting married in NY? (they have civil unions in Jersey still I think?)</div>
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Well, she proposed to me first! She planned out a whole day, packed us a picnic, and we decided to have a day out at the park. We wandered around the park together for a while and eventually settled down and sat for a while on a little dock by the side of a small river. We were talking and she pulled out a ring and asked me! I said yes, of course, cried a little, and we kissed a lot. A couple weeks later we went to a folk music festival together, where I proposed back to her and gave her my grandmother's wedding ring.<br><br>
Right now we're leaning towards getting married in NY, which would be recognized as a civil union in NJ, where we will be living. Our reception, ceremony, etc. will be in New Jersey, though.<br><br><br>
p.s. Don't worry Karen, no utilikilts and Janet Jackson outfits for us.
 

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Hmm...when reading your first post I instantly thought of Ellen Degeneres and Portia's beautiful wedding photos, but I think you're right that the disparity in the outfits suggests something about the "dynamic" of the couple, as you put it.<br><br>
One option would just be to say "Screw what people think" and dress how you want. Just because you're a lesbian couple does not mean you need to make any political statements with your union.<br><br>
If your fiance wants to wear a wedding dress, I would definitely say "screw what people think." It's one day in your life you get to wear a beautiful gown like that, and I say more power to your fiance if she wants to wear one. Just because she's a lesbian doesn't mean she can't have a fairytale wedding, you know? The key then might to be to make your outfit as feminine as possible without you feeling uncomfortable, to narrow the contrast. There are plenty of very feminine suits, you could consider a suit with a skirt, a suit in a color besides black or gray, and heels if you are fine walking in them. I agree with others' suggesting that you ditch the tie. Another possibility that makes a statement is if neither of you wear the traditional wedding colors. Black and white looks classy, but there are so many other interesting colors!
 

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<div class="quote-container"><span>Quote:</span>
<div class="quote-block">Originally Posted by <strong>LilBigBug</strong> <a href="/forum/post/2985827"><img alt="View Post" class="inlineimg" src="/img/forum/go_quote.gif" style=""></a><br><br>
Ellen DeGeneres.<br><br><br><br>
I like it!</div>
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Thanks for the help !!!
 

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<div class="quote-container"><span>Quote:</span>
<div class="quote-block">Originally Posted by <strong>dormouse</strong> <a href="/forum/post/2985918"><img alt="View Post" class="inlineimg" src="/img/forum/go_quote.gif" style=""></a><br><br>
Hmm...when reading your first post I instantly thought of Ellen Degeneres and Portia's beautiful wedding photos, but I think you're right that the disparity in the outfits suggests something about the "dynamic" of the couple, as you put it.<br><br>
One option would just be to say "Screw what people think" and dress how you want. Just because you're a lesbian couple does not mean you need to make any political statements with your union.<br><br>
If your fiance wants to wear a wedding dress, I would definitely say "screw what people think." It's one day in your life you get to wear a beautiful gown like that, and I say more power to your fiance if she wants to wear one. Just because she's a lesbian doesn't mean she can't have a fairytale wedding, you know? The key then might to be to make your outfit as feminine as possible without you feeling uncomfortable, to narrow the contrast. There are plenty of very feminine suits, you could consider a suit with a skirt, a suit in a color besides black or gray, and heels if you are fine walking in them. I agree with others' suggesting that you ditch the tie. Another possibility that makes a statement is if neither of you wear the traditional wedding colors. Black and white looks classy, but there are so many other interesting colors!</div>
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Yes there are many critics in the world and its your special day and its your decision. If I run into anymore ideas I'll let you know.
 

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<div class="quote-container"><span>Quote:</span>
<div class="quote-block">Originally Posted by <strong>dormouse</strong> <a href="/forum/post/2985918"><img alt="View Post" class="inlineimg" src="/img/forum/go_quote.gif" style=""></a><br><br>
Hmm...when reading your first post I instantly thought of Ellen Degeneres and Portia's beautiful wedding photos, but I think you're right that the disparity in the outfits suggests something about the "dynamic" of the couple, as you put it.<br><br>
One option would just be to say "Screw what people think" and dress how you want. Just because you're a lesbian couple does not mean you need to make any political statements with your union.<br><br>
If your fiance wants to wear a wedding dress, I would definitely say "screw what people think." It's one day in your life you get to wear a beautiful gown like that, and I say more power to your fiance if she wants to wear one. Just because she's a lesbian doesn't mean she can't have a fairytale wedding, you know? The key then might to be to make your outfit as feminine as possible without you feeling uncomfortable, to narrow the contrast. There are plenty of very feminine suits, you could consider a suit with a skirt, a suit in a color besides black or gray, and heels if you are fine walking in them. I agree with others' suggesting that you ditch the tie. Another possibility that makes a statement is if neither of you wear the traditional wedding colors. Black and white looks classy, but there are so many other interesting colors!</div>
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<br><span>I agree with everything dormouse said. It's hard to counteract this assumption some people have of a dynamic in a gay/lesbian relationship that says that one person will act as the man in the relationship and the other will act like a woman. It's stupid, because it usually doesn't exist other than in other people's heads.<br><br>
I think eschewing traditional wedding colors and going with something like a dark teal, green, or dark blue color is really pretty and still classy. It's not worth being uncomfortable, but I do love how a vintage inspired</span> <span><a href="http://www.threadsmagazine.com/item/11457/mad-men-inspired-holiday-suit" target="_blank">dress like this</a> looks- something with a jacket and relatively fitted without being skintight definitely takes away some of the weird exposed and vulnerable feeling I used to get when I had to get dressed up and hated dresses, and dresses like this look feminine without being a glitter and beads and tulle explosion. If not a dress, a pencil skirt and a blouse would also look tailored and pretty freakin' dapper.<br><br>
Now, you might be going all "hey, fudge you katt, I hate skirts and don't wanna wear one" which is totally cool. Maybe consider something less of a suit and more of a pants and nice shirt combo like this:</span> <span><br><img alt="" src="http://worldflash.my3gb.com/happy-dridal/images/lesbian-wedding-in-canada-4.jpg" style="border:0px solid;"></span> <span><br><br>
It's dressy, doesn't imply some sort of nonexistent dynamic in a relationship where one partner is masculine and the other feminine, and doesn't involve a skirt or dress that you wouldn't be comfortable in.</span> <span><br><br>
The bottom line is that it's your wedding, and if you wanna get married dressed in a cardboard box with a tuxedo drawn on it, screw what people think. You're awesome either way. And congrats!</span>
 

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Congrats Misq! I love your engagement story! It's so sweet <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="/images/smilies/smiley.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title=":)"><br><br>
My best friend and her girlfriend just got married a few months ago and had rainbow colored theme wedding. They both wore black pants, off white shirts and rainbow colored scarfs. Each member of their wedding party wore a different color from the rainbow so when they were all lined up together at the alter they looked like a rainbow of colors. Their wedding cake was a huge layered rice krispie treat rainbow colored cake and they also had a tower of cupcakes that were rainbow colored. Basically everything was rainbow colored and beautiful. It was such a colorful and bright wedding. <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="/images/smilies/smiley.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title=":)"><br><br>
I agree with the others to go with what you're comfortable with and what you two want. It's your special day and nobody elses.
 

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<div class="quote-container"><span>Quote:</span>
<div class="quote-block">Originally Posted by <strong>misq17</strong> <a href="/forum/post/2985731"><img alt="View Post" class="inlineimg" src="/img/forum/go_quote.gif" style=""></a><br><br>
I recently got engaged to my wonderful girlfriend (now fiance!) and were both very excited about getting married. Were planning on having the wedding next summer, but weve begun planning and figuring out logistics. In all this planning, though, weve run into a problem that were not sure what to do aboutwe cant decide what to wear!<br><br>
Thanks!</div>
</div>
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I have no fashion suggestions other than to wish you good luck and much happiness!
 

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<div class="quote-container"><span>Quote:</span>
<div class="quote-block">Originally Posted by <strong>misq17</strong> <a href="/forum/post/2985731"><img alt="View Post" class="inlineimg" src="/img/forum/go_quote.gif" style=""></a><br><br>
At the same time, though, I feel more comfortable in more androgynous formalwear and she favors dresses more.<br></div>
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What you feel comfortable wearing is your authentic and real selves - be true to that, even if it seems like a cliched or stereotypical dynamic you are projecting to others, because when people try and counteract who they really are in order to make specific statements to other people it can often end up projecting a very noticable, self-conscious and affected air to the people around them which is never cool. Just be you. Congrats BTW, and I hope you have a memorable day together. <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="/images/smilies/smiley.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title=":)">
 
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