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For me it's all about chemistry as well. I've tried to date people who at first I only thought of as friends, thinking that I could grow to love them as a lover, but it just didn't work for me.
 

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For me, what makes a "couple" work is (besides the chemistry bla-bla which is true to a degree but not as important for me as for others I think) that you have a common project (or several) that you can work/evolve towards together. Raising kids can be such a project, but it can be many other things, too.<br><br><br><br>
Besides that, what makes a couple work imo is attraction (emotional and physical), trust, and some kind of combination of the following: admiration ! (you must find some things admirable in the other person), tolerance, and respect. With friends you usually have several of those elements, but not all.<br><br><br><br>
This is distilled from over 20 years of experience LOL. I am sure I forget to mention some things, which I may add on later !!!
 

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Ask Jena and I.S. If anyone has got both in full measure, they do.<br><br><br><br>
My parents were married for 62 years. I was trying to just put down a few points that made their marriage work.<br><br><br><br>
1. They had a healthy sex life right up until Dad had prostrate cancer.<br><br>
2. They had a healthy hug life after that. (I didn't ask details)<br><br>
3. They were each other's best friends. Mom had no gal pals and Dad never had to go out with the boys. They had couples over for supper and Sunday dinner who were life long friends, and they (adopted) a straggler daughter or son from time to time who came through their life.<br><br>
4. They were a team in faith, pholosophy, creed, goals, finances, in trouble, and in good times.<br><br>
5. Mom invented women's lib and Dad let her. He only set his foot down when she put herself in trouble. Once he decided, she might as well give it up.<br><br>
6. They discussed everything and decided everything together.<br><br>
7. They stood united raising us kids, setting rules, enforcing them, and they had each other's backs at all times. They both were very courageous people-together they were lions.<br><br>
8. They gave their whole lives for each other and for us children and for their grandsons.<br><br>
9. Daddy continues to do so, even tho' he is alone now.<br><br>
I look at their lives and I realize their lives were all self sacrifice, but they didn't even realize they were giving their all for others.
 

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life2k:<br><br><br><br>
the list that you right is so interesting. my husband and i do a lot of those things (we don't have kids or grandkids yet, etc), but the majority of those things are true of us.<br><br><br><br>
but what's interesting is that i don't consider what i do to be "self sacrificing" or even "just what is right." it's what really works, what brings me happiness and joy. i find myself "self fulfilled" rather than 'self sacrificed." i think that language is interesting, because i was totally with you up until that point. <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="/images/smilies/smiley.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title=":)"><br><br><br><br>
my life is so great. <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="/images/smilies/smiley.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title=":)">
 

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<div class="quote-container"><span>Quote:</span>
<div class="quote-block">Originally Posted by <strong>Life2k</strong> <a href="/forum/post/0"><img alt="View Post" class="inlineimg" src="/img/forum/go_quote.gif" style=""></a><br><br>
Ask Jena and I.S. If anyone has got both in full measure, they do.<br><br><br><br>
My parents were married for 62 years. I was trying to just put down a few points that made their marriage work.<br><br><br><br>
1. They had a healthy sex life right up until Dad had prostrate cancer.<br><br>
2. They had a healthy hug life after that. (I didn't ask details)<br><br>
3. They were each other's best friends. Mom had no gal pals and Dad never had to go out with the boys. They had couples over for supper and Sunday dinner who were life long friends, and they (adopted) a straggler daughter or son from time to time who came through their life.<br><br>
4. They were a team in faith, pholosophy, creed, goals, finances, in trouble, and in good times.<br><br>
5. Mom invented women's lib and Dad let her. He only set his foot down when she put herself in trouble. Once he decided, she might as well give it up.<br><br>
6. They discussed everything and decided everything together.<br><br>
7. They stood united raising us kids, setting rules, enforcing them, and they had each other's backs at all times. They both were very courageous people-together they were lions.<br><br>
8. They gave their whole lives for each other and for us children and for their grandsons.<br><br>
9. Daddy continues to do so, even tho' he is alone now.<br><br>
I look at their lives and I realize their lives were all self sacrifice, but they didn't even realize they were giving their all for others.</div>
</div>
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That says it all right there. <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="/images/smilies/yes.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title=":yes:"><br><br><br><br>
I was actually friends with Allen before we started dating, because he was seeing someone else [and eventually asked her to marry him]. Through thick and thin we stuck by each other even through the relationships we were in.<br><br><br><br>
After those ended, we finally stopped playing games and did what we had wanted to do the whole time. Fell in love.<br><br><br><br>
He is my best friend, my confidant, the other half of this team. We do pretty much everything together. If I get invited somewhere that I want to take him and they say he can't come, I won't go.<br><br><br><br>
When he's sick, I'm there to care for him. When I'm sick, he is here to take care of me.<br><br><br><br>
We share our views and agree on big issues.<br><br><br><br>
I love how handsome he is, inside and out.<br><br><br><br>
I realized he was that person I couldn't live without.
 

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What separated a friend from a lover used to be about half a bottle of bourbon when I was a bit younger. Thankfully Im a lot less stupid now <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="/images/smilies/smiley.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title=":)">
 

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<div class="quote-container"><span>Quote:</span>
<div class="quote-block">What separated a friend from a lover used to be about half a bottle of bourbon when I was a bit younger.</div>
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Ouch ! This hit me ! BTDT... and in spite of the bourbon, can't say I don't remember !<br><br><br><br>
I too think friendship at the base of a relationship outlasts "romantic love" and is what ultimately will sustain the relationship. One thing I forgot to mention is complicity.<br><br><br><br>
I miss all that stuff in my current relationship yet I know this one will last for a loooong time anyway. Guess I was never very lucky in this department.<br><br><br><br>
What counts a lot for me too is that the other person leaves me "whole". It took me a long time to grasp this. Friends do that (or should do that) but lovers/partners rarely do. A good partner does it too. It's probably an aspect of the "respect" angle.
 

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<div class="quote-container"><span>Quote:</span>
<div class="quote-block">Originally Posted by <strong>zoebird</strong> <a href="/forum/post/0"><img alt="View Post" class="inlineimg" src="/img/forum/go_quote.gif" style=""></a><br><br><br><br><br>
but what's interesting is that i don't consider what i do to be "self sacrificing" or even "just what is right." it's what really works, what brings me happiness and joy. i find myself "self fulfilled" rather than 'self sacrificed." i think that language is interesting, because i was totally with you up until that point. <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="/images/smilies/smiley.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title=":)"><br><br><br><br>
my life is so great. <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="/images/smilies/smiley.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title=":)"></div>
</div>
<br><br><br>
You are still right there with them. They never realized it as anything but self fulfullment either. It is what made them the happiest.
 

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for me the difference between friend and lover is the chemistry, physical attraction and also there needs to be a "click" or a type of emotional connection as well. I've had male friends who would make great boyfriends, but I simply did not feel physically attracted to them in the least. Sometimes there is physical attraction, but a lackof the right emotional connection. There's just a spark, dunno how else to describe it.
 
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