VeggieBoards banner
21 - 40 of 43 Posts

·
Registered
Joined
·
573 Posts
This all hits home for me. I just recently "broke up" with my best friend of 9 years. About four months ago. Normally I don't get into sob stories like this, but it's late and I can't sleep and other people told theirs. Might as well.

When we met at 12 years old, everything was wonderful and we were inseparable.

She started doing serious drugs one by one when we were about 17. Started with coke, led to crack, meth and every prescription drug under the sun. She started lying to me about them. She started lying to me about everything. I never knew the truth. She forced me to make decisions that compromised my moral values...I didn't make them. I.e., she wanted me to lie to her long term boyfriend and tell him that she hadn't been doing drugs when I had seen her do them. I do. Not. Lie. So when I refused, I became solely responsible in her book for the death of her relationship with her soulmate.

This happened multiple times. She had a complex about me being the almighty-immaculate-beauty queen-perfect-little-princess, and would never let me forget it. When I'd call her crying about a fight with my husband, she'd snort and say, "Psssh, at least you have a husband." When I called her upset and needing someone to talk to, she'd say, "What can YOU possibly have to be upset about?" One time after she got done with an hour long rant about therapy, I told her, "I know exactly how you feel. Jessica...I go to therapy too". She just sat there blinking for a few seconds and said, "Oh yeah, I totally forgot".

Anyone who knows this person has a story about driving her home, or picking her up out of a gutter (literally), or scrubbing her vomit off their couch, or bathing her like a little baby, naked and drooling.

But then all the times in between the lying, the belittling and the babysitting, no one could make me laugh as hard. No one could make me see the world as clearly. No one made me feel as complete.

She got pregnant about a year ago and my husband I agreed to adopt the baby. After the agreement, she went to a bar and got completely obliterated on painkillers and whiskey. That should have been the last straw. But no, I drove her to the abortion clinic two weeks later because if a doctor didn't kill it, she was going to risk her own life trying to.

The last straw came when I got a frantic phone call. I rushed over to her apartment and she was standing in the middle of the street in her underwear, screaming, bleeding, drooling, and crying. She had taken scissors to her hair and had bald patches, and the cut hair was stuck all over her body. Her boyfriend was leaving and she was trying to stop him. From piecing together information in retrospect, we know that she had consumed at least 10 shots of Jager, 8 Seroquels, 10 Welbutrins, an entire 8 ball of cocaine, and had been smoking ice off and on for about 24 hours. Blood was running down her arms from where she'd cut herself.

There were people there I had never seen before, who said, "Who the hell are you? We're Jessica's friends." This was how far gone she was- the people she surrounded herself with didn't even recognize the girl she'd been riding bikes with and telling secrets to for nearly a decade.

We wrestled her into a car and my friend drove us to the hospital. She punched me, hit me, scratched me. Said, "You never loved me, you were never really there for me, you never care about anyone but yourself". She opened the car door when we were going 70 and tried to push me out.

She was placed under protective custody at the hospital. Spent one day there and another week at a psychiatric institution. And the entire time, she called me from her room, tearing me apart. Hating me with every breath of life in her body for "doing this to her". Called me "High and mighty Mother Eli, out to save the whole world". I picked her up at the hospital when she was released, and she immediately began bitching at me for being late.

A week later she called me and apologized and told me was was attending a rehab program and already felt better. I was happy and excited to have my friend back. She told me she was never going to do drugs again.

A couple of days later, I was out to eat with a mutual friend, and she said, "Jessica told you that? I just saw her last night doing coke in the bathroom at a bar".

I sent Jessica a text message that said, "This is done." and haven't spoken a word to her since.
 

·
Banned
Joined
·
2,081 Posts
^^I kind of jumped when I scrolled down to the quick reply and saw "I sent Jessica a text message..." Heh.

What made me say good riddance:

1. Guy #1 When his wife called and left me a voicemail saying "Did he tell you we've been trying to have another baby?"


2. Guy #2 When I said "You'd rather play that game than do something with me?" and he said "I'd rather play that game than do anything else."

I said peace out.

Then a few months later, he called me and asked to come over to talk to me. Didn't tell me he was seeing someone new, but once I asked and he admitted it, he gave me the whole bull**** spiel about how he saw us together in the future but "not right now" and how he didn't "crave sex" with her like he did with me; and how she just wasn't me. A couple days later, when I called him to ask for a ride to the hospital so I could have some (more) cryocauterization done to remove the pre-cancerous cells his HPV put on my cervix, and he had the balls to say "We don't know who gave it to who." because his current girlfriend was in the room.
That was the final Good Riddance.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
8,451 Posts
eli:

have you considered--just to help you along--going to alanon meetings? my SIL goes nuts like that when she's 'off the wagon' and typically we go with my ILs to Alanon meetings (they won't go on their own). we're pretty balanced about the whole thing (that is, we already do most of the alanon practices with her anyway) but my ILs are total enablers. So, we kinda 'force' them to go with us (we drive to their town and take them) when they get al enable-y.

but, anyway, might help you sort some things on your own, understand her disease and behavoirs better, and help you move on (i'm not recommending you 'become friends again').
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
1,251 Posts
My first wife and I had been to some couples counselling sessions that ended with the counselor suggesting that I go to Al-Anon meetings and that my wife go to some other type of 12 step meetings (could be CODA or OE.) I started going to meetings and started growing, but my wife didn't.

My wife and I continued to have problems and I kept wondering if I should work on the marriage even though she wasn't working on herself, or if I should end it.

During the Al-Anon meetings I kept hearing about people who had either ended their marriages or saved them. One thing most of them said was that at some point it became perfectly clear what to do. One day I was particularly aggitated and I meditated to clear my mind to see what was bothering me. I woke up in the middle of the night and knew I had to write in my journal. I got up, went into the living room and started writing. During my dumping into my journal I realized it was time to tell my wife I wanted a divorce. I realized that I didn't love my wife anymore and that it was time for us both to move on. It was an extremely painful decision, but I believe it was the correct one.

For women I broke up with while dating, I usually broke up with them when it became clear that I didn't want to spend the rest of my life with them.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
6,887 Posts
Eli. Thank you for sharing your story.

I am glad you had the strength to break it off with your friend. It's so hard to do that to someone you love, but while you do have an obligation to try to help those in your life, you cannot fix them or even help them if they don't want to change.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
548 Posts
Quote:
Originally Posted by SotallyTober View Post

I slowly let go over 5 years. I knew it was over when I didn't have any hope left. That and if we didn't split, I was going to kill him or him kill me. I knew to leave to save myself.
I have been through this myself and I really respect your strength for going through that (I love your signature too btw!)


I feel like I learned so much from my first experiance (found out at year 3 together that he was doing drugs behind my back, and be became abusive because of it. He quit drugs and we tried for another year after that but the trust and everything was just so messed up it never was the same), but unfortunately it doesnt seem to help me with my current situation.

Ive been with my boyfriend 8 months and there is so much wrong with our relationship I dont even know where to start. We have nothing much in common, we fight all the time...yet I love him. I love him so much and the thought of us not being together hurts me so bad. I guess right now Im trying to decide which is more painful, being with him or being without him.


But yeah, the final straw hasnt come yet I guess...I keep hoping things will just get magically better.

Oh and Zoebird, that girl was pretty lucky to have you as a friend. What an ignorant, psycho, selfish, stupid little b*tch. If she had thrown something at me I would have beat her face in, seriously. I dont joke around when someone threatens my physical safety.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
12,132 Posts
Getting jailed for armed robbery did it for me. Yep. That one was a deal-breaker in the end.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
10 Posts
A girl I saw for a while had been crashing at my house for a while, and she'd be very violent and verbally abusive, but always had some excuse or another for it. Well, she'd told me she'd quit doing drugs. She did drink, though. She had hurt her arm one day, helping me move some furniture. I'd taken her to the hospital, where they gave her painkillers and a sling. After a few days, she said she didn't need the painkillers anymore. She had taken me up to a place about an hour away one day to pick up a jeep at her uncles house. So, when we got home again, we started talking about going mudding in the jeep. My mom and kid sister (who was maybe 15 or 16 at the time) were around that day, and sis said she wanted to come. Well, this girl, 'Misty' asked me to run in and grab her a beer for the road. I refused, because she was driving and the jeep was a stick shift, which neither I nor my sister could drive. Misty got mad, and stopped at a store and bought some beer anyway. After mudding for a while, she bought more beer, and we headed home- about 45 minutes away. She flew almost the whole way. We started seeing cop lights behind us 4 or 5 blocks before the our street. When we were 2 blocks from the street, she took a left, then a right, then -finally- pulled over. The cop took one look at her and all the beer cans in the back and ordered her out of the jeep. He asked her to stand by his car (a k9 unit) after he'd called for backup. He asked me and my sister many questions, and my sister burst into tears. All of a sudden, his dog, still in the back of his car, started going insane! Misty had tried to empty her pockets- a knife, the bottle of painkillers and a bag of weed!! (None of which I knew about, mind you.) My sister had known about the weed, my mom had known about the painkillers, but I only knew about the beer. She'd been on all three driving all over in the woods with me and my kid sis in the car the whole time!!! I was furious! Then it comes over the cop's radio that the jeep was reported stolen!! My sister started crying louder and harder and totally freaking out. I told the cop we only lived a block away, and that we would just walk home. After giving him the contact info he wanted, we started to walk home. Misty, as I was walking away yells 'Honey, don't worry, I'll be home soon!' and I turned around to holler back that, she shouldn't bother, her stuff wouldn't be there. I've never heard from her since!
 

·
Banned
Joined
·
4,791 Posts
Quote:
Originally Posted by Spidergrrl View Post

We went to Baptist college and I met LOTS of people who exhibited some of these characteristics. Esp the bit about "God told me you are the one for me. We must marry" i saw many a persistant boy wear down a reluctant girl with that line.

But your friend was REALLY nuts. Glad you are free from that.
The answer to that one is, " When God tells me in my own ear the very same thing, I'll get back to you. Until then, leave me alone."
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
53 Posts
Ahhhh this is an interesting thread!

I had a boyfriend a few years ago who would always disagree with what I had to say. I'm strongminded and he was strongminded...it just didn't work. One day we went on a weekend surfing trip with his mothers dog. On the way back the dog was in my lap and started squirming/whinning and I realized it really needed to go the bathroom. I say "we NEED to pull over" to which he replies "No we don't. He's fine". Then the dog proceeds to get very ill (use your imagionation) all over my lap, shirt, and seat.

Saddly we still had a two hour drive ahead of us which was filled with bad smells, yelling, and a very happy dog who just had the best poop of his life.

Ahhhhh memories....
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
491 Posts
i once dated a guy who if he didnt get his way, he would fall on the floor and cry(he called them seisures) and bite the carpet. my little brother, who was 9yo at the time did a normal boy thing(you know how little boys like to be wierd and gross sometimes) it was harmless, but wierd. the guy called my lil bro "a sick *******"

his mom made him a nice dinner(he was 23, lived in his moms basement cuz he couldnt/wouldnt hack it on his own) he said "what the hell is this crap" he didnt understand why his mom got upset. this guy didnt do anything for himself(he didnt know how to make mac n' cheese or scrambled eggs)

i was annoyed everytime i saw him so i broke it off. a few months later he sends me a 10page, back to back letter about his infected toe.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
1,009 Posts
Quote:
Originally Posted by avocado View Post

i once dated a guy who if he didnt get his way, he would fall on the floor and cry(he called them seisures) an bite the carpet. my little brother, who was 9yo at the time did a normal boy thing(you know how little boys like to be wierd and gross sometimes) it was harmless, but wierd. the guy called my lil bro "a sick *******"

his mom made him a nice dinner(he was 23, lived in his moms basement cuz he couldnt/wouldnt hack it on his own) he said "what the hell is this crap" he didnt understand why his mom got upset. this guy didnt do anything for himself(he didnt know how to make mac n' cheese or scrambled eggs)

i was annoyed everytime i saw him so i broke it off. a few months later he sends me a 10page, back to back letter about his infected toe.
Wow. Just wow.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
548 Posts
Quote:
Originally Posted by avocado View Post

i once dated a guy who if he didnt get his way, he would fall on the floor and cry(he called them seisures) an bite the carpet. my little brother, who was 9yo at the time did a normal boy thing(you know how little boys like to be wierd and gross sometimes) it was harmless, but wierd. the guy called my lil bro "a sick *******"

his mom made him a nice dinner(he was 23, lived in his moms basement cuz he couldnt/wouldnt hack it on his own) he said "what the hell is this crap" he didnt understand why his mom got upset. this guy didnt do anything for himself(he didnt know how to make mac n' cheese or scrambled eggs)

i was annoyed everytime i saw him so i broke it off. a few months later he sends me a 10page, back to back letter about his infected toe.
Jeez. And I thought my ex had issues.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
145 Posts
Quote:
Originally Posted by Happiness22 View Post

Ahhhh this is an interesting thread!

I had a boyfriend a few years ago who would always disagree with what I had to say. I'm strongminded and he was strongminded...it just didn't work. One day we went on a weekend surfing trip with his mothers dog. On the way back the dog was in my lap and started squirming/whinning and I realized it really needed to go the bathroom. I say "we NEED to pull over" to which he replies "No we don't. He's fine". Then the dog proceeds to get very ill (use your imagionation) all over my lap, shirt, and seat.

Saddly we still had a two hour drive ahead of us which was filled with bad smells, yelling, and a very happy dog who just had the best poop of his life.

Ahhhhh memories....
LOL!!

(I like your name, avatar and title line
)
 
21 - 40 of 43 Posts
This is an older thread, you may not receive a response, and could be reviving an old thread. Please consider creating a new thread.
Top