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Discussion Starter · #1 ·
Who has a story of the last straw that made you decide to leave a lover or a friend, or the moment you realized someone you had lost was someone you were better off without?<br><br><br><br>
With one of my old boyfriends, I was thinking more and more we should break up until one day I came over his place after work and he was late coming home. When he came in he told me how he was going to apply to school and most likely leave to another state. It was all decided. I was pretty mad that this was the first I'd ever heard of it since our relationship was pretty serious, serious enough that he had moved from New Jersey to Ohio to be with me already. My suspicion that he wasn't that serious about our future was confirmed. I ended up getting mad, then storming out. The next day I came over before he got home, removed all my stuff and left my keys under his door.<br><br><br><br>
I was still sad we broke up, but now I do feel like I dodged a bullet. Not a bad guy, but bad for me.
 

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When I posted a laundry list of positives and negatives about the relationship on VB, and just by making the list I realized it was over.
 

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When one of my friends said something not-very-nice about me on a <i>public</i> entry on her livejournal, I stupidly started being nicer than ever, hoping to change her mind about me. I'm not sure if it was because I wanted to stay friends or that I was horrified that she thought badly of me and just wanted to change her opinion.<br><br><br><br>
Anyway, I figured out that it was over when she slept with a mutual friend's boyfriend. I (and everyone else, particularly the girl who was backstabbed) should have broken it off long before that, but I'm just too nice of a person. I learned my lesson.
 

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It should have been the helicopter emergency ride to John Hopkins. But, nooooo, I had to take another year and a half before I decided, it wasn't going to stop. The gun on the face after the break up confirmed my suspicions. Glad I lived to tell the tale.
 

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First, he started staying out until 3am 4 times a week but wouldn't tell me what he was doing to all hours. Then, he made me take my vegetarian bumper-stickers off my car 'cause he was embarassed to be seen getting into my car with all that "left-wing" lingo on it. Next, he stopped pretending to be non-racist and would tell me to lock my car door whenever we saw a person of color on the street. Finally, when he announced in his home town bar to his high school friends that I was a **** and a whore and a ***** and then, because I left his ass there and drove myself back to his father's house, woke me up and told me how rude I was to walk out on him in front of his friends, I realized that it was time to pack my stuff and move out. Too bad I put up with his crap for that long. It's shameful that it took all that.
 

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<b>case 1:</b> questionable friend invites a few of us to her cottage for a weekend. we get there and quickly discover she only invited us as backup in case her love interest who had a cottage across the lake wasn't around. she spent half the weekend with them, and did invite us to hang out all together but her idiot friends insulted us, were incredibly rude, and she laughed with them. then proceeded to act all friend-like with us after they'd left. she also pretended to be drunk and was a ***** in general, which just confirmed to me that she is indeed two-faced.<br><br><br><br><b>case 2:</b> so called friend/exbf. after we broke up we tried to stay friends but we just ended up arguing. If I said something he didn't like he would insult me, calling me a *****, slut, snob. Much of this was totally unprovoked; all I did was ask him to be mature and out poured the insults. He then said something utterly unforgivable, because it was the worst thing anyone could say to me, he knew it, and he intentionally said it to hurt me. He then proceeded to give me a fake apology "i'm just trying to help you" no you aren't you ******* you're just trying to hurt me!! I told him to stay the hell away from me and never, ever speak to me again. I have not spoken to him since.<br><br><br><br>
I am glad to have those people out of my life.
 

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<div class="quote-container"><span>Quote:</span>
<div class="quote-block">Originally Posted by <strong>SeaSiren</strong> <a href="/forum/post/0"><img alt="View Post" class="inlineimg" src="/img/forum/go_quote.gif" style=""></a><br><br>
It should have been the helicopter emergency ride to John Hopkins. But, nooooo, I had to take another year and a half before I decided, it wasn't going to stop. The gun on the face after the break up confirmed my suspicions. Glad I lived to tell the tale.</div>
</div>
<br><br><br><img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="/images/smilies/hug.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title=":hug:">
 

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for a time, i was in an abusive relationship with a female friend. we were friends 1.5 yrs total.<br><br><br><br>
for the last 6-7 months of the relationship, i started to observe and realize how controlling she was, her anger issues, and then i started to notice the really abusive tendencies. i found that emotional/mental abuse is really easy to deny, but physical and sexual abuse are not.<br><br><br><br>
so, i had three incidents, consecutive, that woke me up. the first was this:<br><br><br><br>
i was sitting with her at a student table in the libary reading my book (homework) and she looks up and me and says "you need to stop thinking about that." and since i was thinking about chemistry, i said "why? it's chemistry and i have an exam tomorrow." and she said "no, not that, your sinful homosexual thoughts."<br><br><br><br>
my friend believed that she was a prophet of God, that God would tell her when others were thinking unholy things or that she would just know that someone else was thinking something unholy because it was "come into her mind" and sully her. she was very homophobic (because, i believe, she was/is a lesbian herself, but couldn't cross that with her version of christianity in which it was a sin).<br><br><br><br>
so anyway, i told her 'i wasn't thinking homosexual thoughts, i was thinking chemistry. were you thinking those thoughs? maybe you should recognize your own negative patterns.' then she exploded and was screaming at me (in the library) and threw her book at me. the librarian asked us to leave of course.<br><br><br><br>
so, i went home thinking "that was weird" and 'what damage could that book have done had it hit me?"<br><br><br><br>
a few days later, she showed up with some lavish gift and an apology, so we were 'friends' again. later that week, we were hanging out in her house watching movies. She felt that 'god had told her' to call this guy.<br><br><br><br>
she was always trying to get some guy to marry her using these lines "greg, god wants you to marry me, and if you deny the lord, you will be punished." yes, that was literally her 'line.' so, she'd been pressuring "greg" for some time.<br><br><br><br>
when she got on the phone, i went into the other room and read one of my books for english class. she was getting agitated on the phone, so i stepped into the room and gave her a look like "everything ok?" and then she hung up on 'greg' and threw the phone at me screaming "You weren't praying hard enough for greg, and now he's going to suffer because of you!" the phone hit the wall, put a dent in that, then landed on a glass top table, shattering the glass.<br><br><br><br>
she ordered me to 'clean up that mess that i caused' follwed by "i hope it cuts you in punishment for your disobedience to the lord.' i did, and then she ordered me to leave.<br><br><br><br>
i left, and a few days later, she came around with a lavish gift and an apology, so we were friends again.<br><br><br><br>
the third incident was sort of the last straw for me. After that phone/glass incident, i was talking to some friends of mine (one a nice woman about my mother's age) about what happened and the pattern and her anger issues. i decided that i would just be 'too busy' with work and my classes to hang out with her much.<br><br><br><br>
i made a caveat though. see, no one ever really remembers my birthday, because it's in the summer. so, sometime in the spring (there were many incidents like those above during the last 9 or so months of our friendship), we'd had a conversation and she said "the lord wants me to show you what a birthday is supposed to be like. we'll have a huge celebration."<br><br><br><br>
so, my birthday was approaching--she knew the date--and i felt that if she actually came through with a celebration (no reminders) then i would begin to hang out with her more. but if she didn't, i'd sever ties completely (at this point, i was seeing her about once a week, rather than every day).<br><br><br><br>
so, my birthday rolls around and i hadn't seen her in a while. i'd been working and what not. it's my birthday, and finally sometime around 8 or so at nite, she calls me. she asks what i'm up to, etc, and i tell her that i was doing homework, etc, and did she know what day it was? and she said "no" and we danced a bit with that, and then she finally realized, "oh, it's your birthday!" and i was like "yeah." and she said, 'well, you and i should go to dinner." and i said "i already have plans."<br><br><br><br>
after that, i wouldn't take her calls or anything. She tried getting our other friends to coerce me using her language (god wants, the lord says), and then she would follow me around, corner me at work, follow me to classes. finally, exams came--i scheduled to take all of mine early.<br><br><br><br>
i packed my car, quit my job, took my exams, and drove to my parents home. one thing that i didn't know is that my parents had moved. Apparently, they'd left a message with my friend back in the early spring (remember, it's now summer) about the move. So when i arrive at the original house, it was basicly empty. luckily, my parents were there finishing up the last bits--and i drove to their new place.<br><br><br><br>
they told me that they called me every week at my room (roommate wasnt' giving me messages) or at my friend's--who also wasn't giving me messages. their number was changed and everything--and when they heard what she had done to me over the last year or so, they called the university (she was an RA) and had a discussion with them about her. the university fired her; she called and harassed me and my father pressed charges of criminal harassment against her. that spooked her off--the charges were ultimately dropped--and we went about our merry lives.<br><br><br><br>
it was a great learning experience.
 

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The beginning of the end was a four and a half minute phone conversation that went something like this (this was an out-of-the-blue conversation, when I was planning on leaving for the four-hour drive the next morning, and we had talked 2 days earlier about the planned trip):<br><br><br><br>
Hi. Did you hear that <mutual friend> was in the hospital? I hope she's OK. Look, I know you were supposed to visit the house I'm building tomorrow, but I don't think you should come. I haven't always behaved myself when we're alone together. But now that I'm getting serious about someone else and I don't trust myself to be alone with you and not lead you on, you really shouldn't come. She says it's OK with her, but I don't trust myself. Maybe sometime you can come see my house with <mutual friends who are moving across the country>. Bye.
 

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Discussion Starter · #11 ·
Zoebird- I hope your friend gets a psychiatric evaluation. That wasn't religion, but psychois. That's terrible what you had to put up with. There was something seriously wrong with her.
 

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With my ex, when, about a year after coming home crying, on his knees, begging forgiveness for having an "affair" with some girl from work, telling me I was the one he wanted to have children with and blah-blah-blah, I found out he was doing it again, with someone new.<br><br><br><br>
It was very painful but also very necessary to make him leave the house the minute I found out. We'd been together for nearly 10 years. It took me years to get over it. But in the end, "good riddance" is really what I though... (he was also an excessive drinker, there was rarely a night he didn't come home at least halfway drunk...)<br><br><br><br>
He has in the meantime, again 9 or 10 years later, left the girl he left me for (after having 2 kids with her) and went back to... the first girl he cheated me with (but not before trying to get his hooks into me again, unfortunately for him the day he dropped me a card was also the day I gave birth to my daughter !). She was and is still a friend of mine, oddly enough. Life is weird.
 

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My ex and I stayed friends for a year and a half after we broke up (he'd dumped me for another girl). We would have outrageously flirty conversations on MSN, even though he was still with his girlfriend. At first I wanted to get him back, and then I just thrived on the drama. Then we started having cyber sex(!) and he told me that basically the only reason he still talked to me was because he wanted to convince me to have a threesome with him and his girlfriend. I realized what a complete idiot I'd been, blocked him from my MSN, and have not had contact with him since (it's been about a year). Go me!
 

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When he wanted me to quit college and run away with him and as he said:<br><br><br><br>
"Live like gypsys out of my brother's van. We can sell my paintings by the side of the road."<br><br><br><br>
So I said: "where would I be able to brush my teeth adn have a bath?"<br><br><br><br>
and he said "we can bathe in the sinks in the bathrooms at the Texaco station"<br><br><br><br>
And I thought right. i'm off. I don't bathe in a petrol station for no one.
 

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thalia:<br><br><br><br>
i recommended it many times before we 'broke up' but she only got angry and had fits and talked about how we were 'disobedient' to the lord and she had every right to be angry about this 'disobedience.' it was mostly about us not doing what she wanted, of course.<br><br><br><br>
oddly, enough, i did run into her during our spring trip to pittsburg. she's still using the same language. she did coerce a man to marry her and had a child with him (a son), b ut he ultimately left her and got custody of the child. the psych evaluation found her unfit, so she has zero contact with the kid because she refused treatment.<br><br><br><br>
anyway, i ran into her and she was blaming the 'disobedience' of her church for kicking her out (she gets kicked out a lot), the 'sins of her mother and father" for keeping her out of seminary (which also requires an evaluation), and the 'sins of her ex husband' for taking away her child and keeping him in an "ungodly home where he will perish." she expounded on how holy she was, how she was 'remaining pure in the Lord" and that all of these things were "grave tests for her to determine if she was truly worthy of being His Prophet."<br><br><br><br>
my husband said, "excuse me, lady, but your nuts. that's why these things are happening to you."<br><br><br><br>
and then we walked away.
 

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Oh Zoe. That's a hell of a story. Wow ! I mean, I know a couple of nuts, but none as bad as that...<br><br><br><br>
A week ago somewhere in my country, a woman who had 5 children immolated herself (set herself on fire) with her youngest (2 y.o.) in her arms, while standing before a small Virgin statue somewhere in a field. She died. So did her kid.<br><br><br><br>
I wonder what gets into these people. Religious mania can be deadly...
 

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We went to Baptist college and I met LOTS of people who exhibited some of these characteristics. Esp the bit about "God told me you are the one for me. We must marry" i saw many a persistant boy wear down a reluctant girl with that line.<br><br><br><br>
But your friend was REALLY nuts. Glad you are free from that.
 

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I slowly let go over 5 years. I knew it was over when I didn't have any hope left. That and if we didn't split, I was going to kill him or him kill me. I knew to leave to save myself.
 

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I was making plans to move from Michigan back to Washington and he was going to follow a couple months later, after I had found a job and an apartment and gotten settled. It dawned on me one day that he had no intention of following and that once I moved things were just going to slowly peter out. I broke up with him that night and he went to stay with his mother...where he was living when we met and where he is still living five years later.
 

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<div class="quote-container"><span>Quote:</span>
<div class="quote-block">Originally Posted by <strong>Spidergrrl</strong> <a href="/forum/post/0"><img alt="View Post" class="inlineimg" src="/img/forum/go_quote.gif" style=""></a><br><br>
We went to Baptist college and I met LOTS of people who exhibited some of these characteristics. Esp the bit about "God told me you are the one for me. We must marry" i saw many a persistant boy wear down a reluctant girl with that line.<br><br><br><br>
But your friend was REALLY nuts. Glad you are free from that.</div>
</div>
<br><br><br>
There's a rather simple response to people like that:<br><br><br><br>
"Oh, God told you that, did he? Well, when he tells me the same thing, I'll consider it."<br><br><br><br>
If a boy were trying to wear me down with that line, I'd probably end up yelling at him, "No, God did not tell you that because if he did, that would make him a moron. God's not a moron, so that makes you one." <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="/images/smilies/lipsrsealed2.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title=":sealed:">
 
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