VeggieBoards banner

1 - 20 of 27 Posts

·
Registered
Joined
·
982 Posts
Discussion Starter · #1 ·
Just a quick background. I have been with my husband for about six years. We've lived together for five years and been married for nearly two. We see his family numerous times a year. I also think it's important to note that I pretty much don't bring up my vegetarianism unless it's brought up to me.<br><br>
A few weeks ago, we were at his mom's house. she is making preparations to move to a smaller home. She is trying to give away and clear out as much as possible before she goes... including her freezer. She pulls some brats out of the freezer and said, "I know [husband] doesn't like them, but take them for yourself." I responded, "That's okay, let [sister-in-law] take them. I don't eat meat." "Wait... you don't eat <i>meat</i>? Like, <i>any</i> meat? Since when?"<br><br>
Really? I admit, I never outright said it. When we ate with them (usually at a restaurant), I just ate or ordered the veggie-friendly fare. Still... in six years you never noticed?<br><br>
That's not so much the irritation. It has since spread like wildfire among my in-laws that I am "one of <i>those</i> people." Now anytime we are with his family they act all put-out about my diet... acting like I'm <b>so</b> inconvenient. I was so inconvenient that they didn't even notice my diet for six years?! UGH!<br><br>
I tried to politely point out that no one even noticed, so there's no reason anything has to change. But alas, his family is still acting as though I personally criticized their diet and their whole lifestyle. Did I mention most of them are farmers?<br><br>
Anyone had to deal with something like this? Any advice? A hug, perhaps? <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="/images/smilies/tongue3.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title=":p"> I'm just feeling a bit discouraged because I already find it hard to connect with his family.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
2,293 Posts
Wow. You can definitely have a hug! -hug-<br><br>
That really sucks... I don't understand how they can be outraged after not noticing for six years. I hope it all blows over soon... don't really have any advice because I've never met this situation. I've had people not know before, but they've just been surprised for a moment.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
3,097 Posts
It took my grandparents about four years to figure out I don't eat meat any more, and since my mom went veg 2 years ago they're still trying to come to terms with that too. Some people just don't wrap their minds around the concept. They seem to think it's more extreme than it really is, like starving yourself or something. They literally can't conceive of or mentally normalize the idea of people who don't eat it.<br><br>
My best advice is just to keep on doing what you think is right.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
982 Posts
Discussion Starter · #4 ·
Thank you for the hugs and advice. <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="/images/smilies/smiley.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title=":)"> I have no intention of changing... been a vegetarian for the majority of the last 17 years and I know it's right for me. I just hope they can come to terms with it soon.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
1,707 Posts
Aww, that sounds really irritating! I had something similar when I stopped eating eggs (I hadn't eaten meat or dairy for some time) and lots of my friends said "but WHAT will we buy you for your birthday!" as if they were planning to buy me eggs?<br><br>
People seem to think things effect them, when they really don't. I don't know if vegetarianism makes me people panic or what, but it's an odd reaction.<br><br>
I have know a lot of farmers or people with a country lifestyle and, if anyone, they do seem to take vegetarianism a bit more personally. I would just politely point out that it hasn't been an issue for six years, why would it become one now? Would they take more notice if your husband pointed this out for you as well (as you may not want to cause too many waves with your inlaws!)? Perhaps you could ask him to, if you felt it might help, if it's bought up again.<br><br>
Anyway have a *hug* and hopefully it will blow over, and they'll find something new to gossip about.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
2,744 Posts
Some people are vegephobes, I feel. That is they have an irrational fear that veg*ns are out to change their eating habits. I think part of this is that the presence of a veg*n in the family brings on guilt they wouldn't otherwise have felt. So in your presence they feel threatened because they feel guilty and they take it out on you by acting as if you're a big inconvenience.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
982 Posts
Discussion Starter · #7 ·
Thanks again. It should be fun when they realize we're raising our son vegetarian. I suspect they are hoping this is all just a phase (that's lasted 17 years... lol) and I'll come to my senses soon. I swear it's like I'm reliving when I told my own family!
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
2,293 Posts
<div class="quote-container"><span>Quote:</span>
<div class="quote-block">Originally Posted by <strong>Identity_thief</strong> <a href="/forum/post/2906095"><img alt="View Post" class="inlineimg" src="/img/forum/go_quote.gif" style=""></a><br><br>
Aww, that sounds really irritating! I had something similar when I stopped eating eggs (I hadn't eaten meat or dairy for some time) and lots of my friends said "but WHAT will we buy you for your birthday!" as if they were planning to buy me eggs?</div>
</div>
<br>
For some reason, this creased me up.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
982 Posts
Discussion Starter · #9 ·
<div class="quote-container"><span>Quote:</span>
<div class="quote-block">Originally Posted by <strong>AeryFairy</strong> <a href="/forum/post/2906277"><img alt="View Post" class="inlineimg" src="/img/forum/go_quote.gif" style=""></a><br><br>
For some reason, this creased me up.</div>
</div>
<br>
I was thinking "gee, that sounds painful" until I looked up what "creased me up" means. Other than feeling like a huge moron for not realizing what you <i>obviously</i> meant, it creased me up too. I thought <i>everybody</i> gets eggs for their birthday. Don't you? <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="/images/smilies/tongue3.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title=":p">
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
100 Posts
I had the same sort of problem, but in reverse. My husband, before we were married, was already a vegetarian (now vegan) and my folks didn't take it well. He was always on hand with kitchen help and help with grocery money, so it never actually affected what happened to anyone else's plate, but my family sure gave him hell about it.<br><br>
Now I'm vegetarian too, and my mom said "I just want you to be healthy. As long as you're healthy and your blood sugar is under control (I'm a diabetic) then I don't care what you eat." So perhaps, once things settle down, it won't bother them as much. Sometimes people just need time to process things. (Even if the fact has been looking across the table at them for six years.)
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
2,293 Posts
<div class="quote-container"><span>Quote:</span>
<div class="quote-block">Originally Posted by <strong>Niur-Tarow</strong> <a href="/forum/post/2906454"><img alt="View Post" class="inlineimg" src="/img/forum/go_quote.gif" style=""></a><br><br>
I had the same sort of problem, but in reverse. My husband, before we were married, was already a vegetarian (now vegan) and my folks didn't take it well. He was always on hand with kitchen help and help with grocery money, so it never actually affected what happened to anyone else's plate, but my family sure gave him hell about it.<br><br>
Now I'm vegetarian too, and my mom said "I just want you to be healthy. As long as you're healthy and your blood sugar is under control (I'm a diabetic) then I don't care what you eat." So perhaps, once things settle down, it won't bother them as much. Sometimes people just need time to process things. (Even if the fact has been looking across the table at them for six years.)</div>
</div>
<br>
This is a good point... and I think it's possible that they've taken it a bit worse -because- they didn't notice for six years. If you'd only just turned veg, then you would have gotten the usual "it'll never last", "what are you doing that for?", "what will you eat?", and so on. But because you've been veg for ages, they're kind of thrown for a loop because all their usual questions are invalid; it's obviously not a phase, you've been managing to eat perfectly well for six years whilst around them, you obviously have some sort of reasoning and aren't just going crazy... so instead of the usual ways of adjusting, they're just gonna get the hump with it for a while.<br><br>
This is all, obviously, just speculation. I may just be tired. But it's possible that this makes some sort of sense. Maybe.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
6,793 Posts
<img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="/images/smilies/hug.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title=":hug:"> You said you could use a hug, so here you are.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
6,609 Posts
<div class="quote-container"><span>Quote:</span>
<div class="quote-block">Originally Posted by <strong>Identity_thief</strong> <a href="/forum/post/2906095"><img alt="View Post" class="inlineimg" src="/img/forum/go_quote.gif" style=""></a><br><br>
Aww, that sounds really irritating! I had something similar when I stopped eating eggs (I hadn't eaten meat or dairy for some time) and lots of my friends said "but WHAT will we buy you for your birthday!" as if they were planning to buy me eggs?<br></div>
</div>
<br>
Maybe they meant as far as getting you a cake or something??
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
982 Posts
Discussion Starter · #17 ·
<div class="quote-container"><span>Quote:</span>
<div class="quote-block">Originally Posted by <strong>Fatman</strong> <a href="/forum/post/2907149"><img alt="View Post" class="inlineimg" src="/img/forum/go_quote.gif" style=""></a><br><br>
None of the veggie handbooks ever said it was going to be easy to be ethical.</div>
</div>
<br>
Unfortunately, I got the copy for people who go veg for health reasons. I still haven't finished reading the ethical veg handbook. <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="/images/smilies/grin.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title=":D">
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
4 Posts
I'm going through something like this. I'm 16 and my aunt & uncle have been criticizing and making fun of me because I don't eat meat. My uncle is constantly offering me meat and dairy products knowing that I don't eat them, just to make fun of me. I'm hoping things get better but I'm not sure. It is discouraging. I think I could use a hug as well.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
6,793 Posts
<img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="/images/smilies/hug.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title=":hug:"> for Nox Claret, too.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
982 Posts
Discussion Starter · #20 ·
<div class="quote-container"><span>Quote:</span>
<div class="quote-block">Originally Posted by <strong>Purp</strong> <a href="/forum/post/2907427"><img alt="View Post" class="inlineimg" src="/img/forum/go_quote.gif" style=""></a><br><br><img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="/images/smilies/hug.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title=":hug:"> for Nox Claret, too.</div>
</div>
<br>
Ditto.
 
1 - 20 of 27 Posts
Top