[Gammerus]

I love my boyfriend, and I can't picture life without him, but sometimes the fact that he isn't vegetarian gets to me. We have been together for nearly 2yrs and I haven't made my diet an issue in our relationship. But since working on my essay about vegetarianism for college, I have been thinking more and more about it.

And it has well angered me a bit. I am so annoyed that people call me preachy when I make a small comment about not eating meat. If I said something about not abusing children no one would say I was being preachy, why is vegetarianism so much different? I am tired of my opinion being made fun of and insulted because it is the minority.

I have tried talking to him about this but I don't feel like he really cares about this. He even said "I thought you weren't the kind of vegetarian that forces her beliefs on other people." He is normally a very considerate person, and he has never really been mean or disrespectful to me because of my diet before. But I feel like I just can't talk to him about this. It didn't bug me when we first dated, but now, I would give anything for him to give up meat.

He knows about factory farms, he knows a vegetarian diet is healthy, he knows it's better for the environment. Nothing I say seems to persuade him. I have done everything I can to keep from being dogmatic about this, but I am extremely frustrated. I want to raise a family with him but I just don't know how I am going to do that if he continues to eat meat.

 

[Irizary]

Does he really know about farming? Has he seen Meet Your Meat or Why Vegan brochures (or website) or anything? Or does he just have an intellectual awareness? Sometimes pictures and video make it more real.

I would have a hard time being with someone who really understood how cruel this farming was, and still wanted to participate in it. I would find the lack of compassion disturbing.

 

[MnVeggie]

It's difficult to find someone who's 100% perfect for you. If he's a great person and you get along and he respects your decision to be veg, that's a pretty good deal, in my opinion. And maybe he'll be veg someday too. But you say you're planning on having a family with him, so how does he feel about veg kids? That might be the decision that breaks the deal.

 

[veggielove]

I've known couples like yours to break up right before engagement over the meat issue. Loving someone means accepting them for who they are - you can't change a person who doesn't want to be changed. The only person you can change is yourself. You can either learn to accept him, or move on and try to find someone you'll love as much with your ethics - but given that you'll have suddenly cut your options from 50% of the population to 2%, it might be a difficult battle. I'm not trying to discourage you, a lot of us have found vegetarian spouses - but you just have to realize it does make things harder.

MOST vegetarians date, and marry, non-vegetarians. We can't snub everyone we love. We don't snub our parents, our siblings, our meat eating friends. i can imagine how frustrating it must be, but that is your frustration, not his.... just make sure you are directing your energies the right place. (((HUG)))

 

[Gammerus]

Quote:

Originally Posted by Irizary

Does he really know about farming? Has he seen Meet Your Meat or Why Vegan brochures (or website) or anything? Or does he just have an intellectual awareness? Sometimes pictures and video make it more real.

I have never seen those videos and I would not show them to anyone. I do not believe in scare tactics. The truth should be enough.

 

[Guacivore]

All you can do is make the information available to him. Any more pushing of the subject will only cause resentment and lower the odds that he will ever consider going veg. If he ever does become veg, it will have to be in his own time and on his own terms. You can only sabotage that (potential) process by trying to convert him.

Best of luck... I feel you on this, but reality is a bear sometimes.

 

[veggielove]

Everyone follows their own path. I have a friend who decided after I had been vegetarian for 4 years, to give it a try. Now 2 years later she is still going strong! I never tried to scare her or force her - she just learned from my example over time. Patience is worth a lot. But also, being able to accept someone for who they are, even if they dont follow your dietary choicse.

 

[Diana]

Quote:

Originally Posted by Gammerus

I have never seen those videos and I would not show them to anyone. I do not believe in scare tactics. The truth should be enough.

Those videos are not scare tactics. They are the truth.

You say you want to have a family with him, kids and stuff. What if he doesn't want his kids to grow up as vegetarians?

If you had been married and living together for many years, I would say "find a way to deal with it." But you have the opportunity without causing too much damage and distress to find someone who is in accord with your beliefs and your convictions and who has the same respect and compassion to other living beings as you do.

 

[Diana]

Quote:

Originally Posted by veggielove

Patience is worth a lot. But also, being able to accept someone for who they are, even if they dont follow your dietary choicse.

Vegeterianism (and especially veganism) frequently has nothing to do with DIETARY choices, but a respect for other living creatures.

If it was just a DIETARY choice, then there would be no problem. If someone prefers strawberry jam to apricot jam, I doubt this could cause friction. (Although hummus and avocados could....

)

Choosing between different food-stuffs is indeed a dietary choice. But someone who, out of ETHICAL concerns, chooses not to eat dead animals, is making an ethical choice because they do not see animals as FOOD. (Vegans go even further, as they are often also supporters of animal rights, and therefore veganism can be (and usually is) a political and philosophical issue.)

 

[Sevenseas]

What happens on those videos is closer to reality than a statistic on a computer screen. Calling it "scare tactics" seems kinda weird. You want to protect him from the harsh reality of what happens and yet you want him to make certain decisions because of that reality?

This issue also sounds like something that, even if you put it aside for now, will bug you from time to time during the whole relationship. But I guess many veg*ns are in the same situation.

Maybe I'm idealistic, but "But I feel like I just can't talk to him about this." doesn't sound good to me, because I think in a relationship you should be able to talk freely about almost anything whatever, if it truly bothers you.

 

[Irizary]

To be clear, Why Vegan? is a brochure from Vegan Outreach, not a video.

http://www.whyvegan.com

http://www.factoryfarming.org has some descriptions, and like VO not a lot of pictures. It's Farm Sanctuary's site.

 

[Guacivore]

Quote:

Originally Posted by Sevenseas

Maybe I'm idealistic, but "But I feel like I just can't talk to him about this." doesn't sound good to me, because I think in a relationship you should be able to talk freely about almost anything whatever, if it truly bothers you.

I don't know about that one... sometimes I think it's kinder not to express every reservation you have about a relationship, esp. when it's something that is not easily corrected.

 

[Gammerus]

I have been to the 2nd website, infact it was very usefull when I was writing an artical about factory farms for the school newspaper.

I know sevenseas, in our relationship we have stated from the beginning that we were going to be honest and communicate, and that has worked well....but it is hard to talk to him about something I know he doesn't want to hear. He respects the fact that I don't eat meat, but I don't think I can tell him now that his meat eating bothers me. I don't mind watching people eat meat, it is the reasons behind it. Other people think it is healthy, but he knows it's not. He knows the only reason he is paying for pig slaughter is because it tastes good.

I have allready said that I want any kids I have in the future to be raised vegetarian, so that isn't what worries me.

 

[DoveInGrey]

It's good that you have discussed the issue of raising your kids veggie

Maybe if you don't preach at him, but just eat meals at different times, leave the room while he is eating meat, he might see it upsets you without any need for you nagging him.

If he is willing to try it, you could offer to cook veggie food for him to share as well, that might lead to him cutting down, if not giving up on meat.

 

[penny79]

is this an omni that eats meat every day? or does he eat what you make and usually eat veg?

 

[Aimra]

Quote:

Originally Posted by Gammerus

I have allready said that I want any kids I have in the future to be raised vegetarian, so that isn't what worries me.

What does he think about that? It is one thing for the two of you to be in disagreement but totally different if you are in disagreement on how to raise a child. I'm assuming though that you meant you talked about it and that he would support you in that effort.

Good luck with everything.

 

[Gammerus]

He loves meat, his ideal meal is steak with a side of steak. But he eats what I cook...well what we cook. unless it is a special occasion we usually share the kitchen. He tries all my weird veggie food. He doesn't care for most of it, and I can't blame him. Fake chicken is pretty good but the texture is something you learn to love.

He would cut down on meat if I asked him, but that isn't too much of an issue for me. I love him, and we have allmost the same likes and opinions on most things. I'm just more of a hippie than he could ever be. I have allways been a bleeding heart, I donate my pocket change all the time. He grew up in a rather poor enviroment so he spends more time collecting change than donating. at the same time I lie a lot, yet he is an extremly honest person who doesn't keep stuff from you for his own gain. (tho he does to spare feeling)

I suppose this is part of what they meen when they say you have to accept someone for who they are inside and out. We will probably never agree on everything, but at least we still learn from eachother.

 

[veggielove]

Quote:

Originally Posted by Diana

Vegeterianism (and especially veganism) frequently has nothing to do with DIETARY choices, but a respect for other living creatures.

If it was just a DIETARY choice, then there would be no problem. If someone prefers strawberry jam to apricot jam, I doubt this could cause friction. (Although hummus and avocados could....

)

Choosing between different food-stuffs is indeed a dietary choice. But someone who, out of ETHICAL concerns, chooses not to eat dead animals, is making an ethical choice because they do not see animals as FOOD. (Vegans go even further, as they are often also supporters of animal rights, and therefore veganism can be (and usually is) a political and philosophical issue.)

I guess I don't need to tell you this is very extremist, since that is your byline under your avatar.

I do believe it is a dietary choice, and believing such makes me a happier person, and allows my friends and family to be comfortable eating with me. The "gentle" approach has shown many of my friends the value of vegetarianism, and some have picked it up, many buying more animal-friendly versions of their dairy products. But I wouldn't love them any less if they weren't vegetarian. That's just.... weird.

All the rest is either semantics, or elitism. Neither of which I pay too much mind to.

 

[Sevenseas]

Quote:

Originally Posted by veggielove

I guess I don't need to tell you this is very extremist, since that is your byline under your avatar.

Uh.. what? You find the description of some ethically committed veg*ns' view to be extreme? What exactly is extreme - describing it as a philosophy instead of a mere diet, or the philosophy (that animals are not food) itself?

 

[Vera82]

My fiancee is a meat-eater, but we have agreed that because we do not want to confuse our children, they are going to be raised as vegans. Both of us can eat whatever we want outside home when the kids are not able to see us, but at home they will learn to respect all beings and eat vegan food. When they grow older, 18 or so, they can choose to eat meat outside home, but not when we are out as a family. As a family unit we all will eat only vegan food. Many might ask why eat meat/milk/eggs outside home? Well, we all have urges and as adults we have been grown to love some foods. As parents we want to give our children the best kind of childhood free of animal products as we just can. It doesn't mean that we are perfect parents and could live all our lives without animal products, but we are doing the best we can for the children we have then, so that they would have grown to love vegan food instead of what we learned to love. I will never eat meat again, but cheeses and egg cakes are what I crave for.