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Discussion Starter · #1 ·
Hi,

I've been strictly vegetarian for eleven years now and have strong views on the subject. However, I have now been invited to my best friend's wedding in a few months, which, by all accounts will be an extremely flash and glamorous affair. (I hear rumours there may even be the odd celeb as his wife-to-be works in TV).

The problem is, the wedding is at a remote chateau in France (with outside caterers), and I've just been told there will be no Vegetarian alternative (I know - It's a bit much, isn't it?!). I've been to weddings like this before and got by with just eating the veg, but their meal is going to be an 'all in one' job.

My mate doesn't go in for 'any of that veggie nonsense', as he puts it, but I still really want to attend the wedding as it sounds like it will be a great day. I don't want to abandon my Vegetarian beliefs, but neither do I want to go hungry. - I've even asked if I could bring my own food, but that's apparently not an option.

Do you think I should just go along with it, to keep the peace? Have any of you 'fallen off the wagon' for a day?

Sorry if it sounds like a daft question - any advice gratefully appreciated. Thanks.
 

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That sounds a bit odd. Your friend has told you that there will be no vegetarian food, no way to eat vegetarian while you're there, and you can't bring your own food? Do you think they don't want you to go?

I would have to think about whether I would go or not. I would definitely not 'fall off the wagon'. Can you bring food in a bag or something (dried fruit and nuts, a sandwich?!!?)

Talk to your friend and ask what he thinkgs you're going to eat while you're there?
 

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I would just stuff some luna bars, etc. in my purse and eat them in the restroom or something like that if they're going to be that upset about you bringing your own food. For me that would be a last resort, in line right after "just not going" and before "eating meat for a day"
 

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Discussion Starter · #4 ·
He's said he definitely wants me to be there, but that he thinks I should just eat what is provided on the day - (even though it's not Vegetarian) and not make such a fuss. He said that there will be an evening buffet (at 9pm), but to be honest, I'm going to be gnawing at my own hands by then!

I suggested exactly what you said - a sandwich - but he said it would be frowned upon. I suppose I could sneak off to eat it somewhere, but it all seems a bit cloak-and-dagger...
 

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Usually the meal comes first. Ask your friend what the schedule for the evening is; you could come to the reception late. But I would just eat a big meal before, and make sure your friend knows to tell the caterer not to bring you anything. I

don't know if the French would less likely to do this or not, but I was at a wedding recently and as they were bringing out all these big plates of meat, I just told them to bring mine with no meat. Without asking, (I kind of wish they had asked, I could have been vegan) they brought out an optional entree of cheese ravioli I didn't even know they could give me. So maybe once you get there, you could find one of the catering staff and ask them about the menu? Your friend wouldn't even need to know you did.
 

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i would definitely NOT change my beliefs to keep the peace. no one is asked to change their beliefs EVER to fit the comfot of someone else. you are who you are and you are the way you are for a reason, if you are going to change your lifestyle of 11 years for one day just to keep the peace, what does that say that you won't sub-consciously be looking for reasons to "slip" again.
 

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i think not eating animals makes you have a stronger connection with life, the earth, and yourself.

My roommate did a Candida cleanse, and the diet for this cleanse is strictly no gluten/wheat/pretty much anything. they were expected to eat fish and poultry. he thought after a week of the cleanse it would be ok to eat the fish. after eating the fish, he realized how much it wasnt worth it, and was extremely mad with himself for a long time.
 

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Discussion Starter · #8 ·
I know I'd be annoyed with myself, but at the same time, I'm thinking 'I don't want to spoil their big day' by making a fuss. It's a shame people can be so inconsiderate of other people's beliefs.
 

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I personally wouldn't feel it's a great day if it's a day that I went against my beliefs. Will you look back on it as a great day, knowing you abandoned your ethics because a so-called friend didn't care enough about letting you feed yourself (you're an 11-year vegetarian! It's not like you just sprung this one everyone)? I mean, you even offered to bring your own food. If they can't even accommodate that, I don't think I'd want to be part of the day.

I went to two weddings this past summer and both my friends went out of their way for my husband and I without us even asking.
 

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Quote:
Originally Posted by Chris22 View Post

I know I'd be annoyed with myself, but at the same time, I'm thinking 'I don't want to spoil their big day' by making a fuss. It's a shame people can be so inconsiderate of other people's beliefs.
You're not making a fuss, you're asking them to respect your beliefs. I find it odd (and a bit egotistical) that they would expect you to eat meat just because they want you to. Would they ask someone who is vegetarian for religious reasons to eat meat at their wedding? I doubt it! If I were you, I would get my hands on the caterer's phone number and call them up to talk to them about it. Any good caterer worth anything would be more than willing to meet your dietary needs.
 

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Discussion Starter · #11 ·
Meatless: You're lucky that your friends were so understanding - I wish I could say the same in my own case.

The problem is, if I don't go, I'm sure it will be the end of a life-long friendship, and aside from this one issue, we've never had any fallings-out. It's a double-edged sword.
 

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Honestly- in having a wedding you should plan on an dietary issues with your guests. That's just polite.

What if you had allergies and not just that you choose to be veg?

I would just bring my own food or not go.

And if these people would end a lifelong friendship because of this- well they aren't worth it IMO. Friends just understand.

Honestly, I wouldn't even question it- it's BYO or not go...
 

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You wouldn't be spoiling anyone's day by making a fuss because you really aren't making a fuss. You haven't asked him to provide anything special for yoy; you have simply requested to that you be allowed to bring your own food.

If they can't accomodate you so far as to let you bring your own food, and there are no other options except to not eat all day until 9 PM, I would probably either bring my own food anyway or not go at all. Although I understand that this is your friend's big day, to expect you to go against your core beliefs to avoid making any waves is completely unreasonable.
 

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Quote:
Originally Posted by Chris22 View Post

Meatless: You're lucky that your friends were so understanding - I wish I could say the same in my own case.

The problem is, if I don't go, I'm sure it will be the end of a life-long friendship, and aside from this one issue, we've never had any fallings-out. It's a double-edged sword.
couldnt you ask them? if they are life-long friends, i take it they know about your vegetarian diet right? im sorry that you have to go through this, it definitely is a dilemma
 

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That's not right. I can't believe your "best friend" would allow there to be no vegetarian option for you. And you probably aren't the only vegetarian that she knows. I would go, but don't eat. Bring some snacks in your purse and eat before and after the wedding. Being asked to eat meat for one day is as rude is asking someone to give up their religious beliefs for one day. To be completely honest, if this was my "best friend," I would be really upset with her.
 

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Wow, doesn't sound like a very good friend to me!

I have plenty of omni friends and, although they don't always understand my beliefs, they respect them.

I must say I've NEVER been to a wedding where they don't have a veggie option and I find this dilemma a little odd - if you were jewish, they wouldn't offer you pork as the only option would they?

I think not allowing you to bring you own either is simply unreasonable.

I would seriously question the relationship here - go and ask them why they won't accomodate one of their friend's beliefs.

I'd also consider not going - they are the ones being awkward, not you.
 

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Discussion Starter · #17 ·
danakscully- hi - my friend is the groom - I'm a guy, so won't be carrying a purse!!

Becky - yeah, it is a little strange - first time it's happened to me and I've been to plenty of weddings.

I don't think what I say is going to make much difference, so I guess I've got some decisions to make!
 

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Have you considered the effect eating meat might have on you after not eating it for 11 years? A lot of people find it really difficult to eat meat when they haven't in years. You could become nauseated or physically ill. A friend's wedding is not the place I would want to start experimenting.

Frankly, if your friend doesn't care, he doesn't seem like much of a friend.
 

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a friend of mine from london once told me that instead of making a fuss, the british would rather suffer in silence. is this what he meant?

i'll ignore the obvious "what kind of a friend.." statement.

eat ahead of time. eat a lot. stay as long as you're comfortable, and if you have to leave, do so. it's not on you - you've made reasonable suggestions, and he's shot them down. stand up for your beliefs, he's being an ass.

good luck with that.

Quote:
Originally Posted by Chris22 View Post

Hi,

I've been strictly vegetarian for eleven years now and have strong views on the subject. However, I have now been invited to my best friend's wedding in a few months, which, by all accounts will be an extremely flash and glamorous affair. (I hear rumours there may even be the odd celeb as his wife-to-be works in TV).

The problem is, the wedding is at a remote chateau in France (with outside caterers), and I've just been told there will be no Vegetarian alternative (I know - It's a bit much, isn't it?!). I've been to weddings like this before and got by with just eating the veg, but their meal is going to be an 'all in one' job.

My mate doesn't go in for 'any of that veggie nonsense', as he puts it, but I still really want to attend the wedding as it sounds like it will be a great day. I don't want to abandon my Vegetarian beliefs, but neither do I want to go hungry. - I've even asked if I could bring my own food, but that's apparently not an option.

Do you think I should just go along with it, to keep the peace? Have any of you 'fallen off the wagon' for a day?

Sorry if it sounds like a daft question - any advice gratefully appreciated. Thanks.
 

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Under no circumstances should you eat meat to save the friendship. How would you feel about that for the next x number of years? Wouldn't that just prove his point that your diet is just some silly thing and not an important conviction. I also think it sets the stage for your friend to push you around in other ways as well.

I would take one last shot with the friend. Ask him for the number of the caterer. Let him know that you want to go. Let him know that you have been told by many people in the same situation that caterers will go out of their way, and you want to be the person to make the arrangements with them, since it is your dietary choice, not the groom's.

Let him know that you are doing this partially for him since if you do not have food to eat at the dinner, fellow guests are bound to ask, and that would be much more of a "fuss" than anything else. (and it may potentially put him in an uncomfortable situation if people ask him why he let you sit without any food. Of course, it may also make you look passive aggressive, which could lead to the end of your friendship.)

I think if your friendship ends over this, it's not your fault.
 
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