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Unsupportive Family

2079 Views 12 Replies 10 Participants Last post by  KFCcruelty
It seems that even though my mom and dad will occasionally try to find me something at the supermarket that is suitable, they are doing it for all the wrong reasons. They aren't doing it because they support and respect my decision to become vegan. They are doing it because they know I won't eat it unless it is vegan. Just earlier I was reading the ingredients on Reese's Peanutbutter Cups and my mom says, "It's peanutbutter, you can have it." I tell her it has milk in it. Then she proceeds to say, after rolling for eyes at me for the millionth time, "You're taking it too far, you don't have to do this." I know it was kind of mean, but I told her "Just because you're too lazy to cut out certain foods doesn't mean that I am." She is, so it's not like I was saying it to hurt her. WHY is it SOOO difficult for everyone to accept that I don't want to ruin my body, and want to be healthy and not spend my later years miserable and in the hospital if it can be prevented? I'm just slowly giving up on even considering giving explanations about my lifestyle anymore. I am twenty years old, and if I want to control what I eat it shouldn't be a problem. I really need to dorm already lol. How have any of you dealt with similar situations? Thanks.
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If you are 20 I'm assuming you have a job and probably a way of transportation (car?). Go shopping for your own food =o)
How long have you been vegan? Maybe your parents just need some time to get used to your decision. My parents used to do that too, they'd be like "It's only a little" or "Just drink the soup but don't eat the meat."
also if you are offered something that contains dairy just say "no thanks". you don't have to give a reason, as far as they're concerned you just don't want any peanut butter cups or whatever else.
Yeah I have a job, and a car, but I also have to help out my family. So I can't always afford to buy myself what I want. So I take what I can get. All I was asking was how other people have handled similar situations while in the process of changing. I've been vegan since June, and a vegetarian for a year before that. I can say no thanks when I have the option. But it's more a problem when my mom is cooking dinner and I can't have something like like mashed potatoes from the box because there is milk in them. Or I can't have a piece of bread because all we have is white bread. That's really what I was talking about = /
(actually a lot of white bread is "accidentally" vegan - check the labels.)

I do have to agree with the others. I don't understand why you can't shop and cook for yourself? If you want to be vegan badly enough, you'll have to take the initiative to take care of your needs yourself too.

Buy your own food as much as you can. Unfortunately you can't expect people to understand and support the whole "vegan" thing if they aren't passionate about veganism like you are - you can still join them for meals, you will just have to cook more of them yourself.
I third the idea of learning to make your own vegan meals and buying your own food products. At 20 years old, you shouldn't have to rely on mom to make dinner anyway. Even better would be to help your mom prepare dinner by making vegan side dishes for the whole family to enjoy. You can make the mashed potatoes by boiling fresh potatoes and adding in soy/rice milk and vegan margarine. Or learn to prepare delicious vegetable dishes. I am sure your mom would be appreciative and may be more accepting of your lifestyle when she doesn't have to cater to you so much herself.

At lot of people think veganism is "going too far" mom felt this way in the beginning as well... but you are old enough to walk your path and make your own choices. When confronted with the "going too far" arguement, I just let them know that I gladly make these 'sacrifices' as it fulfills me as a person. I always reply positively about it, because to me, veganism is a positive action and I want my speech to reflect that.
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Yeahhh. Well as I said, I go to school and I work, and I help out my parents with money. [Which is a reason why I can't always buy special food fore myself.] I am not home for a majority of the day. My mom cooks dinner before I get home, so whatever is there I eat. If I do have the time, and the money to go out and buy myself food, and then prepare it, I do just that. But anyway I didn't think this would turn into a thread about my age, and depending on my mommy for dinner. I love how people turn things around, on the internet, when they don't even know you. Peace.
jd...obviously, you are in a situation where you dont have all the choices due to your what can you do in terms of the cooking/ buying?

can you take one day in the week to go shopping w/ your mom...under the guise of "helping" even (not as a vegan scavenger hunt?)... that way, you can pick out vegan mashed pots vs your usual brand, vegan PB, etc?

that way, your mom hasnt gone out of her way, and in a way, has bought"accidently" vegan products. hopefully, she will continue w/ those brands.

also: potatoes are cheaper than those mashed boxes, as are most fresh fruits/ vegs. if you get a chance, purchase some staple foods for your pantry...beans, frozen vegs/ fruits, freeze your vegan bread, freeze tofu, them when they go on sale.
Your food doesn't have to be specially for you only. How about sharing them with your family? When you can, cook for everyone so that they can also appreciate vegan food. Who knows, pretty soon they just might start asking for it. Good luck!
Have you looked at the Accidentally Vegan list from PETA? Maybe you can suggest to your mom to switch around some of the common brands of foods you buy for the whole family so that they are "accidentally" vegan. For example, if they are having bread and crackers anyway, they might as well have the vegan ones so you can eat them too. You can also ask her to cook with earth balance and soy milk instead of butter and cow's milk. Just show her the nutritional label - they have similar amounts of protein, calcium and vitamin D but no cholesterol in the vegan alternatives!
i think part of the problem is your wording. if you tell someone you "can't" have that, it sounds like you are not able to. if you tell them you WILL NOT/WON'T have that, then maybe that will help you.
sounds like ppl on here have offered some good advice. Probably better than anything that I can say on the subject. I am veg for ethical reasons and have a serious issue handling ppl not respecting my preferred diet. My bf father is extremely arrogant on the subject and appears to try and go out of his way to find fault with the veg. diet. This infuriates me and so therefore I do not spend any time with him but I still get angry when I hear about the stupid comments that he makes. Like recently about the health risks of soy. Meanwhile the idiot eats factory farmed meat, not only so inhumane but incredibly unhealthy. He also has so little regard for the welfare of animals that even upon learning of the abuse the chickens suffer due to KFC and how I am so disgusted with KFC that I do solo protests on a regular basis the a..hole still eats there and so does his wife, who by the way, used to raise chickens and chop off their heads in her own backyard!!!!!!!!!!, so I guess,what can you expect from someone that can do such a thing.

The point is, I try not to deal with this sort of ignorance but it still angers me all the same. I can not understand how ppl do what they do and think the way they do but since we have to share the world with these kinds of selfish beings I guess the best thing to do is try and realize where it is coming from. Your mom is probably a victim of her society just as my bf dad is. Chances are she is more reasonable than my bf's dad is anyway. I have tried to give him the "meet your meat" video to watch but of course he did not watch it and continues to act as though something is wrong with me for not wanting to be a part of the ongoing animal holocaust that is going on and for wanting to be active and do something about it, but maybe your mom would be willing to be educated on the subject as to why you do not want to consume dairy. If not than I would suggest not even talking to her about it. Although I firmly believe that it is our duty to the animals to spread the message about their plight as often and to as many as we can and I also believe that this is just as important as giving up eating animal products and adopting a vegan lifestyle, but at the same time, however, there are certain people who will never understand or get what this is all about so therefore trying to talk to people like this about it does nothing but cause yourself a big headache and heartache.
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