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So here's the situation: I've been vegan for quite some time, but I'm transitioning to mostly raw now. My husband has never liked my being vegan. At first, I still cooked him meat and dairy, but didn't eat it myself. But, a while ago I stopped cooking those things for him because it goes against my beliefs. It's been so frustrating not being able/willing to prepare food he likes. He's been open to trying vegan things I make, but he just doesn't like it. Now, going raw, I think he'll be even more turned off by it. I want to be a "good wife" and provide food for him, but I'm frustrated and feel like I'm totally failing in that area. I even just got a warning message from a friend of mine when I told her I'm going raw reminding me, essentially, that the way to a man's heart is through his stomach, and that I need to be sure to satisfy my husband. I think there's some truth to this, so I'm so frustrated. I want my husband to be happy, but I want him to be healthy as well. I also don't want to compromise my morals. As it is now, though, he's just eating microwave dinners and wanting to eat out.
So, that's not healthy for him either. He just doesn't like vegetables or any of the other vegan stuff I make. Let me know if any of you have any ideas. Thanks!
 

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Have you tried veganising his favourite meals? That was the first thing I did for my boyfriend - spaghetti bolognese made with soy mince, lasagne made with vegetables and vegan cheese, pie & mash using a vegan filling and so on. He started to enjoy the vegan versions more than their meaty counterparts (he's a vegetarian now).
 

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Why can't he learn to cook for himself? Why should you have to be unhappy just so he can be happy? I don't think you should compromise yourself just because you are a woman and he is a man and he expects you to cook for him. IMO relationships should be based on mutual affection, love, enjoyment of each others company etc and should not be dependant on one party providing the other with something.

That said if you enjoy cooking for him and you want to cook because you enjoy it rather than some sense of marital obligation, then you should definitely try aery fairy's suggestion. A lot of things, like pasta with tomato based sauce, many curries, stir fries, bean burritos, potato salad, vegetable fajitas etc can be accidentally vegan anyway. If you have tried a very wide variety of foods and he doesn't like any then it is his dietary restrictions, not yours, which are causing the problems. Maybe you can give us a list of things that he likes to eat and we can give suggestions.
 

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Let him cook for himself if he wants to eat dead animals. He's not a child, he can look after himself.
 

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Quote:
Originally Posted by rashelle View Post

It's been so frustrating not being able/willing to prepare food he likes. He's been open to trying vegan things I make, but he just doesn't like it.
First, remember that this particular "problem" is an issue for many wives
Any woman who isn't a great cook and/or who doesn't cook like their husband's mom (or whoever prepared the food in the family) has an uphill battle. So just remember this issue of your husband disliking your cooking has NOTHING TO DO WITH YOUR BEING VEGAN. It's about taste differences and cooking skills. That's all it is. Please try to remember that.

Second, if you want to continue cooking for him (rather than encouraging him to cook for himself or go out to eat all the time) then DON'T GIVE UP! Take a close look at the foods he chooses when you go out to eat or when he gets microwave meals and try to figure out the spicing that he likes, the textures, etc. Then experiment and try to find some vegan foods he likes. It will take time. With my own husband I felt totally incompetent cooking for him for the longest time. He ended up doing most of the cooking (luckily my husband is also vegan and he's a good cook - but he's been veggie less time than I have and he comes from a different culture/cuisine). It turned out that I just needed to double or triple the spicing in all the recipes I made for him. That's all. He likes things more spicy than I'm used to. That, and I just needed to gain more confidence to experiment. Whenever I make beans or soup, he's happy. It's just when I venture out of my expertise and make things that are more unusual for me that he deems my cooking "hit or miss."

Lastly, please do encourage him to cook for himself. At least some of the time he should cook because it's going to be much healthier for him and his marriage. Perhaps sign him up for a cooking class and give him a set of really nice knives as a gift. Make it fun and exciting for him. He'll be learning a new skill that he can use for himself as well as to entertain friends and family.
 

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I understand your feelings. My husband's family are pretty traditional, all the wives are stay-at-home mums and the husbands go out to work and dinner is on the table for them when they get home. But both of us work and so we share the home responsibilities pretty evenly and he cooks almost all of our evening meals. When his mum or brother call and I hear him telling them what he's cooking for us I always feel a bit guilty and embarrassed, like maybe they're thinking I'm a horrible wife for him. Even though I only had a mum when I grew up and she worked, society still taught me that looking after the home and kids is the woman's job and all the man has to do is work and earn money.

Thankfully both of us were veg*n when we met and we like and dislike pretty much all the same foods. I can't advise you on how to get him to like vegan food, I just wanted to say I understand why you feel how you do. HOWEVER! I also think we need to rise above our guilt and our ideas of what we should be doing, as wives. All we *should* be doing, IMO, is respecting our husbands and expecting the same thing back. I don't think anyone should have to cook dead animals because their partner wants to eat dead animals and won't cook proper meals for himself. If your husband wants to eat meat, then he has to learn how to cook meat.
 

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Sometimes no matter how hard she tries a woman is going to fail to satisfy her man and he's going to have to take care of things himself... wait what were we talking about?
 

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Oh, I wanted to mention some vegan foods that seem to appeal to a lot of omni men:
- boca burgers
- tofurkey or field roast sausages
- smart dogs
- soyrizzo
- vegan chili (with or without veggie meat crumbles)
- BBQ'd anything
- chickpea cutlets
- tempeh bacon
- stuff flavored with liquid smoke
 

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Quote:
Originally Posted by Forster View Post

Sometimes no matter how hard she tries a woman is going to fail to satisfy her man and he's going to have to take care of things himself... wait what were we talking about?
 

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Ma'am, this is the 21st century. Let the man cook for himself. Him not agreeing with your choices does not make you a bad wife, and neither does making him cook his own food. The time where a woman's value was judged on how well she catered to her husband are long gone.
 

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Quote:
Originally Posted by rashelle View Post

I even just got a warning message from a friend of mine when I told her I'm going raw reminding me, essentially, that the way to a man's heart is through his stomach, and that I need to be sure to satisfy my husband. I think there's some truth to this, so I'm so frustrated.
I don't believe this. My dad really liked my mom's cooking, and she put a lot of effort into it, but it sure didn't keep him around.

I think it's just one of many things - it helps to have a common interest and to be able to give him what he wants food-wise, but it's not a deal breaker if you don't.
 

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If the guy would broke up with you because you don't satisfy him through cooking, he doesn't deserve you anyway.
 

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Quote:
Originally Posted by Sevenseas View Post

If the guy would broke up with you because you don't satisfy him through cooking, he doesn't deserve you anyway.
Yeah... I'd be dumbfounded if cooking truly was a make or break issue in a marriage. I can understand not liking a spouses cooking but sheesh. BTW I won't eat my wife's cooking, an arrangement she's perfectly happy with, lol.
 

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I dunno, I'm pretty big on food. But my girlfriend and I cook together almost daily, and I do consider it a major positive in the relationship. In the midst of a busy modern life, meal time is an important social function. It's just fun. But there are no rules set in stone. Some people don't care, some do. And more relevant perhaps, some people change, and some don't. There are no right or wrong choices here. Either he will adapt or he won't. And if he doesn't, you are left with the option to either adapt for him and make a sacrifice in order to save the relationship, or you decide that you're not willing to make that sacrifice. Again, no right or wrong really, only choices and consequences. Whatever choice you make, it's up to you to be content with that choice.
 

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Hypothetically though nomad, would you really leave your significant other because she couldn't/wouldn't cook what you like?
 
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