VeggieBoards banner
1 - 14 of 14 Posts

·
Registered
Joined
·
336 Posts
Discussion Starter · #1 ·
My boyfriend and I have only been together for a short while (4 months this January) and things are great. We fight sometimes, but it's never been anything big. Honestly, the only problem is me.

He's never done anything wrong, so why am I constantly battling feelings of inadequacy and jealousy? He's always honest with me, but I always find myself disliking other women he's friends with. I know that just goes to show how insecure I am, so what can I do to help with this behavior? It isn't something I can just shut off; I've tried. But he's constantly having to reassure me and I just don't want him to get sick of me because of it. I also don't want to drive him away because of my paranoia, nagging, and dislike of his female friends, so I tend to keep those thoughts to myself, but they still eat away at me to the point where he notices that something is wrong.

Does anyone have advise on how to deal with this? I'm sick of feeling crazy when all I want to do is relax and enjoy our relationship. x_x
 

·
Herbivorous Urchin
Joined
·
9,717 Posts
Build things you love to do outside of him. I sometimes find that those thoughts of insecurity are based on co-dependancy and lack of your own passions and life.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
336 Posts
Discussion Starter · #3 ·
That's a good point, I have been feeling a bit better ever since I started reconnecting with my friends more instead of being stuck up his butt 100% of the time like I was when we first started dating... I guess I'm just afraid of losing him but we all need our own lives. Thanks for the advice.
 

·
Banned
Joined
·
2,861 Posts
Quote:
Originally Posted by ai_08 View Post

I'm sick of feeling crazy when all I want to do is relax and enjoy our relationship. x_x
Took myself and 'She who must be obeyed' nearly four years to get over the 'crazies' and onto the relax'n'enjoy stage, if that's any comfort at all?

On the upside; The odd outbreak of the crazies is kinda flattering and no crazies at all might just be a little bit weird.
 

·
Herbivorous Urchin
Joined
·
9,717 Posts
Quote:
Originally Posted by ai_08 View Post

That's a good point, I have been feeling a bit better ever since I started reconnecting with my friends more instead of being stuck up his butt 100% of the time like I was when we first started dating... I guess I'm just afraid of losing him but we all need our own lives. Thanks for the advice.
You can also look at it this way, you guys will have more to talk about when you start doing a lot of your own things/develop hobbies and such.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
585 Posts
I second building your own life independent of him. The other thing that might help you be less jealous of his female friends is making friends with them yourself. Suggest a pub night or something with all of them..a mix of guys and gals. Might help you see them in a less threatening light.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
7,577 Posts
I recommend trying to come to grips with your insecurities through hypnosis. Once you've put him under, tell him to repeat the phrase "no-one other woman is as gorgeous as you" 8 times. Then click your fingers and bring him back round again. Problem solved.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
3,922 Posts
Quote:
Originally Posted by River View Post

Build things you love to do outside of him. I sometimes find that those thoughts of insecurity are based on co-dependancy and lack of your own passions and life.
This is really the best advice.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
612 Posts
Quote:
Originally Posted by River View Post

Build things you love to do outside of him. I sometimes find that those thoughts of insecurity are based on co-dependancy and lack of your own passions and life.
+1

Keep moving - keep busy and love yourself. Whenever you find yourself feeling this way - remind yourself that it is more about you beating yourself down than anyone else. Your ego doesn't want you to be happy. Let yourself go and enjoy the time you have together - resist trying to wrestle with how YOU think the relationship should go. The harder you try to steer the course - the better chance you have of going into the ditch. Be confident - believe in yourself. In this frame of mind - whether your realtionship continues for a long time or not doesn't matter, because you cannot fail no matter the outcome.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
336 Posts
Discussion Starter · #10 ·
You're all right, I guess it is just a matter of having more confidence in myself. I need to be less negative and stop waiting for the other shoe to drop- easier said than done but I'm sick of feeling this way so I'm going to try. Thanks y'all!
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
3,910 Posts
Holy cow! A relationship ask thread on VB that doesn't end in "He doesn't deserve you, dump him immediately"!

What a pleasant surprise!
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
22 Posts
This thread made me chuckle, reading the responses.

Have you had any harsh relationships in the past that might give you an instinct to be jealous or clingy? I've dealt with anxiety disorders my entire life, so that never helped me when I had my first few relationships... especially when I was cheated. Learning to trust people is harder for some, but what I remind myself of now is that everybody slips up and makes mistakes sometimes, and I deserve better than anyone who would leave me or cheat on me, and everyone will have friends of both sexes--they are entitled to that. I trust as much as I can without being ridiculous, and only date guys who will make me feel comfortable.

As well, I suffer from slight feelings of inadequacy (which is normal among us girls), but that has to do with self esteem and is not my boyfriend's fault whatsoever. Sometimes it's a personal growth issue, not a relationship issue. Also, it's not healthy for your well-being to worry and be envious about his relationships with other girls... I hope you figure this out personally and resolve it for yourself soon! No girl should feel crappy like this.
 
1 - 14 of 14 Posts
Top