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Discussion Starter · #1 ·
I thought this was interesting and might be helpful to those of you with children.<br><br><br><br><br><br><a href="http://www.azstarnet.com/allheadlines/174363" target="_blank">Top Ten Feeding Mistakes</a><br><br><br><br><div class="quote-container"><span>Quote:</span>
<div class="quote-block">Hey kids: Next time your parents want to threaten to take away dessert if you don't eat your peas, show them this:<br><br>
Dianne Fagan, a registered dietitian who specializes in childhood nutrition, offers the top 10 feeding mistakes she says parents make:<br><br>
10. Withholding dessert or using other foods as a bribe.<br><br>
9. Expecting kids to sit and eat for longer than 15 minutes.<br><br>
8. Making different meals to accommodate food preferences.<br><br>
7. Catering to a narrow selection of foods and wondering why the child does not like or eat more of a variety of foods.</div>
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<br><br><br><a href="http://www.azstarnet.com/allheadlines/174363" target="_blank">Click for more..</a>
 

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Suggestions for what to do instead would probably be helpful.
 

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Discussion Starter · #3 ·
<div class="quote-container"><span>Quote:</span>
<div class="quote-block">Originally Posted by <strong>skylark</strong> <a href="/forum/post/0"><img alt="View Post" class="inlineimg" src="/img/forum/go_quote.gif" style=""></a><br><br>
Suggestions for what to do instead would probably be helpful.</div>
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I think that for most of them it's obvious what you should be doing:<br><br><br><br>
10. Withholding dessert or using other foods as a bribe.<br><br>
- Don't withhold dessert or use food as a bribe. (Allow your child some dessert and other foods on occasion).<br><br><br><br>
9. Expecting kids to sit and eat for longer than 15 minutes.<br><br>
-Don't expect kids to sit and eat for longer than 15 minutes<br><br><br><br>
8. Making different meals to accommodate food preferences.<br><br>
-Don't make separate meals. Make one meal that everyone is expected to eat.<br><br><br><br>
7. Catering to a narrow selection of foods and wondering why the child does not like or eat more of a variety of foods.<br><br>
-Don't cater to the child's narrow selection of preferred foods. Offer them a variety of foods to eat from.<br><br><br><br>
6. Failure to provide a united approach on family food choices, snacks and table manners.<br><br>
-Provide a united approach on family food choices, snacks and table manners.<br><br><br><br>
Etcetera. The only one that isn't exactly clear is #1. Granted, I think a short explanation of why they are mistakes might help. I'd be willing to elaborate on any of these if anyone is interested.
 

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<div class="quote-container"><span>Quote:</span>
<div class="quote-block">Originally Posted by <strong>skylark</strong> <a href="/forum/post/0"><img alt="View Post" class="inlineimg" src="/img/forum/go_quote.gif" style=""></a><br><br>
Suggestions for what to do instead would probably be helpful.</div>
</div>
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Bingo!<br><br><br><br>
To me, #s 10 (Withholding dessert or using other foods as a bribe.), 8 (Making different meals to accommodate food preferences.), 7 (Catering to a narrow selection of foods and wondering why the child does not like or eat more of a variety of foods.), 3 (Giving the child who won't eat what you serve less than nutritious foods "just so he/she will eat.") and 2 (Pushing vegetables.) seem to be contradictory.<br><br><br><br>
We're not supposed to withhold dessert or other foods, yet we're not supposed to give them "less than nutritious foods AND we're not supposed to push vegetables? So, I'm not sure what the author wants us to do other than let them just whine about how hungry they are.<br><br><br><br>
I also think the author missed a big feeding mistake: forcing the children to finish their meals completely before being excused (clean plate club). Instead, let the child determine when he/she feels full and has had enough. Serve smaller portions to allow the child to ask for more if wanted.
 

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My parents definately made some of those mistakes with me. My mom still goes out of her mind trying please everyone. I remember her making me butter and white bread sandwiches cut in to shapes as a kid when I didn't want whatever she had made for a meal. It wasn't until I left home for college that my palette broadened. I went hungry on a few occasions, and even pouted to myself when I couldn't figure out what I wanted to eat ... but eventually I learned to try and appreciate new foods.
 

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I remember my mom making me sit at the kitchen table until I ate all my lima beans. I hated them. One night I sat there for over an hour. <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="/images/smilies/laugh.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title=":lol:"> It worked.. every time she made lima beans I ate them quickly before I ate anything else. She made it clear that she was going to stand her ground!
 

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I think the author definitely should have gone into explanation about some of those. Merely stating what is done wrong and not adding why or how to fix it isn't any help to anyone.
 

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Pushing vegetables is a mistake? <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="/images/smilies/huh.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title=":confused:">
 

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<div class="quote-container"><span>Quote:</span>
<div class="quote-block">Originally Posted by <strong>veggiejanie</strong> <a href="/forum/post/0"><img alt="View Post" class="inlineimg" src="/img/forum/go_quote.gif" style=""></a><br><br>
I remember my mom making me sit at the kitchen table until I ate all my lima beans. I hated them. One night I sat there for over an hour. <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="/images/smilies/laugh.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title=":lol:"> It worked.. every time she made lima beans I ate them quickly before I ate anything else. She made it clear that she was going to stand her ground!</div>
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My mom tried that tactic with me just once that I can remember. I sat there for hours and didn't eat anything. I'm still kind of proud that I "won."
 

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Pushing nasty, over cooked veggies is surely a mistake because the kid will think "I hate ______" for the rest of his/her life, lol. I know a lot of people who think they hate veggies and I blame canned veggies and microwaves, personally, lol.<br><br><br><br>
Allowing a kid to NOT eat their veggies all the time is bad too. My sister is 23 and still wont eat them, she is convinced that the time she tried peas when she was 6 is proof enough that she doesn't like them. i know a LOT of people like her too, lol. sigh. I think putting them on their plate every night and encouraging them to try them is a good tactic.
 

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Okay, I read the list. I still remember very vividly what it was like when I was really picky, and I think not conforming to that pickiness to some extent would have made my childhood very uncomfortable. I had a bad gag reflex, and a huge difficulty swallowing foods that didn't feel or taste right. I'd probably involuntarily spit them up if forced to eat them. This translated into a fear of trying new things (I just <i>knew</i> it would be bad), and so my diet was very limited.<br><br><br><br>
I was too stubborn to let my parents make me eat new things (see post #9), but I can agree that it would have been good for me. On the other hand, forcing me to eat what everyone else ate would probably have caused me to grow up with some sort of eating disorder. I didn't care if it was the only thing available for dinner. If it didn't look good, I wasn't eating it. In fact, I once skipped three meals in a row while sleeping over a friend's house (I'd have skipped more, and was planning to because I felt pretty sick by then, but I went home where we had "good" food). My parents didn't plan meals around me, but they made sure that there was something in the meal that I would eat. When on vacations, we checked the menu before entering a restaurant to make sure they had chicken fingers, because that was the one food that pretty much tasted the same everywhere, and thus it was the only thing I would order at an unfamiliar place. I don't think they were taking a lazy path to parenting. They were just making sure I got some nutrition in my body and didn't gain a worse food complex than I already had. When I was old enough to work through my food issues and decide on my own to expand my diet, I did. I'm glad it wasn't forced on me.
 

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Discussion Starter · #12 ·
<div class="quote-container"><span>Quote:</span>
<div class="quote-block">Originally Posted by <strong>TrailMix</strong> <a href="/forum/post/0"><img alt="View Post" class="inlineimg" src="/img/forum/go_quote.gif" style=""></a><br><br>
Bingo!<br><br><br><br>
To me, #s 10 (Withholding dessert or using other foods as a bribe.), 8 (Making different meals to accommodate food preferences.), 7 (Catering to a narrow selection of foods and wondering why the child does not like or eat more of a variety of foods.), 3 (Giving the child who won't eat what you serve less than nutritious foods "just so he/she will eat.") and 2 (Pushing vegetables.) seem to be contradictory.</div>
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They're not really contradictory, but I can certainly see how they could seem to be especially without more explanation. You shouldn't make child #1 a grilled cheese, child #2 chicken fingers and fries, and child #3 pizza. What you should do is make a meal of several different (healthy) foods and allow the child to choose from them. There's a difference between offering vegetables and pushing vegetables. It's not good to force kids to eat anything, and it's not good to just let them eat whatever they want, just so they will eat. What you do is offer them a selection of foods and they choose what they want to eat, and how much of it. A small piece of dessert can be offered along with the meal, and they can choose if they want to eat it or not. That's different than allowing kids to eat less than nutritious foods as an entire meal, just so they will eat something. Kids are really good at regulating their intake (unless there is an underlying health issue).<br><br><br><br>
There is another mistake that isn't on there and should be:<br><br><br><br>
11. Not modelling healthy eating.<br><br><br><br>
So many parents will try to make their kids eat vegetables when they won't eat them themselves. Kids are much more likely to try something new if their parents (or siblings or a friend) are eating it and enjoying it.
 

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<div class="quote-container"><span>Quote:</span>
<div class="quote-block">Originally Posted by <strong>Iria</strong> <a href="/forum/post/0"><img alt="View Post" class="inlineimg" src="/img/forum/go_quote.gif" style=""></a><br><br>
My mom tried that tactic with me just once that I can remember. I sat there for hours and didn't eat anything. I'm still kind of proud that I "won."</div>
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<br><br><br><img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="/images/smilies/laugh.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title=":lol:"><br><br><br><br>
I remember sneaking the food I didn't like to my cat.. she ate anything. I'd also find sneaky ways to throw my gross food away or flush it.
 

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<div class="quote-container"><span>Quote:</span>
<div class="quote-block">Originally Posted by <strong>Amy SF</strong> <a href="/forum/post/0"><img alt="View Post" class="inlineimg" src="/img/forum/go_quote.gif" style=""></a><br><br>
Pushing vegetables is a mistake? <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="/images/smilies/huh.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title=":confused:"></div>
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I think they're wanting you to offer vegetables but not force children to eat them.
 

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I don't like number 8. I'm not going to go overboard and say that you have to make five different meals to accommodate five different people, but I had a terrible time chewing/swallowing steak as a kid. I was made to sit at the table, sometimes for hours, until I ate it. I tried every trick in the book to not have to swallow it, using the bathroom and spitting it out, spitting into my napkin, etc. etc. I understand the generalization that a special meal in lieu of what's for dinner shouldn't be made for your children, but neither do I like forcing kids to eat what they truly don't like. I"m not sure what the solution is, but I didn't have a problem giving my kids cereal, mac n cheese or pbj, something really simple for dinner on occasion if they didn't like what I cooked. As finicky as two of them were as children, all three have a tremendously varied diet today.
 

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Discussion Starter · #16 ·
<div class="quote-container"><span>Quote:</span>
<div class="quote-block">Originally Posted by <strong>karenlovessnow</strong> <a href="/forum/post/0"><img alt="View Post" class="inlineimg" src="/img/forum/go_quote.gif" style=""></a><br><br>
I don't like number 8. I'm not going to go overboard and say that you have to make five different meals to accommodate five different people, but I had a terrible time chewing/swallowing steak as a kid. I was made to sit at the table, sometimes for hours, until I ate it. I tried every trick in the book to not have to swallow it, using the bathroom and spitting it out, spitting into my napkin, etc. etc. I understand the generalization that a special meal in lieu of what's for dinner shouldn't be made for your children, but neither do I like forcing kids to eat what they truly don't like. I"m not sure what the solution is, but I didn't have a problem giving my kids cereal, mac n cheese or pbj, something really simple for dinner on occasion if they didn't like what I cooked. As finicky as two of them were as children, all three have a tremendously varied diet today.</div>
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No child should be forced to eat anything, regardless of what it is. We have to recognize that some children truly dislike some things. However, it can take up to 20 exposures to a new food before a child will like the food. It doesn't mean you force them to eat it. You put it on the table, and eat it yourself. You could ask the child if they would like to try it.<br><br><br><br>
I think the solution is to always prepare something that you know your children do like, and serve it up as part of the meal (even if you really are making something separate for them because you are eating something they don't like on that particular occasion). I think the point is to not show the child that you will serve up another (probably more appealing and less healthy) meal every time they say they don't like what you've made. I've seen parents being absolutely controlled by their children like this <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="/images/smilies/sad.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title=":(">
 

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I think the best thing you can do for/with children to help them with healthy diet...is:<br><br><br><br>
1. As soon as they are old enough, they can help prepare meals...I saw a twenty month old helping prepare meals on a video a few weeks ago. When children are part of the preparation process, they are more cooperative about eating because they want to know how the food (they've helped prepare) tastes.<br><br><br><br>
2. Keep only foods you want your children consuming on hand. There should not be a big difference between what you and your children eat (once they are eating table food). This means, if you don't want your children consuming junk food, don't eat the garbage yourself.<br><br><br><br>
3. Keep fresh fruits on hand. When a child wants a snack, they have an easy to eat, self contained snack...no packages to open.<br><br><br><br>
4. Eat meals together, letting children know that food is a social event. This is good family/community building. Also, children get a chance to see their parents consuming healthy foods and to see what a balanced diet is. You'd be surprised how many children do not know the first thing about healthy eating.<br><br><br><br>
5. When a child says they're done, they're done. But if they're done and they didn't eat anything because they were so excited about an after dinner treat, I think it is okay to not offer the treat to someone who didn't eat any dinner. I don't see this as a bribe, but a consequence. I wouldn't use any threats either, just, "You said you were full, and when you're full you shouldn't eat anything else." Of course, the best idea may be to not associate supper with desert. Offer treats very occasionally (so they are just that...treats) away from mealtime. Don't make mealtime a battle in other words. Let your child be done when they're done. And let them know when the next mealtime is...or if the kitchen is closed for the night....but do not nag or ask them to eat just five more bites.<br><br><br><br>
I think these are some basics to make mealtimes..and healthy eating, easier.<br><br><br><br>
B
 

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<div class="quote-container"><span>Quote:</span>
<div class="quote-block">Originally Posted by <strong>skylark</strong> <a href="/forum/post/0"><img alt="View Post" class="inlineimg" src="/img/forum/go_quote.gif" style=""></a><br><br>
Suggestions for what to do instead would probably be helpful.</div>
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I'm in agreement with this.<br><br><br><br>
I'm reading the list and thinking, "Okay ... so now what?"
 

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We've been working to raise our kids with more or less those same guidelines. I read about the not using food as a bribe and not withholding dessert thing in Dr. Spock's <span style="text-decoration:underline;">Your Baby and Child</span> when I was still pregnant with my oldest - and I remember being dumbfounded at first because it seems like ALL parents do this (mine did too!). But it made sense to me. If you tell your child "you have to eat 3 more bites of broccoli before you can have your cookies" - this gives them the impression that broccoli must be a negative thing and cookies must be fantastic! Kind of puts dessert on a pedestal. In our family, we generally don't offer dessert. But when we do, it's never conditional - everyone can have some if they are still hungry. My 3 year old will often pass on dessert, he's full and he would rather go play!<br><br><br><br>
Our basic family rule is: the parent(s) prepares a healthy meal. Everybody comes to the table and may choose to eat what/how much they want from what's on the table. If this means my 1 year old is going to ignore the main dish and eat only peas, so be it. His body must be telling him something! If my 3 year old passes on the peas and eats only brown rice and tofu, well that's good for him too. As long as the choices are healthy whole foods, I really do believe in the "wisdom of the body."
 

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I'm sure glad my parents didn't obsess over rule 8 and I bet a lot of others on this board are too. True, by the time I went vegetarian I was cooking a lot of my meals myself, but if my parents had been forcing me to eat the same meal as them I would have ended up eating meat at least on a Sunday.
 
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