too picky?
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i think you can be too picky in the sense that no one is perfect but I also think that you shouldn't settle. Try making a list of must-have characteristics, would-like characteristics and can't tolerate characteristics. Also, see what your friends and family say?
I only have a few criteria:
My girl/boyfriend must not be superficial. They must be able to have a deep and meaningful conversation, and not worry baout unimportant things which society deems important. (i.e. weight or conforming with the metanarrative.)
My girl/boyfriend must have the capacity to love me. Obvious, but I think this is where I went wrong last time
My girl/boyfriend must be commited
My girl/boyfriend must be honest
My girl/boyfriend must be open about their feelings.
My girl/boyfriend must not smoke. (I wuldn't want to kiss a smoker.)
My girl/boyfriend must not believe that happiness is best achieved by drinking vast quantities of alcohol, or through taking drugs.
My girl/boyfriend must be respectful of my weirdness.
I am a quiet person. Extroverts piss me off.
These seem like very simple requirments. i'd love to be in a relationhip with a commited, open honest, non-smoking, respectful, understanding, non-extroverted, sober, loving and non-conformist partner, but alas, those type of people are not the ones you see every day.
I know what I don't want. That way, I leave it open. I could use this thread as a great platform for bitching about my ex, but that wouldn't get me anywhere.
My girl/boyfriend must not be superficial. They must be able to have a deep and meaningful conversation, and not worry baout unimportant things which society deems important. (i.e. weight or conforming with the metanarrative.)
My girl/boyfriend must have the capacity to love me. Obvious, but I think this is where I went wrong last time
My girl/boyfriend must be commited
My girl/boyfriend must be honest
My girl/boyfriend must be open about their feelings.
My girl/boyfriend must not smoke. (I wuldn't want to kiss a smoker.)
My girl/boyfriend must not believe that happiness is best achieved by drinking vast quantities of alcohol, or through taking drugs.
My girl/boyfriend must be respectful of my weirdness.
I am a quiet person. Extroverts piss me off.
These seem like very simple requirments. i'd love to be in a relationhip with a commited, open honest, non-smoking, respectful, understanding, non-extroverted, sober, loving and non-conformist partner, but alas, those type of people are not the ones you see every day.
I know what I don't want. That way, I leave it open. I could use this thread as a great platform for bitching about my ex, but that wouldn't get me anywhere.
Hey don't worry, I haven't been anywhere near a guy all my life because of pickiness.. and a little fear. I'm only 16 (and a half, lol) but I don't really trust guys, and also I don't see the point in endless dating when there's no love involved.
I want to be with someone because I love them, understand them and can enjoy their company, not so I can be labelled as someone's "girlfriend"!!
I know exactly the guy I want. I'm just waiting. I believe there's someone out there for everyone.. it's just a matter of when and where you'll meet them
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I want to be with someone because I love them, understand them and can enjoy their company, not so I can be labelled as someone's "girlfriend"!!
I know exactly the guy I want. I'm just waiting. I believe there's someone out there for everyone.. it's just a matter of when and where you'll meet them
I agree with everything Majake said.
Sometimes it's a matter of be willing to explore something, or someone, you've never imagined before. Real people are so much more interesting than the ideal people we hold in our heads, they're just a little more complicated. You don't necessary have to compromise your wants, but maybe you could look with new (and softer) eyes.
At the very least, when you dare step into the unknown, you'll be amazed at what you learn about yourself. Perhaps you'll risk a little heartache, but it's nothing you can't trandsend.
Sometimes it's a matter of be willing to explore something, or someone, you've never imagined before. Real people are so much more interesting than the ideal people we hold in our heads, they're just a little more complicated. You don't necessary have to compromise your wants, but maybe you could look with new (and softer) eyes.
At the very least, when you dare step into the unknown, you'll be amazed at what you learn about yourself. Perhaps you'll risk a little heartache, but it's nothing you can't trandsend.
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Quote:
At one point in my life I think I was in danger of that happening to me. In the hope of avoiding hassle for myself in a future relationship I created this fixed idea of what kind of partner I wanted. I had a long list of things that he should/should not be and I began to narrow it down so much that ultimately this 'ideal' person I was looking for ended up being more or less a mirror image of myself.
In the long run that would've made for a very boring relationship! It's very easy to fall into that way of thinking though especially if you are already aware that you are not a part of the mainstream way of life because of the political beliefs you might hold or your sexual preference for example or even just being vegan/veggie. If you add your personal likes and dislikes on top of all that it can get very difficult and to be honest a bit closed-minded.
Interestingly, as soon as I let go of that way of thinking, I very quickly met someone who I knew wasn't really much like me at all but he's ended up being kind of like my soul-mate for the last 9 years
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That is very true. Having too rigid an idea in your head about what type of person you are looking for can narrow down your options too much and you might miss out on getting to know someone really special.
At one point in my life I think I was in danger of that happening to me. In the hope of avoiding hassle for myself in a future relationship I created this fixed idea of what kind of partner I wanted. I had a long list of things that he should/should not be and I began to narrow it down so much that ultimately this 'ideal' person I was looking for ended up being more or less a mirror image of myself.
In the long run that would've made for a very boring relationship! It's very easy to fall into that way of thinking though especially if you are already aware that you are not a part of the mainstream way of life because of the political beliefs you might hold or your sexual preference for example or even just being vegan/veggie. If you add your personal likes and dislikes on top of all that it can get very difficult and to be honest a bit closed-minded.
Interestingly, as soon as I let go of that way of thinking, I very quickly met someone who I knew wasn't really much like me at all but he's ended up being kind of like my soul-mate for the last 9 years
Allright, to paraphrase "Good Will Hunting..."
Nobody you meet is perfect, and you're not perfect either. It's whether you're perfect for each other that's important.
So, no, I don't think you can be too picky if you are looking for someone who is perfect for you (but is still allowed to have flaws, etc.) vs. someone who is PERFECT. So-called imperfections or flaws are what make each of us unique and human.
Nobody you meet is perfect, and you're not perfect either. It's whether you're perfect for each other that's important.
So, no, I don't think you can be too picky if you are looking for someone who is perfect for you (but is still allowed to have flaws, etc.) vs. someone who is PERFECT. So-called imperfections or flaws are what make each of us unique and human.
I'm glad you're loving the single life right now. I loved it too. I was in no rush to jump into a relationship when I met my love, I thought I was just spending time with a nice guy. When he told me he was falling in love with me I had to make a concious choice to let it flow forward. Initially, I made a million excuses as to why it would never work, but then eventually allowed myself to release into it. We've been together for the last four years and I can honestly say I've never known a deeper love.
Anyway, have a wonderful time being single, it's a great place to be.
Anyway, have a wonderful time being single, it's a great place to be.
loki, i dated a smoker for a while. i made him drink either chocolate soy milk or orange juice before i'd let him kiss me because that's just soooo gross. however, there is a lovely feeling you get when it's like 'i totally made him smoke that cigarette...' teehee
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