[River]

So, I've been seeing a woman for the last er... several months, like three or four, however, I haven't like directly told anyone... because everyone in my life is used to me seeing a man. Should I bother explaining it to any of them, or just leave it how I have been where if they find out, they find out. We don't hide anything by any means, I just havent told anyone.

 

[karenlovessnow]

I guess if you would normally tell them if you were seeing a man, then why not a woman. If you are worried about a reaction, it might be just as easy to get it over with and let them know. If you tell one or two people, maybe word will get around and then it won't be a big deal. I guess it really depends on how you feel about the whole situation and what your comfort level is.

 

[River]

Quote:

Originally Posted by karenlovessnow

I guess if you would normally tell them if you were seeing a man, then why not a woman. If you are worried about a reaction, it might be just as easy to get it over with and let them know. If you tell one or two people, maybe word will get around and then it won't be a big deal. I guess it really depends on how you feel about the whole situation and what your comfort level is.

Yea, thats the thing, I never tell anyone when I'm dating anyone really. I just figure they're figure it out if we're acting snuggly or something. It's just weird/amusing to me that we've been seeing each other for literally months and no one either knows, or chooses to not talk about it.

 

[reneeannem]

In the past, when I was in your situation, I didn't go out of my way to say anything. Not for any reason other than my irritation at society's assumption that everyone is heterosexual. You may not feel that same irritation, and I wouldn't assume that you do! I say, just wait until it comes up naturally.

 

[penny79]

Quote:

Originally Posted by reneeannem

my irritation at society's assumption that everyone is heterosexual.

I hear ya.

Maybe they'll figure it out if you're holding her hand or something. If you don't usually announce it or talk about, I don't see any reason to do so now.

 

[AlixJ18]

Eek now you've got me thinking about if i start dating a woman, all my extended family assumes i'm straight, i doubt i'd be able to tell them, a lot of them are judgmental, i guess i'd just leave it how it is.

 

[NZVeggie]

This has happened with one of my friends over the last couple of years.
She started dating a woman.... something she had never done before and had never shown any inclination towards previously.

So to us it was a bit of a surprise. Especially because in the beginning we weren't sure if we had the right end of the stick and she never said anything about it. Then it got really really obvious, like showering together etc.

I know that my friends and I have found it quite awkward because we don't want to bring it up and offend her (she is touchy at times) but she has never officially 'told' us and therfore made it ok.

So for almost 2 years now everyone has been beating around the bush and it could have been handled much better.

 

[River]

Quote:

Originally Posted by NZVeggie

This has happened with one of my friends over the last couple of years.
She started dating a woman.... something she had never done before and had never shown any inclination towards previously.

So to us it was a bit of a surprise. Especially because in the beginning we weren't sure if we had the right end of the stick and she never said anything about it. Then it got really really obvious, like showering together etc.

I know that my friends and I have found it quite awkward because we don't want to bring it up and offend her (she is touchy at times) but she has never officially 'told' us and therfore made it ok.

So for almost 2 years now everyone has been beating around the bush and it could have been handled much better.

Good point! I may subtly mention it in casual conversation like "Oh well, my girlfriend and I do such and such on the weekends." would that be better?

 

[penny79]

Quote:

Originally Posted by NZVeggie

but she has never officially 'told' us and therfore made it ok.

But how does her telling you "make it ok"?

It's "ok" regardless ....if you ask me.

 

[Purp]

I'm with NZVeggie--how touchy are you about your sexuality? If you, and your friends are comfortable with you being a lesbian, you might be able to say something. NZV's friend was a bit touchy, and therefore, they beat around the bush, rather then coming right out and saying something. As for me, I'm just glad you found someone that makes you happy.

 

[Nishani]

Quote:

Originally Posted by NZVeggie

So to us it was a bit of a surprise. Especially because in the beginning we weren't sure if we had the right end of the stick and she never said anything about it. Then it got really really obvious, like showering together etc.

I know that my friends and I have found it quite awkward because we don't want to bring it up and offend her (she is touchy at times) but she has never officially 'told' us and therfore made it ok.

If two people don't introduce themselves to friends as GF's or sex buddies or whatever, but then make it really obvious that they are probably bonking by showering together etc, I think they lose their right to be offended if you question them about their relationship.

 

[River]

Quote:

Originally Posted by Purp

I'm with NZVeggie--how touchy are you about your sexuality? If you, and your friends are comfortable with you being a lesbian, you might be able to say something. NZV's friend was a bit touchy, and therefore, they beat around the bush, rather then coming right out and saying something. As for me, I'm just glad you found someone that makes you happy.

I'm not touchy, but I also don't 'identify' as a lesbian. If I like someone, I like them regardless of their orientation, as my old friend Jason put it "You're an equal-oppourtunist-orientation"

 

[penny79]

Quote:

Originally Posted by River

I'm not touchy, but I also don't 'identify' as a lesbian. If I like someone, I like them regardless of their orientation, as my old friend Jason put it "You're an equal-oppourtunist-orientation"

The "touchiness" (or perception of such) seemed to be as a result of with the assumption in mind that the friend only liked men sexually. It's not the bisexual's fault if people make assumptions about them.....nor their responsibility to correct the assumers.

 

[River]

Quote:

Originally Posted by penny79

The "touchiness" (or perception of such) seemed to be as a result of with the assumption in mind that the friend only liked men sexually. It's not the bisexual's fault if people make assumptions about them.....nor their responsibility to correct the assumers.

I just re-read the post, and it still seems like it was mentioned that she's just a touchy person, and with all the touchy people I know, I also know I would never ask them about anything in their life... because they freak.

 

[penny79]

Quote:

Originally Posted by River

I just re-read the post, and it still seems like it was mentioned that she's just a touchy person, and with all the touchy people I know, I also know I would never ask them about anything in their life... because they freak.

Yeah, that's fair enough. I just think it (their assumption) could be a factor in her perceived touchiness. Like, maybe she says, "Hey, I'm dating someone new." and they say, "What's HIS name?" assuming it's a male........

 

[peacefulveglady]

I would accept you right away , if you take away genders and what make us male and female we are all the same, I believe in equality of relationships, if you feel the need to be loved by this person why not they accept your Happiness?

 

[yellowduckie21]

If you haven't mentioned your previous partners... why should you have to now just because it's a girl? I'd say, if someone asks, you can tell them if you feel comfortable, but if not, then don't say anything since you haven't said anything in the past before and everything has been fine and good.