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Discussion Starter · #1 ·
Blech, i don't know where to post this... but I'm just so tired anymore...<br><br>
I've always been the one people vent to, the one who consoles everyone... I used to have a friend I could vent to. But I always felt so guilty, and she was always busy, so it was really only like three times that I got to vent to her, and now I'm so tired of pretending to be always happy to help... I just want to curl up in bed and sleep for days on end... I want to lean on someone and just cry on them... let them comfort me... but I don't trust anyone enough to do that...<br><br>
I just... don't know what to do... but I needed to say it aloud, and this was as close as I could come....
 

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I don't have anyone I feel close enough to vent to. That's what the Internet is for (and see, you've already figured that out!). <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="/images/smilies/smiley.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title=":)"><br><br><br><br><img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="/images/smilies/hug.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title=":hug:"> It's hard keeping a happy face all the time, but like you, I feel guilty burdening people with my problems. That's why it's so wonderful to have an Internet forum or even a journal to let those feelings out.
 

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I can understand how that could be frustrating or exhausting. Even if you don't feel comfortable venting to anyone in RL, you still have the option of asking people to not vent to you, or saying 'no' to someone who needs help if you feel that you need a break from it. You wouldn't be a bad person in doing so. If you think that would help you at all?
 

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I don't have a best friend I can tell everything to anymore. Definately can't tell my parents anything. (not talking to them now anyhow). I can vent to my bf but if he is the one I am mad at than I have no one.<br><br><br><br>
During those times, I vent to my cats and curl up with them. No, they have no advice to give back but they are professionals in the cuddly consoling part. <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="/images/smilies/smiley.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title=":)"> I can cry into their fur for as long as I want and they won't complain.<br><br><br><br>
I was always the person people normally vented too. I like venting online too - sometimes I think you get better advise from people who can view your situation at with a fresh outlook since they don't really know you. Sometimes friends can be a bit biased.<br><br><br><br>
Sometimes it is easy to think everyone else has all these people to talk to - they don't. That is why there are so many people chatting online. You are not alone.<br><br><br><br>
I actually like reading people's rants on here.
 

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Discussion Starter · #5 ·
yeah...but even still, on online, I'm afraid people will read what I post and think I'm some drama queen, etc.... and for some reason that bothers me...<br><br>
every now and then, venting on the net can help somewhat... but I've become attached, and find it harder and harder to get by in real life...and it scares me....
 

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Steinbock, you sound a bit emotionally exhausted. I agree with an earlier poster who said you have the right to tell people no if you're not up for being their shoulder. Do you have the financial means to get some counseling so that you could get some support for yourself? Some communities have free or low cost counseling through agencies like the YWCA etc.
 

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Discussion Starter · #7 ·
my area has no free counseling (or rather the ones I /can/ get to are completely incompetent...) and no, I don't have the means to go to a professional... and I can't just say no to people... then I feel so bad because they're trying to deal with these problems of theirs and I refuse to be supportive and try and help them out...<br><br>
and my one friend... I recently scored better than her on a project, and so she's mad at me... she's so stressec (she's been doing this to any one who seems to do better than her), and I can't just stand by and watch her stress out so much....<br><br>
but I am tired.... Everynow and then I just get these thoughts where I just want to curl up stare at a wall for hours on end until I fall asleep.... and then not wake up for days....<br><br>
Gah! Life is so sucky right now...
 

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<div class="quote-container"><span>Quote:</span>
<div class="quote-block">Originally Posted by <strong>steinbock</strong> <a href="/forum/post/0"><img alt="View Post" class="inlineimg" src="/img/forum/go_quote.gif" style=""></a><br><br>
and I can't just say no to people... then I feel so bad because they're trying to deal with these problems of theirs and I refuse to be supportive and try and help them out...</div>
</div>
<br><br><br>
Maybe you can support each other? You're already offering to listen and support them, so maybe they can do the same for you.
 

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Discussion Starter · #9 ·
but they won't.... i've tried telling them I need their help... I've tried telling that I don't think I can keep doing what i'm doing...<br><br>
their answer... you think you've got it bad (then they tell me how their not doing so well themselves...)<br><br>
urgh...
 

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then they don't sound like very good friends. or at the very least, are too self-absorbed to realize they are acting like bad friends. I know it can be hard to stand up to people or say no. It is something I've been working on and improving in myself, as I have had problems with it most of my life. I'm getting pretty good at formulating non-aggressive but confrontational replies, or mini-speeches that i make up ahead of time, if i anticipate problems with someone or something. It might be helpful for you to try that? If you need suggestions feel free to ask on here, or pm me.<br><br><br><br>
couple suggestions that pop into my head<br><br><br><br>
friend: "you think you've got it bad, I've got to deal with blahblahblahbla"<br><br>
you: "you think THAT is bad? I feel like I can't even talk to you about my problems."<br><br><br><br>
friend: "omigod the most horrible thing is happening, my shoes don't match my skirt, blahblahblahlahsklfdjsl"<br><br>
you: "I hate to cut this short but it's really important that I get going (insert excuse if you wish. or just don't.). Can I call you later at (whatever day, time) and talk then?"<br><br><br><br>
OR:<br><br>
you: "I think (other friend) would be a better person for you to talk to about this."<br><br><br><br>
OR:<br><br>
you: "We've already discussed this. I don't know what else to say to you."
 

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<div class="quote-container"><span>Quote:</span>
<div class="quote-block">Originally Posted by <strong>steinbock</strong> <a href="/forum/post/0"><img alt="View Post" class="inlineimg" src="/img/forum/go_quote.gif" style=""></a><br><br>
but they won't.... i've tried telling them I need their help... I've tried telling that I don't think I can keep doing what i'm doing...<br><br>
their answer... you think you've got it bad (then they tell me how their not doing so well themselves...)<br><br>
urgh...</div>
</div>
<br><br><br><br><br>
Rather self-absorbed. It sounds selfish and manipulative on their part to me. Take back some of your dignity by loving yourself and not letting them step on you. (Easier said than done.)
 

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<div class="quote-container"><span>Quote:</span>
<div class="quote-block">Originally Posted by <strong>steinbock</strong> <a href="/forum/post/0"><img alt="View Post" class="inlineimg" src="/img/forum/go_quote.gif" style=""></a><br><br>
but they won't.... i've tried telling them I need their help... I've tried telling that I don't think I can keep doing what i'm doing...<br></div>
</div>
<br><br><br>
Sometimes telling people doesn't work because they're not really listening, ocassionally you have to show them with your actions. If you feel like you want to curl up in bed and sleep for a few days, maybe thats what you need to do. Let the people around you see that you're not coping. Then they might undertsand.
 

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Discussion Starter · #13 ·
i'd love to show them that i'm not coping... but that would show that i'm weak... and I don't want people to pity me or think of me as weak... and I have to keep moving in life... I'm still in school, and have to just keep pressing forward else I'll never make it... so how can I show them that I can't cope anymore?
 

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There's nothing wrong with showing a little weakness now and then. We all feel it sometimes and we need to be able to express that. If you try to cover it up and keep going, eventually you will break down anyway. Do you know what I mean?
 

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You aren't weak if you can't cope. We all get overwhelmed sometimes.<br><br><br><br>
Since they are not responding to your call for help, I think you should help yourself to the best of your ability. Part of being strong is knowing when to do what you need to do for yourself. You are the #1 person in your life. Ask yourself this question and answer honestly: "What do I need to do for myself?" Then whatever that is . . . do it.<br><br><br><br>
You can't make them listen if they don't want to listen.<br><br><br><br>
I think that's all I'll say as I am sensing dissatisfaction with the advice given here. I'm not sure exactly what it is you want us to tell you.<br><br><br><br>
Good luck with your situation; I hope it works out for you.
 

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Discussion Starter · #16 ·
starblossom- no, I really do appreciate everything you guys are saying and I am honestly thinking about what you say.... as for what I want.... if I knew I would have said that.... but I don't... I just feel really lost... and what you guys are saying is really touching me... like last night i was talking to a friend and I realized she's one hell of a crapp fried
 

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steinb, how ya been pal?!<br><br>
*reads thread*<br><br><br><br>
oh<br><br><br><br>
Hey, this sounds like a cheezy cliche, but the 1st thing to do is to realize you're not alone. There have been some great suggestions here about whom to contact, where to seek help, etc.<br><br><br><br>
But I sense some apprehension on your part. Maybe, like me, you don't like the idea of "sharing your pain" with others. In that case, I'll offer an alternate solution. You can find comraderie through books, movies, music, etc. It's the perfect therapy session without paying a shrink to sit & take notes.<br><br><br><br>
Maybe there's a song whose lyrics speak to you at this time. Throw on some headphones, crank it up to 11 and hit "repeat". Maybe there's a movie that deals with the topic of unbearable responsibility (war movies are good for that). Lock yourself in a room with a bowl of popcorn and watch til the sun comes up. Or lose yourself in a book like <i>A Tale of Two Cities</i> (or you can just skip to the ending if you like).<br><br><br><br>
These are ways of "connecting" with others without meeting face to face. Charles Dickens is a great therapist. And he only costs $1.49 in paperback <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="/images/smilies/rockon.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title=":rockon:">
 

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I agree with Froggy and Starblossom. There is nothing weak about recognizing your own limits or need for support or replenishing. It's not weak to take care of yourself. It's also not selfish; it's a sign of balance and self-awareness imho. You cannot take care of others if you are not being taken care of first.
 

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Discussion Starter · #19 ·
Deflator- yeah... you caught the apprehension... I'm a very private person... and the idea of spilling my guts to someone and 'sharing pain' or whatever... scares the crap out of me to be honest. And I'm taking your advice as we speak <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="/images/smilies/smiley.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title=":)"> I was having a really crappy day... nice mini-break down in the morning then all downhill from there... and now I'm going through all my music, trying to put together a CD for those 'bad times' that I can blast and just listen to over and over and over again... so thank you for that... however, the downside with books and movies is that I'll read them and afterward... it starts off as a great feeling...cuz the story was so good, and characters felt like friends by the end... but then it's a very rude awakening back to my life like "hey! that wasn't your life! Now get back to the crappy way your living!" .... and, yeah, not my cup of tea <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="/images/smilies/smiley.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title=":)"> but the music, I think can definately help.... and oh god no, I won't go to some stranger and spill my guts *shakes head* that won't do <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="/images/smilies/smiley.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title=":)"><br><br>
peacecat- so it's not selfish to take a moment and not care about my firends' problems? you sure? it wouldn't be selfish of me to tell my friend(s) "Look... I really need to talk to you... I have issues (she interjects)... no, serious problems that I need your support with".... but isn't that unfair to know about her problems and then tell her mine too?<br><br>
GAH!<br><br>
...sorry.... just so frustrated... i wish i knew what I wanted! well... scratch that... i know what I want... it's just not feasable... I want to fast forward in my life to about 2 years from now.... (preferably with a good long uncaring sleep shoved in there instead <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="/images/smilies/angel.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title=":angel:">)
 

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I think we are many many people like that. I belive in balanced things. If they are not there for you when you need them why should you be there for them ? I've been desappointed by many people and now i know there is very good people but to find them you have to not consider selfish, worhless, ... people and focus on good ones ! Now i do my best for my true friends and i do only what i have to to others and it really works ! If some people don't mind me, i don't mind them.<br><br><br><br>
What you call "weakness" is not a weakness it's you humanity. Nobody can be as strong as you describe. People have to respect you and not force you to feel bad like that ! If they are really your friends, they must make you feel happy, not the opposite !<br><br><br><br>
In france we say "trop bon, trop con!". It means that when you are too kind, your too fool and people use you.
 
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