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<a href="http://tv.yahoo.com/news/wwn/20030319/104808600007.html" target="_blank">http://tv.yahoo.com/news/wwn/20030319/104808600007.html</a><br><br><br><br>
'TIME-TRAVELER' BUSTED FOR INSIDER TRADING<br><br>
Wednesday March 19, 2003<br><br>
By CHAD KULTGEN<br><br><br><br>
NEW YORK -- Federal investigators have arrested an enigmatic Wall Street wiz on insider-trading charges -- and incredibly, he claims to be a time-traveler from the year 2256!<br><br><br><br>
Sources at the Security and Exchange Commission confirm that 44-year-old Andrew Carlssin offered the bizarre explanation for his uncanny success in the stock market after being led off in handcuffs on January 28.<br><br><br><br>
"We don't believe this guy's story -- he's either a lunatic or a pathological liar," says an SEC insider.<br><br><br><br>
"But the fact is, with an initial investment of only $800, in two weeks' time he had a portfolio valued at over $350 million. Every trade he made capitalized on unexpected business developments, which simply can't be pure luck.<br><br><br><br>
"The only way he could pull it off is with illegal inside information. He's going to sit in a jail cell on Rikers Island until he agrees to give up his sources."<br><br><br><br>
The past year of nose-diving stock prices has left most investors crying in their beer. So when Carlssin made a flurry of 126 high-risk trades and came out the winner every time, it raised the eyebrows of Wall Street watchdogs.<br><br><br><br>
"If a company's stock rose due to a merger or technological breakthrough that was supposed to be secret, Mr. Carlssin somehow knew about it in advance," says the SEC source close to the hush-hush, ongoing investigation.<br><br><br><br>
When investigators hauled Carlssin in for questioning, they got more than they bargained for: A mind-boggling four-hour confession.<br><br><br><br>
Carlssin declared that he had traveled back in time from over 200 years in the future, when it is common knowledge that our era experienced one of the worst stock plunges in history. Yet anyone armed with knowledge of the handful of stocks destined to go through the roof could make a fortune.<br><br><br><br>
"It was just too tempting to resist," Carlssin allegedly said in his videotaped confession. "I had planned to make it look natural, you know, lose a little here and there so it doesn't look too perfect. But I just got caught in the moment."<br><br><br><br>
In a bid for leniency, Carlssin has reportedly offered to divulge "historical facts" such as the whereabouts of Osama Bin Laden and a cure for AIDS.<br><br><br><br>
All he wants is to be allowed to return to the future in his "time craft."<br><br><br><br>
However, he refuses to reveal the location of the machine or discuss how it works, supposedly out of fear the technology could "fall into the wrong hands."<br><br><br><br>
Officials are quite confident the "time-traveler's" claims are bogus. Yet the SEC source admits, "No one can find any record of any Andrew Carlssin existing anywhere before December 2002."<br><br><br><br>
Weekly World News will continue to follow this story as it unfolds. Keep watching for further developments.
 

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Anyone else think this is creepy? Even with insider information, I dont think it's possible to make 350 million in that short of time. I'm not saying we should jump out and believe his story, but I think they should really consider the possibility. What are your thoughts?
 

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only if there was that whole destiny thing<br><br>
like what if you could change your destiny by somehow messing up<br><br>
maybe he wasnt supposed to get caught but messed up somehow<br><br><br><br>
of course, wouldnt his buds in the future be seeing this right now and go and fix the problem... or is that only if its not the future but more of a parallel universe?<br><br><br><br>
someone should write to him and ask him in what year everyone will go vegan by because of laws<br><br>
i vote for 2026... cant doubt SeaQuestDSV!<br><br><br><br>
Caroline
 

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I'm pretty sure it's a joke (check out the other WWN stories to see why), but it'd be awesome if it were true. <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="/images/smilies/smiley.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title=":)">
 

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Oh duh, WWN = Weekly World News. That's the one by the checkout counter that always says the devil is coming. <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="/images/smilies/rolleyes.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title=":rolleyes:">
 

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I used to read the WWN in high school. In study hall, we would make up crazy ass letters (some just down right sick) for the advice columnist. We actually got 5 letters published. <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="/images/smilies/grin.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title=":D">
 

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<div class="quote-container"><span>Quote:</span>
<div class="quote-block">the devil is coming.</div>
</div>
<br><br><br>
Maybe they were right after all. Hehe. <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="/images/smilies/grin.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title=":D">
 

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Hey...wait a sec...I'm not the devil! <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="/images/smilies/tongue3.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title=":p">
 

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isnt that exactly what you would say if you were the devil? <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="/images/smilies/wink3.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title=";)">
 

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Damn. She got me. <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="/images/smilies/pimp.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title=":tame:">
 

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Kitzy - for a <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="/images/smilies/tongue3.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title=":p"> use a : and a p (you used an upper case letter - P).
 

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That's what you get when you mess with timelines, you get busted.<br><br><br><br>
Every time traveller knows that <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="/images/smilies/wink3.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title=";)">
 
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