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Discussion Starter · #1 ·
as some here have seen on the venting thread i just had an ugly break up. he broke up with me by simply changing his facebook status and refused to have any conversations about it. he limited our communication to text messages which was very unproductive because he was just giving me his reasons that were hypocritical and insulting to me and ignoring what i have to say in return using condescending tone by calling me baby and dear.
he also went on facebook by making implications to me with his profile pic, one of the pictures where there is an animal in the box saying that you should not order brides from ebay, and in his status where he implies that i am the cat throwing lady from Simpsons.
he also started a conversation with me on on his wall saying that i should stop bitching at him per sms, how i had a chance to talk about it last week but refused and gave him silent treatment (apparently he was giving me some hints which i didn't get because i believe that when people have a problem they say it, silly me), telling me how it is "just facebook" (how is it just facebook if it is an actual break up and he is angry so he doesn't want to talk?) that i should chill and he is trying to keep it simple and if a guy wants to change his status he doesn't need a reason and if then how can there be a wrong reason. basically trying to make me look like an idiot in front of our friends who can't let it go and his is such a relaxed guy who keeps it simple
and i am not upset because of the break up. i am upset because he was my best friend for 3-4 years. we always had fun together, never any tensions, it was great. and he was always a great guy, very helpful and considerate (he even got veggie burgers for me in his fridge for when i come i got something to eat) i heard stories of people dating their friends which ended up badly but i didn't expect this from him. when we started dating i said that we should always remember being friends and make sure we stay such if it doesn't work out. i was making more effort than with any other guy because of this. he on the other hand became an unreasonably jealous (he was asking me if i am cheating on him with any of my friends, including my roommate who just as me is a straight female) and (hypo)critical, not the laid back, fun guy who didn't care about what others think of him that was my friend. at this point what i feel is close to hate because of his actions and words.
i would just stop talking to him altogether now, but we have a Cuba vacation coming up next week. he said he will go and he wants it to be fun and no drama. so do i, but i am not sure how i can handle it if things don't get cleared out before. how can i just be with him on the plane and share a hotel room with all the anger and unsaid stuff? nor do i know how he will act there. he is talking on facebook about how he looks forward to the hot babes on the beach and how his body is great for it now (another hit at me since when we were alright i said i feel uncomfortable in a bikini now). i feel like i will be there alone, but i dont know how to travel to resorts alone. alone i go to touristy places where i get a lot to see. there i need company to have fun on the beach and i am not great at approaching strangers and start partying with them, while he is. so i see him having all the fun while i am a lonely loser. and i have no problem with him picking up girls. what i am scared off is that he gets drunk, picks one up and brings them to our room so i have nowhere to go at night unless i pick someone up and i am not in the mood for that. i am not even in the party mood now. and returning tickets is not an option, it would be a big fee for it, plus the tickets are at his house and i don't feel like trying to call him. can't wait until i come home and it is over
 

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I'd say you need to have a clearing. Clear the air before you go on vacation. Don't let this ruin the vacation!
 

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Discussion Starter · #3 ·
oh i wish i could do it, but it is all up to him now. he refuses to talk and is just being an immature d*ck on facebook. if he gets himself together it may go well, but if not i am looking forward to a nightmare, lol
 

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Wow, I'm sorry that you went through all that. It sounds like he is being totally unreasonable and immature. Sometimes you think you know someone until you start dating them!

When my ex and I broke up, his mom had already bought me a plane ticket to go on a week vacation with the family to Florida for the mom's wedding. I couldn't bring myself to go because he had started dating someone new before we even broke up, and I was really angry about that and about the way he handled (or didn't handle) the breakup. I didn't want to create tension to ruin the wedding and everyone's vacation. I felt horrible, but I called his mom and explained to her that I didn't want to go now that he and I were no longer together and she totally understood.

Anyway, the point of that story is that she was able to get a ticket voucher from the airline so that she could use part of the ticket for another trip, and I was able to stay home and not be miserable and awkward. Maybe if this trip is going to be more of a stress for you than anything, you should stay home and either get a voucher or partial refund for the ticket and hotel room, or suggest that he take someone else instead and that person can pay you for the ticket and hotel room. It sounds like you would just be miserable on this trip and it might be better to cut your losses and possibly lose a little money to spare your sanity!
 

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Personally I just wouldn't go under such circumstances. It would feel horrible. People are different tho.

As for Cuba, have you ever been there before? The wife and I are just back from a short trip there. If you're out and about on your own e.g. in Habana, I think you might find that you don't have to put much effort into finding male companionship, in fact quite the opposite. It's not an easy place to be vegan or even l.o.vegetarian though. I wouldn't go there on my own unless I knew Spanish and had planned well.
 

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Discussion Starter · #6 ·
i did think of giving away the ticket top someone, but it is such a short notice. people have jobs and can't just go next week...if i had the tickets i would try to call to return it and see what can be done, but he has them. and calling him about it is pretty much impossible. otherwise it would be great, i would return it and just book myself a ticket to place like London, I saw some cheap flight+hotel offers which would be great.

I did hear that it is hard for vegetarians on Cuba, a vegan friend that i have told me she had to eat meat there. but i read reviews of the resort where we are going to and one of complaints people had there because of food was that there is almost no meat. so i think it looks good for me!
 

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If you don't go, you're out $X. If you do go, you're still out $X, plus a week of your time plus whatever emotional misery you go through.

I know which option I would pick.
 

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Haha, agreed with mlp! That is true about the short notice, I didn't think about that. Is there any other document you have (confirmation e-mail) with the ticket number or other ticket information? Maybe if you call the airline and explain the situation (not going into detail) they will be able to pull up your ticket using other information? There has to be a way to work around him being an idiot!
 

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Yeah, apart from the snide FB postings, if he doesn't have the emotional maturity or basic decency to deal with you now about the tickets, I don't see how sharing a room with him will be anything but misery. It sucks when you realize you have so badly misjudged a person's basic character - I know, I was just there myself.
 

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I would not mind going on a trip myself, and you might find other traveling women to have fun with.

If you think you can have fun by yourself, can you call the hotel and book a separate room? Because then except for the plane ride you can treat it as a solo vacation. No way would I share a room with him.

If you're able to do that, get a travel lock before you go, to secure your room. Women traveling alone need to be extra careful.
 

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Im sorry to read this, Ira. Cant you get a refund for the cuban trip? I know how it feels as I was dating a guy who was flirting with another female, in front of me, before we had even broken up... I am trying for as much distance as is practical, it is the only way. (((((((hugs)))))))) I think you should just cut your losses, and plan another trip sometime in the future which you can enjoy without some jackass messing it up.
 

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Discussion Starter · #13 ·
thank you, everyone!

we did clear things up. there were a few nasty text messages exchanged, and i finally said that i am done with this and if he stops being a cry baby he can call for a talk, otherwise i want to come and pick up the tickets to return them because otherwise it will be a disaster. so he told me they are not refundable and said that he will call me.
the conversation went well. he said that he didn't think that he should be telling me the things that bother him because those things should be obvious. i explained that we are different people so i don't necessarily see things the way he does. he also said that he didn't want to say anything because he didn't want to hurt me and make me angry. i said that nothing he says can hurt me more or make me angrier. so he went through it all. both saying how we felt about each issue. i said also what bothered me. he also said all the things he likes about me, and how he was thinking that all the other stuff won't bother him or that i may change when we started dating. but then realized that he can't change me. and that all the things that he was angry about don't bother him when we are friends and in some weird way he even likes me because of them.
i told him how i was worried he will lock me out of the room with some girl and he said he would never do it. and said that if anything we may try to get separate rooms. so i am very happy. the friendship is saved and Cuba will be fun!

but the lesson learned is: do not date your friends, you may not like them as much then, lol
oh and he is also keeping the kitty which he threatened to give away after our first fight
 

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Quote:
Originally Posted by Ira View Post

oh and he is also keeping the kitty which he threatened to give away after our first fight
...isn't he thinking about declawing that cat?
 

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Discussion Starter · #15 ·
not anymore! he trimmed her nails and is happy with the result. i did tell him about the cruelty of it and since trimming works i am not worried anymore
 

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Ira
Quote:
I did hear that it is hard for vegetarians on Cuba
According to my understanding (I've never been there) Cuba has market places where you can get a variety of locally grown fruits, vegetables, grains, and beans. That's about all you need for a vegan diet, except perhaps some olive oil and flax seed oil (aceite de linaza). Olive oil is said to be very popular in Cuba. I'm not sure how easy it is to get tortillas in Cuba, as these are a central american thing, not an Caribean Island thing. Cuba is, I think, likely to have lots of breads and cakes with, unfortunately, dairy and egg, and perhaps animal-origin shortening. I can't believe you will have trouble finding uncooked rice, uncooked beans, a couple of covered pots (you may be able to make do with just one), a knife, some sort of cooking burner, and a piece of lumber scrap to cut things on without dulling your knife. All you will need in addition is Olive oil, which is said to be ubiquitous in Cuba, and a source of omega 3 oil. Can you get flax oil in Cuba? I know flax seed is very popular in many parts of Latin America but I don't know about Cuba. Those Coleman-like double-burner propane stoves and propane are sold everywhere in the world. Rice needs only a very low flame. For rice you might be able to use a single burner electric hotplate on low heat (so as not to tax a hotel's electric system).
 

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Whether he's a friend or a lover to you, this guy doesn't sound very classy. I'm sure you could do better than him?
 

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It sounds like he is very immature. Surely the problem is not that you were friends, but that he is immature or has no experience communicating in relationships. By his behavior, I would have guessed you all were in middle school. I hope you don't regret going to Cuba, but it sounds like a really bad idea to me.
 

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Well.....wow. I'm glad you're happy, but this guy....

...this guy sounds like a complete butthole! I hope you do have fun and I'm instincts are wrong.

I would've deleted him off facebook, blocked his number and been done with him the moment he started treating me like that. Money is money and I would've have written the tickets as a lost cause, but I've been burned a few times
 
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