thinking like a dog.

kpickell · Mar 25, 2003

The things dogs try to remember: 
1 . The garbage collector is not stealing our stuff. 
2. I do not need to suddenly stand straight up when I'm lying under the coffee table. 
3. I will not roll my toys behind the fridge, behind the sofa or under the bed. 
4. I must shake the rainwater out of my fur before entering the house. 
5. I will not eat the cats' food, before they eat it or after they throw it up. 
6. I will stop trying to find the few remaining pieces of clean carpet in the house when I am about to get sick. 
7. I will not throw up in the car. 
8. I will not roll on dead seagulls, fish, crabs, etc. just because I like the way they smell. 
9. "Kitty box crunchies", although they are tasty, are not food. 
10. I will not eat any more Kleenex or napkins and then redeposit them in the backyard after processing. 
11. The diaper pail is not a cookie jar. 
12. I will not chew my human's toothbrush and not tell them. 
13. I will not chew crayons or pens, especially not the red ones, or my people will think I am hemorrhaging. 
14. When in the car, I will not insist on having the window rolled down when it's raining outside. 
15. We do not have a doorbell. I will not bark each time I hear one on TV. 
16. I will not steal my mom's underwear and dance all over the backyard with it. 
17. The sofa is not a face towel. Neither are mom & dad's laps. 
18. My head does not belong in the refrigerator. 
19. I will not bite the officer's hand when he reaches in for mom's driver's license and car registration. 
20. I will not play tug-of-war with dad's underwear when he's on the toilet. 
21. I will not eat mint flavored dental floss out of the bathroom garbage to avoid having a string hanging out of my butt. 
22. I will not use "roll around in the dirt" as an option after just getting a bath. 
23. Sticking my nose into someone's crotch is not an acceptable way of saying hello. 
24. I will not hump on any person's leg just because I thought it was the right thing to do. 
25. I will not fart in my owners face while sleeping on the pillow next to their head. 
26. I will not come in from outside and immediately drag my butt across the carpet. 
27. The toilet bowl is not a never ending water supply and, just because the water is blue, it doesn't mean it is cleaner. 
28. I will not sit in the middle of the living room and lick my crotch when company is over. 
29. Suddenly turning around and smelling my butt can quickly clear a room. 
30. The cat is not a squeaky toy so when I play with him and he makes that noise, it's usually not a good thing. 
being a dog is hard... so many things to remember.

KC Kid · Mar 25, 2003

****LOL*** 
25...All the way!!

Michael · Mar 25, 2003

I like these two: 
26. I will not come in from outside and immediately drag my butt across the carpet. 
28. I will not sit in the middle of the living room and lick my crotch when company is over.

KC Kid · Mar 25, 2003

My dog puke up some green grass on our cream colored carpet last night.....then my son fell asleep with a "ba-ba" between his legs. Sure enough it tipped over and the entire thing spilled on our new couch. My wife woke up to a hell of a mess this morning<img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="/images/smilies/smiley.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="

">

Avalon · Mar 25, 2003

Michael- your selections are really just good sense for ANYone. <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="/images/smilies/grin.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="

">

Seadolphin · Mar 25, 2003

hehehe, these are funny! <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="/images/smilies/smiley.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="

"> A nice laugh to start my morning!

Skylark · Mar 26, 2003

31. That UPS man isn't bringing a bomb in that big box, so I don't have to attack him before the box gets inside the house.

1vegan · Mar 26, 2003

I found this one, don't know if it is a trick photo... <img alt="" src="http://www.scheurijzer.nl/images/HondenVerkeersbord.jpg" style="border:0px solid;"> 
Edited: don't go to the site your self. 
It's not in english and some pages will be "shocking" to say the least.......

kpickell · Mar 26, 2003

I don't think anyone would have thought to go to that site... until you said don't go, and now we'll all have to check it out.

Seadolphin · Mar 26, 2003

What site did you find this at? Now that you've told us not to go there, we're getting curious!

Skylark · Mar 26, 2003

I wonder if that's how popular sites get their starts: forbid people to go, and they end up there out of morbid curiousity.

spud · Mar 27, 2003

<a href="http://www.scheurijzer.nl/images/HondenVerkeersbord.jpg" target="_blank">http://www.scheurijzer.nl/images/HondenVerkeersbord.jpg</a> 
I haven't been to the shocking site, but I am thinking about it...<img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="/images/smilies/grin.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="

">

1vegan · Mar 27, 2003

Its a site that is focussed on car accidents. 
The board came of the funny section, but, but there is also a site with real graphic images of what can be seen after a big crash. 
Im not a sissy, but even I thought yuk. 
So on your own risk <a href="http://www.scheurijzer.nl/" target="_blank">http://www.scheurijzer.nl/</a> 
And avoid schokkend +18 which means shocking and above 18. 
Dont say I didnt warn you !

kpickell · Mar 27, 2003

I feel like I'm back in highschool, watching that "Don't Drink and Drive" video. gross.

Skylark · Mar 27, 2003

Nooo... not driver's ed... I think I'll just not go to that site and spare myself.

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