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OK, so I'm a tennis fan, and I've been watching the US Open the last two weeks, and I'm cracking myself up making up rules for a hypothetical tennis tournament drinking game. The rules would go something like this:<br><br><br><br><span style="text-decoration:underline;">Drink whenever</span>:<br><br><br><br>
Brad Gilbert acts like a goober.<br><br><br><br>
John McEnroe acts like a misogynistic ass.<br><br><br><br>
One of the female commentators criticizes the men's game.<br><br><br><br>
Anyone uses the word "Cypriot."<br><br><br><br>
Anyone uses the word "Federer-like" to compliment a shot. Drink twice if they use the word "[player name]-like" and it's NOT Federer.<br><br><br><br>
The commentators refer to someone as "one of the fittest players on the tour."<br><br><br><br>
Andy Roddick uses the phrase, "It's a new day," during an interview.<br><br><br><br>
Roger Federer forgets that he's supposed to be modest during interviews and shows how conceited he really is.<br><br><br><br>
Maria Sharapova pulls a left-handed forehand. Drink twice if anyone else does it.<br><br><br><br>
Rafael Nadal does his patented "I just made a great shot" dance.<br><br><br><br>
Amelie Mauresmo does her patented "I just made a great shot" leap.<br><br><br><br>
Roger Federer does a fist pump after making a great shot.<br><br><br><br>
Lleyton Hewitt yells, "Come on!" Drink twice if he really belts it out with gusto.<br><br><br><br>
A player curses herself out at length in Russian. Drink twice if the ranting reaches a screaming crescendo.<br><br><br><br>
A player challenges a line call. Drink again if they turn out to be right.<br><br><br><br>
A player hits the deck while diving for a ball. Drink twice if they immediately leap up and do an "I made a great shot" dance.<br><br><br><br>
A player pulls the old between-the-legs shot. Drink twice if it's obviously unnecessary and they're just showboating.<br><br><br><br>
You see illegal coaching occuring. Drink twice if the person doing the illegal coaching is Yuri Sharapov. Chug your whole drink if he holds up a banana.<br><br><br><br>
They show a gratuitous shot of a random celebrity.<br><br><br><br>
They show a gratuitous shot of a random attractive female fan. Drink twice if this happens and it's not ESPN doing it.<br><br><br><br>
They show Justine Henin-Hardenne's husband chewing his nails.<br><br><br><br>
They show a player's girlfriend/boyfriend in the stands and it's someone different from the last tournament.<br><br><br><br>
One of the ballkids gets whistled or booed.<br><br><br><br>
A female player shows up for a match looking more like a diva than an athlete (ie, wearing glitter and/or sequins and/or massive earrings). Chug your drink if she runs back into the locker room for a forgotten piece of jewelry.<br><br><br><br>
Chug your drink if a male player shows up for a match wearing capri pants or a shirt with a hole in it as a fashion statement.<br><br><br><br>
Two players show up for a match wearing different versions of the same shirt/outfit. Chug your whole drink if they're EXACTLY the same.<br><br><br><br>
A random fan screams "I love you!" at a player. Drink twice if the player responds in any way. Chug your whole drink if the player yells, "I love you too!"<br><br><br><br>
A ball gets stuck in the net.<br><br><br><br>
A player hits the ball around the net post.<br><br><br><br>
A player double faults on game point. Drink twice if they double fault on set point.<br><br><br><br>
A player changes their shirt. Drink twice if they change their shirt before the first set is over.<br><br><br><br>
Chug your whole drink if a player intentionally tanks a set.<br><br><br><br>
A player gets in an argument with the chair umpire. Chug your whole drink if that player then goes on to tank the rest of the set.<br><br><br><br>
A player calls for the trainer or a bathroom break at a critical moment.<br><br><br><br>
A player falls to their knees after winning the tournament. Drink twice if they fall all the way to the ground.<br><br><br><br>
A player climbs into the stands after winning the tournament. Chug your drink if they spend more than one minute climbing/wandering through the stands.<br><br><br><br>
A player is too choked up to speak after the match. Chug your whole drink if they're too choked up to speak for more than one minute.<br><br><br><br>
A player cracks the press up during the post-match press conference.<br><br><br><br><br><br>
Yeah, so this is probably only funny if you're also a fan and routinely watch American broadcast coverage of the major tennis tournaments...
 

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