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Discussion Starter · #1 ·
Ok, we need some more humor in here, dontcha think??? If you have a joke, post it. No offense need be taken, this is all in good fun.<br><br><br><br><br><br>
A man walks into a bar with three ducks under his arm... He sits down and takes out a paper and sets the three ducks on the bar. He orders a drink and eventually puts his paper down and casually begins to talk with the 3 ducks...<br><br>
The bartender is shocked by this... and he watches in awe as the man converses with the 3 ducks. At one the point the man gets up and goes into the bathroom leaving his paper behind prompting the bartender to walk over to the 3 ducks on his bar.<br><br><br><br>
"Hello" he says to the first little duck....<br><br>
"What's your name?"<br><br>
The little duck looks up at him and says<br><br>
"Hi , I'm Huey."<br><br>
"and how are you doing today?" asks the bartender.<br><br>
"Oh I'm just great", the little duck begins,"life is good no complaints. I've been outside sitting in the shade, relaxing, been in and out of puddles all day, it's been great."<br><br><br><br>
The bartender turns to the second little duck and asks the same question...<br><br>
To which the 2nd little duck replies: "Hi I'm Duey and I'm great... kicking back, having a drink, been in and out of puddles all day! Life just doesn't get better."<br><br><br><br>
So the bartender nods at the second little duck and walks up to the third little duck and says.. "Well I suppose your Louie"<br><br>
To which the third little duck looks up and says... "NO I'm PUDDLES and DON"T ask me about my F**KING day!"<br><br><br><br><img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="/images/smilies/grin.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title=":D"><img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="/images/smilies/smiley.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title=":)"><img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="/images/smilies/grin.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title=":D"><img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="/images/smilies/smiley.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title=":)"><img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="/images/smilies/grin.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title=":D">
 

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here's our existing jokes thread! enjoy!<br><br><br><br><a href="http://veggieboards.com/boards/showthread.php?s=&threadid=937&highlight=jokes" target="_blank">http://veggieboards.com/boards/showt...ighlight=jokes</a><br><br><br><br>
and that was a good one, beardedlady! ha ha!
 

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Discussion Starter · #4 ·
I guess it should have been "reinvented" then... hummm... here's another<br><br><br><br>
Three monks decided to practice meditation together. They sat by the side of a lake and closed their eyes in concentration. Then, suddenly, the first one stood up and said:" I forgot my map." He stepped miraculously onto the water in front of him and walked across the lake to the other side.<br><br>
When he returned, the second monk stood up and said: "I forgot to put my underwear out to dry." He too walked calmly across the water and returned the same way.<br><br>
The third monk watched the first two carefully in what he decided must be the test of his own abilities. "Is your learning so superior to mine? I too can match any feat you perform," he declared loudly and rushed to the water's edge to walk across it. He promptly fell into the deep water.<br><br>
Undeterred, the yogi climbed out of the water and tried again, only to sink into the water. Yet again, he climbed out and yet again he tried, each time sinking into the water. This went on for some time while the other two watched.<br><br>
After a while, the second monk turned to the first and said "Do you think we should tell him where the stones are?"
 

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Hee hee, good ones, Beardedlady.<br><br><br><br>
Q. How many veg*ns does it take to change a lightbulb?<br><br>
A. I don't know, but where do you get your protein?<br><br><br><br><br><br>
Q. Why are veg*ns so good at *ahem* giving oral pleasure?<br><br>
A. B/c they're used to eating nuts.
 

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Discussion Starter · #6 ·
A woman's husband had been slipping in and out of a coma for several months, yet she had stayed by his bedside every single day.<br><br>
One day, when he came to, he motioned for her to come nearer.As she<br><br>
sat by him, he whispered, eyes full of tears, "You know what? You<br><br>
have been with me all through the bad times.<br><br>
When I got fired, you were there to support me. When my business failed, you were there. When I got shot, you were by my side. When we lost the house,<br><br>
you stayed right here. When my health started failing, you were still by my side...<br><br>
You know what?"<br><br>
"What dear?" she gently asked, smiling as her heart began to fill with warmth.<br><br><br><br>
"I think you're bad luck, why don't you f**k off."
 

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Discussion Starter · #7 ·
Hehe<br><a href="http://cdn.veggieboards.com/3/32/3216173b_vbattach128.jpeg"><img alt="LL" src="http://cdn.veggieboards.com/3/32/525x525px-LL-3216173b_vbattach128.jpeg" style="width:525px;height:394px;"></a>
 

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This is taken from <a href="http://www.jokes.com/results/detail.asp?id=140&sql=1&cat=35" target="_blank">http://www.jokes.com/results/detail....0&sql=1&cat=35</a><br><br><div class="quote-container"><span>Quote:</span>
<div class="quote-block"><b>A Horoscope For The Workplace</b><br><br><br><br>
ASTROLOGY: tells us about you and your future simply by your birthday. The Chinese Zodiac uses the year of your birth. Demographics tell us what you like, dislike, whom you vote for, what you buy, and what you watch on TV. Well, the Corporate Zodiac goes a step further: simply by your job title, people will have you all figured out...<br><br><br><br>
MARKETING: You are ambitious yet stupid. You chose a marketing degree to avoid having to study in college, concentrating instead on drinking and socializing, which is pretty much what your job responsibilities are now. Least compatible with Sales.<br><br><br><br>
SALES: Laziest of all signs, often referred to as "marketing without a degree," you are also self-centered and paranoid. Unless someone calls you and begs you to take their money, you like to avoid contact with "customers" so you can "concentrate on the big picture." You seek admiration for your golf game throughout your life.<br><br><br><br>
TECHNOLOGY: Unable to control anything in your personal life, you are instead content to completely control everything that happens at your workplace. Often even YOU don't understand what you are saying, but who the hell can tell?! It is written that the geeks shall inherit the Earth.<br><br><br><br>
ENGINEERING: One of only two signs that actually studied in school, it is said that ninety percent of all personal ads are placed by engineers. You can be happy with yourself: your office is typically full of all the latest "ergodynamic" gadgets. However, we all know what is really causing your "carpal tunnel"...<br><br><br><br>
ACCOUNTING: The only other sign that studied in school, you are mostly immune from office politics. You are the most feared person in the organization; combined with your extreme organizational traits, the majority of rumors concerning you say that you are completely insane.<br><br><br><br>
HUMAN RESOURCES: Ironically, given your access to confidential information, you tend to be the biggest gossip within the organization. Possibly the only other person that does less work than marketing, you are unable to return any calls today because you have to get a haircut, have lunch, and mail a letter!<br><br><br><br>
MIDDLE MANAGEMENT/DEPARTMENT MANAGEMENT/"TEAM LEADS": Catty, cut-throat, yet completely spineless, you are destined to remain at your current job for the rest of your life. Unable to make a single decision you tend to measure your worth by the number of meetings you can schedule for yourself. Best suited to marry other "Middle Managers," as everyone in your social circle is a "Middle Manager."<br><br><br><br>
SENIOR MANAGEMENT: Catty, cut-throat, yet completely spineless, you are destined to remain at your current job for the rest of your life. Unable to make a single decision you tend to measure your worth by the number of meetings you can schedule for yourself. Best suited to marry other "Senior Managers," as everyone in your social circle is a "Senior Manager."<br><br><br><br>
CUSTOMER SERVICE: Bright, cheery, positive, you are a fifty-cent cab ride from taking your own life. As a child very few of you asked your parents for a little cubicle for your room and a headset so you could pretend to play "Customer Service." Continually passed over for promotions, your best bet is to sleep with your boss.</div>
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Here's one of my favourites.<br><br><br><br>
A peanut and a chicken walk into a bar. The peanut turns to the Chicken and says: "This is the stupidest joke I've ever been in."
 
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