The Elephant in the Room

okay here is what I think. You need to be resolved within yourself about why this is important to you. I am not sure how old you are, but I suspect young. I am not young. I am nearly 60. No one would dare criticize my choice. Why? Mostly because I am the age I am and I know my own mind.

So when you are young, people think they have to weigh in on your every decision. I remember those days. People will try hard to influence you. So just don't be influenced. Come up with some lines that work. How about

"Thanks for your concern, but I have already researched this and made up my mind"

"Mom, I have really looked into this protein issue and I am happy to share the information with you."

"Well I am glad you are enjoying what you eat, i do too. Different strokes, eh?|"

Now what about your mom not supporting you. What does that mean? Does she cook for you? You don't need anyone supporting you if they don't want to. Come here and get support.

Try not to get too emotional about the whole thing. Just quietly carry on. Don't over explain, don't try to convince, just do your thing.

Hun, you are a vegan. That's it. End of story. No discussion.

You know something... I have not had much of the "people making fun of my choices" problem, I suspect because 1) I am very careful about who I will have in my life, and by and large I don't have friends or even acquaintances who are in the habit of denigrating *anyone* for any reason, and 2), Anyone who knows me at all knows that I have good reasons for pretty much anything I do, including food choices (another way of saying, I am very confident in what I do and people know this, so it goes back to that confidence thing). I guess there is a third reason - anyone who knows me at all knows that I will NOT bow to pressure to do anything, whether it's explain myself, or drink a shot, or whatever - so they don't try.

Regarding your friend: could it be that her statement is a reflection that she is concerned about others hurting you? One potentially good reaction to what she said might be, "I know my friends would never make fun of me for what I choose to eat. And anyone who is not my friend doesn't matter." If she is a true friend, then you will not need to say anything else.

As for your mom: If you still live at home, then she will feel entitled to say whatever comes to mind - which will get annoying. All you can do is just be quietly persistent. I agree with Kallyho that there is no point in trying to talk someone out of their opinion. If they do not accept your explanation quickly, then it probably won't matter what else you say. So, don't argue with Mom. But you might be able to shut down the continued sniping by saying (politely and calmly), "Mom, I am convinced this is the right thing for me at this time, and my mind is made up. There is nothing you can say or do that is going to change it." This worked for me years ago with my mom when she would snipe at me for various things. Over time, she quit sniping just because she knew it wouldn't work. Now, if I do something she doesn't like, she might ask a few well-thought-out questions, but she accepts my answers readily because she knows I've thought it out, whatever it is!

One final thought - you say you were "pushed" to explain your diet. While it is uncomfortable when people are so rude they will not shut up, ultimately, you do NOT have to bow to that kind of pressure - EVER. You do have the choice to look the offender in the eye and say, calmly, "I am eating watermelon. I don't feel like discussing the reason why, and you need to back off." This is a perfectly acceptable response when someone is being a pain in the tail. Remember: we *teach* people how to treat us, by how we respond to what they do.

Auxin said:

Thats good to hear
One of the few things that makes the transition somewhat difficult is quickly building the strength of character needed to face peoples 'comments'.
Ironically that soon becomes a benefit, having built the strength of character to proudly be yourself even when friends disagree.

Click to expand...

Yup, I am normally a very shy passive person but when I became vegan I had plenty of practice being assertive and speaking up for myself lol. Everything from speaking up for my needs when eating out; defending my veganism to family and friends; asking grocery stores to provide specific vegan items; and eventually even leafleting and tabling at colleges and downtown and talking with interested and not so interested people. It really helped me build my confidence level and reaffirm my commitment and stand by my values no matter what.

My Mom was really against me going vegan at first but eventually she saw how successful I was and I shared many a great dish with her. Then she watched Forks over Knives and overnight changed her mind about it. Though she attempted but was unsuccessful in becoming vegan, she is mostly vegetarian now. My sister also changed her mind and is fully vegan for almost two years now. My inlaws are very religious and thought I was in some evil cult and they still look for every flaw they can find in veganism but they have relaxed a lot over the years and they are amazed at the variety of vegan dishes and foods I eat. My own husband and i used to have screaming matches about my vegan ideals (he was ironically fine with the food but has a hard time with other stuff) but he too has grown to appreciate many of them and while we don't agree on everything we have learned to live with our differences and seek common ground.

I remember one day in the beginning though, I had a good friend from church. I enthusiastically "came out" to her about being vegan and she attacked me saying that God made animals for us to eat and so on. I was shattered. It was the first time I would experience rejection of my veganism but not the last. I was already strong in my beliefs and commitment so it did not affect that but I was less enthusiastic about sharing my veganism with people for a time. I didn't argue a whole lot with that friend because she wasn't willing to listen to my side of the story so I just left it at that. I tend to avoid people who are overly negative about my choices and lifestyle. At least the inlaws don't make rude comments or nag me about it. Of course they do bring up any time I have the slightest illness or not so slight illness and immediate blame my vegan diet and that does get old. I just bite my tongue when they talk about their own health issues...COPD, high cholesterol, cateracts etc.

Your comments and stories are really helping me see past all of the disapproval in my own life. Sometimes when everyone you love disagrees with you, especially as a teenager, it's hard to remain unflinching. I hope I can build, as Auxin said, the strength of character to stand up for myself while remaining patient and understanding towards everyone else.
I'm beginning to learn that there are two types of strength, both of which involve standing up for what you believe in. When an individual tells me that going vegan is a terrible decision, they are showing me an aggressive and uncontrolled need to protect what's their's. When I am fighting the urge to show them pictures of slaughterhouses and rehearse the benefits of a plant-based diet, I am showing the patient and controlled side of strength.
My mother was teasing me last night about chicken, saying she can't wait to cook up a nice big chicken pot pie. I could feel my patience slipping, but right then I remembered all of you and was able to smile and walk away. So again, thank you all for that.

ledboots said:

i've been vegan for ten years, i'm an rn in my 50's, and people still feel the need to tell me how they think i should eat. I have a rule that i won't discuss my veganism during a meal because that is when people seem to get the meanest (more unconcious guilt as they chew on a pig or a chicken, i think.) i tell them i will discuss it after the meal if they're still interested.

If people ask me why i'm veg, i just say i don't like to eat animal products and that i love plant foods. I just try to be nice about it, but i've felt ganged up on a few times at work, so i did once ask a co-worker what was in her mcdonalds' bag. She made a comment about my eating "rabbit food" (baked potato with veg chili is rabbit food?) so i asked her to show me what was in the bag and we'd google to see who had the healthier lunch. She declined.

Click to expand...

HA HA......priceless!!!!

chickpeachica -

WELCOME!!!! :hi:

As far as.....That same day, my mother told me, "If you go vegan I'm not going to support it." Then she proceeded to inform me that protein's only home is animal flesh.

I would refer your Mom to the following:

I don't know how old you are, but you should be able to make your own decisions about what you will and will not eat. Sometimes that freaks other people out, but irregardless....it's YOUR life. Just remember....you will never please all the people all the time.

Welcome, Chickpea! We've all been there...it truly is the elephant in the room!

Man, that's rough. I'm sorry to hear you've been attacked for a choice that you believe works for you in your life. You should be proud of who you are and your beliefs, no matter what anyone else says, because they aren't you. They don't know what your life is like or what goes through your head, no matter how close they are to you. Be proud to be an individual, because you are!

I've was lacto-ovo vegetarian on and off for four years, and honestly that didn't seem to bother nearly as many people as when I cut out dairy about a year ago. However, it seems like the hardest part about not consuming massive quantities of animal products (whether you are flexitarian, vegetarian, vegan, etc) is the social aspect. At least that's what I've observed.

Like previous posts above, I advise you to get informed about the scientific proof that your diet is a healthy diet. Read peer-reviewed articles. Do a little homework. Let your friends and family know that eating animal products is not the "only" way to stay healthy. Vegetarian and vegan diets don't work for everyone, but it can work for a lot of people, much more people than the general public seems to realize.

I also advise you to keep going. Prove your friends and family wrong by eating awesomely delicious and nutritious food and by staying healthy. The only time I had an abnormal blood test after I became veg was when it was found out I had really, really low cholesterol, and this was just from simply not eating enough (this was in the beginning of my journey-it's hard to adapt to an "unusual" diet when everyone else eats vastly different food from you, I had to re-learn what to eat and how much of it but it paid off). I ate more and got normal blood tests again. Other than that I have never been low in Vitamin D, Calcium, Iron...you name it. Blood tests don't lie, then your friend and family will have nothing to say about you not getting proper nutrients.

Hang in there, it's really the roughest part. The stares and "Ew you freak!" looks are the worst. I hate them, especially when I get it when I eat lunch that I've spent hours shopping for and cooking for my family. It's just plain rude, no matter what your dietary habits are. Know that. They are being unkind. Period. And they are wrong.

Be as kind as you can and rational and give them the facts. They won't have any reasons to attack you anymore without really looking like the biggest jerk on the planet if you do this. If certain people STILL keep harassing you about it after all of that, then I advise you not to be their friend anymore...because what kind of true friend puts you down like that? Get new friends that support you.

A little bit of light at the end of the tunnel: Until recently, I was harassed by this woman at work almost everyday about what was in my lunch. A few days ago, however, we had a nice long discussion where I educated her a little bit and showed her I wasn't a crazy wacko cult follower or something, just a normal person trying to get through lunch like everyone else! Lol. It turns out she secretly admires veggie heads for their hard work and she commended me. She seemed very open to the idea of watching "Forks Over Knives" when I suggested it to her. (And I also suggest you watch it as well if you haven't, it is on Netflix Instant and it deals with the science of plant-based diets) So...its times like that when it really pays off.

And when it all just seems like too much...come whine about it in the "Stupid Things Omnivores Say" thread...it's what I always do when I'm just too peeved about a particular confrontation. It's perfectly ok to let off a little steam once in a while.

Take care. You are strong and believe in a just cause.

Be who you want to be. It has made me a lot happier.

First thing you need to learn, tofu is not for everyone. I am not a fan of tofu but I like lentils and other things with plenty of protein.

Try lentils if you are looking for protein. If you don't like those chick peas are good as well. There are more of course but those are the ones that are quite rich in protein. The lentils I have are actually 25% protein, and the chick peas I have are about 20%. That's more than enough and actually around the same as meat.

And it really is more than enough. Even something like plain old pasta will have a good amount in it. Protein isn't really much of a worry TBH, though if you're interested I can give you more information.

What you, and infact many meat eaters, should be more concerned with is B12 intake. Not getting enough can cause nerve damage.

The other "concern" which I have personally because of the food choices I make is calcium which I solve easily by taking a suplement when I know I am not eating enough foods with calcium in it or because I am eating/drinking stuff which removes calcium from my body.

I could go on and on, but anyways your best friend is knowledge. Not only will it improve your health but when people ask you questions about where you get X vitamin or protein or whatever you will easily be able to answer them. Nobody ever gives me a hard time about being vegan and I always have lots of interesting food information for everyone

nutritiondata.self.com will help a lot and I would suggest using google to use the website. I always type in like lentil nutrition and just click the link to the website. The best thing about it is that is has breakdowns of info into details you can use to identify weak points of your diet which you can then correct.

Don't try to learn everyone right away though, it's simply too much information unless you have an amazing memory. It took me years to learn everything that I know now about nutrition and your body is great at making it through times where your diet is lacking in something. Don't worry too much.

edit--------

Okay I really can go on and on

Take a look at
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Essential_amino_acid#Recommended_daily_amounts

Also the nutrition.self website breaks down protein into its composition. One of the amino acids people try to say you can only get from meat is tryptophan. Pretty much everything has some in it, but the one I tend to say is a good source is almonds because it something I enjoy.

Using 4mg/kg of bodyweight needed per day from the wiki page and that you get 203mg from 95g of almonds you can calculate that, assuming you weigh 160 pounds like myself, that you can get all of the "meat only" triptophan you need for a day from just 135g of almonds.

Assuming all you ate were almonds that is. Regular pasta has 113mg per 140g. I think if you actually look at it you will quickly see that protein is not an issue at all.

edit2--------
Oh one thing you might want to include in your diet is walnuts. They contain something that your body can synthesise into omega3s which is good for your brain. No need to eat fish to get it.