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Beanitarian
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Discussion Starter · #1 ·
I think I posted this last yr but I can't find it.<br><br>
Last yr xmas was a disaster, meal-wise. We have multiple stops to make on xmas--it's an all-day/night thing--so it's not like I can reasonably "eat before I go". I suppose I could pack a lunch to eat in the car (frozen solid) but I don't think that's reasonable. I considered bringing something to eat but it would be a block of ice sitting in the car all day and just one more hassle on a hectic day.<br><br>
We went to the place where we were expected for dinner. These people have known for years I don't eat meat and "don't agree" (as if it's any of their business).<br><br>
We arrived and our plates had already been fixed, heaping portion of meat on mine. They quickly commented it had meat in it and they knew I didn't like it. <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="/images/smilies/huh.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title=":confused:"> Separate dishes had been made for people who don't like some very basic ingredients but not me, b/c it's not a dislike but a choice. OKaaaaaaaaayyy.<br><br>
I am not kidding you, every single dish had meat added. The only meat-free items were bread, nuts and candy, so that's what I ate. It was sooooo awkward. I felt sick b/c I had only junk to eat most of the day. Our previous stop fed us alcohol, alcohol, alcohol and salty snacks. So liquid lunch and no bfast. I needed fooooood at dinner, not more junk.<br><br>
We left early and I ate at home.<br><br>
IMO they do not have to stop eating meat themselves for me but when you know your guest is not going to eat what you prepare then why invite her? I think it's obnoxious. Either set aside a little bit of the salad and veg side dishes before you add meat or just don't invite me, thanks. They had prepared the veg & salads with sausage and bacon, so the meat permeated the dishes (picking it out would have been useless).<br><br>
This yr my husband said we won't be eating dinner there b/c of that fiasco. I am flattered he remembered it and decided to go elsewhere (this is all his family that we spend the day with so I leave the decision to him).<img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="/images/smilies/love.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title=":love:">
 

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According to the rules, the guest has to eat what he receives, but if the hosts knows the guest won't eat some things, then it's up to him to prepate something special for this guest. Even if it's just some stupid salad because they don't know anything or haven't tried to find anything, they respect the rules. But serving you meat knowing that you don't eat any is breaking the rules of hosting and therefore being a (very) bad host, especially if you do it specially.
 

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Unfortunately, there are still people out there that can't grasp eating "meat-free". As much as we try to make them understand, it's just not going to happen. And, it sounds like you've been fighting that battle for a while with these folks. Some "hosts" are just not good hosts and it can be frustrating.<br><br>
So, what do we do as guests? Sometimes we just have to grin and bear it for the sake of peace and find other ways to make sure we don't leave hungry.<br><br>
It sounds like you've got alternate plans, but, just in case...<br><br>
If you do end up going this year, what about offering to bring a dish, some fresh vegetables/homemade dip or hummus or a hearty salad to share? One that you know that if it's the only meat-free dish available that would satisfy your hunger at that particular stop. You could offer it as, "I know you do so much to prepare for this giant meal, let me take some of the burden off of you and make one of the side dishes." What I've found is that if I don't declare it "meat-free" or "vegetarian" no one pays any mind and will dig in.<br><br>
I invested in one of the pyrex insulated totes that holds a baking dish with a lid and has an insert you can heat up to keep things warm. They work really well. (In fact, I strapped it to the back of my bike, rode for about 20 minutes in 30 degree weather, and when I arrived the food was still piping hot).<br><br>
If you're doing multiple stops, and are afraid your emergency snacks are going to freeze in your car, pack them in a shopping bag, bring it into the house, and stash it in a corner. If someone asks, you can just mention it's for your next stop and you didn't want it to freeze.
 

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The hosts should accomodate one to the reasonable point. like i wouldn't expect them to give me a completely different meal, but i would be offended if they knew that i don't eat meat and give it to me on the plate. there are usually some vegetable and side dishes there. i would just expect to get a bit more of those and no meat.<br><br>
and i would not go to those people again, kudos to your husband for it. it would be one thing if they didn't accomodate everyone, but if they cared about other's likes and ignored your choice, they are very rude
 

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Well, if it were me I just wouldn't attend. I don't put up with that. People may say I'm rude but I don't care. I would much rather stay at home and have something to eat than be a pawn in some weird dinner entertainment. No thank you.<br><br>
This is one of the times to bring a vegan meal replacement bar with you. Just tuck it in your purse and you're fine. No worries about anything freezing.<br><br>
I think that whoever does the inviting is responsible for ensuring that all parties are satisfied. If you can't host an event like this and meet everyone's meal requirements, then go out to eat. Simple.
 

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According to "the rules," if you accept an invitation to someone's event, they should accept an invitation from you. With people who you can continue being friends, that will be your chance to show what kind of thing you like. With people who say "No, not if you won't give me some meat," it's your chance to say "Now you know how I feel & why I won't be here again."
 

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You can try wrapping your food up in a thick blanket. I know that sounds strange, but blankets are good at keeping things at a similar temperature. Pack sandwiches, muesli bars, fruit, etc.
 

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<div class="quote-container"><span>Quote:</span>
<div class="quote-block">Originally Posted by <strong>Mike4891</strong> <a href="/forum/post/3060103"><img alt="View Post" class="inlineimg" src="/img/forum/go_quote.gif" style=""></a><br><br>
According to "the rules," if you accept an invitation to someone's event, they should accept an invitation from you. With people who you can continue being friends, that will be your chance to show what kind of thing you like. With people who say "No, not if you won't give me some meat," it's your chance to say "Now you know how I feel & why I won't be here again."</div>
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lol, thats funny <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="/images/smilies/smiley.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title=":)"> but it isn't exactly the same, people shouldn't have to serve things in their house they are against but it isn't like meat eaters are against vegetables
 

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Maybe you're right. I just like to find excuses to host, I guess. <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="/images/smilies/smiley.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title=":)">
 

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<div class="quote-container">~</div>
 

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Beanitarian
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Discussion Starter · #13 ·
If I have to go back to that person's house I will definitely be bringing my own dinner. I didn't think it would be polite since she didn't want us to bring anything and had made an elaborate feast. Obviously it's necessary anyway.<br><br>
When I host I always accommodate their likes/dislikes if known. In fact I pride myself at recalling what people's favorites are and provide them, even if they haven't been at my house in years.<br><br>
In fact I prepare meat for them. (Yes I know, this doesn't work for all vegetarians. I'm married to a meat eater so I compromise.)<br><br>
The host in the OP story actually made 2 separate main courses for others who didn't like the main course but couldn't be bothered to keep 1 portion of a dish aside for me before she added the meat.<br><br>
To make matters worse, they know I can't even digest meat anymore due to cancer surgery I had. (Not that being a vegetarian isn't enough of a reason to be offended.) So I know I am supposed to eat what I'm given but I do make exceptions for all the foods that literally make me ill. I will be ill for a week, losing time from work, etc. if I eat certain undigestable foods and I feel no obligation to eat them.<br><br>
Etiquette is lost on some people. I guess if you really want to be passive-aggressive your best bet is to avoid etiquette altogether.<br><br>
I have made slow progress over the years. They used to get really dramatic about it, raised voices and all, and even lie to me about hidden meat. I think (hope) we're past that.
 

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They seem just plain out to get you. <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="/images/smilies/sad.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title=":(">
 

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<div class="quote-container"><span>Quote:</span>
<div class="quote-block">Originally Posted by <strong>imagineaa</strong> <a href="/forum/post/3060736"><img alt="View Post" class="inlineimg" src="/img/forum/go_quote.gif" style=""></a><br><br>
If I have to go back to that person's house I will definitely be bringing my own dinner. I didn't think it would be polite since she didn't want us to bring anything and had made an elaborate feast. Obviously it's necessary anyway.<br><br>
When I host I always accommodate their likes/dislikes if known. In fact I pride myself at recalling what people's favorites are and provide them, even if they haven't been at my house in years.<br><br>
In fact I prepare meat for them. (Yes I know, this doesn't work for all vegetarians. I'm married to a meat eater so I compromise.)<br><br>
The host in the OP story actually made 2 separate main courses for others who didn't like the main course but couldn't be bothered to keep 1 portion of a dish aside for me before she added the meat.<br><br>
To make matters worse, they know I can't even digest meat anymore due to cancer surgery I had. (Not that being a vegetarian isn't enough of a reason to be offended.) So I know I am supposed to eat what I'm given but I do make exceptions for all the foods that literally make me ill. I will be ill for a week, losing time from work, etc. if I eat certain undigestable foods and I feel no obligation to eat them.<br><br>
Etiquette is lost on some people. I guess if you really want to be passive-aggressive your best bet is to avoid etiquette altogether.<br><br>
I have made slow progress over the years. They used to get really dramatic about it, raised voices and all, and even lie to me about hidden meat. I think (hope) we're past that.</div>
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oh wow. how well do you know these people and are they aware of these things? Honestly, In this situation, not only would I be offended, I would speak up
 

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Beanitarian
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Discussion Starter · #16 ·
Oh yes, I have. I am quite assertive. If anything I am more on the aggressive side than passive. lol<br><br>
There are other passive-aggressive issues with these folks and we have gradually cut down on our contact w/them because of it. They are immediate relatives though. It's deliberate, make no mistake about it. They are just immature people.<br><br>
I guess I thought this was a common problem for vegetarians and expected people to pipe up with their own stories!
 

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I don't expect anyone to cook for me. I'm always willing and do bring my own food to people's houses. That way, there's no, "oh by the way, there's butter or beef broth on those vegetables" It totally takes the pressure off of the cook, prevents them from going out and buying special ingredients, and I don't have to worry about contamination.<br><br>
What if you really had severe life threatening allergies from food contamination? Would you take your own food then? You can look at it like that! If a host would have a problem with me bringing my own food, then I'd reconsider the relationship!
 

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I would drop these people as friends, as they don't seem to act like very good friends. If I knew someone was coming to dinner, I'd find out what they liked, and what allergies (if any) they had. You said you cannot digest meat because of cancer surgery, so I'd also work around that, as well. Take smoothies, sandwiches, pizza, anything that is portable and can be eaten. It's a lot less hassle.
 
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