[Avalon]

Heh. I feel vindicated. And for such a small thing.

I spend EVERY freakin day being the 'bigger person' to those who are nasty to me, and tonight I decided the time had come for me to be a *****.

I have mentioned in the past this awful girl who has the hots for my boyfriend. She never ever dated him, but has developed this sick set of fantasy memories about him:

ex.: Her: "You should come over again and have sex with me like you did last week. Remember that time when my dad walked in on us??"

Trev: Uuuhhh- I never had sex with you, you psycho...

For a year now I have heard nothing of this woman but how she comes over all the time (lets herself into the house...) and tells him she's gonna kick my ass, or tell me he's cheating on me, or do any number of things to break us up.

She calls me: The Grumpy *****, that Stupid Skank, that Slutty ****ing Whore, etc etc etc (upon which she gets her ass thrown out of the house, or hung up on).

She even asks him stupid things like: "What so you take HER out to dinner and not me?" (Uhhh- cause she's my GIRLFRIEND you psycho...) or says "You never have ME sleep over!!" (Uhh, that's right. And I never will, you psycho...)

He's been trying to ignore her as best he can, but he's friends with a couple she knows really well, and it's a balancing act between them and HER psychoses...

So lately I've been answering the phone just to piss her off when she calls. She always gives him an earful afterwards. It's always crazy comments from her, like: "WHy was that ***** answering the phone? Too bad, I was going to ask you to do something with me tonight, but now you've blown it..." and such nonsense. (He can't stand her.)

She is SUCH a thorn in my side.

I've been the bigger person through all of this for a year now, as I've said. BUt there is only so much foul-mouthed insulting behind my back I will take lying down.

There is nothing I hate more than a woman who tries to move in on another's 'turf' or one who is unprovokedly disrespectful of another woman. I don't want to sound cheesey, but c'mon, Sistahs! We gotta stick together!

Also, I had a chick move in on my man once before right under my nose, and win him away, and it IRKS me to no end now.

So tonight she called and Trev let me answer.

Me: "Hello?" all innocent.

Her: "Ahhhh." (in a snarky sing-songy voice) "Is Trevor there please?"

Me: "May I ask who's speaking please?"

Her: "It's ______."

Me: "Ahh. Ok. IN which case I'm sorry but he's not here right now."

Her: "............................................. huff noise [translation: You *****!] .......FINE."

Me: in sweet voice "OKay! Have a nice night. Bye!"

I know it's juvenile, and I know it's just the slightest shaft to her, nothing big, (though I do know from the tone in her voice she's gonna consider this the HUGEST insult) but it's such a departure for me, and I feel so deliciously evil right now. And vindicated for a year of putting up with her ****.

I didn't say anything nasty, anything rude, but after a year of hearing what she's said about me I have finally had a chance to make one SMALL impolite gesture in response... and it felt ****ing GREAT!!

I've gotten a lot of my pent up anger about this out of my system tonight, I think.

Anyoe else ever done stuff like this, or are you all too nice? (Or worse!! lol)

 

[VealPrincess]

"There is nothing I hate more than a woman who tries to move in on another's 'turf' or one who is unprovokedly disrespectful of another woman. I don't want to sound cheesey, but c'mon, Sistahs! We gotta stick together!"

I couldn't echo this sentiment more loudly- I totally totally TOTALLY agree with you!

I think you are totally justified in doing what you did. I've seen the type of girl that you are dealing with and they need to be stopped!

I usually make it all too obvious if I think someone is being too flirty with my SO- once I threw a drink on the dance floor (oops!), mostly I just give evil stares or say something really snotty.

And usually I'm so nice, I don't know what comes over me....

(its the truth, really I am nice!)

 

[Funkified]

wow, that ***** has some serious issues! tell your guy to get a freakin restraing order...i wouldnt trust her. i would have told her off a lonnnng time ago.

 

[Skylark]

Avalon,

Sometimes it does feel so delicious to not give someone annoying exactly what he/she wants. I've never had anyone as nasty as that, but I've been known to exact some small revenges. I try so hard not to carry grudges, and I am mostly successful, but I also am the Sarcasm Queen.

 

[Vegankat]

You go on with your bad self, Avalon! *raises the proverbial roof*

She really deserves a lot worse than you gave her, but you're far too mature and adult to stoop to her level.

 

[Skylark]

You could try using only a cellphone or something like that, if she's really getting to you. Also if the telemarketers know your phone number by heart.

 

[Kreeli]

i'd stop answering the phone when she calls, and make up a little song about how much she sucks for your answering machine.

 

[Robert]

Or, hehehe, perhaps play a custom recording to her when she calls... remember that one from Seinfeld that George did...

Believe it or Not, We're not at home...

Just leave a message at the bee - eep...

We must be out, or we'd answer the phone...

Where could we be.....

Ya gotta sing it of course

 

[Avalon]

heh. Most times he doesn't answer, but once in a while it's fun just to hear what crap she will say. Especially when I answer.

Get this. I made Trev call her back, to make sure she wasn't suicidal or anything, and she started sobbing to him over the phone: "I've never done anything to her! *sob* Why is she so mean to me?"

She cried her eyes out.

Trevor thinks she's a sociopath. I'm beginning to agree with him. She has all the signs.

Trev's response was: "You know, being mean to someone BEHIND their BACK is a lot worse that doing it to their face, where they can defend themselves. Besides which, your kind of behaviour is cowardly."

*sob sob*

I do feel sorry for her, but c'mon. Grow the **** up. And you want to teach in an Elementary school? pfffft.

 

[LadyFaile]

haha Kreeli that's brilliant

but really you should have her arrested and charged with harassment. especially letting herself into the house, that's gotta be very very illegal. start making a record of her calls. time she called, exactly what she said, exactly what you or he said in response, etc. it'll make it easier to have her charged if you decide to do it.

no sense letting it go on like that, she'll drive you crazy, and your poor guy too!

my friend was with this one girl who was a little bit "not quite right" and after they broke up she kept calling him. like 4 years later he was engaged to another woman and she still called him every night. one night his mom was visiting and i was at his place chatting with her. he stepped out for a minute and his ex calls. his mom answered it and politely said "ohhh is this.. (fiancee's name)?" knowing full well who it was. it was really funny cause it really really insulted chicky

 

[Skylark]

And you wonder why some people have bad memories of elementary school teachers?

 

[Baby]

I don't understand how this has been allowed to go on for a year.

If her involvement with Trevor has been totally fictional why does he engage her in any conversation. She sounds dangerously disturbed, and both you, and Trevor, should send a loud message by getting a restaining orders. Do you live with Trevor?

There is absolutly no reason you should have to be polite or patient.

If Trevors friends know her really well, and their normal, then they will more than understand, and support, your actions in preserving your relationship, home, and well being. Infact, ask Trevors friends to sit down with you guys, and this woman, and find out what the hell she thinks she's doing. Bring it to the light of day. Expose her behavior for all to see. Make sure she sees what kind of relationship you have with your boyfriend, and that you have her friends support.

I don't see the humor or interest in letting this continue. If Trevor isn't willing to do this for you, he isn't telling you everything. If another man tried to do this to my boyfriend, I would make sure he knew what my legal rights are, and he would end up very sorry he tried to mess with my relationship. If she's letting herself into Trevors (and perhaps yours) home, she's trespasssing, braking and entering. Is Trevor flattered by this or something? Why is he allowing this to continue. If his friends don't understand, then screw them. You're more important. It doesn't make you a better person by allowing someone else to compromise your happiness.

You need a public showdown. You have every right to be totally pissed by this. Good luck!

 

[Michael]

Give her my number!

 

[Skylark]

You want someone who's that desperate, Michael?

 

[soilman]

I think that this woman is exhibiting behavior that is so inconsiderate that people would not normally expect anyone to tolerate it, in the industrialized west, or anywhere else as far as I know, and I think that it might even be considered almost as ill-mannered to tolerate it, as it would be to do it: the uncivilized interacting with the uncivilized.

I would conclude from this woman's behavior that there is a possibility that she might become physically dangerous. My suugestion would be to first tell her firmly and gently, in no uncertain terms, to stop. If she asks "stop what," you should not say "you know," or "just stop what you are doing," but should describe to her a few examples of her "intrusive" behavior, approximately the same way that you described it to us. Once you have told her in no uncertain terms what you expect her to stop doing, and after that she does not stop, only then do I think that physical force would be justified, to make her stop. Unfortunately, it could become necessary.

Personally, unless I lived in a small town or, where all the police officers knew everyone and everyone knew all the police officers, or, if I lived in a typical large town, unless I had the necessary contacts on the police force, to be able to "pull strings" to get police officers to show up when needed, fast enough -- I would possibly not feel I could rely on a restraining order to be of any use, and beyond that I must apologise for not being able to tell you here, what I think should be done next, other than that I believe it is important to avoid anger and hatred, as these tend always defeat the aim of any tactic you might try.

In many a large town, the type of police response appears to be more dependant upon what loyalties individual officers have, than upon what the laws are. Seeing 2 different "factions" of police officers, exhibiting loyalty to 2 factions at odds with each other, negotiating with each other what to do based on comparative clout of their faction, rather than based on law -- sometimes this make me feel a little insecure. But basicly I have self-confidence and don't worry.

 

[Michael]

Quote:

You want someone who's that desperate, Michael?

I don't know. Maybe.

 

[soilman]

Really, Trevor should not be saying "uh, i never had sex with you, you psycho." This is egging her on, and is almost as bad manners as her calling and saying "You should come over again and have sex with me like you did last week." Unless of course they did have sex last week, in which case Trevor's manners are worse than hers.

 

[Baby]

Avalon, I forgot to ask how you know she is "foul mouthed insulting" you behind your back? Does Trevor tell you this?

If so, how does he react to her insulting his love?

I have a brother who is fifty years old, and he act as if things just happen to him, never acknowledging his participation in the crazy little messes in his world. For the last eight months he has been dating, and living, with a woman he met in AA. About four months ago a woman he was dating over a year ago, came back into his life. It started under the guise that she needed closer.

Each woman thinks the other is a psycho, and just won't leave Fred alone. Fred plays the the poor me angle, "Gosh, I tried to tell her, but I can't help it if she's in love with me." Mean while, he's sleeping with both of them. Oh yeah, I forgot to add, that he tells the second one that he can't just ask the first to leave because she has no where to go.

When I talk to him about it he becomes very sheepish and just shakes his head, saying "I know, I know". Both woman hate my guts because they think I'm lying and want to see Fred with the other. One woman called me in the middle of the night a month ago. Mind you there is no tolerence for drama like this in my world, so I was pissed. Anyway she called looking for Fred saying he is missing, and he had earlier shared that he was feeling suicidual. She thought maybe he had hurt him self. She begged my to call Kathy's house to see if he was there so she could put her mind at rest, and get some sleep. Reluctantly, I called Cathy's, and yes indeed, Fred was there. He told me to tell Janet not to worry he would call her in the morning, but don't tell her where he was. I told him I'm not lying for him, and that lying is a large part of why his life sucks. I hung up the phone and went back to bed thinking he was going to call Janet. Janet called me an hour later wondering if I found Fred. I told her yes, and where he was. She cried because he was with that evil ***** that must have trapped him somehow. I told her to wake up and deal with reality, he is a big boy making bad choices. I told her not to call again, that I wasn't interested in the melodrama of three adults whom should know better.

Two days later I get a call from Fred telling me to watch out for phone calls from Janet because she can't understand why I would lie and tell her Fred was at Cathys. I don't know how he worked that piece of magic. Now I'm the bad guy, which I don't really care about as long as they all leave me alone.

 

[soilman]

Hahaha. I don't know what I actually would have done, but sitting here without the stress of nuts calling me up, and with the benefit of hindsight, what I would say is that it might be best not to tell Janet where Fred was, when she calls up an hour later. Just tell her yes, I found Fred, and he asked me not to tell you where he was. That way you are not lying to Janet, you are simply refusing to inform her. And Fred did not ask you to lie about where he was, he simply asked you not to inform Janet of where he was. I'm sure Janet would have figured out where he was, from that answer, but if she doesn't, she would have no reason to call yo back and accuse you of lying. She could only accuse you of failing to be much help. That way you have more of a chance of manipulating them, instead of being their handy good-information tool, or dis-information tool.

 

[soilman]

By the way saying "i'm sorry but in that case he's not here right now," after you find out who it is, is not that awfully mean, and isn't something you should feel the least bit guilty about, in my opinion. It is not even misinforming her; it is just a rude way of informing her that you're not going to put him on the phone. It is less mean than calling her a "psycho."