thalia:<br><br><br><br>
if i were you, when dating, i would stop thinking about marrying at all. Tell yourself (and believe it), that it's ok to NOT ever marry, that it doesn't matter if you do--because you're valuable anyway.<br><br><br><br>
and if you are a serial monogamist, or not, you'll still have a great life with lots of companionship of all sorts. being unmarried is actually VERY NICE when people stop trying to get married.<br><br><br><br>
i never think of time as a single gal dating lots of guys as "wasting time" with people. Sometimes i really enjoyed them, and sometimes it was like : here today, gone tomorrow. it's the nature of being single--and it's actually really good.<br><br><br><br>
what i looked for was a person who was what i wanted to be with, rather that looking for a husband. If he never married me, i would be ok. If we broke up--even after a b-zillion years--that would be ok. Because time spent with him would be good time, regardless of whether or not we get married.<br><br><br><br>
I have no idea why people rush into marriage. There are a lot of burdens in it--but then most women don't even see them. They don't even begin to understand their cultural context, they just want to be married by some indoctrinated social drive. men are subject to it too. My husband has no concept of what i go through on a daily basis. His life is golden. he got everything when he got a wife: "stability," a "trophey," a "caregiver," and generally higher social standing. I, on the other hand, got very little socially, except that if i'm not sitting comfy in the social normalization, i'm a "bad wife" and "too independent" and "not helpful or caring to ryan."<br><br><br><br>
but darn it, i'm not his mommy or his maid, or his prize. I am a full human being with my own needs and desires--and if that means not having kids, or not being some simpering "wifey" idiot. . .then i'd rather be ME than something else.<br><br><br><br>
Yes, i'm bitter too. but i'm heading to the inlaws this weekend, and they take issues with me:<br><br><br><br>
"i thought you'd calm down after the wedding, and understood the joys of being a legitimate woman."<br><br><br><br>
gotta love that sort of statement. As if i wasn't a legitimate woman before!<br><br><br><br>
Followed by all the questions:<br><br><br><br>
when is the baby coming? (and all related)<br><br><br><br>
Like i'm a baby factory.<br><br><br><br>
and "you're not treating him right" if i'm not doing X, Y, or z--which by thw ay, as a grown man, he can do by himself. Hello?<br><br><br><br>
trust me love, get some feminist in you. Get some independence. DOwn with marriage! LOL