i actually have an amazing friendship with my first love (not the ex-gf i just posted about earlier this week). it took like 3 years to have a good friendship with this girl. the first year we didnt speak, the 2nd year we absolutely hated each other(name calling, resentment, etc.). finally, i grew up and realized that if i cant be friends with someone i loved and still love, i am a horrible, selfish person, and ever since we have cared about each other the same as from day 1, just platonically. such a good thing...
*waves* I do, I do. Ours is based on because we have kids together. Many people have told me how lucky I am to be close to them. Heck, it is a good thing that they can bowl and play basketball together. (and with me)<br><br><br><br>
Actually my exes (not just from a marriage and kids) are some of my best friends today. We are all connected to a big circle of friends.<br><br><br><br>
And I did the dumping. <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="/images/smilies/dunce.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title=":dunce:"> I can't really think of anyone one of my exes that I am not still friends with till this day. Okay, maybe one.
I've had a tendency to recycle my exes. I'm over that now.<br><br><br><br>
That said, I don't hate any of them. I'm not friends with any of them anymore. I just don't think about them one way or the other.
I have friendships with some ex's, but it took a while to get there. I woke up this morning to some "relationship expert" on TV who said that people who had serious relationships and what she described as being "addicted to love" (which sounded a lot like what your relationship has sounded like through what you've said) need to wait 2 yrs before attempting a friendship with the ex. Speaking from my own personal experience, 2 yrs does sound about right until I got my own issues with the situation sorted out, and felt confident again in my own life to be able to be friends again with certain ex's. With my last serious ex, we're just now beginning to be able to speak again without me wanting to claw his eyes out (and this is just via IM, mind you) and it's been nearly 3 yrs since we broke up.
Had a very messy break-up with my high school sweetheart that I lived with for years and years. Together for close to 7 years! It was so bad that we didn't talk or see each other for many years (I moved to a new town as well). About 7 years later she emailed me and we began our current friendship. She even came to my wedding (to another woman!).
My ex-husband won't talk to me. I asked for the divorce so I think he hates me for that. He made it very clear that once the divorce is final, he would never talk to me again. He has a lot of anger. It is better that way I guess. We have no children and we totally went our separate way. I am happily re-married now.
I really would like to be a friend of my ex, but he doesn't want, I was very sad because of it, still feel a bit, because we were kind of best friends before we started dating (god, he broke up after one month, we knew each other over 2 years...) and then just stop meeting, only sometimes.
<div class="quote-block">Originally Posted by <strong>Cissy</strong> <a href="/forum/post/0"><img alt="View Post" class="inlineimg" src="/img/forum/go_quote.gif" style=""></a><br><br>
I only have one ex, and he's one of my good friends. Our relationship was a 10th grade one though, never kissed or anything.</div>
Yea it depends on the relationship. I am still very good friends with my first boyfriend. But me and him were in 9th and 10th grade respectively and didn't even french kiss. But I don't think it is right to be friends with an ex whom you were in a serious relationship with, because it is inappropriate and disrespectful for whoever else you end up with. That is just how I feel. I would never (should the situation ever arise) be involved with someone and carry on a "just friends"hip with an ex whom I was serious and in love with, and I would not wish for the person I am with to do that either.
I work on friendships with X's. I think that my X husband and I could have quite a good friendship, if he weren't such a bad father. As it is....it's hard for me to empathize with someone who, while he calls occasionally, hasn't chosen to see his daughter in four years.<br><br><br><br>
Other than that blind spot....he's a charming and nice person. I feel no animosity towards him, except for my daughter's sake...which pisses me off.<br><br><br><br>
Anyway, I think in good circumstances, if both people are...well...good people, you can and should be friends. I agree that if you liked someone enough to have a relationship...even if it didn't work out, there must have been something there, and the person would most likely make a good friend.<br><br><br><br>
I only have one ex, and he did me the great favor of moving 2,000 miles away. I didn't see it as a favor at the time, because it was also the means of our breakup. We had been together three years, and he got a job with Microsoft, and said "Well, so long, I'm headed to Redmond," like the past three years had been nothing. He had never once told me he loved me during those three years, either, which really was a pretty strong sign that it wasn't a great relationship. I'm still angry that he had the nerve to send me a birthday card a month or so after he left and write, "I love you!" in it after three years of never saying it. Sure, it's easy to spout off a platitude when you're 2,000 miles away and know you won't have to follow through. Jerk. That was 11 years ago.
I am friends again with my high school boyfriend, and we've managed OK. He's married with 6 kids now, and I have known his wife longer than I've known him and all his kids are great. I keep in touch and try to visit whenever I'm in their area. It did take us about a year or so to get beyond the "don't EVER talk to me again" phase, though.
meh...it's impossible. i just saw my ex a month after we broke up and it was horrible for both of us...we were extremely amiable...almost TOO friendly if you know what i mean. we were both complete strangers to each other...<br><br><br><br>
It takes time. It's never really worked for me. I have an ex from 10 years ago I am still skittish talking to. I think you have to get to the point first where you've both learned from the experience and moved on. If either of you has even a hint of wanting to get back together or resentment, it can go downhill fast or result in a lot of heartache.<br><br><br><br>
If you haven't gotten over your ex yet, trying to be friends may just slow the process and make it much more painful, imho.
I have found that once the smell dissipates from the basement, my exes don't seem to bother me any longer.<br><br><br><br><img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="/images/smilies/tongue3.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="">
^^^ you kill me... oh wait I'm not one of the women you've killed.<br><br><br><br>
I have an ongoing relationship with my first love. We don't live in the same state. We email and occassionally (maybe 3 times a year) talk on the phone. He stayed at my house back in September for one night.<br><br><br><br>
Our break up hurt, but we both still loved each other. It wasn't a mean, nasty break up. I took a summer job far away. We had 3 months apart. Then when I returned he pretty much wanted "booty calls" every month for like 5 or 6 months. Of course he had more charm and tact then to call it that. We just both knew that it wasn't the start of a relationship. He met someone right around 10 months after our break-up. This was in 1994 and they've been together ever since. I'm not sure what year they got married, but they have 3 kids and seem happy. I've met her on 4 occassions. He swears that she is not jealous or upset about him keeping in contact with me. I've never pushed the boundary of our relationship, since he's been with her. We haven't had sex since 1994 (before they were an item).<br><br><br><br>
He'll always be special to me and I to him.
It's about three years since my ex and I split. Until now, I haven't cared one way or another... Recently, though, I've gotten really resentful. Go figure.<br><br><br><br>
Maybe I'll eventually get over it and we'll be friends. We'll see.<br><br><br><br><img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="/images/smilies/huh.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="">
I am gradually getting to be better "friends" with my ex-husband, it's taken a while because there was a lot of bad s**t that happened, but he's done a pretty admirable job of cleaning up his life and since we DO have kids, we'll always have to have some sort of contact. I'd rather it be friendly than not...<br><br><br><br>
I'm still very good friends with a guy I dated W-A-Y back in highschool, we've both gone on to totally different lives, but we call, e-mail or IM every few weeks.<br><br><br><br>
Even though some relationships didn't work out, for whatever reason, some people will always be irreplaceable friends and confidants with a special spot in my heart.
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