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Discussion Starter · #1 ·
Does anyone have any suggestions on getting children to sleep? my daughter is 9mths and is now refusing to sleep (again) she's never been a great sleeper, but now she wants nothing to do with it. kicking and just screaming forever and we haven't even put her in bed yet..she even wakes up mid-nite and will just holler for no reason. I am just sooo tired. she's been on a consistent sleep schedule, including naps, for the past three months, with nothing to interrupt it. bedtime was set when she was four months and still has yet to change. we've been to the doc and he says she's fine..that is just might be part of the separation anxiety. but how do you deal with that if that's what it is? I can't see picking her up all nite in the middle of the nite-she's too smart and will wholey take advantage once this "phase" is over. and what about the mid-nite bottle? is there a time to stop this? i get flack all the time, that i am "coddling" her and shouldn't be with another on the way, but she is still my baby and i won't get to coddle her when she is fifteen...but of course, i might be lucky by then and she will sleep 15hrs a day. LoL Thanks for any suggestions. I have tried tons of stuff but am open to even trying those out again (just can't remember some...lack of sleep)
 

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if there is consistency each night it may help. ex: bath, story, bed. also taking my boy for a walk is helpful in getting him to sleep it may help as well. good luck.
 

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First, please don't think your daughter is manipulating or taking advantage of you. She's 9 months old. She's incapable of manipulating you.<br><br>
When she was a newborn she cried because she was uncomfortable. it was a natural reaction to being hungry, cold, hot, wet, whatever. She soon realized that when she cried you came to her. You made her feel better. Now she wakes up in the middle of the night and she's lonely so she cries so you will come to her. It's not evil or manipulative, it's the only way she knows how to get the person she loves most to come to her. She's way too small to be capable of knowing that you like to sleep in the middle of the night (or when that is even) and that's she's interupting you. At 9 months YOU are her world and that's all she knows.<br><br>
I can't offer a whole lot of help with this problem. We coslept the first year with all of our kids, except the one who we couldn't because of medical issues. I'm assuming when they woke they could feel and smell us near them so they just went back to sleep.<br><br>
If cosleeping is not an option for you, maybe you could bring her bassinet in your room?<br><br>
Maybe some "white noise", like a radio turned on very very softly or a fan humming. Sometimes it helps them to not feel so alone.<br><br>
Do you try putting her to bed when she's awake but sleepy? Do you go get her first thing in the morning or let her lay in her crib for a while babbling or playing? Putting her to bed while she's still awake helps her settle in a little and not scooping her up first thing gives her time to figure out how to amuse herself.<br><br>
I'm really so anti Ferber. Probably not what you want to hear but I can't abide by a baby crying it out. Some parents swear by it but I don't think it worked so much as the baby just gave up. She just stopped believing her mom or dad will come when she cries. That just seems really sad to me.<br><br>
As far as the midnight bottle if she's truly hungry, she's hungry. Not much you can do about it. You can try feeding her a meal of solids and formula before bed but that might not even work. Also you can try pushing back her bedtime. May I ask what schedule she is on? Sometimes babies really ARE getting too much sleep during the day so they wake up at night and think "Hey where is everyone? I'm awake, let's play!" lol<br><br>
Mary
 

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well, i never had a problem getting my son to sleep, but we did have separation issues at night...its so hard and i know your so tired! what worked for me was to go in his room, calm him down the best i could, lay him back down--but i didn't pick him up...i wanted him to know that i heard him and would always respond to him, but that nighttime was for a time for him so sleep in his bed by himself...he did learn this, but it took consistency and makes for a tired mom (seemed like as soon as i would get back in bed, he would be up again--frustrating, but that's life with a baby!) good luck and remember, while these phases seem so long and unbearable when you're living through them, they are over in the blink of an eye and they're even hard to remeber as months and years go by...<br><br>
i cna't even remember when i stopped a bottle at night--honestly, no clue--sorry, but i can say this: i was also told (still am) that i coddled my son too much, etc (ie--i didn't let him "cry it out", but inlaws thought i should)...but i did what worked for me and my husband and our son--he is 3 now and is happy, well-behaved (for the most part), social, well-adjusted, etc...i believe that he gained a lot of confidence by knowing that i will always be there if he need me...oh, and he just started his first classes by himslef at the rec center nad he is doing great and loving it...so, do what works for you and enjoy your baby!
 

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oh--another thing we did (however, we did start it when he was younger than yours): we got him a little blanket to sleep with, but first i carried it around on me/slept with it, etc so it would smell like me...also, as mary suggested we used a white noise maker...oh, he also used a sleep positioner that helped him stay on his side (he would never sleep on his back) and kept him snug and cozy...
 

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Discussion Starter · #6 ·
We found that the heartbeat therapy tape helps her alot. I have been just going in at nite and patting her back and just letting her know I am there. I wonder if some of her getting up is that she just figured out how to pull herself up to stand in the crib. I tried cosleeping when she was up until about the four month mark, but she just couldn't seem to sleep that way either. everytime I would roll over she would wake up. she will only nap in our bed when she does, though, and i don't mind, but as she gets more mobile, i don't want her taking a tumble. she has never been a good sleeper...for the first three months she was a ten minute catnapper all day long...not even an hour or two stretch for anyone or anything. she has had a blanket and a pacifier. they are her two constants, though the pacifier isn't such a requirement anymore. she has them both where ever she is (including bed) it helped out with all of her issues when she was younger (reflux/finding out her allergies) I can't stand to hear her cry at nite...I don't normally let her cry herself to sleep, but she won't let me rock her either. it seems that as soon as I start any part of the sleep routine, she starts her little revolt. umm...let's see...i tried (and she's been on) for the past three months, an am and pm nap bc that is what everyone told me she needed to be on. so, she gets up about 630am and is back for a nap by 9..she sleeps until 10..goes back for a nap at 2 and is up between 3 and 4 and is in bed at 8 (sometimes a little earlier, sometimes later if she wants to fight it) for a bedtime routine, we are just moving in now on a bath every nite..(her skin couldn't take it before) and every nite she gets creamed up. she won't sit still for a story (oh i wish!) but we do have our "mushy" time..i just hold her close and we talk about what we did today or are going to do tomorrow and she puts her hands up for me to kiss them..cute..she does get up and play by herself in the morning, and for the most part, she isn't quite asleep when i put her in bed. some nites she will just pass out on me, and lately she won't even let me get her rocked even just a little. I don't know that a sleep positioner would help. she's a wiggly sleeper like her daddy..all over the bed. thanks for the help. i'm going to try to stay consistent...it just is really tough when your tired. like today she didn't get that pm nap, so she just passed out at 730. i just couldn't fight her on it. i guess it is picking and choosing your battles. the guy who lives with us says that he has never seen a child quite like her before LoL I don't know if that is good or not coming from a guy who has two ex's w/seven kids between 'em!
 

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good luck! i'm no expert and i know its so hard, esp when you're sleep-deprived, but i have found that the key to most things in parenting is CONSISTENCY...<br><br><br><br>
oh, and my son did go through a phase when he started pulling himself up--it was so hard because he could get up, but couldn't get back down, so i had to go in there alot...that could definetly have something to do with it...<br><br><br><br>
one other thing i thought of was that maybe sitting in a swing for a while instead of rocking/before rocking to get her relaxed...???
 

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<div class="quote-container"><span>Quote:</span>
<div class="quote-block">Originally Posted by <strong>sararie</strong> <a href="/forum/post/0"><img alt="View Post" class="inlineimg" src="/img/forum/go_quote.gif" style=""></a><br><br>
We found that the heartbeat therapy tape helps her alot. I have been just going in at nite and patting her back and just letting her know I am there............</div>
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Ok well, sometimes baths don't relax kids. Mine get totally wound up after baths, always have. For that reason, when they were babies we would give them baths in the afternoon/early evening. We've never done them daily either, wreaks havoc with their skin. Also, don't worry about the story, I've yet to have a baby that will sit still for a story. Mine didn't generally do that until they were about 2. Even then it better be a short story. <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="/images/smilies/smiley.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title=":)"><br><br>
Try the white noise. It could be a radio, humidfier, fan, anything that makes a soft constant noise. Turn it on while you're there, talking to her. She might start to associate the noise with you.<br><br>
The idea of the blanket or dolly that smells like you isn't bad either. Especially with SA it's all about comforting. Comforting smells, touches, sounds.<br><br>
Try not to let her fall asleep on you. Only because moving her, then placing her on cold sheets is almost guaranteed to wake her up.<br><br>
Also if you have to feed her in the middle of the night try not to turn on any lights or feed her in front of a tv or even really talk to her. Just matter of factly feed her, say goodnight, and put her back in bed. After a while she'll get the hint that you will NOT play in the middle of the night and she'll go back to sleep. You can do what davisfilip said and not pick her up if you're comfortable with that. Go in, let her know you're there, make sure she's not in pain or wet or hungry, then leave again.<br><br>
Stay consistent with your routine now because, if nothing else, it'll make it easier when she's a toddler. My boys go to bed every night at 8. They've always gone to bed at 8. Sometimes they try to negotiate or argue but generally they just go to bed. That's how it is, how it always was and we don't have to fight a battle everynight. We started the strict bedtime rule at about 12 months. I think popular logic is you can schedule babies younger because they don't "need" the midnight feeding anymore but my last one had growth spurts and would wake up in the middle of the night hungry. One of my twins also had growth issues and woke up in the middle of the night occasionally even after his first birthday. Every child is an individual.<br><br>
Mary
 

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my mom plays music for my sister, she usually sleeps through the entire night except when she gets hungry (about twice) she sleeps from 7pm to 7am almost on the dot each time. She usually takes a nap mid day. Anyway try something like soundscapes or classical. Also as mentioned above, try sleeping near her. There are tons of things you can buy to hang near/on their cribs that play light music which may help them sleep.
 

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I guess I don't have a lot of relevant advice.<br><br>
I co-slept with all my kids until they were...well.... older than the popular opinion says is "acceptable" in mainstream America...<br><br><br><br>
They WERE wiggly little squirts and my two oldest would wake up several times a night even long after they turned two. Will they outgrow it? My oldest daughter is 15 (years old!!) and STILL wakes up, wide awake, three or four times a night - sometimes makes herself a midnight snack or puts on a soft music CD or even crawls in bed with me... that's just her personality...<br><br><br><br>
DO NOT let your inlaws (or anyone) influence or guilt you into doing what THEY think will work!! As said above, CHILDREN ARE INDIVIDUALS! What works for one will not always work for another, and NO ONE knows your child as well as you. If you let them sway your decisions now, they'll always be trying to influence your parenting choices...<br><br><br><br>
Being tired and severely sleep-deprived is part of being a parent. Get used to it. You will never get any more sleep than you're getting now.<br><br><br><br>
You'll miss out on sleep when they're a year old and not on a sleep schedule (though I HATE the word "schedule!!) and you'll miss out on sleep when they're three and scared of the shadows in the corner, and you'll miss out on sleep when they're six and stressed about the first grade bullies, and when they're nine and stressed about learning the lines in the class play, and when they're 12 and have to stay up all night researching, because they "forgot" about the big report that's due tomorrow, and then at 15 when they're out on a date and ......<br><br><br><br>
Yeah. Buy stock in Starbucks and join the rest of us....
 

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i like your post tofu-n-sprouts!<br><br>
yeah, we're at the 3 yeat old scared of shadows in the corner stage, or as he says "scared-ies"...and now, i'm preganant again, so i see no real sleep in my future for the next...???how many years???...(my mom is still losing sleep over me and my sisters--i'm the youngest and i'm 34!)<br><br>
sararie--its not meant to diminsh your stress and what your dealing with now--we all do everything we can to try to figure it all out and make our little ones happy!
 

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<img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="/images/smilies/laugh.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title=":lol:"> I forgot to add ...<br><br>
You'll also lose sleep when your five-year-old comes into your room every ten minutes (ALL night long!!) wondering why the tooth fairy hasn't been there yet...<br><br><br><br>
Yeah, sleep deprivation makes a person lose their memory I'm afraid...<br><br><br><br>
sararie - you'll be fine. I promise.
 

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<div class="quote-container"><span>Quote:</span>
<div class="quote-block">I co-slept with all my kids until they were...well.... older than the popular opinion says is "acceptable" in mainstream America...</div>
</div>
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Ditto. Ditto. Ditto. I nursed my daughter until she was 26 months old and I can't remember exactly when she stopped latching on during the night but she did it for a long time. All I wanted was for her to feel safe and comfortable and I think I succeeded.<br><br><br><br>
My kid was and is a bad sleeper. She is now 5 years old and what I can tell you is this:<br><br><br><br>
- No kid ever matches the descirption in any of the books you read. They're all different. You have to work with what you have, can't change them, just "mould" them a little.<br><br><br><br>
- It will get better when she starts walking (tires them out). It will get even better when she starts preschool.<br><br><br><br>
- There is a moment when the kid herself is "ready". Mine just told me yesterday that she wanted to sleep alone from now on and would not cry out for me in the middle of the night anymore like she used to (almost every night, and I used to go lie beside her to reassure her for a while). Of course, so far, she has only had one night to prove this intention but she stuck to it last night ! She also weaned herself. So I really believe that a lot of kids "know" when they are ready for the next step... and I would advise you to watch your child carefully. They tell you a lot by body language alone !<br><br><br><br>
Does your child have a "safety" object (teddybear, blanket ?). This has helped a lot for us ! Also, when she reaches for her stuffed hippo, this is a sure sign for us that she is getting tired and wants her bed... (even though she will verbally deny it, the sign doesn't lie ! LOL !)<br><br><br><br>
If your child was on a good schedule and suddenly went off it, you may ask yourself if she's not in a growth/development spurt and/or having teething issues. Not much you can do about it, but at least you would know there's a reason.<br><br><br><br>
Always remember that all these stages in children's development are TEMPORARY. Try to keep your sense of perspective AND your sense of humour.<br><br><br><br>
Good luck !
 

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Discussion Starter · #14 ·
A lot of the stress with this comes with my husband. he was deployed the month before she was born (for six mths) so he missed all the sleeplessness beforehand and has no idea what to do now. he just keeps asking me what are we doing wrong? and what is wrong with her? i keep telling him nothing-she's just a difficult sleeper, but the question does get old. I don't mind getting up mid-nite...just the screaming seems to make it hard for me to get back to sleep afterwards. maybe i need the relaxing tape too! we do ok some nites, like last nite she passed out at 730...woke up for a little cry and pacifier replacement at 830ish...then slept until 330..had a bottle and change and was out til 7. that is the stuff i like. i just feel so bad for her when she has a hard time sleeping. i think it is just part of that whole you would do anything to make them happy. she's just such a happier kid when she sleeps. right now i'm just watching her have fun picking up her cheerios and bananas for breakfast. she did start sleeping a lot better when she started crawling..and now she's cruising the furniture. she has just been "teething" since her second mth and still no teeth. we'll be the lucky ones that get seven in at one time. maybe we'll just stick with baths in the am too. she does tend to get a bit riled playing in the water. thanks guys!
 

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OUr daughter slept with us until she was almost four (except when she was an infant). It was pretty healthy for us, because we started going to bed early, finally getting the sleep we need. We got a lot of criticism from family and some friends, but the aversion is really cultural - a lot of the world does it. It still might not be practical for you. when she started sleeping in her own bed, the best advice we ever got was to set a schedule and stick to it. Eat, bathe, read, sing, then to bed, whatever your pattern. Do everything at the same time each night. It worked like a dream for our daughter, thought she is older....
 

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Discussion Starter · #17 ·
I don't mind us taking naps together...she is just tough to sleep with at nite. we all seem to keep each other awake. we tried it again this weekend in vegas (my sis got married) and she slept well two of the three nites, but my hubby and i were just miserable. who knew that someone so little could take up a king size bed?! I do think that a few of her sleep issues still stem from her allergies. we still don't know everything she is allergic too...sigh...and it's just hard sometimes trying to wait until 18mths for the tests. we came home today (after all day in the airport) and just basically had to bathe her and rub her down w/her prescription cream bc of all the stuff that she was exposed to in the airport that made her break out in hives/eczema patches. poor kiddo. she was even a bit wheezy (which went away after some benadryl) i think since she had a tooth break that might help a bit too (YaY! only waited 7mths for that first one!!!) the top two are coming in now, along with that second bottom one. we do stick to the 8pm bed...even did it in vegas. i will try to get her out more often for fresh air. it's just been so hot here lately. thanks all!
 

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Hi! I too have a 9-month old who nurses in the night! It's perfectly normal, and with him being my second child I am learning to cherish those extra cuddles!<br><br><br><br>
Have you tried putting her crib in your room? Or getting one of those "co-sleepers" that attaches to your bed? We are co-sleeping about half-time with our baby, he starts out in the crib but I bring him into bed at the first night-waking and then he sleeps and nurses as much as he likes next to me for the remainder of the night. This works out great for us because I know I'll only have to actually get up out of bed once in the night, which is bearable - any other nursings are just roll over, latch him on, and drift right back to sleep. I don't even call them "night-wakings" because neither of us really wake up. And my husband doesn't wake up either, so he doesn't pester me about getting the baby to sleep through the night. Since co-sleeping in bed with you doesn't work for you, maybe baby's bed in your room would be a good compromise?<br><br><br><br>
HTH! Enjoy your sweet baby, she will be little for SUCH a short time!<br><br><br><br>
Becky
 

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Discussion Starter · #19 ·
I talked to my hubby and we are prob going to try putting her crib in the room for a couple weeks. maybe that will work. she has been just extra clingly lately, and though we have had lots of people offer advice for us to just let her cry it out, i can't do it. i explained it to my hubby that if he lost his voice and needed something, how was he to tell me, even if it was just that he wanted to know that i was there next to him? i think that's what has convinced him to let her sleep in the room. my next question would be..how long to do that for? the next one is due on halloween and she will only be 13mth then. i think it frightens my hubby how unconventional it seems to be for them all to be sleeping in the room. i know that #2 will be in the room anyway for the first four months or so like my daughter was, but won't they interrupt each other's sleep if they are all in there? I want to have all my kids close together (as me and my sibs are) so I know that I have plenty of time w/lost sleep ahead, I just want my kids to be as happy and comfy as possible..and I don't want them to be forced to grow up too fast as kids are now days. so, anyone multiple child co-sleep? even just same room? thanks all!
 

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Discussion Starter · #20 ·
I just want to say thanks to everyone....we tried putting her in our room to sleep, but I guess it was just too close to us and if she woke in the middle of the nite, she wouldn't go back to sleep at all..my hubby then put her in bed with us and he spent the entire nite(s) up making sure that she was sleeping...so we moved her back to her room and she seems to actually be more content there. we toned down her nite light and took the one out of our room. it seemed to be that if she thought we were awake (light on in our room) then we could come in and play with her. she now sleeps almost thru the nite (down at 8ish up about 5 for feed and down til 730/830) she even takes an afternoon nap without much fight. once i explained to my hubby that i couldn't let her cry, we decided to have him do a bit more with her on the getting her to bed bit. it seems to that if i go in, she thinks it's time to get up, but if he goes in, she may protest, but will put herself back to sleep. it's helped him too since he wasn't around for her first five mths to feel that there is something that he can do that is like there little bonding time. it's so cute to see him get her down for bed..he sings too! and it give me a few minutes of free time..at least until #2 is here. I also do have that bit of relief knowing that it doesn't HAVE to be me all the time. so, thanks again all! i'm sure i'll have tons of other odd questions..
 
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