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Herbivorous Urchin
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I am nineteen, I was raised by my father since I was six, seeing my mom every now and again sporadically while growing up. She had three other kids, and from birth I chose my dad over my mom. There was never a moment where I thought I wasn't loved, my father and I have a relationship of best friends, and always have. I graduated with honors a year and a half early, and have been holding down a job since I was fourteen.<br><br><br><br>
My father never pushed thoughts or bias on me, and raised me to read and have an open mind and choose my own path in life. Instead of a home raised in yelling, it was raised in laughter and learning. You get this bond with your parent that you cannot get with two parents because of the imbalance. When you have a mother and a father, you have two people raising a child, and the child gets lost in this lesser role of having to be raised, and being the 'child' not the friend, or the human being. I really can't explain it in the proper words right now.<br><br><br><br>
Why do people think it takes a mother and a father to raise a decent child?
 

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Well, I think a father and mother are preferable, a loving, warm-hearted smart and stable mother and father. Raising a child alone would be such hard work. A whole extended, loving, stable family would be even better. The more loving, stable, giving, warm-hearted elders the better, no? One decent, single parent, though, strikes me as better than two dud ones. Or one good one and a dud one.
 

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<div class="quote-container"><span>Quote:</span>
<div class="quote-block">Originally Posted by <strong>LyricGaia</strong> <a href="/forum/post/0"><img alt="View Post" class="inlineimg" src="/img/forum/go_quote.gif" style=""></a><br><br>
I am nineteen, I was raised by my father since I was six, seeing my mom every now and again sporadically while growing up. She had three other kids, and from birth I chose my dad over my mom. There was never a moment where I thought I wasn't loved, my father and I have a relationship of best friends, and always have. I graduated with honors a year and a half early, and have been holding down a job since I was fourteen.<br><br><br><br>
My father never pushed thoughts or bias on me, and raised me to read and have an open mind and choose my own path in life. Instead of a home raised in yelling, it was raised in laughter and learning. You get this bond with your parent that you cannot get with two parents because of the imbalance. When you have a mother and a father, you have two people raising a child, and the child gets lost in this lesser role of having to be raised, and being the 'child' not the friend, or the human being. I really can't explain it in the proper words right now.<br><br><br><br>
Why do people think it takes a mother and a father to raise a decent child?</div>
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simple answer, you learn things from your mother and you learn different things from your father.
 

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Herbivorous Urchin
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<div class="quote-container"><span>Quote:</span>
<div class="quote-block">Originally Posted by <strong>havocjohn</strong> <a href="/forum/post/0"><img alt="View Post" class="inlineimg" src="/img/forum/go_quote.gif" style=""></a><br><br>
simple answer, you learn things from your mother and you learn different things from your father.</div>
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Not really. You learn different things when you go do a doctor as compared to a different doctor.<br><br><br><br><br><br>
There really wasn't any bit of knowledge I missed out on.
 

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<div class="quote-container"><span>Quote:</span>
<div class="quote-block">Originally Posted by <strong>LyricGaia</strong> <a href="/forum/post/0"><img alt="View Post" class="inlineimg" src="/img/forum/go_quote.gif" style=""></a><br><br>
You get this bond with your parent that you cannot get with two parents because of the imbalance. When you have a mother and a father, you have two people raising a child, and the child gets lost in this lesser role of having to be raised, and being the 'child' not the friend, or the human being.<br></div>
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I'm not sure if that is true of everyone. I certainly bonded with both my parents and never felt "lost" or in a "lesser role" or just "the child". I'd say that was bad parenting, and can come from single parents as much as double(??) ones. Both my parents loved and love me, equally, or so it seems to me.<br><br><br><br>
ETA: I learnt different things from both my parents, considering that they were both different human beings and not clones of each other, and had different world views, experiences and outlooks. Learning different things from different people doesn't mean you are "missing out". I learn different things from different people each and every day.<br><br><br><br>
Unless you are the world-beating genius of all time and the memory master of the universe you will have missed out on some knowledge. We all have. It's part of the human experience, not knowing everything. Only God knows everything, and we are not God. We should strive to learn more each day and not just assume that we have "never" missed out on any knowledge.
 
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i don't really follow the logic. i grew up with 2 parents and didn't get lost in a lesser role. i was a child, of course, but still a human being. i don't think its entirely healthy for a child to be in a purely 'friend' role with the parent, as aposed to the regular parent-child one, depending upon what that entails.<br><br><br><br>
as a child i was spoken to on a level i could handle, by two different adult parent people with different perspectives, skill sets, interests, personalities, who were in a relationship together. i also interacted regularly with a much bigger group of family members and extended family- their adult friends and collegues.<br><br><br><br>
i think i benefited from this- i learned early on that people are all different, and learned a lot from watching them problem-solve and discuss and argue and negotiate, i didn't feel shoved from pillar to post, or like i missed a level of intimacy because there were more than 2 people in our relationship (i have a brother and a half brother too, so at some points there were 5 of us).<br><br><br><br>
i get that you feel a close bond with your father as the primary parental figure in your childhood- thats great. but i think you've made a big old sweeping statement that imples your experience is everyones experience, and that what worked out well for you means a superior outcome for everyone else being raised by a single parent- when thats not the case. my bf raised a daughter alone, and while he did a great job, and they're close, she feels something was missing, personally, she envies her cousins who had brothers and sisters and a mother in their life.<br><br><br><br>
i think traditionally families were seen as ideally having a male and female parent, because traditional gender roles made it work pretty well like that- and the gender role debate aside, i do think men and women tend to think relatively differently and use different approaches for the mostpart, and seeing this doesn't hurt a childs development. its also arguably easier to raise a kid logistically and financially when you're not shouldering all of the workload. 2 parent families were probably also pushed by religious groups and the like to try and keep people functioning how they wanted us too. and blah blah blah.<br><br><br><br>
that said, i (as <i>a</i> person, but not answering on behalf of <i>all</i> people) don't think decency (however we're defining it) is dependant on 2 live-in parents- one of either gender, any more than it is dependant on myriad other factors.
 

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<div class="quote-container"><span>Quote:</span>
<div class="quote-block">Originally Posted by <strong>LyricGaia</strong> <a href="/forum/post/0"><img alt="View Post" class="inlineimg" src="/img/forum/go_quote.gif" style=""></a><br><br>
Not really. You learn different things when you go do a doctor as compared to a different doctor.<br><br><br><br><br><br>
There really wasn't any bit of knowledge I missed out on.</div>
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<br><img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="/images/smilies/laugh.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title=":lol:"> that you are aware of. When I was your age I didn't know not being raised with a father figure around was causing me to miss out on different learning experinces either... maybe someday you will realize the difference, maybe not.
 
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<i>everyone</i> misses out on some stuff... knowledge, experiences, group dynamics stuff, etc. i'm sure had i had an older sister in the home instead of older female cousins down the street i would have learned a few things a little sooner from that, had there been a baby in the house 24-7 when i was a teen i would have gained something (and lost something.. like sleep) from that.<br><br><br><br>
there wasn't much variation in cultural or ethnic heritage where i lived and between the people i interacted with for most of the time as a kid, i expect thats set me back with respect to knowledge and cultural sensitivity from some of my friends who grew up in more diverse inner city environments and who know more about the reality of that experience, but put me ahead of them in some other stuff.<br><br><br><br>
and then learning styles and personalities and blah blah blah come into play when considering who learns and benefits from what and how and why and when.<br><br><br><br>
...and so on.<br><br><br><br>
there is no perfect formula for raising a child, no magical mix, no one size fits all.
 

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I think it's useless to try to generalize about things like this; there are just too many variables. You learn something from everyone, but you can learn bad stuff as well as good, and whether the good outweighs the bad is determined by many factors, including your inherent personality, the way parents interact with each other and with third parties as well as how they interact with you, the interplay of other factors, etc.<br><br><br><br>
It's akin to looking back and wishing you had made a different choice at some life juncture; you don't know what that choice would have led to (you may imagine a certain outcome, but you can't <i>know</i>), and if you had made that different choice, you might have ended up in a situation less desirable than the one in which you actually find yourself.
 

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<div class="quote-container"><span>Quote:</span>
<div class="quote-block">Originally Posted by <strong>hoodedclawjen</strong> <a href="/forum/post/0"><img alt="View Post" class="inlineimg" src="/img/forum/go_quote.gif" style=""></a><br><br><i>everyone</i> misses out on some stuff... knowledge, experiences, group dynamics stuff, etc. i'm sure had i had an older sister in the home instead of older female cousins down the street i would have learned a few things a little sooner from that, had there been a baby in the house 24-7 when i was a teen i would have gained something (and lost something.. like sleep) from that.<br><br><br><br>
there wasn't much variation in cultural or ethnic heritage where i lived and between the people i interacted with for most of the time as a kid, i expect thats set me back with respect to knowledge and cultural sensitivity from some of my friends who grew up in more diverse inner city environments and who know more about the reality of that experience, but put me ahead of them in some other stuff.<br><br><br><br>
and then learning styles and personalities and blah blah blah come into play when considering who learns and benefits from what and how and why and when.<br><br><br><br>
...and so on.<br><br><br><br>
there is no perfect formula for raising a child, no magical mix, no one size fits all.</div>
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though I don't disagree with what you are saying, the thread is about being raised without a parent, in this particular thread father/mother and why it is believed a 2 parent system is preferred.<br><br><br><br>
Being raised with or without siblings, cousins, other ethnic groups, etc is not really relevant in regards to the different things we learn from our parents as a different sex couple, in part because men and women are different on various levels for various reasons.
 

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Different things work for different families. Unfortunately, families of all configurations can end up being dysfunctional and negative environments. The gender and number of guardians aren't relevant, despite how ingrained the family unit has become in society. Personally, it makes sense that the more mentors and supporters a child has, the better. That's not an argument for having two parents, but rather re-thinking this whole family unit altogether and reforming it to be more communal.<br><br><br><br>
Gee, LyricGaia, I wonder what prompted this thread....
 

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I believe that kids shouldn't really be raised by any parents at all, but at the age of 1,5 years they should be taken under the care of a team of dance teachers who would then start a rigid educational program lasting until the kids become 20, teaching them to dance really well to various bossa nova records from the years 1960-64.
 

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<div class="quote-container"><span>Quote:</span>
<div class="quote-block">Originally Posted by <strong>Princess Peach</strong> <a href="/forum/post/0"><img alt="View Post" class="inlineimg" src="/img/forum/go_quote.gif" style=""></a><br><br>
Well, I think a father and mother are preferable, a loving, warm-hearted smart and stable mother and father. Raising a child alone would be such hard work. A whole extended, loving, stable family would be even better. The more loving, stable, giving, warm-hearted elders the better, no? One decent, single parent, though, strikes me as better than two dud ones. Or one good one and a dud one.</div>
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<br><br><br><img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="/images/smilies/shocked.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title=":eek:"> Oh. My. Goodness. I agree with you. Although, your statements could make a polygynous/polygamous arrangement sound superior to a two-parent setup.
 

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<div class="quote-container"><span>Quote:</span>
<div class="quote-block">Originally Posted by <strong>LyricGaia</strong> <a href="/forum/post/0"><img alt="View Post" class="inlineimg" src="/img/forum/go_quote.gif" style=""></a><br><br>
Not really. You learn different things when you go do a doctor as compared to a different doctor.<br><br><br><br><br><br>
There really wasn't any bit of knowledge I missed out on.</div>
</div>
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You say you were raised only by your father and yet you now insist you are an expert in how kids are raised by both mother and father? How did you acquire this wisdom while only raised by your father?
 

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i think the negativity surrounding single parenthood is not really about their inability to successfully raise children, but rather around the difficulty it may be for the parent to raise a child basically "alone."
 

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<div class="quote-container"><span>Quote:</span>
<div class="quote-block">Originally Posted by <strong>LyricGaia</strong> <a href="/forum/post/0"><img alt="View Post" class="inlineimg" src="/img/forum/go_quote.gif" style=""></a><br><br>
I am nineteen, I was raised by my father since I was six, seeing my mom every now and again sporadically while growing up. She had three other kids, and from birth I chose my dad over my mom. There was never a moment where I thought I wasn't loved, my father and I have a relationship of best friends, and always have. I graduated with honors a year and a half early, and have been holding down a job since I was fourteen.<br><br><br><br>
My father never pushed thoughts or bias on me, and raised me to read and have an open mind and choose my own path in life. Instead of a home raised in yelling, it was raised in laughter and learning. You get this bond with your parent that you cannot get with two parents because of the imbalance. When you have a mother and a father, you have two people raising a child, and the child gets lost in this lesser role of having to be raised, and being the 'child' not the friend, or the human being. I really can't explain it in the proper words right now.<br><br><br><br>
Why do people think it takes a mother and a father to raise a decent child?</div>
</div>
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You make some good points but I think most people think two parents are preferable for the simple fact that raising a child is a lot of work and having a partner to help you makes it much easier. This is probably why romantic love was favored by natural selection (it encourages males to stick around and co-operate with their partners in raising their children).<br><br><br><br>
If I ever adopt, I would most likely do it as a single father. I wonder if my child might be better off with two parents or how tolerant adoption agencies are towards single men. I do agree with you that two parents isn't <i>necessary</i>.
 

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<div class="quote-container"><span>Quote:</span>
<div class="quote-block">Originally Posted by <strong>Princess Peach</strong> <a href="/forum/post/0"><img alt="View Post" class="inlineimg" src="/img/forum/go_quote.gif" style=""></a><br><br>
Well, I think a father and mother are preferable, a loving, warm-hearted smart and stable mother and father. Raising a child alone would be such hard work. A whole extended, loving, stable family would be even better. The more loving, stable, giving, warm-hearted elders the better, no? One decent, single parent, though, strikes me as better than two dud ones. Or one good one and a dud one.</div>
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I agree with the extended family aspect. I was raised by my mother, because after my father found out she was pregnant her left her, though he was cheating on her so it would have happened eventually... My grandparents paid a huge part in my up bringing. My mom couldn't afford daycare, plus I doubt she would have left me in the care of strangers anyway, so my grandparents watched me while she was at work, and before and after school in later years. I'm so glad my parents were not together during my childhood, because I would have never developed the relationship I have with my grandparents today.<br><br><br><br><div class="quote-container"><span>Quote:</span>
<div class="quote-block">Originally Posted by <strong>zoebird</strong> <a href="/forum/post/0"><img alt="View Post" class="inlineimg" src="/img/forum/go_quote.gif" style=""></a><br><br>
i think the negativity surrounding single parenthood is not really about their inability to successfully raise children, but rather around the difficulty it may be for the parent to raise a child basically "alone."</div>
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I think it also has to do with the situation that cause the single parenthood. I experienced it from the ******* stand point. I'm sure if someones parent was to die, they would experience sympathy, were as a divorced parent would experience ridicule.<br><br><br><br><div class="quote-container"><span>Quote:</span>
<div class="quote-block">Originally Posted by <strong>Sevenseas</strong> <a href="/forum/post/0"><img alt="View Post" class="inlineimg" src="/img/forum/go_quote.gif" style=""></a><br><br>
I believe that kids shouldn't really be raised by any parents at all, but at the age of 1,5 years they should be taken under the care of a team of dance teachers who would then start a rigid educational program lasting until the kids become 20, teaching them to dance really well to various bossa nova records from the years 1960-64.</div>
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<br><br><br><img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="/images/smilies/laugh.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title=":lol:"> With some parents, I do think that would be preferable.<br><br><br><br><div class="quote-container"><span>Quote:</span>
<div class="quote-block">Originally Posted by <strong>havocjohn</strong> <a href="/forum/post/0"><img alt="View Post" class="inlineimg" src="/img/forum/go_quote.gif" style=""></a><br><br>
simple answer, you learn things from your mother and you learn different things from your father.</div>
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Yes, from my mother I learned tolerance and kindness. From my father I learned it's okay to lie, cheat and hurt others to get ahead in life. He's one of those, "oh, he seems so nice and caring. I bet he makes a great dad," types too unless you know him better. Having both biological parents in your life isn't always the best thing for the child.
 

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Herbivorous Urchin
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Discussion Starter #18
<div class="quote-container"><span>Quote:</span>
<div class="quote-block">Originally Posted by <strong>MrFalafel</strong> <a href="/forum/post/0"><img alt="View Post" class="inlineimg" src="/img/forum/go_quote.gif" style=""></a><br><br>
You say you were raised only by your father and yet you now insist you are an expert in how kids are raised by both mother and father? How did you acquire this wisdom while only raised by your father?</div>
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I don't insist I'm an expert on anything, My main (and ignored point, I don't think I expressed it right) point is that there is a very large group of "A child needs a mother and a father" people that really can't say that accurately. I loving mother and father is wonderful, as is a loving single parent. All my childhood I've gotten "A child needs a mother and a father" and when they find out i've been raised by my father, I get some pittied look or a look of amazement that I got dressed in the morning with two of the same shoes on.<br><br><br><br>
You can infinitely benefit from both experiences, because both have their pros and cons. When I made this thread, I was already annoyed by a woman at work who went at me for like thirty minutes, and then a post on another thread. So when I came down to posting, I was very annoyed.
 

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I think I would be a more rounded, better adjusted person if I had been bought up by two parents. I don't think that's the case for all people, it thoroughly depends on the parents in question. It sounds like your single dad did an amazing job of bringing you up, my single mother ruined my self-confidence and has caused me some serious issues. Maybe if she had been happy, and in a loving relationship, she would have known how to show me some love and wouldn't have needed to make me miserable too.
 

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Herbivorous Urchin
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<div class="quote-container"><span>Quote:</span>
<div class="quote-block">Originally Posted by <strong>WorzelGummidge</strong> <a href="/forum/post/0"><img alt="View Post" class="inlineimg" src="/img/forum/go_quote.gif" style=""></a><br><br>
I think I would be a more rounded, better adjusted person if I had been bought up by two parents. I don't think that's the case for all people, it thoroughly depends on the parents in question. It sounds like your single dad did an amazing job of bringing you up, my single mother ruined my self-confidence and has caused me some serious issues. Maybe if she had been happy, and in a loving relationship, she would have known how to show me some love and wouldn't have needed to make me miserable too.</div>
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Thats sad <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="/images/smilies/sad.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title=":("> No, my dad always gave me love... Pretty much between the ages of 0 and 10 I was in a constant hug, and after that I thought I was too cool for hugs. He was great, when I was little between like seven and thirteen, I'd have to walkie home every ten or so minutes so he'd know I was safe. He's an amazing person, I hope if I ever have a kid I could be half as good as him.<br><br><br><br><br><br>
I hope if you have kids, or if you already do, you'll be amazing since you know what you missed on <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="/images/smilies/smiley.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title=":)">
 
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