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Discussion Starter · #1 ·
Since we are discussing other stereotypes, I figured I would open up this conversation - never had a chance to discuss it with anyone.

I have very diverse friends, all of whom fit into some common stereotypical category (fat, black, gay, etc.). They are always going on about the prejudice they face, assuming that I (a white, thin, heterosexual) couldn't possibly relate- Well, I can.

Here are some stereotypical assumptions I catch people making of me all the time: (in random order)

1. I am uneducated.

2. I am irresponsible

3. I am a tramp who slept around, got pregnant and the guy didn't want me

4. I am on welfare, foodstamps- I am poor

5. I will always have to be taking time off work to deal with some kid related issue

6. My life is out-of-control

7. I sleep around with whoever will have me/ I'm willing to accept casual sex just so I can satisfy my needs, since no decent guy would want a woman with a kid.

8. I'm a burden on society

9. He left me, not the other way around.

10. (the one I am the most uncomfortable with)

I'm on a never ending, desperate hunt for some guy who will be my baby's daddy.

I deal with these all the time and none are true. It sucks. I have been turned down for jobs, turned away from nice homes, insulted and embarrassed (even by my good friends, who make these assumptions sometimes, too), been dumped and taken advantage of for all of these false assumptions-

I think we would be hard pressed to find any individual or type of person these days who hasn't had to deal with some form of prejudice or stereotyping...

Have you experienced this? Share your hurt feeling and pissed-off-ness here...
 

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Discussion Starter · #3 ·
I don't lie- I definitely won't lie about my kid. It is illegal to discriminate against me that way, but they did. I didn't pursue it, because I would never want to work in that kind of environment.

Honestly, it did hurt my feelings and make me feel small and powerless, though-
 

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I don't lie, I just don't tell everything.

And your right, when a company turns you down for one of those stereotypes: run !
 

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I've been fortunate not to have suffered much prejudice being a single mother. Not any career wise.

The only thing I've noticed is that, in dating, men tend to assume I'm looking for a husband or a father figure for my child.

Once a date showed up on my doorstep for a first date with a bag of groceries.......
 

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sorry to hear that aksjg. Just try to remember that it says more about them and their simplified version (stereotype) on life.

I feel stereotyped as a vegan and yet have no vegan friends (veggieboards excluded).

No i don't smoke dope, have dreads or are that particulary 'alternative'.
 

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Discussion Starter · #7 ·
SEE!? This dude assumed you were interviewing him as a potential baby's daddy AND that you were poor! Why do they do this?

I am a professional, I make a good living (especially for my age!)-

I like to date, but I would not be with someone just so I could get a daddy for my boy! I enjoy getting to know someone and dating- like everyone else! Your desire to spend romantic, emotionally intimate time with a lover/potential lover doesn't go away the minute you give birth! I am still a woman, a romantic, too!
 

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Discussion Starter · #8 ·
blue- I guess I am the stereotypical vegan. Tree hugger, militant (hehehe), meat and dairy hating, had long dread locks and followed the GD for years, went to Rainbow gatherings, wear patchouli and sandalwood, want to convert everyone, thinks all animals (except spiders) are 'cute', didn't shave anywhere for YEARS or wear deodorant, hummus is a staple food, does yoga, member of PETA, etc. etc. Yeah- can't argue that one.

I do not have any vegan friends, though- since I moved from California to Alaska. I know a vegan couple, but I haven't really talked to them for a while (the husband was always putting the moves on me in front of his wife- I suspect they might have been in on it together.....*shiver*)-
 

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Quote:
Originally posted by aksjg

SEE!? This dude assumed you were interviewing him as a potential baby's daddy AND that you were poor! Why do they do this?


I don't know why either - it's bizarre.

I don't include my daughter (the Anti-Vegan) in any social activities I have with the opposite sex (and, frankly....she doesn't want to be bothered anyway) - dating is dating (not "family sit around the campfire time")



Quote:
I like to date, but I would not be with someone just so I could get a daddy for my boy!



Yeah - no kidding (I'll confess - usually I only go on dates in the hopes that I will get to have meaningless sex........
)

edited for spelling
 

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I haven't run into any of these assumptions... not that I would really know it if they had them.

My life is out of control, though.
 

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Good point dvmarie...I don't date right now, nor am I looking to date. Precicely because I'm NOT interested in shopping around for a new daddy. My child already has a Dad. I'm not in any way about looking for someone to replace him.

I think one common misconception about 'single parent' families is that they are somehow incomplete. But I honestly have to say, since we've moved to NC...started visiting both sides of Madison's family, taking care of ourselves very well and creating our own life, I feel our family right now is COMPLETE in every way.

I'm at an age finally where I've realized it certainly doesn't take another person to complete me...or our family.

I guess I am not really interested in what other people think of us. I know that when I'm out without my daughter, I get the average flirting with guys...but when she's around..."Oh no...go the other way....don't look over there." I just think it's comical.

Job discrimination...Nope. If anything people are more kind to me because I'm a single mom and they have no idea how I manage to do it and keep my sanity. At our church people are always offering babysitting services, a hand when I need it...etc. Everyone seems to want to make sure I have enough support. I think that's really a wonderful thing.

B
 

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aksjg,

I just want to say first-way to go mama!

My mom left my dad and she had four kids. She worked really hard to make ends meet and was a fantastic role model for all of us. She dated some different men and the ones we couldn't stand were the ones that wanted to be our dad-that was the last thing we needed. We just wanted mom to have a fun night out. Anyway I'm really sorry that people are so narrow minded. I'm really proud that my mom was a single parent-she did a wonderful job and she never had help from any sorry man (the trouble is they often need more taking care of then the children)...so just enjoy the great people in your life. Who needs such judgmental people around anyway!
 

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"The problem is they often need more taking care of than children."--this was my X. I loved/love him still in a way--though I DON'T want him back. He's sweet, but he was OH SO NEEDY...I often felt I was taking care of two children after my daughter was born. And I noticed he was always trying to compete with her for my love. I've often felt since he left that just taking care of one child is MUCH easier
.

I don't think for a minute that all men are like this. I just happen to choose one who needed a LOT. While we were dating I thought it was sweet that he 'needed' me. But esp after our daughter came along, MAN...I just wanted him to grow the f*** up. (man, and I never swear
)

B
 

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I have encountered MANY of these stereotypes. One question that bothers me, when meeting people is: Do they all have the same father (I have 3 kids). Ok, sorry people I don't know, that is none of your business. Oh and yes I left my husband. I am not poor and I am educated. I hate it when people offer this advice to me: so I suppose you are looking for a dad for your kids huh, you should date older men, like in their thirties because they are ready for kids.... Um my kids do have a dad, and my bf is only 22 so (puts up middle finger) heh
 

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*scratches off the "purchase groceries" idea from his list of what to do if he meets a potential partner who has a kid(s)*

What else shouldn't I do?
 

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Oh, I have a question.....

Back in 1993 I was doing a college course. A woman (in one of my classes) a couple of years older than me was telling me that I needed a girlfriend to organise my life for me etc. The next week she was telling me she needed a boyfriend to be a father figure for her 4 year old kid. Then the week after that she brought her 4 y/o son into class (she couldn't get a sitter) and gave him to me to look after (yeah, I know... why?).

So..... was she trying to hint at or suggest something?
 

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Discussion Starter · #18 ·
Quote:
Originally posted by dvmarie



Once a date showed up on my doorstep for a first date with a bag of groceries.......
I would do that...but not on a first date! I try not to cook for a woman until at least the third date, because sometimes they mistake their love for my cooking with a love for me.

I make no assumptions about women...each one is different.
 

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Yes she was Kurmudgeon and I hope you headed for the hills.


I mean it could be that she really didn't have someone to look after him...but there are just too many coincidences in your conversations before to support that theory.

There is a little truth to every stereotype. It generally represents ONE section of the referenced population. There really ARE women out there who believe they need another person to make their family okay. (Alright...my Mother may still believe this about us as well...but my mother hardly represents sanity). There are women who are always looking.

I'm not one of them. I want my daughter to know that I think we're complete just as we are. I would never want to give HER the impression that a woman's 'real' duty is to find a good man--or a 'good father figure for her child'. She asked me a few months ago if I was going to get married...right out of the blue. And I said, "Not right now. I think the two of us are fine just as we are." We were out listening to a celtic band at the time, that one of my good friends plays violin for...I said, "Would you mind if it's just you and me for a while?" She said, "Yeah, that's okay with me." Then she went out and danced like nobody's business.

B

B
 
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