Joined
·
578 Posts
Hey guys! I need your advice on something. My bf and I have been together for precisely a year and will be moving in together in 2 weeks.
He makes 20 000$ a year more than I do and doesn't have any student debts, while I have 20 000$ worth of them.
His parents gave him a car during his university years and so has only bought and started doing payments on a car since october last year, while I bought my own car in oct 2009.
He's been staying at his parents' house rent-free, while I've bee paying 200$ to my mother since may 2010.
The groceries at this place are paid by his parents, while I've been doing my own for almost a year now.
So all this taken into account, he's the one who made the down payment on the condo and who'll be paying most of the mortgage/bills/condo fees. The condo fees are 180$ a month. I offered to pitch in 200$ a month to help pay for it all, because I wanted to help out financially as much as I could, and because it was the most I could afford to contribute.
So everything was fine, until he brought up the subject of a pre-(pre)-nup. (the paranthesis are there because he said once we're married, this document would not apply, so it's technically not a marriage pre-nup).
After living together for 12 months, we would be considered 'common-law' which would mean we would both have access to everything we own 50/50. This, of course, would mean *I* would have more than I have and he would have less than what he put in. I understand he doesn't want to get 'cheated' from all the money he's putting into this, but he wants me to sign a document saying we would NOT be common-law after 12 months, so that I would not be able to leave with half of his investments, were we ever to break up.
But isn't that starting off our new stage in our relationship on the wrong foot? I told him I had no interest in his money, and that I thought his attitude of needing to 'protect' himself from me not a healthy one for a relationship. I find it insulting that he would ask me to sign something like that, and he finds my reaction insulting that I can't understand how he's being generous by letting me stay with him for a mere 200$ a month, which clearly isn't a 'fair share'.
It makes me feel like we're moving into HIS place, not OURS, and that my 200$ would be more like 'rent' then anything else, which would make me feel more like a roommate than a girlfriend.
I understand if we WERE roommates, the situation is pretty darnededly generous! But we're not, we're a COUPLE. Isn't the point of moving in together to start our lives as a loving couple, a team, to build our future together?
Sorry for the long rant!!
He makes 20 000$ a year more than I do and doesn't have any student debts, while I have 20 000$ worth of them.
His parents gave him a car during his university years and so has only bought and started doing payments on a car since october last year, while I bought my own car in oct 2009.
He's been staying at his parents' house rent-free, while I've bee paying 200$ to my mother since may 2010.
The groceries at this place are paid by his parents, while I've been doing my own for almost a year now.
So all this taken into account, he's the one who made the down payment on the condo and who'll be paying most of the mortgage/bills/condo fees. The condo fees are 180$ a month. I offered to pitch in 200$ a month to help pay for it all, because I wanted to help out financially as much as I could, and because it was the most I could afford to contribute.
So everything was fine, until he brought up the subject of a pre-(pre)-nup. (the paranthesis are there because he said once we're married, this document would not apply, so it's technically not a marriage pre-nup).
After living together for 12 months, we would be considered 'common-law' which would mean we would both have access to everything we own 50/50. This, of course, would mean *I* would have more than I have and he would have less than what he put in. I understand he doesn't want to get 'cheated' from all the money he's putting into this, but he wants me to sign a document saying we would NOT be common-law after 12 months, so that I would not be able to leave with half of his investments, were we ever to break up.
But isn't that starting off our new stage in our relationship on the wrong foot? I told him I had no interest in his money, and that I thought his attitude of needing to 'protect' himself from me not a healthy one for a relationship. I find it insulting that he would ask me to sign something like that, and he finds my reaction insulting that I can't understand how he's being generous by letting me stay with him for a mere 200$ a month, which clearly isn't a 'fair share'.
It makes me feel like we're moving into HIS place, not OURS, and that my 200$ would be more like 'rent' then anything else, which would make me feel more like a roommate than a girlfriend.
I understand if we WERE roommates, the situation is pretty darnededly generous! But we're not, we're a COUPLE. Isn't the point of moving in together to start our lives as a loving couple, a team, to build our future together?
Sorry for the long rant!!
