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Discussion Starter · #1 ·
I suppose this is my latest vegetarian rant.

I was over at my brother's house for a family party yesterday and of course, I'm the only vegetarian. Got off to a fine start when I arrived, and my brother proceeded to tell me about being out the night before and the fantastic steak he ate with the great choices of sauces in a particluar hotel.


Then really got into the swing of things when my cousin's elderly husband regaled us all with tales of his wonderful hobby which he had spent a lifetime doing, of slaughtering birds with a shotgun. He was sitting right next to me and held everyone spellbound with his stories.


Next, as the afternoon tea was being served his wife, my cousin, told us all about the great leg of lamb they had all enjoyed with their sunday dinner and how succulent and tasty it was


And then of course the crowning moment when her brother, another cousin, asked me for the 119th time, did I not eat salmon either!!!


I watched silently as they all tucked into the assorted meats being served. I was given the standard bread with a slice of tomato on top and I thought to myself, "God isn't life wonderful for vegetarians?!"


I have read elsewhere on this forum where members have tried to spread the message and tried to convert people to vegetarianism. How does anyone think I could even attempt to convert people like that?

Sometimes I feel like I'm going crazy in the company of carnivores/omnivores!
 

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Rad,

What a miserable time. I don't think there is much hope for them to consider a vegetarian diet unless their life depends on it. It sounds like they are just self absorbed and don't fully consider what your vegetarian choice means. Forgive them for being ignorant and insensitive. Karma has a way of working it all out in the end.

My family isn't much different. Even after 20+ years of being a vegetarian they still are suprised when I don't eat the green beans with bacon etc. During my sister's wedding rehersal dinner, which was at a BBQ place, the entire wedding party started mooing and oinking when my salad arrived. Then through the whole dinner they kept making comments about how delicious porky pig and bessie the cow tasted. I think it was more because they are immature and insecure about their own choices.

Karma has already come around for my mother's husband. He was one of the instigators of the above incident and for the past 4 years he has been placed on a diet that should be at least 90% plant based. At first he didn't follow it and he suffered heart attack #3. Now he follows it. I secretly enjoy that now he and I get to eat meatless burgers together at the family picnics.
 

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Gosh, that sucks.
If I were you, I'd find better parties to go to. Is this the first bad party you've been to with them? If not, maybe find a reason you can't go next time. (It may sound mean, but if it's causing so much stress to you, I don't think it's worth it). I remember when a guest speaker came to my church about a year ago, and he was talking about his hunting adventures, and he said "Don't get me wrong, I love animals. I love them deep fried or hanging over my fireplace!" I swear, I was just about to explode into a volcano while the whole crowd cracked up. Hunting didn't even have anything to do with the message! I wish I could help somehow, but I've given you all the advice I could think of.
 

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If people indulge in hunting stories or meat experiences for the enjoyment of other, then I do not mind.

It's different if they do it solely for the purpose of making me uncomfortable though.
 

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Originally Posted by Envy View Post

If people indulge in hunting stories or meat experiences for the enjoyment of other, then I do not mind.
Really? You'd have to be a veggie for health reasons for that to not bother you at some point.

I feel your pain OP.
 

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I totally understand your pain

It makes me sad when people talk about hunting. NOT COOL
 

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Originally Posted by Nishani View Post

Really? You'd have to be a veggie for health reasons for that to not bother you at some point.

I feel your pain OP.
I'm vegetarian for more than health reasons, but those meat conversations don't bother me either. I don't distinguish morally between shopping for meat and shooting it out of the sky. I mean, shooting it sounds colder, but people I know who hunt don't seem cold to me.

Nearly everyone likes meat and likes talking about it, and vegetarians need to find our own best way to deal with that if it does bother us. If anyone tries to engage me one-on-one in a meat-loving conversation I do cut it off, telling or reminding them I'm vegetarian. But if it comes up in a group, I don't try to shut it down and it doesn't make me queasy. I remember well enough what it was like when I used to eat animals.
 

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It seems to me they were just talking like this because they knew the OP is a Vegeterian and they were rubbing it in. Each things the OP posted It gave me a red flag of just talking to get their goat. Next time you go meet with family like this bring an Ipod or something and when they do start put your IPOD on and listen to peaceful music. Then bring your own foods to try on them.
 

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Discussion Starter · #9 ·
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Originally Posted by peacefulveglady View Post

Then bring your own foods to try on them.
Believe me, they wouldn't dream of touching veggie food!
 

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Discussion Starter · #10 ·
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Originally Posted by Bluejeans84 View Post

Gosh, that sucks.
If I were you, I'd find better parties to go to. Is this the first bad party you've been to with them? If not, maybe find a reason you can't go next time.
Not just quite as simple as that. I had to go, as it was an engagement party for my brother's daughter and her fiance.

And no, this isn't the first time its happened. But we rarely are altogether anyway (thank goodness).
 

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Discussion Starter · #11 ·
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Originally Posted by Joan Kennedy View Post

Nearly everyone likes meat and likes talking about it, and vegetarians need to find our own best way to deal with that if it does bother us.
Perhaps you could enlighten me as to how I do that?
 

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Quote:
Originally Posted by Rad14 View Post

Perhaps you could enlighten me as to how I do that?
I don't know what would work best with your relatives. If they're just obnoxious you probably avoid them as much as possible, which is what I would do too. There is no such thing as a can't-miss event, even the wedding itself, if you're truly dreading it and if they're purely unpleasant people. Just bail if you want -- you were sick, something came up, whatever. Some thin excuse that's just barely possibly not a lie. If they remember being rude, they'll wonder if it's a burn, though they won't ask because maybe it really was a migraine.

I didn't get off your post that they were needling you on purpose. Some of the other posters thought so and maybe they were right, but since you didn't say so I assumed they were just being their natural selves. If I'm going to be close to someone, either friend or family, I need to be able to be my unforced, natural self around them and they need to be able to do the same around me, or else it just won't work. Either they put a decent effort into being good company when we're together, or I'm a no-show at their next event.

I started out bringing stuff just so I'd have something I knew I could eat, plus a little extra. Now my meat-eating relatives pretty much devour the meatless sides and salads I bring to get-togethers. I'm kind of a foodie and my tastes aren't too unusual, so if I get a dish to the point where I really like it, other people like it too.
 

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Discussion Starter · #13 ·
They weren't being obnoxious on purpose, I think, and most of the time we enjoy each others company and have a laugh.
Which of course can make it all the more difficult when I get thoughtless comments thrown in my direction. After all, I wouldn't dream of going to anyone's house and immediately launching into how wonderful Veg*an food is and the sauces I cook it in, and explaining all the while that they don't know what they are missing! Or how about before the cousin's elderly husband recounted his shotgun stories, I stated that I thought anyone who could harm animals should be lynched. I don't do these things.

They do.
 

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It sounds like I'm the wrong one to offer advice here, since my own feelings about food animals are milder than yours. My vegetarianism is a personal commitment that doesn't extend to minding how others should eat. This makes it easier for me to let remarks slide, but it doesn't help you. Though like you, in my family, I'm the one and they are the many, so I feel like I am the one who needs to try a bit harder to fit in. A meat-eater eating meat in a roomful of vegans would need to be the one to work harder in that situation, or else be terribly uncomfortable.
 

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Quote:
Originally Posted by Rad14 View Post

I watched silently as they all tucked into the assorted meats being served. I was given the standard bread with a slice of tomato on top and I thought to myself, "God isn't life wonderful for vegetarians?!"
You should seriously consider bringing your own food to these events. Tomato bread? Please.
Offer to bring enough to share and, if they don't eat it, then more for you!
 

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Discussion Starter · #16 ·
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Originally Posted by Joan Kennedy View Post

My vegetarianism is a personal commitment that doesn't extend to minding how others should eat.
Mine is a personal commitment also and I deal every day with others eating meat. That doesn't bother me. In my house I actually do all the cooking, and their all omnivores!

It's just that I felt my nose was being rubbed in it, however much unintended. When someone starts a monologue about the pleasures of slaughtering birds for fun for 40 years, and I'm sitting right next to them I'm afraid I find that extremely distasteful, to say the least.
 

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Discussion Starter · #17 ·
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Originally Posted by Mrs. T View Post

You should seriously consider bringing your own food to these events. Tomato bread? Please.
Offer to bring enough to share and, if they don't eat it, then more for you!
I'm afraid if I did that, it would be considered an insult to my sister in law's culinary efforts!
As for sharing, there is no way in hell any of them would want share.
 

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Quote:
Originally Posted by Rad14 View Post

I'm afraid if I did that, it would be considered an insult to my sister in law's culinary efforts!
As for sharing, there is no way in hell any of them would want share.
I've found that omnis want to share some veg*n foods. I usually take tortilla chips with a variety of dips, such as guacamole and various salsas.
 

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Discussion Starter · #19 ·
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Originally Posted by Chocolate Mouse View Post

I've found that omnis want to share some veg*n foods. I usually take tortilla chips with a variety of dips, such as guacamole and various salsas.
Thanks for your suggestions, I really appreciate them, but unfortunately that's a non-starter.
 

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For me, having to listen to people talk about meat would be annoying but trivial. But having to listen to that while I was hungry at the feast, that would be intolerable. Not being properly fed at an event where I was not welcome to bring my own food, that's a violation of hospitality. If your sister-in-law is a basically nice person, can you talk to her about it? Lay it out for her, make sure she knows you don't want to be a bother, and ask what she thinks your best option is at these events: not come, come but bring some food of your own, or she could fix something for you, something easy that you could suggest.

If someone offered me a piece of bread with a slice of tomato on it, as a main course, I would not worry about insulting her cooking, I would let her in on what it takes for a vegetarian to be well and properly fed. I mean, even meat-eaters eat other things too. It should be possible to make a plate from those other things. And if that's too much trouble for the host, you should be able to pack something along. Not to put words in your mouth, but something that conveys "I don't need to be catered to at these things, not with everything else you have to look after, but would you be offended if I brought a little something to round out the meal for myself?"
 
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