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Discussion Starter · #1 ·
first, let's say that i'm a very average looking guy. in a little better shape than most. my young and beautiful days have faded into the sunset. i do carry myself as though i'm super confident and i am always known for working extremely hard everywhere i go. so that's the basic picture.<br><br>
i'm running over my past relationships in my mind, and i'm seeing a recurring pattern. i attract these women who become ultra dependent on me emotionally. it starts like this:<br><br>
she likes me, and it's obvious. i decide immediately if i'm interested in her. either it's yes or no. let's say i'm attracted to her. i go out with her. in 2 or 3 dates, i'm in bed with her. then the next thing i know, i can't get her off me. it's impossible for me to have enough sex with her. and it's as though it's not even about the sex. it's like she's emotionally feeding on me. so let's say i'm having sex with her 2-3 times a day, maybe 5-6 times a day if we're both off. at some point, i don't even care anymore. it's like i'm doing her because she's just there. and when it starts, i feel like i'm in love with them. i really think i am.<br><br>
so after a certain point in time i finally just can't take it anymore and i break it off. it may go a few months, but when it clicks over in my head, i just don't want to touch her again. of course, she's hurt and upset and crying and angry. and then she keeps calling me and having her friends check up on me. finally, she disappears. this whole time i'm never mean to her in any way. i try to be loving and nice but it's like she just runs over me. and there is no space for me to breath.<br><br>
what am i doing wrong here? why am i attracting these type of women? i mean, they don't seem to start out like this, but this is how it ends up. this is why i'm so gun shy of relationships. i don't want to hurt anyone. part of me is scared, i admit it.
 

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Here is my opinion:<br><br>
You mentioned that you have a certain physical "type", when it comes to women. You like em' thin and conventionally beautiful. But here is the problem with many thin, conventionally beautiful women: they often come with extremely low self-esteem. They oftentimes value their looks above all else, so when a man is clearly interested in them and compliments their physical assets, they can't get enough. And they cling to that man because to them, their looks are all they have going for them. I am not saying this is always the case, but it is a pattern I have observed. Late bloomers like me tend to not have this problem, so maybe you need to start approaching women who don't throw themselves at you and are confident, smart, and funny.
 

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The type of girl is an option, but the other common denominator is you. Are you sure there isn't anything you're doing that could cause these relationships to fall apart? Also, I wouldn't focus so much on papayamon's choice in women's physical looks. Maybe he's been attracting the same kind of personality? Where do you usually meet women? Maybe a change of scenery would be good, somewhere you can find more mature, confident women. <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="/images/smilies/smiley.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title=":)"><br><br><br>
Edit; Frankly, though, I'd say you ought to focus on your feelings for women more. >.> Maybe it DOES stem from the type of woman you're used to, but seeing comments of yours in other threads makes me think you don't take the women you date seriously, which is why your relationships never develop further than the initial stages. People can sense when you're pulling away from them, you know? And they'll respond by doing whatever they can to keep you close. Another thing: Are you afraid of commitment? Just asking because you never approach the woman, she approaches you, and you're alway the one to end things. >.>
 

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Disclaimer: I've had two relationships: a twenty year marriage and an eight year SO relationship, so I'm not exactly a shining example of success at relationships. But I do find human beings fascinating and have tended to observe them closely.<br><br>
Sequioa makes a good point about a certain type of woman relying solely on her looks for sense of self esteem. Frankly, it's a rare man who is so incredibly attractive that women are constantly throwing themselves at him based solely on that attractiveness. If that's happening with the regularity you describe, in most cases it probably has more to do with their neediness than how attractive you are. Neediness can take many forms - low self esteem, fear of being alone, the sadly still prevalent societal concept that a woman needs a man for financial security, etc. The women I've known who are attractive <i>and</i> secure in themselves don't throw themselves at men - they don't need to - they have men pursuing them, and even if they didn't, they don't <i>need</i> someone. Need is never a good foundation for a healthy relationship, IMO.<br><br>
So I think a lot of that has been going on. And from your side, it's been easier to just take what they offer - no work and no risk of rejection on your part, but no long term rewards either. Gratification of physical attraction, but physical attraction without anything to back it up doesn't last. So really, there's nothing unusual or unexpected about your interest turning off like the faucet on the kitchen sink.<br><br>
If you want a long term relationship, figure out what you find attractive in a woman and what you find attractive in a human being with whom you like to spend time not having sex. Then keep a look out for a woman who has those combined qualities in a measure acceptable to you.<br><br>
ETA: One of the best bits of relationship advice I've ever heard is this: Don't get involved with someone until you have a pretty good idea of how they would handle a break up. If they're not likely to handle a break up in a mature (and that would not include getting their friends to check up on you and/or try to intervene on their behalf) and nonvindictive way, then steer clear.
 

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When I was in high school, I developed a crush on a boy and worked very hard to get him. After I did, we were both happy for a couple of months, but summer rolled around and we spent LOTS of time together. Too much for me, and I started making up excuses not to see him. Instead of giving me more space, he began to get clingy, which made me NEVER want to see him. I sometimes wonder what would've happened if he just would have given me more space.
 

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I think people have an inner radar. You like certain traits for whatever reason and you subconsciously seek them out.
 

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<div class="quote-container"><span>Quote:</span>
<div class="quote-block">Originally Posted by <strong>delicioso</strong> <a href="/forum/post/2878892"><img alt="View Post" class="inlineimg" src="/img/forum/go_quote.gif" style=""></a><br><br>
When I was in high school, I developed a crush on a boy and worked very hard to get him. After I did, we were both happy for a couple of months, but summer rolled around and we spent LOTS of time together. Too much for me, and I started making up excuses not to see him. Instead of giving me more space, he began to get clingy, which made me NEVER want to see him. I sometimes wonder what would've happened if he just would have given me more space.</div>
</div>
<br><img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="/images/smilies/yes.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title=":yes:"> Spending too much time with someone can totally burn you out.<br><br>
I agree to spend more time getting to know the woman instead of spending the majority of the time having sex. Having sex so soon into a relationship sometimes tends to set things up for disaster as well. I've seen some female friends get obsessive and clingy over guys once they have sex with them at the beginning of the relationship.
 

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Meh, women are weird.
 

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<div class="quote-container"><span>Quote:</span>
<div class="quote-block">Originally Posted by <strong>papayamon</strong> <a href="/forum/post/2878799"><img alt="View Post" class="inlineimg" src="/img/forum/go_quote.gif" style=""></a><br><br>
she likes me, and it's obvious. i decide immediately if i'm interested in her. either it's yes or no. let's say i'm attracted to her. i go out with her. in 2 or 3 dates, i'm in bed with her. then the next thing i know, i can't get her off me.<br><br>
what am i doing wrong here? why am i attracting these type of women? i mean, they don't seem to start out like this, but this is how it ends up. this is why i'm so gun shy of relationships. i don't want to hurt anyone. part of me is scared, i admit it.</div>
</div>
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Do you have any friends that are women (that you don't sleep with)? What was the length of your longest relationship?<br><br>
You ask why you are attracting these kind of women, when you should be asking yourself why you are ATTRACTED to these kind of women? This is your problem, not theirs.<br><br>
To me you obviously have commitment issues. For whatever reason be it from the example your parents, set or other defining relationships in your life, you should focus on why you are afraid to commit.<br><br>
Lastly, you should try not having sex with someone you like so quickly. Yes everyone has a different amount of time for when it is right to do it with someone, you are doing it too soon. You need to spend time with someone to find out if you can handle their annoying personality traits as much as their good ones before having sex and starting that kind of relationship, especially since you describe yourself as being so adept in bed that girls can't get enough of you....<br><br>
Basically you need to be friends first if you want a lasting relationship, this is not for everyone but you seem to fit this need more than others.
 

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<div class="quote-container"><span>Quote:</span>
<div class="quote-block">Originally Posted by <strong>papayamon</strong> <a href="/forum/post/2878799"><img alt="View Post" class="inlineimg" src="/img/forum/go_quote.gif" style=""></a><br><br>
first, let's say that i'm a very average looking guy. in a little better shape than most. my young and beautiful days have faded into the sunset. i do carry myself as though i'm super confident and i am always known for working extremely hard everywhere i go. so that's the basic picture.<br><br>
i'm running over my past relationships in my mind, and i'm seeing a recurring pattern. i attract these women who become ultra dependent on me emotionally. it starts like this:<br><br>
she likes me, and it's obvious. i decide immediately if i'm interested in her. either it's yes or no. let's say i'm attracted to her. i go out with her. in 2 or 3 dates, i'm in bed with her. then the next thing i know, i can't get her off me. it's impossible for me to have enough sex with her. and it's as though it's not even about the sex. it's like she's emotionally feeding on me. so let's say i'm having sex with her 2-3 times a day, maybe 5-6 times a day if we're both off. at some point, i don't even care anymore. it's like i'm doing her because she's just there. and when it starts, i feel like i'm in love with them. i really think i am.<br><br>
so after a certain point in time i finally just can't take it anymore and i break it off. it may go a few months, but when it clicks over in my head, i just don't want to touch her again. of course, she's hurt and upset and crying and angry. and then she keeps calling me and having her friends check up on me. finally, she disappears. this whole time i'm never mean to her in any way. i try to be loving and nice but it's like she just runs over me. and there is no space for me to breath.<br><br>
what am i doing wrong here? why am i attracting these type of women? i mean, they don't seem to start out like this, but this is how it ends up. this is why i'm so gun shy of relationships. i don't want to hurt anyone. part of me is scared, i admit it.</div>
</div>
<br>
Here is the problem, and I had no idea until I became a vegitarian and my once good friends pointed it out for me.<br><br>
Any guy that does not eat meat, and I mean 40 or 50 lbs of raw self shot flesh,, is gay.<br><br>
It went so far as to a request for me to relinquish my man card.<br><br>
Something I just have to live with.. dont know how to explain it to my wife and kid.<br><br>
Glad I could help.
 

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<div class="quote-container"><span>Quote:</span>
<div class="quote-block">Originally Posted by <strong>papayamon</strong> <a href="/forum/post/2878799"><img alt="View Post" class="inlineimg" src="/img/forum/go_quote.gif" style=""></a><br><br>
first, let's say that i'm a very average looking guy. in a little better shape than most. my young and beautiful days have faded into the sunset. i do carry myself as though i'm super confident and i am always known for working extremely hard everywhere i go. so that's the basic picture.<br><br>
i'm running over my past relationships in my mind, and i'm seeing a recurring pattern. i attract these women who become ultra dependent on me emotionally. it starts like this:<br><br>
she likes me, and it's obvious. i decide immediately if i'm interested in her. either it's yes or no. let's say i'm attracted to her. i go out with her. in 2 or 3 dates, i'm in bed with her. then the next thing i know, i can't get her off me. it's impossible for me to have enough sex with her. and it's as though it's not even about the sex. it's like she's emotionally feeding on me. so let's say i'm having sex with her 2-3 times a day, maybe 5-6 times a day if we're both off. at some point, i don't even care anymore. it's like i'm doing her because she's just there. and when it starts, i feel like i'm in love with them. i really think i am.<br><br>
so after a certain point in time i finally just can't take it anymore and i break it off. it may go a few months, but when it clicks over in my head, i just don't want to touch her again. of course, she's hurt and upset and crying and angry. and then she keeps calling me and having her friends check up on me. finally, she disappears. this whole time i'm never mean to her in any way. i try to be loving and nice but it's like she just runs over me. and there is no space for me to breath.<br><br>
what am i doing wrong here? why am i attracting these type of women? i mean, they don't seem to start out like this, but this is how it ends up. this is why i'm so gun shy of relationships. i don't want to hurt anyone. part of me is scared, i admit it.</div>
</div>
<br>
Okay. And what's the situation in real life?
 

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<div class="quote-container"><span>Quote:</span>
<div class="quote-block">Originally Posted by <strong>Fatman</strong> <a href="/forum/post/2879080"><img alt="View Post" class="inlineimg" src="/img/forum/go_quote.gif" style=""></a><br><br>
Here is the problem, and I had no idea until I became a vegitarian and my once good friends pointed it out for me.<br>
Any guy that does not eat meat, and I mean 40 or 50 lbs of raw self shot flesh,, is gay.</div>
</div>
<br><img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="/images/smilies/rolleyes.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title=":rolleyes:">
 

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It sounds to me like you may have a part of your personality that is needy as well but like you said you are nervous of getting taken advantage of so you convince yourself you never liked them as much as you did in the beginning. This was the part of your post that really stood out to me:<br><i>"it's as though it's not even about the sex. it's like she's emotionally feeding on me."</i><br>
That is pretty powerful stuff. So my opinion is you are repeating a cycle of self destruction looking for something with someone who never really had a chance with you to begin with. You are attracted to women who try to get you to settle down and you are kicking and screaming the whole way, hence why you resent them after you feel you have given them everything and the best you feel you have to offer (yourself) trying to make them feel good one of the few ways you know how, and they still want more. You need to figure out how to get your needs met in a relationship as well. Communication is a start, find a woman you can talk to and be honest with beyond the joking and flirting.
 

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Discussion Starter · #14 ·
<div class="quote-container"><span>Quote:</span>
<div class="quote-block">Originally Posted by <strong>Sevenseas</strong> <a href="/forum/post/2879082"><img alt="View Post" class="inlineimg" src="/img/forum/go_quote.gif" style=""></a><br><br>
Okay. And what's the situation in real life?</div>
</div>
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the situation is that i posted this thread to get input from women, because men are dolts. capeesh?
 

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<div class="quote-container"><span>Quote:</span>
<div class="quote-block">Originally Posted by <strong>papayamon</strong> <a href="/forum/post/2879092"><img alt="View Post" class="inlineimg" src="/img/forum/go_quote.gif" style=""></a><br><br>
the situation is that i posted this thread to get input from women, because men are dolts. capeesh?</div>
</div>
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Fine, be that way. If you don't wanna say, don't.
 

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Discussion Starter · #16 ·
<div class="quote-container"><span>Quote:</span>
<div class="quote-block">Originally Posted by <strong>Sevenseas</strong> <a href="/forum/post/2879099"><img alt="View Post" class="inlineimg" src="/img/forum/go_quote.gif" style=""></a><br><br>
Fine, be that way. If you don't wanna say, don't.</div>
</div>
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heh. i did.
 

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Fatman, for the love of all that's holy, it's VEGETARIAN.<br><br>
And Papayamon, it's "capisce".<br><br><img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="/images/smilies/dozey.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title=":tired:"><br><br>
Carry on!<br><br><img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="/images/smilies/laugh.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title=":lol:">
 

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<div class="quote-container"><span>Quote:</span>
<div class="quote-block">Originally Posted by <strong>Marie</strong> <a href="/forum/post/2878964"><img alt="View Post" class="inlineimg" src="/img/forum/go_quote.gif" style=""></a><br><br>
I think people have an inner radar. You like certain traits for whatever reason and you subconsciously seek them out.</div>
</div>
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Agreed 100%.<br><br>
The first step is recognizing that, but it's really hard to change. The person we lie to most effectively is ourselves.
 

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Discussion Starter · #19 ·
<div class="quote-container"><span>Quote:</span>
<div class="quote-block">Originally Posted by <strong>*AHIMSA*</strong> <a href="/forum/post/2879113"><img alt="View Post" class="inlineimg" src="/img/forum/go_quote.gif" style=""></a><br><br>
And Papayamon, it's "capisce".<br></div>
</div>
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capeesh is a valid variant spelling. check the dictionary <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="/images/smilies/smiley.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title=":)">.
 

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Discussion Starter · #20 ·
<div class="quote-container"><span>Quote:</span>
<div class="quote-block">Originally Posted by <strong>mlp</strong> <a href="/forum/post/2879121"><img alt="View Post" class="inlineimg" src="/img/forum/go_quote.gif" style=""></a><br><br>
Agreed 100%.<br><br>
The first step is recognizing that, but it's really hard to change. The person we lie to most effectively is ourselves.</div>
</div>
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that is the struggle with everything when you are trying to improve yourself.
 
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