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Ideas on how to improve it?
Where does self esteem come from anyway?

I feel like I should nuture and grow some in order to become a better person. (And is it possible to do this without becoming big headed?).
 

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Vegetarianism and veganism are often an expression of love for other sentient beings, so I've always assumed it makes sense for an ethically-motivated vegetarian to have a high regard for themselves as a sentient being.
 

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Herbivorous Urchin
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Wednesday_12 View Post

Ideas on how to improve it?
Where does self esteem come from anyway?

I feel like I should nuture and grow some in order to become a better person. (And is it possible to do this without becoming big headed?).
I dunno, I've always had a very good self esteem, I love myself. I always set out and do exactly what I say I will do, and I love the earth and it's animals with all my being. It makes me happy.

Maybe you just need to figure out how to love you.
 

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Maybe speak to your doctor about doing CBT? (Cognitive Behaviour Therapy)

Or there are some websites which offer online CBT that you could look into?

One of the websites that my therapist told me about is http://getselfhelp.co.uk/

But please, go see your doctor first and ask for their advice. At the very least let them know that you're worried and if you do go down the online route, let them know that you are.

Good luck!
 

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Quote:
Originally Posted by River View Post

I dunno, I've always had a very good self esteem, I love myself.
Same with me. It's a pretty foreign concept to me for people to have a low self-esteem and/or to hate themselves, because I don't think like that, even when I was at my worst point in life. I have my days every once in a while, but for the most part, I'm cool with myself. I don't care what other people think of me, and I think that has something to do with it. I mean come on. I've walked around stores in full pirate regalia (plastic sword and all), and now I have a penquin on my head. I like to be silly and do bizarre things because it amuses me and makes me happy. If people worry too much about what others think of them, I think that takes a toll on their self-esteem (thinking they can't be themselves in order to get approval, so they much change themselves to be approved of). I could be wrong here, but I think that plays a part. I think this also ties along with peer pressure and "the hivemind".

You (general) have to learn to like yourself for the most part if you want to have a higher self-esteem. And there's no easy fix to get you to like yourself if you don't.
 

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Herbivorous Urchin
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Tom View Post

Vegetarianism and veganism are often an expression of love for other sentient beings, so I've always assumed it makes sense for an ethically-motivated vegetarian to have a high regard for themselves as a sentient being.
The human psyche is much more complicated than that. Just because you love other things, doesn't mean you can love yourself. If it were that easy, I'm sure every human on the planet would have a great self esteem, because everyone loves something. Loving yourself is the hardest nut to crack. Especially depending on your childhood and parents. Some people come from very difficult backgrounds where love comes hard.
 

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I take the opposite approach. Instead of looking for sources of self-esteem, I try to identify the sources of guilt, and remove them. In other words, get rid of the negative to reveal the positive.
 

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Quote:
Originally Posted by River View Post

The human psyche is much more complicated than that. Just because you love other things, doesn't mean you can love yourself. If it were that easy, I'm sure every human on the planet would have a great self esteem, because everyone loves something. Loving yourself is the hardest nut to crack. Especially depending on your childhood and parents. Some people come from very difficult backgrounds where love comes hard.
Word.


My depression, anxiety disorder and avoidant personality disorder, not mention my self-harming, all stem from things that happened in my childhood. Other things have affected them (obviously) but the root of them is those certain things.
 

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Originally Posted by Capstan View Post

I take the opposite approach. Instead of looking for sources of self-esteem, I try to identify the sources of guilt, and remove them. In other words, get rid of the negative to reveal the positive.
That's a really good idea.
 

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It comes from inside you. A lot of people try to get self esteem from others in reassurance and love, but if you don't learn to love yourself on your own, your self esteem will never be stable. Accepting who you are and loving yourself are definitely the first step
 

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Quote:
Originally Posted by Capstan View Post

I take the opposite approach. Instead of looking for sources of self-esteem, I try to identify the sources of guilt, and remove them. In other words, get rid of the negative to reveal the positive.
Quote:
Originally Posted by River View Post

That's a really good idea.


That's one of the things CBT does.

The reason why I'm going to keep mentioning CBT is, it's very easy to say "stop thinking negatively and start thinking positively" but when you're in a mindset of always looking for the negative things it's extremely difficult to stop thinking like that. Which is why some people will need help with it.

To take me as an example.. Some people in this thread have said that the concept of hating yourself is completely foreign and they can't imagine it. For me, the idea of actually liking myself is an extremely strange concept. I actually feel like it's wrong for me to want to like myself because I can't actually comprehend that being a normal feeling.
 

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I don't love myself anything particular, but I don't hate myself either.

I'm just me.
 

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Quote:
Originally Posted by River View Post

Especially depending on your childhood and parents. Some people come from very difficult backgrounds where love comes hard.
This so much. Ugh, the stories I could tell of people I've known. I think about them sometimes and hope they made it out OK.

Without turning this into the Depression Thread, when I was younger, I went through a really rough time. (some people here on VB might vaguely remember my posts about it a couple years ago. I've deleted them since then so don't bother looking
) I know some people who are struggling with some of the same stuff I was, as well as some others who are way worse. Something I've noticed was that there is a great deal of difference between the way we perceive ourselves. Some of them truly hate themselves, and they are endlessly in a rut, trapped, and can't get out. I've never hated myself (but there were times I wished I hated myself), and I think that's part of the reason I was able to get 'better' with relatively few reoccurrences(that, and the completely unorthodox 'therapy' I had which, had it happened at any moment in time other than when it did, wouldn't have had the impact it did. I love the internet)
 

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I had low self esteem growing up because I looked outside of myself for approval.
I realized that in order to love myself, I had to change my life. I had to go within for approval, and I had to change my circumstances as well.
I started acting as though I loved myself: eating right, exercising, taking care of my mental and spiritual well-being first... and guess what? I started to feel some self-worth. My circumstances shifted (leaving unhealthy relationships etc) and I only flourished from there, creating worthwhile relationships, becoming involved in things I'm deeply passionate about, and eventually realizing (and truly believing) that what someone thinks of me doesn't matter, the important part is that I'm being true to myself and following my heart and loving the life that I have created for myself.
 

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I don't think that liking yourself automatically gives you love and friends though.
 

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But you have to believe that you are yourself able to give love and be a friend, or you'll fall into playing needy or destructive. It's often easier to act like the confident jerk who once put you down (in a subtle cry for help) than to admit that you just don't know what to do.
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Games_People_Play_(book)
 

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Quote:
Originally Posted by Annia View Post

it's very easy to say "stop thinking negatively and start thinking positively" but when you're in a mindset of always looking for the negative things it's extremely difficult to stop thinking like that. Which is why some people will need help with it.

To take me as an example.. Some people in this thread have said that the concept of hating yourself is completely foreign and they can't imagine it. For me, the idea of actually liking myself is an extremely strange concept. I actually feel like it's wrong for me to want to like myself because I can't actually comprehend that being a normal feeling.
Yes, I think it's something that you have to consistently and continually work at - there's no one thing or handful of things that you can do to improve yourself esteem, you have to erode the old negative thinking patterns and replace them with positive ones. I used to think it would be arrogant of me not to hate myself (not something I ever thought about other people who loved themselves, though) and I still struggle with the idea of it, but CBT is definitely helpful in trying to get you to see yourself a bit more objectively so that you can focus on the positives more instead of blowing the negatives out of proportion.
 

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I wish I could give an easy answer but this is something I struggle with myself and there is no quick solution.

What works best for me right now is living my life in a way that makes me feel good about myself. This means learning how to stand up for myself, trying to overcome my social anxieties, setting personal goals for myself, and just embracing who I am. I used to avoid hanging out with people because of how embarassed I felt about myself, but now I actually plan group events. Okay I've only planned two things so far, but still, huge difference!

I also post a lot over at the love shack message boards which specializes in emotional/personal issues
 

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Quote:
Originally Posted by paisleyjane View Post

I had low self esteem growing up because I looked outside of myself for approval.
I realized that in order to love myself, I had to change my life. I had to go within for approval, and I had to change my circumstances as well.
I started acting as though I loved myself: eating right, exercising, taking care of my mental and spiritual well-being first... and guess what? I started to feel some self-worth. My circumstances shifted (leaving unhealthy relationships etc) and I only flourished from there, creating worthwhile relationships, becoming involved in things I'm deeply passionate about, and eventually realizing (and truly believing) that what someone thinks of me doesn't matter, the important part is that I'm being true to myself and following my heart and loving the life that I have created for myself.
I love everything you said. This is exactly how I am now trying to live my life and it really does work.

Laura
 
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