Second chances??

secondcup · Sep 5, 2006

Just curious, how many of you have given/gotten second chances? Or would give them. Obviously, some people will screw up real bad and theres no hope, but for those other situations when... eh, you know. 
It seems like its always "one-shot" these days.

Tofu-N-Sprouts · Sep 6, 2006

I really screwed things up with the "love-of-my-life-once-in-a-lifetime-perfect-for-me-one-and-only-soulmate" (mainly just being stupid and afraid)... but thank GOODNESS was given a second chance.... 
I don't know what I was thinking, but I'm eternally greatful he was willing to put up with me and my fears and insecurities and stupidness a second time around...<img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="/images/smilies/love.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="

">

Dirty Martini · Sep 6, 2006

AWWWWWWWWWW!!!!!!!!!!!!! <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="/images/smilies/smitten.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title=":smitten:"> 
I've given 2nd chances... and 3rd, 4th, 5th... shall I go on? <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="/images/smilies/stupid.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title=":sign:"> 
I'm also the beneficiary of at least one 2nd chance, after I pulled an OMGWTFBBQ.

froggythefrog · Sep 6, 2006

I did not feel like you did anything wrong. There's nothing wrong with being scared and I was really, really happy to have you back. I love the heck out of you. <div class="quote-container">Quote:
<div class="quote-block">Originally Posted by Tofu-N-Sprouts <a href="/forum/post/0"><img alt="View Post" class="inlineimg" src="/img/forum/go_quote.gif" style=""></a> 
I really screwed things up with the "love-of-my-life-once-in-a-lifetime-perfect-for-me-one-and-only-soulmate" (mainly just being stupid and afraid)... but thank GOODNESS was given a second chance.... 
I don't know what I was thinking, but I'm eternally greatful he was willing to put up with me and my fears and insecurities and stupidness a second time around...<img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="/images/smilies/love.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="

"></div>
</div>

Thalia · Sep 6, 2006

<div class="quote-container">Quote:
<div class="quote-block">Originally Posted by froggythefrog <a href="/forum/post/0"><img alt="View Post" class="inlineimg" src="/img/forum/go_quote.gif" style=""></a> 
I did not feel like you did anything wrong. There's nothing wrong with being scared and I was really, really happy to have you back. I love the heck out of you.</div>
</div>
 
You guys trying to make us cry?? <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="/images/smilies/bigcry.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="

"> 
Actually that is really sweet to hear. Do you guys care to go into any details? What changed to make things different second time around? I actually really like mushy stories. 
I think the key is there has to be some concrete reason for the couple to think things are different in some way. 
I had a boyfriend in high school during 10th and 11th, and my senior year, he just stopped calling because I wasn't taking the hint. Then I went to college and he to the army. After I got a boyfriend he wrote me a letter hinting at things. I wrote him back and actually used the phrase "sew my wild oats". It was just too late, I had grown. He still calls and doesn't get that I am uncomfortable talking with him when I know his wife hates me and forbids him from contacting me. He's a good guy, I just don't want to anger his wife. 
I had another incident where I had to make a decision if I should ditch the person or forgive them. I generally like to make factually based, rational decisions, but in situations like that there are no "facts". Based on reading about others in similar situaitons and my intuitive knowledge of the person's character, I chose to forgive. I think part of that decision was a decision between trying to stay "one up" and protecting my ego and security vs. loving, taking a risk, and being vulnerable. I knew I might be hurt again but accepted that risk. 
But most of my breakups are just people being in different places at different times, and people just move on. <div class="quote-container">Quote:
<div class="quote-block">Originally Posted by OregonAmy <a href="/forum/post/0"><img alt="View Post" class="inlineimg" src="/img/forum/go_quote.gif" style=""></a> 
I'm also the beneficiary of at least one 2nd chance, after I pulled an OMGWTFBBQ.</div>
</div>
 
What kind of Barbeque? Are there vegetarian options?

astro · Sep 6, 2006

It's difficult for me to say, it depends what's happened but if it's something serious, then generally speaking it's one strike and your out.

synergy · Sep 6, 2006

I think second chances are important. I know I've gotten them, and I know I've given them (just very recently in fact). People make mistakes, the important thing is learning from them.

Brandon · Sep 6, 2006

^^^ Yep. Me too. Well, not recently but still. 
I've gotten and given second chances. Nobody's perfect and sometimes love needs a little time. I heard a song today on the radio that basically said not to fear a little pain when you are in love, because that means you are doing it right. And then love's right on the other side, etc. etc. smooshiness. 
Still, I think there's something to that. 
I just hope that in such a situation that I'd be given another go-round.

Chrysalis · Sep 6, 2006

I've given out second chances. I regret them. Obviously there are cases where they are justified but I can't bring myself to give out anymore to anyone. Of course with friends and such I don't mind, but romantically speaking is a whole other ball game.

karenlovessnow · Sep 6, 2006

I totally believe in second chances generally speaking. In the case of a SO cheating I'm not sure I'm a big enough person or secure enough to let that go. I admire those that do work through it. Circumstances really play into whether a second chance is/isn't warranted in any situation.

GhostUser · Sep 6, 2006

<div class="quote-container">Quote:
<div class="quote-block">Originally Posted by OregonAmy 
I'm also the beneficiary of at least one 2nd chance, after I pulled an OMGWTFBBQ.</div>
</div>
 <div class="quote-container">Quote:
<div class="quote-block">Originally Posted by Thalia <a href="/forum/post/0"><img alt="View Post" class="inlineimg" src="/img/forum/go_quote.gif" style=""></a> 
What kind of Barbeque? Are there vegetarian options?</div>
</div>
 
haha! I thought the same thing! <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="/images/smilies/grin.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="

"> 
I think second chances are good. everyone's allowed to screw up once in a while.

Dirty Martini · Sep 7, 2006

<a href="http://darpa.pomona.edu/engine/wp-content/uploads/2006/03/omgwtfbbq.gif" target="_blank">http://darpa.pomona.edu/engine/wp-co.../omgwtfbbq.gif</a> <a href="http://www.orlyowl.com/omfgwtfbbq.jpg" target="_blank">http://www.orlyowl.com/omfgwtfbbq.jpg</a>

IdealisticGirl · Sep 7, 2006

Years ago, I gave a second chance to someone I loved very deeply. Since we weren't on the same page as far as goals/beliefs/values, it didn't work out. I ended up getting my heart broken a second time. But, I chose to learn from the experience & use it to better myself & my judgement. <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="/images/smilies/tongue3.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="

"> 
Recently, I've found myself in yet another 'second chance' situation which is going quite well. In order to do this though, I had to let go of all my previous expectations(which I was able to do safely without fear of being taken advantage of because the relationship was always built on trust & repsect). 
I believe in second chances when the relationship is healthy & valued equally by both partners. On the other hand,- there are exes that I wouldn't give a second shot to if my life depended on it. <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="/images/smilies/tongue3.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="

"><img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="/images/smilies/brood.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title=":brood:">

GhostUser · Sep 7, 2006

I've given and received a second chance. As others have said, people make mistakes.

KDB · Sep 7, 2006

in my view it all depends on what the first problem was all about. unfortunately, i am not that good at forgiving, or at least not at forgetting. i am not a realist, i am an idealist and dreamer. for me to actually be happy rather than trying to be happy, the illusion may not be disturbed beyond a certain point.

mayuko · Sep 7, 2006

<div class="quote-container">Quote:
<div class="quote-block">Originally Posted by OregonAmy <a href="/forum/post/0"><img alt="View Post" class="inlineimg" src="/img/forum/go_quote.gif" style=""></a> <a href="http://darpa.pomona.edu/engine/wp-content/uploads/2006/03/omgwtfbbq.gif" target="_blank">http://darpa.pomona.edu/engine/wp-co.../omgwtfbbq.gif</a> <a href="http://www.orlyowl.com/omfgwtfbbq.jpg" target="_blank">http://www.orlyowl.com/omfgwtfbbq.jpg</a></div>
</div>
 
ah, i needed that laugh <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="/images/smilies/love.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="

">

IamJen · Sep 7, 2006

Ditto to all who said that second chances are good. Now, there are exceptions (like if you're in physical danger), but people make mistakes. 
I was just talking with someone the other day about the phrase "got what they deserved". Honestly, there are times in my life when I'm glad I didn't "get what I deserved". Grace is good thing, and for me, allowed me to grow into a better person.

Silver · Sep 7, 2006

Nobody can make you a victim without your permission. 
. . . words to live by . . .

astro · Sep 7, 2006

<div class="quote-container">Quote:
<div class="quote-block">Originally Posted by Silver <a href="/forum/post/0"><img alt="View Post" class="inlineimg" src="/img/forum/go_quote.gif" style=""></a> 
Nobody can make you a victim without your permission. 
. . . words to live by . . .</div>
</div>
 
Try saying that with a knife to your throat or a gun to your head...

Windfall · Sep 16, 2006

I´ve both given and taken chances, but my in my experience they rarely work, what you do you often do for a reason, or if you break up, you probably still have issues when you get back togerther again... I suppose, if you are willing to work on those, second chances might be a good idea! 
I´m new BTW, hi all!! <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="/images/smilies/shy.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title=":shy:">

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