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Discussion Starter · #1 ·
Ok, let's get two things straight...<br><ol class="decimal"><li>I am involved with a lot of activism at the moment, I always have been and I enjoy being active...</li>
<li>I also enjoy spending time in the gym keeping fit (it helps my mental health)</li>
<li>I have dyspraxia and possibly, attention deficit disorder... It means that some things make me mre tired and I struggle with learning by some methods</li>
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I am involved with a couple of campaigns. I recently joined a political party, but now they seem to want me to go to several events and I just don't have the time. However, I feel like they are trying to pressurise me some times, when I have only just joined, to sell papers, or go to their congress (which will put me out of pocket and take up the entirety of my day off)... It's not just the party, it's other groups, but they got me last time as they all sat and looked at me and asked me to sell papers near to where I work... But I eventually told them no, as I don't want people to know what I do in my spare time.<br><br>
I struggle in meetings because of my attention span difficulties, so I really don't wanna go to congress (where people talk for hours) and I don't want to get too involved because I am so new and need more information and to be sure I am interested with the party enough to commit...<br><br>
I am having people try and call me and get me to several events... It's really starting to piss me off. I don't have as much 'capacity' for meetings and lots of reading as most people my age and I don't know how to say that I hate meetings and can't read as fast as most...<br><br>
I'm not thick by the way, I just learn differently. I have a good degree and would like to do a research Masters, but at the moment I feel lucky if I even get a day free.<br><br>
I am also 'training' when I can (though November-December I was literally too busy to go to the gym), in that I am trying to keep fit and would like to run some races when it gets warmer... Working out is the only thing that helps quieten my mind, as I am having brain overload at the moment and struggling to cope... I know that a big part of this is related to having learning difficulties, as feeling overwhelmed, a racing mind, having trouble taking things in (via certain methods) is quite common for some of us neurodiverse folk...<br><br>
Obviously, we have strength in different areas...<br><br>
But I just don't know how to say no and explain I am doing too much, I am struggling with the reading and the meetings and I am stressed out. I don't want people to think I am making stuff up either... I don't want to have to explain myself, but sometimes feel I have to... As if I'm not doing 'enough'...<br><br>
But I want time to relax, time to train... Time to be me and see my friends. I don't know how some people stay so active and involved... I have had one weekend free since new years day and I just want more weekends, to relax and unwind, as my job is stressful often too...<br><br>
Any advice?
 

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<div class="quote-container"><span>Quote:</span>
<div class="quote-block">Originally Posted by <strong>Peacebone</strong> <a href="/forum/post/2819523"><img alt="View Post" class="inlineimg" src="/img/forum/go_quote.gif" style=""></a><br><br>
But I want time to relax, time to train... Time to be me and see my friends. I don't know how some people stay so active and involved... I have had one weekend free since new years day and I just want more weekends, to relax and unwind, as my job is stressful often too...<br><br>
Any advice?</div>
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You can't do everything - even if you didn't have any attention disorder or other issues, something has to give. Political activism should make you feel content not piss you off, so if I was experiencing this, I would let the political stuff slide for the moment and spend time with my friends. There's no point in being an activist if it is not making you happy. <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="/images/smilies/smiley.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title=":)">
 

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Discussion Starter · #3 ·
<div class="quote-container"><span>Quote:</span>
<div class="quote-block">Originally Posted by <strong>Nishani</strong> <a href="/forum/post/2819539"><img alt="View Post" class="inlineimg" src="/img/forum/go_quote.gif" style=""></a><br><br>
You can't do everything - even if you didn't have any attention disorder or other issues, something has to give. Political activism should make you feel content not piss you off, so if I was experiencing this, I would let the political stuff slide for the moment and spend time with my friends. There's no point in being an activist if it is not making you happy. <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="/images/smilies/smiley.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title=":)"></div>
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Yeah that is true...<br><br>
It's just some people try to make you feel obliged... But sometimes, it's good to have a life.
 

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Any activist organization will suck all they can out of you - there's always something that needs to get done! So like it or not, you'll have to decide how much <i>you</i> want to do, and then stick with it. Luckily you have some excuses. Tell them you have prior commitments, simple as that. It sounds as though you really want to take a rest, so make working out your top priority, and then, if you have time and energy, offer yourself for limited amounts of time. Good luck!
 

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I pick and choose what I do and I'm just straight forward about saying no. I try to say yes every once in a while so that they know I'm still interested, still involved, and to keep me in the loop. There is so much activism happening in my area right now that I could easily have given up every weekend this year and many of my weeknights, and still not have attended everything. Unfortunately the two things that activism needs are money (which I don't have) and time (which I don't have). I will do my best, though <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="/images/smilies/smiley.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title=":)">
 

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Discussion Starter · #6 ·
Well... I have cancelled my Facebook and am switching my phone off a lot of the time... Just gonna ignore people for a while. I am starting to feel depressed again and overwhelmed... I just need some time to be me and relax.
 

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I think that the trick is learning to say "no" politely and firmly, without giving detail. No one is actually entitled to hear the details of why you can't or don't want to do something, and if you provide detail, they just use it to try to argue you into doing what they want you to do. If they push for detail, say, "I just can't", and repeat that as often as necessary, or walk away after the second repetition.
 

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<div class="quote-container"><span>Quote:</span>
<div class="quote-block">Originally Posted by <strong>Peacebone</strong> <a href="/forum/post/2820522"><img alt="View Post" class="inlineimg" src="/img/forum/go_quote.gif" style=""></a><br><br>
Well... I have cancelled my Facebook and am switching my phone off a lot of the time... Just gonna ignore people for a while. I am starting to feel depressed again and overwhelmed... I just need some time to be me and relax.</div>
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It's tough, but you have to make a choice.<br><br>
I go to class full time Monday to Friday, and work weekends at 6am. What this does is pay my bills to the bare minimum, and help me secure a future in a field that I hope I love. I haven't had a weekend off in two years, I even work holidays when I have off from class for extra cash.<br><br>
I made the choice, and I have lost friends because of it, cause they like to go out and party while I have to study or got to bed to get at least 6 hours of sleep for work.<br><br>
I also deleted my Facebook.<br><br>
Anyways, Peacebone, I don't have advice, but I want to say good luck on figuring out what works for you.
 

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Life is about finding balance.<br><br>
The politics will be happy with whatever they can get. I've given my all for a cause and in the end I burned out and they left me to struggle my way back up by myself. For years, I was always there when they needed someone to do a news interview at 5am or attend a meeting until 10 at night or spend my weekend to write a grant thats due on Monday. But when I finally had enough and just couldn't go on, they found somone else to do it and life went on.<br><br>
Now I do what I can, when it works for all involved, and that includes me. When I say no, they find someone else. When I can and want to, I say yes. That way I'm as involved as I want to be and its on my terms, not theirs.<br><br>
Turning off your phone is great and take whatever time you need. You don't need to explain your abilities, just take care of you and they will take care of them. In the end, most people don't care about the other people, only the process and the product.
 

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The problem with a good number of organisations/hobbies/groups etc. is that they are largely composed of people who only do that 1 thing. A large number of them wont even have full time work committments. It is therefore sometimes hard for them to understand why it is not the number one item on your to do list like it is for them.<br>
I have a lot of fingers in a lot of pies, because that is the way I like my life. Unfortunately, that means pretty much all of them would like more commitment from me than I want to give, and I am probably the least involved person in many of them. The downside is I don't get much say in decision making for them. The upside is I can do all the things I want to do at a level of commitment I feel comfortable with.<br><br>
I have some things that are regular, weekly committments. They know I will pretty much always turn up, but I don't do extras on top of my once a week. Then there are others where I just turn up when I am free. I turn up to weekly meetings unless I feel like I need a night off (and don't feel guilty about taking the me time if I need it), and I rarely commit to any weekend extras in advance, then I can see how my schedule looks near the time and what I feel like. This can actually work well for all of us though, cos by not agreeing to *everything* upfront, if someone drops out at the last minute, I can then step in to do my bit, whereas if I had already done the 3 weeks before when they had plenty of people, I would be less keen to rearange things and make the effort.<br><br>
I avoid committees/AGMs/(and I would assume congresses had I ever been invited to one) like the plague, because unless you are very actively involved, they tend to be a love in/bitching session (depending on the mood) for the elite members with everyone else just sat there to make them feel more important. I don't explain to them why I don't go; that is just a week/day when I won't be available. I don't give excuses (either real or made up) and generally, because people don't expect a great level of committment from me, people don't ask.<br><br>
If I ever did want to prioritise one thing over everything else all this would have to change, but at the moment I have found my balance the way I want it, and the relevant organisations can choose between what I'm offering, or nothing at all.
 
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