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Discussion Starter · #1 ·
Since I was very little my great aunt has been a rock in my life and solid rol model she never had children of her own so I stepped into that roll. We are very very close. She is 87 but since recently when she had a mini stroke been still very healthy.<br><br>
Its been a uphill battle to convince her to take her medication after the first mini stroke and after my visit to her on Sunday convincing her to go for a follow up appointment and seeing her I now just found out she fell in the bath last night after another mini stroke which left her in the hospital.<br><br>
Luckily she stays with my other aunt and grandmoter...<br><br>
My heart is breaking. I feel so sad.<br><br>
I knew I had to go see her .....<br><br>
Feeling very very emotional and sad.
 

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I'm sorry you're feeling sad over this and I hope she recovers to a manageable point.
 

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<img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="/images/smilies/hug.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title=":hug:">
 

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that's hard. what you can do to help her is to see that her wishes regarding treatment get respected. i see all the time where people are forced to suffer horribly near the end of their lives in ways that they never wanted, but relatives overturned their directives. by happy for her and celebrate the good times. this is a part of life that we'll all face, though our culture is one of denial. death is no less natural and no less beautiful than birth. it's really important to respect her dignity at a time like this.
 

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Discussion Starter · #6 ·
there was nothing wrong with her at 87 she was still healthy what worried me was that she didnt want to take her medication after the first stroke was only on it for 6 months. I was worried about another stroke leaving her paralyzed or unable to talk / eat or anything like that. What a life would that be?<br><br>
Now we are waiting to hear what is the damage after the stroke.<br><br>
She is in a safe enviroment now and if she is going to leave me now on earth I made peace with that, She will forever be with me as there is SO much of her in me her good heart and her stubborness.<br><br>
I just dont want her to suffer.
 

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just the reality of having strokes can get to the point where she's unable to swallow, and they may start talking of putting a g-tube in. this is the start down the slippery slope to hell on earth. i don't want to do into the details here, because it's distressing. but i see this day in and day out. lots of times i've seen truly wonderful, compassionate nurses get furiously angry with doctors who talk families into this. why? because this is going to prolong suffering in the worst way. yep, some gastro doctor will be able to drive his fancy sports car because he did a bunch of other consults and proceedures. i think old people are often victimized by the system.<br><br>
don't take my word for this. become informed yourself. let your motivation be that you love her more than anything and you don't want her to suffer. she's 87, she's lived a good life. maybe she's got some more good years ahead, maybe not. if it gets to the point where you wouldn't want to suffer yourself like you're seeing her suffer, then that should give you your own answer. talk with the other family members to come to consensus.
 

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You and your great aunt are very fortunate in each other. <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="/images/smilies/smiley.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title=":)"> Relationships that jump a generation or two add very special things to each of the individual's lives.<br><br>
Papayamon has said some important things. Don't stop listening to your aunt's wishes just because of age and health - she continues to have the right to have her wishes dignified.<br><br>
I hope that she has good years still ahead of her, but if not, I suspect that she counts herself fortunate in the life and love that she has experienced.
 

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((((((hugs))))) She sounds like a wonderful lady and I am sure it is a great comfort to her to have you there for her. I think that is the important thing.
 

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the worst is when i see patients who have no family visiting them. alone, confused, and scared. when i first stared working i was at a nursing home. one of the ladies there would tell me how stupid i was, and i'd thank her profusely and agree with her, then she'd get to laughing. she was one of my favorites, and she loved me. everyone loved her. i remember calling her son the night she was dying, and he refused to come across town. she ended up dying in the arms of a cna. that even got to me.
 

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I'm so sorry.<br><br>
I wanted to also mention that Hospice is not only for cancer patients. We just sent a little lady home on Hospice care with severe COPD (layman's term: Emphysema. though she never smoked) She wanted to be home, with familiar surroundings and family. Hospice is also available in long term care facilities.<br><br>
I hope for some recovery but should the time come, it's an option you may want to look into.
 

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I second what Teresa said - when the time comes, hospice is wonderful. It's also not just for people facing death imminently - some people are in a hospice program for years. It's all about making the patient comfortable and being supportive to the family as well.
 

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I hope she's going to be alright <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="/images/smilies/hug.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title=":hug:">
 

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<div class="quote-container"><span>Quote:</span>
<div class="quote-block">Originally Posted by <strong>mlp</strong> <a href="/forum/post/2871133"><img alt="View Post" class="inlineimg" src="/img/forum/go_quote.gif" style=""></a><br><br>
I second what Teresa said - when the time comes, hospice is wonderful. It's also not just for people facing death imminently - some people are in a hospice program for years. It's all about making the patient comfortable and being supportive to the family as well.</div>
</div>
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i believe the criteria here in florida is that death is expected within 6 months. of course, this can drag out. <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="/images/smilies/smiley.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title=":)">.
 

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<div class="quote-container"><span>Quote:</span>
<div class="quote-block">Originally Posted by <strong>papayamon</strong> <a href="/forum/post/2871143"><img alt="View Post" class="inlineimg" src="/img/forum/go_quote.gif" style=""></a><br><br>
i believe the criteria here in florida is that death is expected within 6 months. of course, this can drag out. <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="/images/smilies/smiley.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title=":)">.</div>
</div>
<br>
It's different here in Illinois, apparently. The criteria seems to be when the decision is made to try to stop rehabilitation efforts and just keep the patient comfortable. My firsthand experience, with my mother, was short, but the hospice workers I interacted with, and a friend who works in another local hospice program, told me that they have patients in the program for years, on a regular basis.
 

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Discussion Starter · #16 ·
my great aunt is now paralysed on the left side of her body, hopefully not permanent, she is peaceful and try to talk. I am going to visit her tomorrow visiting hours (all of them) and if she is not discharge yet, will sleep over at my grandmother and go visit again the next day. she always ask for me and I know it would be a comfort for her knowing I am there.<br><br>
she stays with her two sisters (my grandmother and other aunt).<br><br>
still waiting for the doctors to tell as what the cat scan other tests revealed and when if she will be discharged.<br><br>
thanks for all the great advice and support.<br><br>
i will just go see her and be cheerful. i am scared seeing her thou.... last thing i want to do is break down in tears and upset her.
 
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