VeggieBoards banner
1 - 5 of 5 Posts

·
Registered
Joined
·
437 Posts
Discussion Starter · #1 ·
Ok. This may be a long one, so get ready.


My boyfriend and I have been together for about 3 years, and have lived together for about 2. At the time I was going to a community college and working. He was not going to school, but working. We both worked in the restaurant business, so are schedules coincided nicely. After about the 2nd year of our relationship we began arguing constantly. Not big fights or anything...that's not our style...just bickering about stupid crap. Anyway, through the course of our relationship, I pushed him to go back to school, and to DO something with his life. He is a sous chef, and used to LOVE cooking, but decided that's not what he wanted his life to be...(long hours, bad hours, stressful). Around that time I decided I was going to go to school in Maine for film and screenplay writing. And we had talked about moving together. Until a few months ago, I was under the impression he was coming w/ me. Anyway, we ended up hashing things out, and decided that it was best if we go our separate ways. As sad as it was for both of us, we knew we had different goals, and we didn't want our relationship to hold us back. So this summer was/is going to be our last summer living in our apartment together. After "the talk" we got along great...it was like the first year of our relationship again. But, now we have been fighting again, and I just don't know what to do!


We have a whole life together, and I'm so scared to leave it. WE have two cats, that love him (even though they are technically mine), but it breaks my heart to even think about taking the cats w/ me and away from him. Also, when/if, I go to school, I will be living on campus, due to my financial situation, and I'm planning on leaving all of my "stuff", furniture (it's all mine) and cats with him, for the first year. Because he still wants to stay in "our" apartment. I'm so confused about what I should do. If we should just end it and go our separate ways, or if we should try to work it out. How do you know when to stop trying?? And if we do decided to just end it, how can I come back to "our" place, knowing that it's only his? Sorry to rant....I would just love any advice! Thanks.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
2,437 Posts
Well, I think you may find that after you are actually out of the apartment and the relationship is over, you will feel differently. Right now, while you are still technically together, it will be hard for you to picture life any differently than it is now. I think you will find, once you move, you will start a new life and find a new place for yourself at school, and then it won't be so weird for you when you do visit this person. Try to stay friendly with him, and stay open to meeting new people at school. I have a feeling you will learn at lot about yourself while you are at school, and when you do see him again you will be a different person.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
1,218 Posts
I was in a similar situation a few years ago. I think it's one of those things that only you can decide. We had an apartment together and everything in it was mine.. including my kitty. I first thought of going our separate ways for a bit and leaving all my stuff there.

After some serious thinking, I knew in my heart that it was over. So I took kitty and moved out all my stuff and I've never looked back once.

I really do think that you'll know when the time is right.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
6,902 Posts
It seems it is clear that school is most important to you. So go. If the two of you try to do a long distance thing, maybe it could work. But if you have been dating 3 years and he is not sure he wants to move to be with you, do you think he ever would? I think that at about 3 years, it is getting to "sh** or get off the pot" as far as being able to make some very serious committments, like moving, getting married, etc.

If you think this is the end, I would try not to leave anything with him. It will just be one more excuse for the two of you to not move on and have this quasi-relationship that is hurtful and drags on and on. I don't think ambiguous relationships are good.

Another reason not to leave your stuff is you don't know that it won't get ugly, and you will never get it back.

Finally, if I were him, I would not want to do a favor like that for someone who is physically leaving me. Even if it is a mutual breakup, it seems that it is your decision that school is more important that is the finalizing factor.

Sorry to hear about your situation. Even when it is for the best, it's always sad for things to end.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
437 Posts
Discussion Starter · #5 ·
Quote:
Originally posted by Thalia

It seems it is clear that school is most important to you. So go. If the two of you try to do a long distance thing, maybe it could work. But if you have been dating 3 years and he is not sure he wants to move to be with you, do you think he ever would? I think that at about 3 years, it is getting to "sh** or get off the pot" as far as being able to make some very serious committments, like moving, getting married, etc.
Thanks for the advice everyone.. Sorry for such a long post, I guess I had to vent.
Thalia, I think your quote says it all...after 3 years, if it's not going anywhere why bother? I certainly don't want to get married anytime soon. I'm too young, and I do need to live more. Although, I would like to think I know it all
, I know I still have a lot to learn. I'm the type of person who loves to worry about things, but I never actually make a decision until it "feels" right, I guess I will instinctually know what is best for me. It's always worked for me in the past. Thanks again for the advice!
 
1 - 5 of 5 Posts
Top