[GhostUser]

i just really need to get all this out...so here goes. this gets a bit complicated so bear with me.<br><br>
so i am married and we have a kid together. we were happy for the first few years of our marriage but recently things have started to go downhill. i'm not going to get into that right now but needless to say we're not happily married. so a few weeks ago ive started talking to an old friend online. ive never met him but we clicked immeidetly. it started out innocently but we had so much in common it eventually lead to something more. so we kind of started an online relationship. he told me from the start that he was still married and had kids but they were seperated and were just living together until she had the means to move out. he also told me his wife had a boyfriend. after awhile he told his wife about us and she said she was happy for him. but shortly after that he started acting kind of strange and when i asked him about it he said he and his wife had talked and that she wasnt as comfotable with us as she had thought. he said he still loves her and didnt want to see her hurt. i told him that i understood and that maybe we shouldnt talk anymore. which i of course really didnt want to happen. we both agreed we still wanted to keep talking but we ended up ending our romantic relationship. its been really hard because i still think about him daily and really want to be with him. but it also sucks being #2 on the list. i told him that i would wait for him as long as it takes and i will. i'm trying to be understanding since they still have kids and are of course still married but it just feels so unfair. she has a boyfriend but hes not allowed to be with someone else? i'm just dealing with all kinds of mixed emotions and dont know what to do. so anyway thanks for putting up with my ranting hnest opinions on the matter would be great.

 

[MZCsmpsns]

Well... I don't know 100% of the details... but IMO when anybody is married-regardless of anything, that=offlimits... until/if both of you divorce your partners it's just gonna be complicated and painful. My guess is that because of your not so perfect relationship w/your husband you're vulnerable and your emotions are getting the best of you. I say move on from him, maybe seek some counseling for what all you're going through, and in time you'll get over him... don't put yourself through the torture waiting around for him when he might never come around.

 

[astro]

<div class="quote-container"><span>Quote:</span>
<div class="quote-block">she has a boyfriend but hes not allowed to be with someone else?</div>
</div>
<br><br><br>
How do you really know that she has a boyfriend? You've only got his word for it....she might not even have a clue that any of this is going on. Considering that this is a married man and your relationship is on-line, there's a big possibility that he could be lying about lots of aspects of his situation in order to make you feel more comfortable about it.

 

[cftwo]

I agree with MCZsmpsns - married = off limits. It's just easier for YOU to not get into that mess, for one thing. It sounds like you already have enough of a mess to deal with. IMO, I think you should focus on that first - either patch things up with your DH (counselling, etc.) or end it with your DH and work on getting your life in order. I know it's hard to give up on something which seemed so good, though. If he's happy with his wife, or is willing to work on their relationship, it could be years (if ever) before he's ready. I'd back away, keep busy, see if your marriage can be salvaged, and just see what happens. If this guy is meant to be in your life, it will happen. But it doesn't sound like it will happen anytime soon.

 

[Tesseract]

Odd choice of topic for your second post on your first day in this forum. Do you always walk into random internet forums and bare your soul to complete strangers? I mean, whatever floats your boat, I just find it kind of odd.

 

[GhostUser]

i'm actually posting this under a different account because my husband sometimes looks at what i post on these boards.

 

[froggythefrog]

It sounds like you've used someone on the Internet as an escape vehicle from your problems. It's easier to get on here and absorb yourself into some distant guy than it is to really try to sit down, take a look at the marriage right in front of your face, and fix it or leave it. If I were you, I would try to stop letting my escape vehicle cause further complications in my life, take a good look at myself and my marriage, decide if I want to COMMUNICATE with my husband, and try to fix things or break things off. I wouldn't just leave my marriage hanging in limbo and I would really think about if I really wanted to hurt my partner and why. Good luck.<br><br><br><br>
BTW, the man on the other end of the connection is married? Run for your life!!!! (If he asked, I would be saying the same thing to him about you.)

 

[froggythefrog]

<div class="quote-container"><span>Quote:</span>
<div class="quote-block">Originally Posted by <strong>smashandgrab</strong> <a href="/forum/post/0"><img alt="View Post" class="inlineimg" src="/img/forum/go_quote.gif" style=""></a><br><br>
i'm actually posting this under a different account because my husband sometimes looks at what i post on these boards.</div>
</div>
<br><br><br>
Communication...

 

[GhostUser]

so heres an update on the situation the online guy an i talked last night heres how it went:<br><br>
me: hey before i go i have a question<br><br>
me: ok and now youre gone<br><br>
me: dammit now i wont be able to sleep<br><br>
him: I'm here<br><br>
him: Sorry about falling off there<br><br>
me: its ok<br><br>
me: so i need an absolute honest answer to this question ok?<br><br>
him: Ok<br><br>
me: honest answer promise?<br><br>
him: yes<br><br>
me: if your wife decided she wanted you back, would you?<br><br>
him: At this point... Yes. That's also why I wasn't feeling fair to you.<br><br>
me: yeah ok i dont know if i can do this anymore<br><br>
him: I can't say I blame you... I'm really sorry. I shouldn't have gotten so involved.<br><br>
him: You there?<br><br>
me: yes<br><br>
him: I don't know what else to say...<br><br>
me: i guess i shouldnt of asked that question because i really didnt want to know the answer<br><br>
me: i really shouldnt be so upset. you dont actually know me and i shouldnt expect you to be chosing me over your wife with whom you have a life and children with. its just a hard truth being told your #2<br><br>
me: still there?<br><br>
him: yeah... sorry... running between talking to you and her<br><br>
me: about what?<br><br>
him: I wouldn't say number 2... ****. I don't know. There's just so many complications right now. I do want to still talk to you.<br><br>
him: I need some time to sort through things. I'm still not recovered<br><br>
me: i understand that<br><br>
him: thank you<br><br>
him: I need to go for now. I hope that we can talk more later and I can have my head a bit more straight and less distractions

 

[Alfiedog]

You've gotten some great advice here. Try to absorb it.<br><br><br><br>
Even if this guy wasn't married, you still need to focus on your present situation. Have you and your husband tried counselling?<br><br><br><br>
Although there hasn't been any physical contact, I still consider this cheating and if you need to really explore whether you want to be married or not.<br><br><br><br>
Also, how do you know how much this guy tells you is true? You don't, and maybe when it got to the point where he felt you might discover his real self, he started backpedalling.<br><br><br><br>
In any case, he's married and has said point blank he'd choose his wife over you. Stay focused on your own relationship with your husband, decide whether you want it to work or if you want to end it. This situation is just confusing you.<br><br><br><br>
And honestly, if you are so ready to run away with a guy you don't know, why are you still married?

 

[Tesseract]

<div class="quote-container"><span>Quote:</span>
<div class="quote-block">Originally Posted by <strong>smashandgrab</strong> <a href="/forum/post/0"><img alt="View Post" class="inlineimg" src="/img/forum/go_quote.gif" style=""></a><br><br>
i'm actually posting this under a different account because my husband sometimes looks at what i post on these boards.</div>
</div>
<br>
OIC. In all honesty, I totally agree with froggy. What he said.

 

[GhostUser]

ok so i guess i should of explained my marriage a little better. ive known for quite awhile now that i dont want to be married anymore. but i'm pretty much stuck in my current situation. i dont have a job nor the means of getting one. i also have no place else to live. i'd been working on both of these problems before ever getting involved with this guy.<br><br><br><br>
as far as believing what hes been telling me i do. mostly because we were friends years before all this and hes told me before about his wife etc.<br><br><br><br>
thanks you all for your advice thus far. its just a messed up situation and i wanted to hear some unbiased opinions on it.

 

[asp3]

Your decision to leave your marriage shouldn't depend on whether or not you have someone waiting in the wings. If you want to leave your marriage then find a way out of it. If you wait until you find someone else who can help you you're just trading your dependence on your husband for dependence on someone else. It might be painful but getting into a position of self reliance is probably the best thing you could do.<br><br><br><br>
Talk to your family, your friends, your spiritual advisors, women's shelters, etc... and come up with an exit plan. It's not fair to you to stay in this relationship and it also isn't fair to either your husband or your child to string them along while you wait for a good thing to some along.<br><br><br><br>
Best of luck to you and I hope you find a way out that is the best for all involved.

 

[Eclipse]

I saw this thread and was thinking, great I like giving advice. Unfortunatly I'm a sin gle women who is a careerist..so I can only offer good luck.