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Discussion Starter · #1 ·
I have a question for everyone regarding roommates and my staying at my boyfriend's overnight occasionally. My boyfriend currently lives with his brother and his brother's girlfriend, who share a bedroom by choice.<br><br><br><br>
As it stands, I will stay over at my boyfriend's house appr. 3x per week overnight. Typically, I go to his place so we can spend time together after I get out of my night classes, so around 9-10 pm. Usually, we are both in his room and quiet, watching a movie or just hanging out. When I stay overnight, it is because I hate to drive home so late to my own home, about 1/2 hour away. I RARELY shower at his apartment (their water is paid for by the landlord's anyway, so it is at no cost to them- plus, he has his own bathroom and shower separate from his roommates). When I eat there, it is a meal we have purchased the materials for and cooked ourselves, cleaning up behind us. In fact, we'll usually include or offer his roommates in on the meal. I do not do my laundry there ever and I will contribute to things I occasionally use, like buying paper towels for the kitchen and bottled water and soda for the fridge. I will only use/eat things that belong to my boyfriend besides, which he is ok with. I keep no belongings at their apartment, outside of a pair of pajama pants and a toothbrush.<br><br><br><br>
The other night, I overheard his brother's girlfriend say....does Allie live here now? She should be paying us. I feel like she's here all the time.<br><br><br><br>
Is my staying over wrong? Who do you think is in the right here? Be honest.<br><br><br><br>
Thank you in advance <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="/images/smilies/smiley.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title=":)">
 

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That's something your bf and his roommate have to come to terms on. I hope he goes to bat for you saying all the same things you've said here, though. Ultimately, though, it's something they must come to an agreement on.<br><br><br><br>
I don't think the roommate could say you couldn't come at all, unless you were causing some sort of disruption, destruction to the apartment or doing things that cost them money. (If it's not actually a shared flat, but one person owns the place, that's an entirely different story.)<br><br><br><br>
ETA: edited to clarify my views.
 

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3 nights a week is quite a bit. In my old share place we had a rule, anyone who stayed more than 3 nights on a regular basis had to pay rent. Some share houses say anything goes. There's no "who is right and who is wrong" here, it depends on the rules of the house. I disagree with froggy that the flatmates have no say in who stays and for how long. People staying over rent free is one of the make or breaks of a share house situation at times.<br><br><br><br>
Maybe have a talk to the housemates and offer to contribute something to the house?
 

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sorry to miss the point here...but if you're 'rarely' using the water, and not doing damage, what would the rent be FOR? i dont know why they'd exect you to pay. if its just a 'too many people in a confined space' situation i guess thats different (one of my housemate's girlfriend is here ALL the FREAKING TIME. she has the reign of the tv, the reign of the kitchen etc., that im not ok with. but not because of money or anything. just because ..its our house too. my boyfriend is over a lot, and social with the housemates etc but i make sure he's not here often enough for people to be uncomfortable)
 

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<div class="quote-container"><span>Quote:</span>
<div class="quote-block">Originally Posted by <strong>Kiz</strong> <a href="/forum/post/0"><img alt="View Post" class="inlineimg" src="/img/forum/go_quote.gif" style=""></a><br><br>
I disagree with froggy that the flatmates have no say in who stays and for how long.</div>
</div>
<br><br><br>
Oh let me clarify. "Come visit" means like coming over for the afternoon occasionally or something. I never said nobody has a say about how long.
 

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3 nights is a bit much, but its not like you take up much room or mae extra bills for them both. But if its necessary maybe you could pay some board just to help with water bill or electricity and such. Sort out how much each week or something.<br><br>
I stay at my boyfriends once a week usually on a saturday, he stays at mine on a friday then we hang out in town and then i stay at his. I then go home sunday. Simple x<br><br><br><br>
F x
 

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It's for your boyfriend and his roommates to come to an agreement on. I don't think it's "wrong" persay, but if you look at it from the perspective of his brother's gf, she isn't taking up much room either, since she is sharing a room, and she is not causing any damage either, and I presume she buys her own food rather than eating yours, but she still has to pay rent, right? Personally I think 3 nights a week is pushing it, but yeah it's really up to them to decide upon some sort of compromise.
 

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Discussion Starter · #8 ·
Thanks for the replies.<br><br><br><br>
To clarify, they do not pay a water bill. It is included in rent. What's more is that the apartment is a 2-bedroom. Her and her boyfriend live in one. My boyfriend lives in the other. My boyfriend and her boyfriend split it evenly- she contributes $100 that she pays to HER boyfriend, to reimburse him basically for a portion of the rent- not contributing to the rent as a whole. I guess if we want to get technical, I could be paying my boyfriend too, reimbursing him for part of his rent paid. KWIM? I don't know, just seems like she's out of place to be so rude about things.<br><br><br><br>
Again, thanks for your opinions!
 

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Yeah, I agree with that, it did seem to be a bit of a rude way to bring it up.
 

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I don't think you should be paying anybody. If your beau wants you to reimburse a little then he can ask you to. If he's fine with you not paying part of his portion of the rent, leave it be.<br><br><br><br>
That girl was being rude. If it were me, I'd be asking for an apology and telling her she can mind her own business.
 

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You obviously don't know much about share housing, HA. Why should to OP get to stay there free while the other 3 pay rent? Someone does have to pay the rent you know, and 3 nights a week is virtually living there. It's is the girlfriends house too after all. This <i>is</i> her business.
 

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It's almost half the week. And the boyfriend isn't paying "their" cut, he's paying "his" cut. Personally though, I'd be asking the other girlfriend to pay an equal share too. A couple of decades of living in share housing gave me no tolerance for freeloading lovers. You stay, you pay.
 

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I don't know. If I had a place and my beau wanted to stay a few nights a week I still wouldn't ask him to pay rent and as long as my half is covered, I don't think the others get to ***** about it as long as he's being courteous as Allie obviously is. I think part of it may just be the other girlfriend feeling possessive or maybe even harboring a mild dislike for Allie.<br><br><br><br>
And try to be a little nicer about your responses. Telling me I "obviously don't know much" isn't fair. I may not be weathered in share-housing, but I gave my opinion on the matter based on the facts I was given and based on how I think I would personally react to her situation. There's no need to be making unfair and harsh judgments on my intelligence.<br><br><br><br>
You do things your way, I do mine my way. My way differs from yours, but that doesn't make me an idiot.<br><br><br><br>
To Allie ... are you paying rent for your own place elsewhere?
 

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Oh? Just where did I say you were an idiot? Where did I make "unfair and harsh judgements" on your intelligence? Quotes please, my dear.
 

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<div class="quote-container"><span>Quote:</span>
<div class="quote-block">Originally Posted by <strong>Kiz</strong> <a href="/forum/post/0"><img alt="View Post" class="inlineimg" src="/img/forum/go_quote.gif" style=""></a><br><br>
You obviously don't know much about share housing, HA.</div>
</div>
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Right there.
 

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I don't see the word "idiot" in that quote. I don't see the word "intelligence" mentioned, either. I do see myself implying you have no experience of share housing. Honey, if I'm going to attack your intelligence, trust me, you'll know it.
 

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If I were the OP, I would talk to the male roomate (I assume his name is on the lease but not the girlfriend) and ask him how he feels about it and offer him some things like cleaning. He will probably say it's not an issue. In fact, if you regularly start cleaning, they will really shut their yaps.<br><br><br><br>
If the OP has to split rent, then the other GF should two, which would make the rent split four ways. So essentially, things would be exactly the same as they are now. Each BF would pay half, and each GF would pay their BF half of that if the BF asks for it.<br><br><br><br>
When I shared a house with 9, yes 9, other people, I experienced many issues with people wanting a 10th person to come in and share a room. And we didn't pay water either, but yes, we would always demand that they be <i>on the lease</i> and paying. (actually, our rents weren't reduced, I don't think, the landlord just took something to cover the water, and then we split other bills 10 ways.) Usually the lease says something about number of people if they landlord pays for water. This way the extra person is legit and also shares legal responsibility for damage done, etc.<br><br><br><br>
Sometimes it's just the issue of having another person around. But frankly, it sounds as if the OP is really being a good guest and it's more likely the GF is feeling territorial. I've felt that way myself when I was one of the alpha females and a new lady moved in. Mreow!! Hiss!
 
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