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Hi, I'm a straight-leaning male and I was hoping to get some advice from people on what to do about a particular situation that has been troubling me for years.

I met this boy in 7th grade and we became best friends despite not having anything really in common besides watching pro wrestling. He usually was very sweet and considerate, and a good friend. I always suspected that he was gay because of his mannerisms, but as an individual who tries not to be prejudiced, I never held it against him or thought any less of him.

At the age of 15, I started getting feelings for him, which surprised me because previously I had only had feelings for girls. I decided to keep it secret and not tell him anything because he was closeted at the time, and made a lot of anti-gay remarks, and I figured he might actually be straight and just happen to act kinda queer.

Anyway, we lost touch when we were 17, and I wrote an e-mail during a particularly stressful period about a year later and we got back in touch. He told me he was gay, and we began seeing each other again.

Then one day, he posed a hypothetical question to me. Would you go on a date with me. I said I would if we were in a gay-friendly neighborhood (our neighborhood is conservative Catholic and homophobic) He then asked me if I was gay, and I said I was straight.

He stopped responding to my e-mails to set up hang out times and when I finally got him to answer why he had stopped responding, he said because I rejected him.

Given the chance to do it over, I would have told him I was unsure of my sexuality.

The point of the matter is in 2 weeks I am going back to New York City for an extended period of time, and I'm leaving all my college friends behind. I don't really have any friends in New York and I would love to become friends with him again and maybe more. But since he doesn't respond to my e-mails, I don't know what to do. Does anyone have any advice they could offer me. Thank you very much.
 

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Just put it all out there in an email (I'm assuming this is your only way of contacting him?). He may still be licking his wounds, and he may or may not respond. Or he may respond with a rejection (trying, conciously or not, to hurt you in the same way he was hurt).

Be prepared for rejection, and offer your friendship anyway.

As for your own confusion about your orientation, I wouldn't worry too much about it. It seems like you're fairly balance wrt keeping an open mind about it. Maybe you're bi, maybe you just have a thing for this one guy... it doesn't matter, really. Each relationship with each individual in our lives is unique, and doesn't require a label...

signed,

WR, the resident
 

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Is e-mail your only way of contacting him? If so, I'd suggest telling him exactly what you posted here. Some e-mail accounts have a feature where you can choose to recieve an e-mail when the person opens your letter. That way, even if he doesn't respond, you'll know he got the message.

The worst thing that could happen is if he doesn't reply. And even then, you tried. You put your feelings out there, and from there the situation will be in his hands.

Good luck with whatever you choose to do!
 

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*chuckles* I can totally see something similar happening to me if I meet a woman I find attractive for me. "I'm straight... or at least I thought so up until now" is an honest response.
 

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Quote:
Originally Posted by The President View Post

Each relationship with each individual in our lives is unique, and doesn't require a label...
I agree 100% with the above statement.

I'm a straight male, but I've always said that if I ever met the man that made me feel differently I'd be open to the possibility. No two people interact the same way as any two others.

Just do what feels right to you, and just listen to your feelings and consider those of your friends. I've had lots of gay friends (though they have moved away mostly) and it's never been an issue at all between us. I have things in common with people from all walks of life, and I don't think that putting up walls or pigeonholing anyone is the way to go about things.

We only get to meet so many people in our lives, and I think we should realize just what WR said. It's always unique.

I hope you can get back in touch- at the very least it sounds like the two of you could have a good friendship.

Good luck!
 
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