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Discussion Starter · #1 ·
I've never participated much in internet discussions on my dietary choices because I feel it is an intensely private matter. However, I don't have many places to turn for advice as few I know are vegans or vegetarians (I live in Pennsylvania, hunting capital of the northeast), so I decided to look online.

When my male partner and I joined together after college, he was a vegetarian as was I. Recently, I moved toward veganism, which he was fine with, and I was comfortable with the situation as well. We have consistently been raising our male offspring to make vegetarian choices in food selection. He is now 12 and, until recently, had only eaten organic vegetarian food for his whole life.

For the past year or so, my male partner has been less enthusiastic about the meal choices at home. His appetite seemed to have diminished and he was less interested in the food I had cooked. This itself didn't strike me as terribly odd as I am a creature of habit who tends to enjoy eating a monotanous menu. Taking the implied cue, I switched up the menu and started offering a more diverse selection. He was still disinterested, which indicated to me there was another problem.

Recently, both he and our male offspring began going out on the weekends. I tend to enjoy staying around the house and tending my garden, so I never think it odd for them to go out together. Usually he will go to the store on weekends for groceries and such, especially considering the work I put in with the garden. The haul isn't too much for him to handle alone, as I grow much of our food (I am also into canning!) To my extreme disappointment, I've learned some horrifying developments with my two males.

Recently, I was using our digital camera to record the visible growth of my tomatos for fun. When reviewing the photographs, I discovered some horrifying developments. Our camera contained photos of out offspring holding a helpless fish, as if it were a trophy. I felt and still feel nauseus.

I am familiar with this practice (My father was a fisherman. His "sport" is part of why I began to turn away from an omnivorous diet as I couldn't imagine requiring an animal to endure being decapitated or otherwise slaughtered for my own benefit.) and it is consistent with what I saw growing up. I suspect the photographer of this heinous act was my partner.

I feel betrayed.

My partner has not only murdered or otherwise tortured a member of Earth's aquatic community, but he has introduced my offspring to the same behavior. I had been hoping to raise my offspring to refrain from such choices, but it seems that has now been destroyed.

Simply put, what options do I have? What can I do? Do I need to say something or should I remain quiet. I know my partner will be angry, but I feel it is my responsibility to stop him.
 

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Herbivorous Urchin
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Say SOMETHING!!! It is your life, your choices, your kids. You mention they are YOUR children, therefore they should be raised to your lifestyle/choices for them. I should imagine that is more important to your well being and happiness than keeping your partner happy.
 

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Wow, you are in quite a tight spot. It sounds like blaten disrespect, and that your husband has gone off the deep end. Teaching your son to go against everything you have taught? Killing fish? Whats next he takes up hunting and starts killing animals for the "sport"???

Im sorry if you feel I am being too harsh, but I think you need to gain control of the situtation. Stand up for what you know is right, and regain control of your home.

Good luck, be strong.
 

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Discussion Starter · #4 ·
Thank you both for your support. One problem I have though is my partner should have a say in raising our offspring. At the outset, I believed that we were relatively agreed. Now, it seems that we are not.

There is really three problems:

1. How should our offspring be raised?
2. How can I trust my partner?
3. How can I stay with my partner if he murders members of Earth's community?

Can I live with an omnivore? Can I help raise an omnivore?
 

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Herbivorous Urchin
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Well, are they *your* children or *yours and his*?

If they are *yours* it shouldn't matter the slightest what he thinks they should eat.
If they are both of yours, present to him the *health* facts about it, and continue to cook and serve veg*n dishes for the family, there isn't really much you can do when he takes them out and such, other than cause fights and problems. You have to ask yourself if you can handle staying with an omnivore or not, that's not necessarily something we can help you with. No one here is going to tell you to leave your husband over dietary preferences.
 

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Quote:
Originally Posted by River View Post

Well, are they *your* children or *yours and his*?

If they are *yours* it shouldn't matter the slightest what he thinks they should eat.
If they are both of yours, present to him the *health* facts about it, and continue to cook and serve veg*n dishes for the family, there isn't really much you can do when he takes them out and such, other than cause fights and problems. You have to ask yourself if you can handle staying with an omnivore or not, that's not necessarily something we can help you with. No one here is going to tell you to leave your husband over dietary preferences.
well, the dietary was something secondary in this case, as the primary problem was that the father has taken the son out for hunting and fishing without telling her.
 

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Herbivorous Urchin
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Originally Posted by Envy View Post

well, the dietary was something secondary in this case, as the primary problem was that the father has taken the son out for hunting and fishing without telling her.
I was referring to her saying she doesn't know if she can stay with an omni.

And, at the end of the day if it's both of their children, he gets equal say in what they do, and out side of sitting down and talking to him and figuring out between them, there isn't a lot that can be done.
 

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Quote:
Originally Posted by River View Post

I was referring to her saying she doesn't know if she can stay with an omni.
.
oh, it was down there.
 

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Discussion Starter · #9 ·
Perhaps I've just grown more adament about the truth that killing animals for food is murder. I don't know if this would have bothered me 15 years ago but it's really bothering me now. I feel as if I've been sleeping next to a murderer. Can I expect him to buy me a fur coat for a gift??
 

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Originally Posted by veganwife72 View Post

Perhaps I've just grown more adament about the truth that killing animals for food is murder. I don't know if this would have bothered me 15 years ago but it's really bothering me now. I feel as if I've been sleeping next to a murderer. Can I expect him to buy me a fur coat for a gift??
I doubt it, unless he has a history of buying you fur coats...
 

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Herbivorous Urchin
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Originally Posted by veganwife72 View Post

I was just being sarcastic. If I don't laugh I might cry...
Sit down with facts, and have a calm conversation about how to raise the kids.
 

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Leaving the photo on a camera that he knows you will pick up and use at some stage almost seems like he wanted you to find it.
 

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Originally Posted by Nishani View Post

Leaving the photo on a camera that he knows you will pick up and use at some stage almost seems like he wanted you to find it.
I totally agree. It sounds like he has reached a different stage in his life and is done with what your preaching. What are his friends like? work, social?

I think you need to get the situation under control, or be prepare to take drastic measures to get you and your child out of his violent streak.
 

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Herbivorous Urchin
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Originally Posted by vegveg18 View Post

I totally agree. It sounds like he has reached a different stage in his life and is done with what your preaching. What are his friends like? work, social?

I think you need to get the situation under control, or be prepare to take drastic measures to get you and your child out of his violent streak.
o_O How was he violent? And he most likely left the photos there because he didn't see anything wrong with it.
 

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Discussion Starter · #17 ·
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Originally Posted by fadeaway1289 View Post

Why haven't you confronted him?
How long ago did you find out about this?
In all honesty, I'm a bit conflicted.

With my new dive into veganism, it's tough. I'm very tempted usually to revert to old ways. Vegetarianism wasn't too terribly hard to manage but veganism is tough. In the past, my partner and I would occasionally "fall off the wagon" and have something animal. It was something that was mutually communicated though. This time, it wasn't, and it implicates our offspring.

It's really tough to admit this, but I have had thoughts of reverting to omnivorism for some time now. I just feel like such a hypocrite for being upset about him and my offspring but wanting to engage in the murder of animals as well. It makes me sick to my stomach.


I spent some of the afternoon researching other odd things I'd found. We like to throw in some ethnic foods for variety so he will occasionally shop at a local Mexican market. I noticed a receipt from the market in our reusable grocery sack (we keep them to recycle). I read it and found an item i did not recognize I checked online and it apparently essentially translates to "pork rind."
 

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Quote:
Originally Posted by River View Post

o_O How was he violent? And he most likely left the photos there because he didn't see anything wrong with it.
Did you miss the part where he was catching, and killing fish?? AND exposing the children to it? Unbelievable.
 

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Herbivorous Urchin
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Originally Posted by vegveg18 View Post

Did you miss the part where he was catching, and killing fish?? AND exposing the children to it? Unbelievable.
Yea, in society that's a pretty normal thing. In general cultural terms, I wouldn't call fishing 'violent'.
 
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