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Discussion Starter · #1 ·
Hi

I have 2 gorgeous boys - aged 26 months and 6.5 months. For the past few months I haven't been feeling very well and I'm wondering if I have PND.

I've been anxious and quite on-edge, ultra-sensitive - especially if anyone questions my parenting! I have been trying to keep a brave face on but it's starting to crumble a bit at the moment and I'm a little scared. I love my boys and I don't feel that I want to harm them at all, nor harm myself, but I am starting to feel somehow detached from them - and I often find myself thinking that they don't like me. The reason I am so sensitive about people questioning my parenting is that I don't feel like a good parent. I had really hard births for both boys (3rd degree tear for the 1st, c-section for the 2nd), I couldn't breastfeed either of them for very long (different reasons for each boy), my oldest boy has developmental delays (not walking or talking yet) and when my little one cries at the moment I kind of panic like I don't know what to do anymore. I used to always be able to calm him down but I feel like I have lost the knack recently and have lost so much confidence. I sometimes feel confused and can't make decisions - even what to make for dinner stumps me sometimes! I seem to get to sleep OK but keep waking up about 3am and can't get back to sleep because I just lay there worrying. I also have very little appetite and don't like to be on my own too much.

I have been going through a really tough time with my mother and oldest sister - they no longer talk to me over a long standing family feud. I basically stood up for myself for once in my life and they just couldn't take it. I feel very lonely at times and even though I have a really supportive husband, I just don't think he gets it. I have also had a really bad tummy since I had my youngest - kind of like IBS. I've had all sorts of tests done but they kind find anything wrong - they've said it's anxiety and gave me Valium.

Can you get PND a while after you have a baby? I have made an appointment to go and see my doctor - he was actually hinting the last time I saw him that I didn't seem that happy. It's like he saw it before I did.

Does anyone have any experience with this? Thanks so much for listening...

vegmumma xxx
 

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First, I'm glad you posted
As a non-mommy, I've not had this experience, but I've known some women who went through it. The hardest thing for one was that she tried to "get over it" by herself, not even talking to her husband.

I wonder if there is a support group through a local parenting agency..someplace where you could talk with other moms who feel (or did feel at one time) the way you are now.

Also, are you able to have some baby-free time? A night where the hubby will watch the kids and you can go to a movie or something? It's nice to have some time just to be you again, not a mommy.
 

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I had PPD after my little one was born. what helped me was lots of exercise, herbal teas, and a supportive husband that let me have naps. there may be PPD support groups in your area, if so you should go. if not invite some mom friends over once a week and have a mommy social.
 

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vegmumma, i had PPD after the birth of my son and believe it lasted quite a while. It's great that you posted and that you are paying attention to your feelings. I urge you to seek some counseling as PPD can be very isolating and not always understood or well treated by a purely medical model. You might also want to check out a book called Women's Moods. Sadly the authors, a woman OBGYN and a woman NP, escape me namewise right now. PPD is a real issue for many many women and counseling can help. I would suggest looking for a counselor who has some experience with PPD. Good luck and try not to judge yourself. Clearly, you have a lot on your plate right now. Feel free to PM me if you like.
 

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I'm sorry to hear that you're struggling right now. I've also heard from others of how common depression after pregnancy can be. As you mentioned, I think that one of the hardest parts of depression is the feeling of isolation you get even when you have people around you that really care (such as your husband). I think also given your recent unrest with your family that I'm sure that's part of your pain right now. I've also had a similar experience of getting walked allover by my family, and when I finally stood up for myself, they became detached. I think it can really take people off guard when they are given their due, and I hope that with time your family will come back to you and recognize the validity of your opinions, and be able to be a support for you.

I'm sorry that I don't have more advice for you about working through your depression. I've been really struggling with it myself the past few months, and off and on the past two years. Mine is triggered to starting school, and working through trauma in my past. But I think what we do have in common, which I think is a common facet of much of depression, is situational stress and changes in life. Big changes in life tend to bring up a lot of stress to people who are vulnerable to it and can also bring up a lot of hidden feelings under the surface. What's frustrating about it is that during these moments you also have so much stress going on that it seems hard to deal with emotional needs. But I think it's kind of like our bodies way of letting us know we need to put our self care in priority (at least as much as we can) during these stressful life events.

My advice for you would follow along with everyone else's. I think just valuing yourself by taking time for yourself and seeking help either through counseling our group therapy is a really good idea. I agree with the others who said that sometimes the medical community can end up making you feel worse, because they aren't exactly trained in being sensitive to the problems we can face that aren't easily diagnosed or medically treated such as depression. Have you struggled with some depression in your past? And how has the medication been helping you/not helping you?

I think you should give yourself a big pat on the back for being a wonderful and strong mother, for recognizing your need for help right now, and for taking the step to seek help by making this post. You should take the day treating yourself to what you love for how far you've come along. Good luck to you, and I will make sure to keep you in my prayers.
 

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Discussion Starter · #7 ·
I don't really have any advice for you (I don't have children), but I just wanted to offer my support and let you know I hope everything works out for the best with you and your children.
 

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I went through minor (but still miserable) PPD with one of my kids, and a lot of the things you're feeling seem very similar.

Everyone above has had great advice! You do have a lot going on - I'm not sure life ever slows down once you have kids - but it shouldn't overwhelm you, and you might need someone to help you get through this, there's nothing wrong with that.

DEFINITELY manage some time for yourself. That's probably one of the biggest things. It's amazing how your outlook on EVERYTHING changes after a couple hours out by yourself, a movie, a manicure, or even just a NAP!

Talk to someone who's had some experience working with women with PPD. Doctors can't cure everything with meds. And they don't always diagnose things correctly, if you aren't satisfied, find a . A counselor can give you ideas for coping too.

Quote:
Originally Posted by peacecat View Post

Feel free to PM me if you like.
Take people around you up on their offers to talk! You need other adults to talk too, bounce ideas off of, to share ideas and just to listen and say "yeah, I was there once too!"

Good luck. Let us know how things go...
 

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I had PPD after all of my pregnancies, I'm glad you posted.

Your symptoms do sound a whole like how I felt , you should see your doctor about this and seek out some help.

Find someone you can can talk to with ease about how you feel, maybe that could help you also
 

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Discussion Starter · #10 ·
Thank you so so so much for all your kind replies - it is so nice to feel I'm not alone.

I just wanted to let you know I went to see my doctor this morning - he is also a psychotherapist and I have been in therapy with him for a little while over the issues with my mum. He was not susprised at all when I told him how I was feeling with all this and in fact he told me he was going to give me the Edinburgh Scale test for PND (or PPD) the next time I saw him anyway! So he's precribed some medicine for me - given that I have a history of depression and self-harm and had post-traumatic stress after the traumatic birth of my first son he thinks medication is essential in my case. I really trust him because he will always suggest natural remedies or therapies when he can (ie, gave my husband Black Walnut Root for a stomach bug). I am also going to see him for weekly therapy sessions for the next couple of months so he can make sure I'm doing OK.

But I am also going to do everything I can to help myself - keep up my yoga, eat as well as I can, meditate, exercise, find time for myself, and hug my children and husband a lot!

Unfortunately, I don't have many friends where I live - we just moved from Scotland to Australia (but are going back in March) so I do feel quite isolated. But hopefully with my doc's help and sticking around VB I won't get too lonely. Plus, I finally confided in my husband and he was so sweet and said I had to tell him how I was feeling or how can he help? I don't know why I didn't tell him - I guess I just felt so ashamed like my only job is to be a stay-at-home-mum and I couldn't even do that!

You guys are just the best - I'm so glad I found VB, I really am.

Goddess bless you all xxx
 

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Even if you can't go out with friends, you can still go out and take care of your self. There are plenty of things you can do, even by yourself, that will revive and recharge your "Mom batteries".

Also, as I'm sure you know, the computer is a great way to stay in touch with people and can be a wonderful source of support, but it can get to be sort-of a "crutch" too, we all know sometimes it's easier to be online than out in the real world ... just make sure you're (and it sounds like you are)spending equal time outside getting sunshine, fresh air and time and space away from crying kids or dirty dishes or the same four walls.
 

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That's good news, vm! Your doc sounds great, like he'll be a good partner in helping get you through this rough spell.

And...I'm so glad you talked to your husband. The line about "not doing your job right" is exactly how my one friend Amy felt when she was having trouble after baby #2. She finally talked to her hubby, and was like..."I had no idea. Why didn't you ever say anything?"


We're good chatters here at VB (some of us more than others,
), so definitely take advantage of the offers for PMs, etc. There are lots of mommies here who can honestly say "I know how you feel".



Quote:
Originally Posted by vegmumma View Post

Thank you so so so much for all your kind replies - it is so nice to feel I'm not alone.

I just wanted to let you know I went to see my doctor this morning - he is also a psychotherapist and I have been in therapy with him for a little while over the issues with my mum. He was not susprised at all when I told him how I was feeling with all this and in fact he told me he was going to give me the Edinburgh Scale test for PND (or PPD) the next time I saw him anyway! So he's precribed some medicine for me - given that I have a history of depression and self-harm and had post-traumatic stress after the traumatic birth of my first son he thinks medication is essential in my case. I really trust him because he will always suggest natural remedies or therapies when he can (ie, gave my husband Black Walnut Root for a stomach bug). I am also going to see him for weekly therapy sessions for the next couple of months so he can make sure I'm doing OK.

But I am also going to do everything I can to help myself - keep up my yoga, eat as well as I can, meditate, exercise, find time for myself, and hug my children and husband a lot!

Unfortunately, I don't have many friends where I live - we just moved from Scotland to Australia (but are going back in March) so I do feel quite isolated. But hopefully with my doc's help and sticking around VB I won't get too lonely. Plus, I finally confided in my husband and he was so sweet and said I had to tell him how I was feeling or how can he help? I don't know why I didn't tell him - I guess I just felt so ashamed like my only job is to be a stay-at-home-mum and I couldn't even do that!

You guys are just the best - I'm so glad I found VB, I really am.

Goddess bless you all xxx
 

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Quote:
Originally Posted by vegmumma View Post

Thank you so so so much for all your kind replies - it is so nice to feel I'm not alone.

I just wanted to let you know I went to see my doctor this morning - he is also a psychotherapist and I have been in therapy with him for a little while over the issues with my mum. He was not susprised at all when I told him how I was feeling with all this and in fact he told me he was going to give me the Edinburgh Scale test for PND (or PPD) the next time I saw him anyway! So he's precribed some medicine for me - given that I have a history of depression and self-harm and had post-traumatic stress after the traumatic birth of my first son he thinks medication is essential in my case. I really trust him because he will always suggest natural remedies or therapies when he can (ie, gave my husband Black Walnut Root for a stomach bug). I am also going to see him for weekly therapy sessions for the next couple of months so he can make sure I'm doing OK.

But I am also going to do everything I can to help myself - keep up my yoga, eat as well as I can, meditate, exercise, find time for myself, and hug my children and husband a lot!

Unfortunately, I don't have many friends where I live - we just moved from Scotland to Australia (but are going back in March) so I do feel quite isolated. But hopefully with my doc's help and sticking around VB I won't get too lonely. Plus, I finally confided in my husband and he was so sweet and said I had to tell him how I was feeling or how can he help? I don't know why I didn't tell him - I guess I just felt so ashamed like my only job is to be a stay-at-home-mum and I couldn't even do that!

You guys are just the best - I'm so glad I found VB, I really am.

Goddess bless you all xxx
I dont have any help to offer that the other girls haven't already said, but your post brought tears to my eyes!!! I'm so glad your husband is being so sweet and supportive, and I hope that you soon start to feel so much better!!!
 
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