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Discussion Starter · #1 ·
i don't eat meat except fish but have been thinking of going strictly vege cos my bf and i walked past this seafood restaurant and i saw a dead fish displayed at the window and found out it was salmon which i do eat and i swear it looked sad and i have just been feeling bad / guilty now and then when i think about it.<br><br><br><br>
so, i tell my bf and he says tht he is not happy about it. as it is he is not happy tht i don't eat other meats<br><br>
he says he can't see himself eventually marrying a vegetarian<br><br>
and believe it or not he said tht if i have such compassion towards fish, i am not going to make it very far in life as i won't be able to make use of ppl and situations when i need to and i said i think i might be better off than same omnivores in fact.<br><br><br><br>
apparently if he had known tht i was such a hassle he would never have gotten with me in the 1st place but says he accepts it now.<br><br><br><br>
so now i am thinking, i am going to have to give up my ethics for the man i love. but is tht right?<br><br>
please help me..........!!!!<br><br><img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="/images/smilies/huh.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title=":confused:"><img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="/images/smilies/sad.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title=":("><img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="/images/smilies/sad.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title=":(">
 

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If he is truly in love with you, he will respect your ethical decisions, even if he disagrees.<br><br><br><br>
Good luck to you. ^_^
 

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Discussion Starter · #3 ·
Someone that tries to control you doesn't deserve your love.<br><br><br><br>
Someone that criticizes you and thinks of you as a *hassle*, regardless of whether he "accepts" you (condescending) doesn't deserve you.<br><br><br><br>
A person should love every part of you.<br><br><br><br>
I don't think its your ethics you'll want to consider giving up....
 

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Chuh! You don't love someone that disrespects you. The end.<br><br><br><br>
A story of my own...<br><br>
Upon announcing my to my then-boyfriend that I had decided to go vegetarian, he gave me a similar pile of bull. Saying he could never marry someone he couldn't cook dinner with and sit on the leather couch with! I said, fine, looks like we won't be getting married then. ..He later retracted these statements and apologized wildly.<br><br><br><br>
Stick to your ethics! It's the only way you'll win his respect. And it's the only way you'll ever be happy with yourself.
 

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There are millions of vegetarians around, who don't eat fish, and they get along fine.<br><br><br><br>
You can get far in life if you are a vegetarian. There are a lot of vegetarians around. You should get your boyfriend the respect your decision, rather than criticise it, and if he says that he can't see himself marrying a vegetarian, then say "Well, it looks as though you'll be marrying a vegetarian or someone else." Well, that's what I'd do.
 

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Discussion Starter · #8 ·
It sounds as though meat isn't the issue he's really worried about. I'm guessing he doesn't know much about vegetarianism but has an idea of what a "stereotypical" vegetarian is like--and it doesn't appeal to him.<br><br><br><br>
Maybe food and mealtimes are very important to him and he's worried you won't be able to eat together anymore. Maybe he's worried you're going to try to pressure him to change his eating habits, or that you'll get "teachy/preachy" with him. Or maybe he'd just be embarrassed for others to find out he's with a vegetarian.<br><br><br><br>
I think the question is not whether you have to compromise your ethics for the man you love--but whether, in the long run, you could find true happiness with a man who expects you to compromise the things that are important to you.
 

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Discussion Starter · #9 ·
thanks for replying everyone! it's really nice to have fellow veges to talk to. i am new here and already i feel quite welcome <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="/images/smilies/smiley.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title=":)"><br><br><br><br>
last night my bf came over and hugged me and said he'd love me even if i don't eat meat or fish. <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="/images/smilies/smiley.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title=":)"> i told him tht if he really loved me, he'd try to make it work instead of rule it out now and he said yeah, so things to look better now!!!<br><br><br><br>
molly, i think you might be quite right. he might have other underlying reasons for reacting the way he did but i don't wanna talk to him about them just yet. i think he is wondering how i'd cook for the family next time if we got married? anyways he is petrified of marriage!!!
 

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I'm glad things are looking up. When I told my husband I was going vegetarian, the reaction was less than positive. I thought he would be happy but instead he focused on how this would affect him. It was fear of the unknown. Then we sat down and and talked. He asked any questions he had. We negotiated whether meat would be allowed in the house, who would cook it and who would do the dishes. It was just like the discusssions we had when we first moved in together and we figured out who would do what chores and who pays for what.
 

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Discussion Starter · #11 ·
hello AuroraLily! that's a very nice name by the way <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="/images/smilies/smiley.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title=":)"><br><br>
could you please tell me how you sorted it out? like, does he cook his own meat dishes etc? my bf asked IF we got married who would cook the meat for the kids (assuming they choose to be omnis!!) and him.<br><br><br><br>
also, he mentioned tht when i spoke about being vegetarian, he thinks it implies that i think he is not ethical but this is really not the case, cos i think everyone has the right to make up their own minds. has any omni mentioned this to anyone of you?
 

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<div class="quote-container"><span>Quote:</span>
<div class="quote-block"><i>Originally posted by jacfong</i><br><br><b>towards fish, i am not going to make it very far in life as i won't be able to make use of ppl and situations when i need to ...</b></div>
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Well, this is a remarkable confession on his part.<br><br><br><br>
Maybe he is being candid and telling us a truth that we don't want to hear, i.e., that people who are "successful" in life have to "use" other people, or at least be willing to. Maybe "being ambitious" means lacking compassion.<br><br><br><br>
I suppose another answer is that vegetarians are vegetarians, but that not every vegetarian is some sort of compassionate saint. Vegetarianism may be one step in the journey of compassion, so to speak, but it is not the entire journey.<br><br><br><br>
Perhaps what struck me most about your bf's comments was the "brinksmanship" he was trying to employ. He was pushing the relationship to the limit, testing you, threatening to break up with you if you didn't back down.<br><br><br><br>
You didn't back down, so he made up with you.<br><br><br><br>
I'm not sure what this says about him, but I wouldn't be surprised if he employed this "brinksmanship" tactic from time to time to try to get his way.
 

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Discussion Starter · #14 ·
Anyway... in my situation (omni husband). Most of the time he eats my veggie meals. If he wants something that's non-vegetarian,<br><br><br><br>
1. He buys it.<br><br>
2. He prepares it.<br><br>
3. He does the dishes involved with preparing/eating it.
 

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Discussion Starter · #15 ·
what fish would be happy to be killed and displayed ? hell let alone killed. would you be happy to be killed ?
 

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Discussion Starter · #16 ·
joe: i never thought of it that way either but i will be more observant now.<br><br><br><br>
molly: thanks for sharing. that's kinda what my bf and i do too. he gets his own meat and all, but i don't minda washing his plates for him if it does not have meat on it (ie he cleans it) cos i wear a glove anyways.
 

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<div class="quote-container"><span>Quote:</span>
<div class="quote-block"><i>Originally posted by Molly</i><br><br><b>Joe, these are very astute observations and comments. I don't know why I didn't see these points earlier.</b></div>
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Flattery will get you everywhere with me. <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="/images/smilies/grin.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title=":D"><br><br><br><br>
As a life-long bachelor, though, I am hardly an expert on relationships. On the other hand, I've never been divorced, though, either. (So I guess that is not such a bad record.)
 
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