I'm sorry guys, I need to rant. Things are such a mess here.<br><br><br><br>
As many of you may remember from before, my small 2-BR apt is infested with roaches and a host of other problems, so we are moving out (May 10th!). In addition, you may recall (heh) that my BF's two omni brothers are also staying with us. (They're still here, and as yet have made no calls on apartments or anything like that.) Well, I know I sound selfish, but this past week was my spring break off from class, and I couldn't get anything done I wanted to because I was constantly trying to smoothe things over here at home. I had a week of relaxation and yoga planned, and now I am actually physically ill -- the famous blood-in-stool and, uh, "feminine" problems are back.<br><br><br><br>
So I just woke up this morning to make myself a bowl of oatmeal, and there were dirty dishes by the sink that hadn't even been rinsed and what looked like bits of chicken all over the counter (what happened to the lentil soup I made for everyone? They swore they liked it). . . there must have been 10 roaches in the "empty" side of the sink alone, plus another 10 or so on the counters that scattered as I turned the lights on. The dishes were crusted with food, there were wrappers to my protein bars (which I need for bloodsugar control today, my "long" day) over by the computer, lights left on, my computer left on, etc. . . I just want to explode. I know all this sounds petty, but a peaceful, clean home is important to me. I want to be compassionate because it's a stressful time for all of us, and maybe I am just "feeling" the weight of this because I am hypersensitive, but I want to ****ing explode right about now!! Compounding all of this is the fact that I'm about to go to campus for the next 12 hours and I feel awful.<br><br><br><br>
/rant<br><br><br><br>
Okay, now I'm done being selfish.<br><br><br><br>
Bethanie,<br><br>
After being around kids, I find that what restores my sanity is to do something for myself, usually alone, that'll restore my "adult" mentality. Maybe a long, hot bath (another one of your Calgon moments) and reading a book similar to the one of yoga essays you got from the library a few weeks ago? After your patience has returned, maybe then you can start implementing some of the stuff you've read about. . . and do something low-key, but fun, with your daughter.<br><br><br><br>
Evanescence,<br><br>
Glad you're here. I haven't checked the ED threads yet, but I hope you're doing okay with eating and all of that. Feel free to vent or ask for advice here. . . it might not be top-notch, but in a way, I have been where you are. Have your doctor(s) suggested anything for a good outpatient strategy, or do they still mention the hospital a lot? I used to get "tempted" w/ residential programs a lot, but could never afford them. So I wound up in a revolving door for inpatient units. . . I think there is a serious flaw there in the health care system, and I really hope you can avoid that route. (Incidentally, I had books of Plath and Rimbaud poetry stolen in there too, just to further sour the experience.)<br><br><br><br>
AuroraLily,<br><br>
Good ideas =) I myself am purging now (obviously) in an effort to clear my mind, and then I'm heading to yoga class to maybe work through some of this stress, and give myself some "sacred time" as well. I might also go to the campus arboretum on break this afternoon to try to find a bit of peace, or at least have a pleasant walk.<br><br><br><br>
Snowbunny,<br><br>
*Hugs* You're always welcome to share here. We lost the mission statement in the move from the old boards, but fundamental to this group/thread is a spirit of support and nonjudgment. . . If it would help to talk about what's going on, please do. If not, just know that we care about you.